Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

A recent opinion suggests that successful sports professionals earn against decent money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified; however, others think it is unfair, arguing that the time, skills, and issue until they aquired and apply those, may be more than viewpoints. Successful professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other, but important professions.

Many people argue that sports professional’s extraordinary athletes, abilities and skills that set them apart from the general population. One of the decisive good point of successful sports professional is that they are always the centre of attention, where they often, in public, not only, that, their unique talents and dedication to their enable them to achieve extraordinary, and enter, millions of fans.

On the other hand, some people are against and they think it is unfair. Some argue that the emphasis on sports salaries, awards, ideas suggest enormous, significant, such as, education, and health care for moms, less important. The perceived value of sports is inflated due to media hype and commercialization.

Generally, personally think that successful sports professionals being as both, extremes, and some drawbacks, I cherish, to, out-weighted by numerous advantages, they not, only, born, but have clear talent. Sports professionals, their careers are relatively short-lived, and they must capitalize on their earning potential during their peak performance years. They often face physical risks and injuries, requiring them to make significant sacrifices in their personal lives.

From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that although the positions of successful sports professionals are exploited, in my opinion, what should people should do is to implement some possible measures, in order to minimize these disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"earn against decent money" -> "earn a decent income"
Explanation: "Earn against decent money" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Earn a decent income" is grammatically correct and more formal, enhancing clarity and appropriateness for academic writing.
"people in other important professions" -> "individuals in other key professions"
Explanation: "People" is somewhat informal and vague; "individuals" is more precise and formal. "Key professions" is a more specific term than "important professions," which is somewhat general.
"the time, skills, and issue until they aquired and apply those, may be more than viewpoints." -> "the time, skills, and effort required to acquire and apply these may exceed those of other professions"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and contains grammatical errors. The revision clarifies and corrects the sentence structure, making it more formal and precise.
"sports professional’s extraordinary athletes, abilities and skills" -> "the extraordinary athletic abilities and skills of sports professionals"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects the structure and maintains a formal tone.
"One of the decisive good point" -> "One of the decisive advantages"
Explanation: "Good point" is an informal expression and lacks precision. "Advantages" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"they are always the centre of attention, where they often, in public, not only, that, their unique talents and dedication to their enable them to achieve extraordinary, and enter, millions of fans." -> "they are consistently the center of attention, often in public, and their unique talents and dedication enable them to achieve extraordinary success and attract millions of fans."
Explanation: The original sentence is overly complex and grammatically incorrect. The revision simplifies and clarifies the sentence, improving readability and formality.
"some people are against and they think it is unfair" -> "some argue that this is unfair"
Explanation: "Some people are against and they think it is unfair" is informal and lacks clarity. "Some argue that this is unfair" is more concise and formal.
"ideas suggest enormous, significant, such as, education, and health care for moms, less important" -> "this prioritization of sports salaries and awards over essential public services like education and healthcare is misguided"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and informal. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"personally think that" -> "I believe that"
Explanation: "Personally think" is informal and redundant. "I believe" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"being as both, extremes, and some drawbacks, I cherish, to, out-weighted by numerous advantages, they not, only, born, but have clear talent." -> "although they face both extremes and drawbacks, I believe that these are outweighed by numerous advantages, which they have acquired through their talent and dedication."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, enhancing readability and formality.
"what should people should do is to implement some possible measures" -> "what should be done is to implement appropriate measures"
Explanation: "What should people should do" is grammatically incorrect. "What should be done" corrects this and is more formal and concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the earnings of sports professionals compared to other important professions. However, the response lacks clarity and depth. The introduction mentions the differing opinions but does not adequately outline what these opinions entail. The body paragraphs provide some arguments for both sides but do not fully explore or elaborate on these points. For example, while it mentions that sports professionals have unique talents, it fails to explain why these talents justify their earnings compared to other professions.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly delineate the arguments for and against the high salaries of sports professionals. Each viewpoint should be presented with specific examples and a more thorough explanation. For instance, discussing the societal impact of sports or the financial contributions of athletes to their communities could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat unclear. While the writer states a personal opinion at the end, it is muddled by the phrasing and lacks a strong, consistent argument throughout the essay. Phrases like "both extremes" and "numerous advantages" are vague and do not provide a clear stance. The conclusion suggests a need for measures to minimize disadvantages but does not articulate what those measures might be or how they relate to the initial question.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Each paragraph should connect back to this central position, reinforcing it with relevant arguments and examples.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For example, the claim that sports professionals are "extraordinary athletes" is made, but it is not backed up with concrete examples or statistics. The discussion about the unfairness of sports salaries is also underdeveloped, lacking specific references to other professions or societal contributions.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, such as citing high-profile athletes and their contributions to society or comparing their earnings to those of professionals in fields like education or healthcare. Each idea should be elaborated upon to provide depth and clarity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the topic. For instance, the mention of "media hype and commercialization" is relevant but is not sufficiently tied back to the main argument about the justification of sports salaries. Additionally, the phrase "what should people should do" in the conclusion introduces a new idea that distracts from the main discussion.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly related to the prompt. Each paragraph should focus on either supporting or opposing the justification of sports salaries, and any new ideas should be avoided unless they directly contribute to the discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, providing well-supported ideas, and staying on topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views on the earnings of sports professionals, which is a good starting point. However, the organization of ideas is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the introduction is unclear and contains grammatical errors that obscure the main argument. The second paragraph begins with a general statement but quickly devolves into vague phrasing, such as “decisive good point,” which lacks clarity. The transition between discussing the merits of sports professionals and the counterargument is abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay should have a clearer structure. Start with a concise introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, perhaps by using linking phrases such as "In addition," "Conversely," or "On the contrary."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does attempt to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. For example, the second paragraph lacks a clear focus and mixes multiple ideas without clear delineation. This results in a paragraph that feels cluttered and unfocused. Additionally, the final paragraph does not adequately summarize the discussion or provide a clear conclusion, which is essential for reinforcing the main arguments.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the merits of sports professionals, clearly separate the points about their skills, public attention, and dedication. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay and restate the writer’s opinion clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, but they are often misused or overly simplistic. Phrases like “on the other hand” and “generally” appear, but the overall cohesion suffers due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, the phrase “not only, that, their unique talents and dedication to their enable them to achieve extraordinary” is confusing and lacks clarity, which disrupts the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should practice using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly. This includes conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover," "furthermore"), transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "in contrast"), and referencing (e.g., "these," "such"). Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Regular practice with sentence structures and cohesive devices can help improve clarity and flow.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, it suffers from issues related to organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on clearer logical progression, well-structured paragraphs, and a varied range of cohesive devices, the writer can significantly enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "extraordinary athletes," "media hype," and "capitalise on their earning potential." However, the range is limited, and some phrases are awkwardly constructed or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "successful sports professionals earn against decent money" is not idiomatic and detracts from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. For example, instead of "earn against decent money," a more appropriate phrase could be "earn significantly more than." Additionally, using more varied adjectives and adverbs can enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the time, skills, and issue until they aquired and apply those, may be more than viewpoints." This sentence is confusing and lacks clarity. The use of "issue" in this context is particularly vague and does not convey a clear meaning.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and precision in word choice. For example, instead of "issue," they could specify "effort" or "commitment." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "aquired" (should be "acquired"), "professional’s" (should be "professionals"), and "out-weighted" (should be "outweighed"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should practice writing and proofreading their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay shows an attempt to engage with the topic and present arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures; however, many sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack clarity. For instance, phrases like "successful sports professionals earn against decent money" and "the time, skills, and issue until they aquired and apply those, may be more than viewpoints" are confusing and do not convey the intended meaning effectively. There is a reliance on simple and compound sentences, but complex structures are limited and often misused, such as in "they are always the centre of attention, where they often, in public, not only, that, their unique talents and dedication to their enable them to achieve extraordinary, and enter, millions of fans."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "Some people think this is fully justified; however, others think it is unfair," the writer could combine these ideas into a more complex structure: "While some people believe that the high earnings of sports professionals are justified, others argue that this disparity is unfair." Additionally, reading more academic essays and practicing sentence transformation exercises can help improve structural variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "sports professional’s extraordinary athletes, abilities and skills" incorrectly uses the possessive form and lacks parallelism. Punctuation is often misused, as seen in "where they often, in public, not only, that," which disrupts the flow of the sentence. Additionally, errors such as "aquired" (should be "acquired") and "out-weighted" (should be "outweighed") reflect a lack of attention to detail and accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify errors. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and apostrophes, can improve clarity. Engaging in targeted grammar exercises, particularly on possessives and parallel structures, will also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay shows some understanding of the topic and attempts to present both sides of the argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

A recent opinion suggests that successful sports professionals earn a decent income compared to individuals in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified; however, others believe it is unfair, arguing that the time, skills, and effort required to acquire and apply these may exceed those of other professions. Successful professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.

Many people argue that sports professionals possess extraordinary athletic abilities and skills that set them apart from the general population. One of the decisive advantages of successful sports professionals is that they are consistently the center of attention, often in public. Their unique talents and dedication enable them to achieve extraordinary success and attract millions of fans.

On the other hand, some people argue against this and think it is unfair. They contend that the emphasis on sports salaries and awards is misguided, suggesting that essential public services like education and healthcare are undervalued. The perceived value of sports is inflated due to media hype and commercialization.

In general, I believe that although successful sports professionals face both extremes and drawbacks, these are outweighed by numerous advantages, which they have acquired through their talent and dedication. Sports professionals often have relatively short careers, and they must capitalize on their earning potential during their peak performance years. They also face physical risks and injuries, requiring them to make significant sacrifices in their personal lives.

From what has been discussed above, it can be concluded that although the positions of successful sports professionals are often criticized, what should be done is to implement appropriate measures to minimize these disadvantages.