Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

The diagram demonstrates the procedure of manufacturing leather items. Overall, there are 9 primary stages, beginning with shriveling animal skins and finishing with completed leather products by factories.
First of all, animal outer skins are dried under hot condition. Then, they are delivered to factories with a view to being washed in a mixture of water and lime. The outcome of this step is again soaked in lime. In addition, skins are made thin by an electronic machine and drenched in tannin, which is composed of both water and vegetable matter. Another stage worth considering is to polish skins to help them look smoother. Finally, trucks are responsible for transporting skins to fabricating sites, creating daily necessities like leather shoes, handbags and so forth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"shriveling animal skins" -> "processing animal hides"
Explanation: "Shriveling" is not typically used in the context of processing animal hides, which could be confusing. "Processing" is a more precise and commonly used term in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"hot condition" -> "high-temperature conditions"
Explanation: "Hot condition" is vague and informal. "High-temperature conditions" provides a more specific and scientifically accurate description, suitable for an academic context.
"delivered to factories with a view to being washed" -> "transported to factories for washing"
Explanation: "With a view to" is overly formal and slightly archaic. "For washing" is more direct and clear, enhancing the readability and formality of the text.
"The outcome of this step is again soaked in lime." -> "This step involves further soaking in lime."
Explanation: "The outcome of this step is again soaked in lime" is awkwardly phrased. "This step involves further soaking in lime" is clearer and more direct, improving the flow and precision of the description.
"an electronic machine" -> "an industrial machine"
Explanation: "Electronic" is too broad and could refer to any device using electricity. "Industrial machine" specifically implies a machine used in manufacturing, which is more precise in this context.
"drenched in tannin" -> "treated with tannin"
Explanation: "Drenched" is an informal term that may not be suitable for an academic essay. "Treated with" is more formal and appropriate for describing a chemical process.
"polish skins to help them look smoother" -> "treat skins to enhance their smoothness"
Explanation: "Help them look smoother" is informal and imprecise. "Enhance their smoothness" is more formal and accurately describes the intended outcome of the process.
"trucks are responsible for transporting skins" -> "vehicles transport the skins"
Explanation: "Trucks" is specific but less formal; "vehicles" is more general and maintains a formal tone suitable for an academic essay.
"fabricating sites" -> "manufacturing facilities"
Explanation: "Fabricating sites" is not a standard term in this context. "Manufacturing facilities" is the correct and commonly used term in industrial contexts, aligning better with the formal tone of the essay.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, making it more suitable for an academic setting.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing a summary of the process. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the process. The essay recounts details mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also does not adequately cover all key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the purpose of each stage in the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process. The essay could also be improved by providing more detail about the purpose of each stage in the process. For example, the essay could mention that the skins are washed in lime to remove hair and impurities. The essay could also mention that the skins are soaked in tannin to make them more durable.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the initial stage of manufacturing leather to the final products. However, while the information is arranged logically, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases such as "Another stage worth considering" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence to enhance flow. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat effective, but there are moments where it feels mechanical or lacks variety. Additionally, while the essay does use paragraphs, the transition between ideas could be clearer, and some sentences could benefit from better referencing to avoid repetition.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. More explicit references to previous ideas would enhance clarity, and a more varied sentence structure could improve the overall flow. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically connects to the next would strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing a manufacturing process. It employs some less common lexical items, such as "shriveling," "drenched," and "tannin," which shows an attempt to enhance the lexical variety. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "under hot condition" (which should be "under hot conditions") and "with a view to being washed" (which could be simplified to "to be washed"). Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "fabricating sites," which is less precise than "manufacturing sites." These issues do not impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in lexical control.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further and ensuring precise word choices and collocations. They should also work on reducing errors in spelling and word formation. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can help eliminate minor errors that detract from the overall impression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation. For example, phrases like "animal outer skins are dried under hot condition" and "the outcome of this step is again soaked in lime" contain grammatical inaccuracies that could confuse the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks some clarity in its progression of ideas, which can hinder effective communication. However, the errors do not significantly impede understanding, allowing it to meet the minimum requirements for Band 6.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentence formations and ensuring that all sentences are free from grammatical errors. Additionally, improving the clarity and coherence of the essay by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively would also contribute to a better score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the procedure for manufacturing leather items. Overall, there are nine primary stages, beginning with the drying of animal skins and concluding with the production of finished leather products in factories.

First, the outer skins of animals are dried under hot conditions. Then, they are transported to factories to be washed in a mixture of water and lime. The result of this step is that the skins are soaked again in lime. Additionally, the skins are thinned using an electronic machine and then immersed in tannin, which consists of both water and vegetable matter. Another important stage is the polishing of the skins to enhance their smoothness. Finally, trucks are responsible for transporting the processed skins to manufacturing sites, where everyday items such as leather shoes and handbags are produced.