summarize an eextract
summarize an eextract
The extract analyzes the consequences of information technology. The advancement and popularity of information technologies have created debates about their consequences .An American writer contended in the 1960s that communications technology would make the television camera accessible to everyone and everything worldwide, whilst making how a message is delivered more significant than its content. Other theorists have argued further that the reliance on information technology has greatly shifted the structure of society, such as creating more freedom of movement, erasing cultural distinction and accentuating form. Yet this relationship has been contended to be reversed, meaning that socioeconomic changes determine technology, and there is testimony that information technology is not evenly diffused. A true manifestation of information super-highway is still far-fetched.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"The advancement and popularity of information technologies" -> "The advancement and widespread adoption of information technologies"
Explanation: "Widespread adoption" is a more precise term that conveys the extent of the technology’s use, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding the vague "popularity." -
"created debates about their consequences" -> "generated discussions about their implications"
Explanation: "Generated discussions" is more formal and precise than "created debates," and "implications" is a more academic term than "consequences," which is somewhat general. -
"An American writer contended" -> "An American writer argued"
Explanation: "Argued" is a more specific and academically appropriate verb than "contended," which can imply a less formal or less supported opinion. -
"making how a message is delivered more significant than its content" -> "emphasizing the delivery of messages over their content"
Explanation: "Emphasizing" is more precise and formal than "making," and rephrasing to "delivery of messages" clarifies the meaning, making it more specific and academic. -
"Other theorists have argued further that" -> "Other scholars have posited that"
Explanation: "Posited" is a more formal and academic term than "argued," and "scholars" is a more precise term than "theorists" in this context. -
"erasing cultural distinction and accentuating form" -> "eliminating cultural differences and emphasizing form"
Explanation: "Eliminating cultural differences" is more precise and formal than "erasing cultural distinction," and "emphasizing form" is clearer and more appropriate than "accentuating form." -
"Yet this relationship has been contended to be reversed" -> "However, this relationship has been argued to be reversed"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Yet," and "argued" is more precise than "contended" in this context. -
"information super-highway" -> "information superhighway"
Explanation: "Superhighway" is a single word, not "super-highway," which is grammatically incorrect and less formal. -
"A true manifestation of information super-highway is still far-fetched" -> "The actual realization of an information superhighway remains elusive"
Explanation: "The actual realization" is more formal and precise than "A true manifestation," and "remains elusive" is a more academic way to express that something is difficult to achieve or attain.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the extract by mentioning key points about the consequences of information technology. However, it lacks a comprehensive overview of the extract’s main arguments and fails to address all aspects of the prompt effectively. The summary is somewhat fragmented and does not clearly convey the essence of the extract. For instance, while it mentions debates and theorists, it does not summarize the extract’s conclusions or implications adequately.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that the summary encapsulates the main ideas and arguments presented in the extract. This can be achieved by clearly outlining the key points and providing a cohesive narrative that reflects the extract’s overall message. Including a brief introduction that contextualizes the extract and a concluding sentence that summarizes its implications would enhance the response.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or viewpoint throughout. While it references various theorists and their arguments, it does not establish a definitive stance on the implications of information technology. The writing feels more like a collection of ideas rather than a cohesive argument or perspective.
- How to improve: To present a clear position, the writer should choose a specific angle or thesis regarding the consequences of information technology and maintain that perspective throughout the essay. This could involve stating a clear opinion in the introduction and reinforcing it with supporting arguments and examples in the body of the essay.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While there are references to various theorists and their views, the essay does not extend or support these ideas with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, the mention of "freedom of movement" and "erasing cultural distinction" is vague and lacks explanation or evidence.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate the arguments being made. Additionally, connecting the ideas back to the main thesis or position would help in creating a more robust and persuasive essay.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the consequences of information technology. However, some parts of the essay feel disjointed, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the accessibility of technology to socioeconomic changes is abrupt and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should use clear topic sentences for each paragraph that relate directly back to the main thesis. Additionally, employing transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the essay and clarify how each point relates to the overall argument.
Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on developing a more coherent structure, ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed, presenting a clear and consistent position, and providing detailed support for their ideas. Additionally, adhering to the word count requirement is crucial, as being under word count can significantly impact the overall assessment of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a coherent analysis of the consequences of information technology, with a clear progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage by summarizing the main points of contention regarding the impact of technology on society. However, the transition between the historical perspective of the American writer and the subsequent theorists could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the writer’s views to the theorists’ arguments feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that connects these ideas more explicitly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after introducing the American writer’s perspective, you could add a sentence like, "Building on this idea, other theorists have explored further implications of technology on societal structures." This would create a more seamless connection between ideas.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single paragraph, which limits its readability and the clarity of its structure. While the ideas are related, they would benefit from being grouped into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the argument. For example, one paragraph could discuss the historical perspective, another could address the theorists’ views, and a final paragraph could summarize the implications of these arguments.
- How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure by starting a new paragraph for each main idea or argument. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. This will not only improve readability but also help the reader follow your argument more easily.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "whilst" and "yet," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay would benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, the use of "for example," "in addition," and "on the other hand" could enhance the connections between different points.
- How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a mix of conjunctions, adverbials, and referencing techniques. For example, when introducing a contrasting idea, you could use phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast," and when providing examples, "For instance" or "To illustrate." This variety will not only improve the flow of your writing but also demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance its overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of information technology. Terms like "advancement," "popularity," "consequences," "communications technology," and "socioeconomic changes" are appropriately used. However, the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, phrases like "erasing cultural distinction" and "accentuating form" are somewhat vague and could benefit from more precise alternatives that convey clearer meanings.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of "erasing cultural distinction," you might use "diluting cultural identities" or "blurring cultural boundaries." Expanding your vocabulary through reading diverse materials can also help you discover new expressions and phrases relevant to the topic.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay employs relevant vocabulary, there are instances where word choice lacks precision. For example, the phrase "the reliance on information technology has greatly shifted the structure of society" could be more specific about what aspects of society are being shifted. Additionally, the term "testimony" in "there is testimony that information technology is not evenly diffused" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more suitable term like "evidence" or "data."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. When discussing complex ideas, ensure that the words chosen convey the exact nuance required. Consider using a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives and practice paraphrasing sentences to improve clarity and specificity.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors present. Words like "consequences," "advancement," and "technology" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading routine before finalizing your essay. Reading your work aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or using spelling apps can reinforce correct spelling habits.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and continued attention to spelling. Engaging in regular reading and writing practice, alongside targeted vocabulary exercises, will help elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "whilst making how a message is delivered more significant than its content" showcases an ability to combine clauses effectively. However, there are instances of overly long sentences that could be simplified for clarity, such as "Yet this relationship has been contended to be reversed, meaning that socioeconomic changes determine technology, and there is testimony that information technology is not evenly diffused." This sentence could be broken down into shorter, clearer components to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and using different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses, participial phrases). For example, starting some sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion can create more dynamic writing. Additionally, aim to balance complex sentences with shorter, impactful statements to maintain reader engagement.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few punctuation errors that affect clarity. For instance, there is an unnecessary space before the period in "consequences .An American writer" and a missing comma after "the 1960s" in "that communications technology would make the television camera accessible to everyone and everything worldwide, whilst making how a message is delivered more significant than its content." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for punctuation errors, particularly with spacing and comma usage. Consider using grammar-checking tools or resources to identify common mistakes. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation rules, such as when to use commas and periods, can help solidify these skills. Engaging in peer review or seeking feedback from others can also provide insights into areas needing improvement.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence clarity and punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The extract examines the implications of information technology. The advancement and widespread adoption of information technologies have generated discussions about their consequences. An American writer argued in the 1960s that communications technology would make the television camera accessible to everyone and everything worldwide, while emphasizing the delivery of messages over their content. Other scholars have posited that the reliance on information technology has significantly altered the structure of society, such as creating greater freedom of movement, eliminating cultural differences, and emphasizing form. However, this relationship has been argued to be reversed, suggesting that socioeconomic changes determine technology, and there is evidence that information technology is not evenly diffused. The actual realization of an information superhighway remains elusive.