Supporting Sentence Writing You should spend about 20 minutes on this task Write supporting sentences for the following topic sentences. Each paragraph should be at least 100 words in length Benefits of traveling

Supporting Sentence Writing
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task
Write supporting sentences for the following topic sentences. Each paragraph should be at least 100 words in length
Benefits of traveling

Topic sentence: Firstly, it is a great way to have fun.
Supporting sentences:
Traveling allows individuals to escape from their daily routines and immerse themselves in new and exciting experiences. Exploring different destinations can be incredibly stimulating and rejuvenating, providing a much-needed break from the stresses of everyday life. Engaging in various activities such as trying new foods, visiting historical sites, and interacting with locals can create lasting memories.Moreover, traveling can foster a sense of adventure and excitement,leading to personal growth and a broader perspective on life.

Topic sentence: Secondly, frequent overseas tours offer people great opportunities to learn more about cultures and languages.
Supporting sentences:
By interacting with people from different cultures,travelers can gain a deeper understanding of their customs, traditions, and beliefs. Immersing oneself in a foreign language environment can significantly improve one's language skills.Traveling exposes individuals to a wide range of perspectives and ideas,fostering tolerance and empathy. Furthermore, cultural exchange through travel can contribute to a more interconnected and globalized world.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Firstly, it is a great way to have fun." -> "Firstly, it is an excellent means of enjoyment."
   Explanation: Replacing "it is a great way to have fun" with "it is an excellent means of enjoyment" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic language standards.

2. "escape from their daily routines" -> "escape their daily routines"
   Explanation: Removing "from" after "escape" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone, as "escape" is often used as a verb in this context without the preposition.

3. "incredibly stimulating and rejuvenating" -> "highly stimulating and rejuvenating"
   Explanation: Replacing "incredibly" with "highly" maintains the intensity of the description while adhering to a more formal tone.

4. "Engaging in various activities" -> "Participating in various activities"
   Explanation: "Participating" is a more precise and formal verb than "engaging in," which is slightly more colloquial.

5. "leading to personal growth and a broader perspective on life" -> "resulting in personal growth and a broader perspective on life"
   Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," which is slightly informal and vague.

6. "frequent overseas tours" -> "frequent international travel"
   Explanation: "International travel" is a more formal and encompassing term than "overseas tours," which can be seen as slightly informal and specific to a particular type of travel.

7. "great opportunities to learn more about cultures and languages" -> "substantial opportunities to expand knowledge of cultures and languages"
   Explanation: "Substantial opportunities" and "expand knowledge" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

8. "By interacting with people from different cultures," -> "Through interactions with individuals from diverse cultures"
   Explanation: "Through interactions with individuals from diverse cultures" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone and clarity.

9. "Immersing oneself in a foreign language environment" -> "Immersing oneself in a foreign language environment"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "immersing" to "immersing" corrects a typographical error.

10. "fostering tolerance and empathy" -> "promoting tolerance and empathy"
    Explanation: "Promoting" is a more formal synonym for "fostering," which is slightly less common in academic writing.

11. "a more interconnected and globalized world" -> "a more interconnected and globalized world"
    Explanation: This is a correct and complete sentence, but it could be strengthened by specifying how this contributes to the world, such as "a more interconnected and globalized world through cultural exchange."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by providing supporting sentences for the topic sentences related to the benefits of traveling. However, it fails to fully explore the topic as required. The first paragraph discusses fun and excitement, while the second focuses on cultural learning. Both paragraphs are relevant but lack depth and breadth, which are necessary to comprehensively cover the topic of traveling’s benefits.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including additional benefits of traveling, such as personal development, relaxation, and social connections. Each paragraph could be expanded to include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate these points, ensuring that all aspects of the topic are thoroughly addressed.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that traveling has multiple benefits, but it lacks a strong, cohesive argument throughout. The transition between the two topic sentences is abrupt, and the connection between the ideas could be more explicitly stated. This can lead to confusion about the overall stance on the benefits of traveling.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning or end of each paragraph can help reinforce the overall message and ensure that the reader understands the essay’s purpose.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the supporting sentences are relevant and somewhat developed, but they lack sufficient elaboration and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions trying new foods and visiting historical sites, it does not provide specific examples of these experiences or how they contribute to the benefits of traveling.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, describing a specific travel experience that highlights personal growth or cultural understanding would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using statistics or quotes from reputable sources could provide further support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of traveling. However, the lack of depth in discussing each benefit means that the topic is not fully explored. The supporting sentences, while relevant, do not delve deeply enough into the implications of each benefit.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each supporting sentence directly relates back to the topic sentence and contributes to a deeper understanding of the benefits of traveling. This can be achieved by asking questions like "Why is this benefit important?" or "How does this benefit manifest in real-life scenarios?" to guide the development of ideas.

In summary, to elevate the essay from a Band 5 to a higher score, the writer should aim to expand on the benefits of traveling, maintain a cohesive argument throughout, provide specific examples to support claims, and ensure that all points are directly relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization, with each paragraph beginning with a well-defined topic sentence that sets the stage for the supporting sentences. For instance, the first paragraph effectively introduces the idea that traveling is a means of fun, followed by a series of supporting sentences that elaborate on this idea through examples of activities and experiences. The second paragraph similarly presents the educational benefits of travel, logically following the first point. However, while the overall structure is coherent, the transition between the two paragraphs could be more explicit to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases at the beginning or end of paragraphs to connect ideas more explicitly. For example, a sentence like "In addition to providing enjoyment, travel also serves as a valuable educational tool" could serve as a bridge between the two paragraphs, reinforcing the relationship between the benefits discussed.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with each one focused on a distinct benefit of traveling. The paragraphs are well-structured, starting with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details that are relevant and elaborative. However, the paragraphs could benefit from a more defined conclusion or summary statement that encapsulates the main idea of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, consider concluding each paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main point or reflects on its significance. For example, after discussing the fun aspects of traveling, a concluding sentence like "Thus, the joy of travel not only provides entertainment but also enriches our lives in numerous ways" would reinforce the paragraph’s main idea and provide closure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. These devices effectively signal the progression of ideas and add coherence to the text. However, the essay relies heavily on a few transitional phrases, which may limit the overall variety and sophistication of cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "In addition," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" can enhance the richness of the text. Furthermore, integrating pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can also improve cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "traveling," you could use "this experience" or "such journeys" to maintain flow while avoiding redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and a good use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "immersive," "stimulating," "rejuvenating," and "cultural exchange." These words effectively convey the benefits of traveling. However, the vocabulary could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "traveling" and "cultures" could be substituted with synonyms or related phrases to enhance the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "traveling," you could use "journeying," "exploring," or "voyaging." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the language, such as using "vibrant" or "diverse" when discussing cultures.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "great opportunities to learn more about cultures and languages" could be more specific. Instead of "great opportunities," you might say "valuable insights" or "profound experiences." This would convey a stronger sense of the benefits of travel.
  • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that convey your intended meaning more accurately. For instance, instead of saying "a great way to have fun," consider "an enjoyable means of relaxation." This not only enhances precision but also adds depth to your writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly correct, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues with spacing and punctuation that affect readability, such as the lack of space before "leading" in the first paragraph and missing spaces after commas in several instances.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and punctuation accuracy, it is advisable to proofread your work carefully. Consider reading your essay aloud or using digital tools that check for spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on punctuation can help you develop a more polished writing style.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and attention to spelling and punctuation will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Engaging in various activities such as trying new foods, visiting historical sites, and interacting with locals can create lasting memories" showcases an effective combination of clauses that enhances the depth of the argument. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases like "Moreover" and "Furthermore" helps to connect ideas smoothly, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the second supporting sentence in the first paragraph could benefit from a more complex structure to enhance its sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences that combine multiple ideas. For example, instead of simply stating facts, you could introduce conditional clauses or relative clauses to add depth. Additionally, varying the placement of phrases within sentences can create a more dynamic flow. For instance, starting a sentence with an adverbial clause could add interest: "While exploring new destinations, travelers often find themselves rejuvenated."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is generally strong, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are some punctuation issues that need addressing. For example, in the phrase "lasting memories.Moreover," there is a missing space before "Moreover," which disrupts the flow. Additionally, the sentence "Immersing oneself in a foreign language environment can significantly improve one’s language skills" is grammatically correct, yet the transition to the next sentence could be smoother with better punctuation.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation, especially with commas and spaces. Regularly proofreading your work can help catch these minor errors. Furthermore, consider using a variety of punctuation marks, such as semicolons, to connect closely related independent clauses. For example, "Traveling exposes individuals to a wide range of perspectives and ideas; thus, it fosters tolerance and empathy." This not only improves clarity but also demonstrates a higher level of grammatical sophistication.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will further elevate the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

**Topic sentence: Firstly, it is a great way to have fun.**
Traveling allows individuals to escape their daily routines and immerse themselves in new and exciting experiences. Exploring different destinations can be incredibly stimulating and rejuvenating, providing a much-needed break from the stresses of everyday life. Engaging in various activities such as trying new foods, visiting historical sites, and interacting with locals can create lasting memories. Moreover, traveling can foster a sense of adventure and excitement, leading to personal growth and a broader perspective on life.

**Topic sentence: Secondly, frequent overseas tours offer people great opportunities to learn more about cultures and languages.**
By interacting with people from different cultures, travelers can gain a deeper understanding of their customs, traditions, and beliefs. Immersing oneself in a foreign language environment can significantly improve one’s language skills. Traveling exposes individuals to a wide range of perspectives and ideas, fostering tolerance and empathy. Furthermore, cultural exchange through travel can contribute to a more interconnected and globalized world.