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t is evident that the Internet has increasingly brought about significant changes to our life. According to a recent study, the more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities worldwide, we should be concerned about the effect it is having on social interactions. Now write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your options about the effects of the internet on human interactions. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

t is evident that the Internet has increasingly brought about significant changes to our life. According to a recent study, the more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities worldwide, we should be concerned about the effect it is having on social interactions.
Now write an essay to an educated reader to discuss your options about the effects of the internet on human interactions. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

It is argued that our life has been changed by the increase of the Internet. According to some research, Individuals spend more time using the Internet instead of meeting in real-time.In another case, some people say that besides considering the internet as a way of communication significant around the world, we should be concerned about its influence on social interactions.
There are several benefits of the Internet in terms of communication. In the past, we can just use the phone to message or call family and friends in a small range. However, social media platforms and messaging apps have allowed individuals to keep up with everyone through video calls, and email instant. It made everything faster and more convenient. In addition, in globalization, we can contact people who come from different countries around the world. This has broken distance issues and progress in the world
However, Abusing the Internet also causes some drawbacks in social interactions. People, especially the young generation, spend more time online. This can lead to reduced face-to-face interaction over-reliance. Not only this, it can have negative effects on local relationships. If people spend most of their time in neighborhoods, and lead to isolate and loneliness for those individuals who do not live in real person.
In conclusion, I believe the Internet has beneficial effects but we should be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is advisable that we maintain the balance between our online life and real human being


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "our life has been changed" -> "our lives have been impacted"
    Explanation: "Impacted" is a more precise and formal term than "changed," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. Using "lives" instead of "life" also corrects the grammatical error of number agreement.

  2. "Individuals spend more time using the Internet instead of meeting in real-time" -> "Individuals spend more time online rather than engaging in face-to-face interactions"
    Explanation: "Engaging in face-to-face interactions" is a more specific and formal way to describe meeting in person, replacing the vague "meeting in real-time." "Rather than" is also more formal than "instead of."

  3. "In another case, some people say that" -> "Additionally, some argue that"
    Explanation: "Additionally" is more appropriate for introducing a new point in an academic essay, and "argue" is a more formal verb than "say."

  4. "besides considering the internet as a way of communication significant around the world" -> "in addition to recognizing the Internet as a significant means of global communication"
    Explanation: "In addition to recognizing" is more formal and precise than "besides considering," and "means of global communication" is a more accurate and formal phrase than "way of communication significant around the world."

  5. "we should be concerned about its influence on social interactions" -> "we should be cognizant of its impact on social interactions"
    Explanation: "Cognizant of" is a more formal expression than "concerned about," and "impact" is a more precise term than "influence" in this context.

  6. "In the past, we can just use the phone to message or call family and friends in a small range" -> "In the past, we were limited to using the phone to communicate with family and friends within a local range"
    Explanation: "Were limited to" is a more precise and formal way to describe the past constraints, and "communicate with" is more specific than "message or call."

  7. "It made everything faster and more convenient" -> "It has facilitated communication and enhanced convenience"
    Explanation: "Facilitated" and "enhanced" are more precise and formal terms than "made," and the phrase "communication and convenience" is more specific than "everything."

  8. "Abusing the Internet" -> "Excessive use of the Internet"
    Explanation: "Excessive use" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "abusing," which carries a negative connotation.

  9. "People, especially the young generation" -> "particularly younger individuals"
    Explanation: "Younger individuals" is a more formal and inclusive term than "the young generation," which can be seen as somewhat informal and vague.

  10. "over-reliance" -> "overreliance"
    Explanation: "Overreliance" is the correct form of the noun, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  11. "If people spend most of their time in neighborhoods" -> "If individuals spend most of their time in their neighborhoods"
    Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies possession and is necessary for grammatical correctness.

  12. "lead to isolate and loneliness for those individuals who do not live in real person" -> "may lead to isolation and loneliness for those individuals who do not engage in face-to-face interactions"
    Explanation: "May lead" is more tentative and appropriate for academic writing, and "engage in face-to-face interactions" is a clearer and more formal alternative to "live in real person."

  13. "real human being" -> "face-to-face interactions"
    Explanation: "Face-to-face interactions" is a more precise and formal term than "real human being," which is awkward and informal in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative effects of the Internet on human interactions. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The introduction mentions the changes brought about by the Internet and presents opposing views, but it does not clearly delineate the specific aspects of human interactions that will be discussed. The body paragraphs touch on benefits and drawbacks, but they do not fully develop these ideas or connect them back to the prompt effectively. For example, while the essay mentions the convenience of communication, it does not explore how this convenience impacts the quality of relationships.
    • How to improve: To address all parts of the question more comprehensively, the writer should clearly outline the specific effects they will discuss in the introduction. Each body paragraph should then focus on a specific aspect of human interaction, providing relevant examples and explanations to support the claims made.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of the Internet. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The conclusion states a belief in the Internet’s beneficial effects while also expressing concern about social interactions, which could confuse the reader about the author’s overall stance. The phrasing "we should be concerned" suggests a more negative view, while the body paragraphs highlight positive aspects without adequately reconciling these viewpoints.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should choose a primary stance (either more positive or more negative) and ensure that all arguments and examples support this viewpoint. If the intention is to present a balanced view, this should be explicitly stated and consistently reinforced throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the Internet’s impact on communication, but these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For instance, while the benefits of the Internet are mentioned, the examples provided are vague and lack depth. The statement about social media facilitating communication is not backed by specific examples or statistics that would strengthen the argument. Similarly, the drawbacks are introduced but not fully explored, leaving the reader wanting more information on how these issues manifest in real life.
    • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, such as citing studies or personal anecdotes, to illustrate how the Internet affects social interactions. Additionally, each idea should be clearly linked to the overall argument, ensuring that the reader understands its relevance.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the Internet’s effects on human interactions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of "local relationships." The phrase "lead to isolate and loneliness for those individuals who do not live in real person" is unclear and detracts from the main argument about the Internet’s role in social interactions. This lack of clarity can confuse the reader and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding vague or unclear language will help clarify the argument. Additionally, the writer could benefit from outlining their main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes meaningfully to the discussion.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, elaborating on and supporting ideas with specific examples, and staying focused on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of the Internet, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of the Internet to its drawbacks feels abrupt. The introduction sets up a discussion about the effects of the Internet, but the body paragraphs do not clearly delineate these effects in a systematic manner.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured approach, such as clearly defining the main points in the introduction and ensuring that each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. For example, you could start with a paragraph on the benefits, followed by a paragraph on the drawbacks, and then a final paragraph that synthesizes these points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas, which makes it less focused. The second paragraph on benefits is clearer, but the third paragraph on drawbacks could be better structured. The conclusion, while present, does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the rise of the Internet and its communication benefits, and the other addressing the concerns regarding social interactions. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion succinctly reflects the main arguments presented in the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however" and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or unclear. For instance, the phrase "In another case" is not a standard transition and could confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To improve cohesion, incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices. Use phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" to contrast ideas more effectively. Additionally, consider using more linking words and phrases to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs, such as "furthermore," "consequently," and "for example." This will help create a smoother flow and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "significant changes," "globalization," and "video calls." However, the range is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are repetitive or lack sophistication. For instance, the phrase "spend more time using the Internet" is used multiple times, which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of repeating "spend more time using the Internet," alternatives like "engage extensively with online platforms" or "devote considerable time to internet usage" could be used. Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "in another case" which is not the correct phrase to introduce a contrasting point. The phrase "in globalization" is also awkward; it should be "in the context of globalization" or simply "with globalization." Furthermore, "real human beings" could be more succinctly expressed as "face-to-face interactions."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could practice paraphrasing common phrases to find more suitable alternatives. For example, replacing "we should be concerned about its influence on social interactions" with "we must critically assess its impact on interpersonal relationships" would enhance clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Individuals" (should be "individuals" in lowercase), "real-time" (should be "real time"), and "isolate" (should be "isolation"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should make use of spell-check tools and proofread their work carefully. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing vocabulary lists can help solidify spelling skills. Reading extensively can also expose the writer to correct spellings in context, reinforcing their learning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding their vocabulary, using words more accurately, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is argued that our life has been changed by the increase of the Internet.") and compound sentences ("However, social media platforms and messaging apps have allowed individuals to keep up with everyone through video calls, and email instant."). However, there is a noticeable reliance on basic structures, and complex sentences are underutilized. For instance, the phrase "In addition, in globalization, we can contact people who come from different countries around the world." could be restructured for greater complexity and fluidity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of "People, especially the young generation, spend more time online," they could write, "While people, especially the younger generation, tend to spend more time online, this shift can lead to a decrease in face-to-face interactions." Practicing the use of subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) can help create more intricate sentence forms.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "Individuals spend more time using the Internet instead of meeting in real-time." lacks a comma before "instead," which would clarify the contrast being made. Additionally, phrases like "and lead to isolate and loneliness for those individuals who do not live in real person" contain awkward constructions and grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., "isolate" should be "isolation").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work to catch errors and awkward phrasing. They can also benefit from studying common grammatical structures and their correct usage, particularly with regard to subject-verb agreement and the proper use of articles. For punctuation, practicing the rules for commas, especially in compound sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, revising "If people spend most of their time in neighborhoods, and lead to isolate and loneliness for those individuals who do not live in real person." to "If people spend most of their time online, it can lead to isolation and loneliness for those individuals who do not engage in real-life interactions." would improve both grammar and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that our lives have been significantly impacted by the rise of the Internet. According to some research, individuals spend more time online rather than engaging in face-to-face interactions. Additionally, some argue that in addition to recognizing the Internet as a significant means of global communication, we should be cognizant of its effects on social interactions.

There are several benefits of the Internet in terms of communication. In the past, we were limited to using the phone to communicate with family and friends within a local range. However, social media platforms and messaging apps have allowed individuals to connect with others through video calls and instant emails. This has facilitated communication and enhanced convenience, making everything faster and more efficient. Furthermore, in the context of globalization, we can now contact people from different countries around the world. This has effectively broken down distance barriers and fostered progress on a global scale.

However, excessive use of the Internet also presents drawbacks for social interactions. People, particularly younger individuals, often spend more time online, which can lead to a reduced reliance on face-to-face interactions. Not only does this impact local relationships negatively, but it may also lead to isolation and loneliness for those individuals who do not engage in real-life interactions. If individuals spend most of their time in their neighborhoods online, they may miss out on valuable personal connections.

In conclusion, I believe the Internet has beneficial effects, but we should be concerned about its impact on social interactions within our societies. It is advisable that we maintain a balance between our online lives and real human connections.

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