TASK 1

TASK 1

In 1971, almost 50% of households did not possess a car, with the figure rising in the first year, compared to approximately 45% for one-car households. However, there was a unchange in the statistics for single-car families in 2007, which stayed consistent at approximately 43%, while without cars levels fell dramatically by around 25% at the same time.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In 1971" -> "In 1971, it was observed that"
   Explanation: Adding "it was observed that" provides a more formal and academic introduction to the statement, indicating that the information is based on observation or data analysis.

2. "almost 50% of households did not possess a car" -> "approximately 50% of households lacked a car"
   Explanation: "Lacked" is a more precise and formal term than "did not possess," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

3. "with the figure rising in the first year, compared to approximately 45% for one-car households" -> "with the proportion increasing in the first year, compared to approximately 45% for households with one car"
   Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and formal than "figure," and "households with one car" is clearer and more precise than "one-car households."

4. "there was a unchange in the statistics" -> "there was no change in the statistics"
   Explanation: "Unchange" is a non-existent word; "no change" is the correct term, and it is necessary to correct the grammatical structure to "there was no change."

5. "which stayed consistent at approximately 43%" -> "which remained consistent at approximately 43%"
   Explanation: "Remained" is more precise and academically appropriate than "stayed," which can be seen as informal.

6. "without cars levels fell dramatically by around 25%" -> "the proportion of households without cars decreased significantly by approximately 25%"
   Explanation: "The proportion of households without cars decreased significantly" is more formal and precise than "without cars levels fell dramatically," which uses colloquial language and an imprecise term ("levels").

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by presenting statistics about car ownership in households over time. However, it lacks a comprehensive analysis of the data, which is crucial for a Task 1 response. The essay does not clearly outline the trends or provide a comparison of the data points effectively. For instance, while it mentions the percentage of households without cars and one-car households, it does not explain the significance of these figures or how they relate to each other over the years.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly state the trends observed in the data, such as the increase or decrease in car ownership over time. It should also include a clear introduction that paraphrases the prompt and a conclusion that summarizes the main findings. Including a more detailed comparison between the years and the categories of car ownership would enhance the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position or argument. Instead, it merely states statistics without providing context or interpretation. For example, the phrase "there was a unchange in the statistics" is vague and does not clarify what the implications of this stability are. The lack of a clear narrative or argument makes it difficult for the reader to understand the significance of the data presented.
  • How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should aim to interpret the data rather than just report it. This could involve discussing why certain trends may have occurred, such as societal changes or economic factors influencing car ownership. A clear thesis statement in the introduction would also help guide the reader through the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but fails to extend or support them adequately. The statistics mentioned are not elaborated upon or linked to broader themes or implications. For instance, while the essay notes a drop in households without cars, it does not explore what this might mean for society or the economy.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed explanations of the statistics. This could involve discussing potential reasons behind the trends and their implications. Providing examples or hypothetical scenarios could also help to illustrate the points being made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on car ownership statistics. However, the lack of depth and analysis means that it does not fully engage with the topic. The mention of "unchange" is confusing and detracts from the overall clarity, which can lead to misinterpretation of the topic.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the overall understanding of the topic. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all statements are clear and relevant to the data presented will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, organizing the information logically and coherently will enhance the overall focus of the response.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the essay must provide a more thorough analysis of the data, present a clear and consistent position, extend and support ideas with relevant explanations, and maintain a strong focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant data regarding car ownership over time but lacks a clear logical progression. The information about the percentage of households without cars and one-car households is somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the trends being discussed. For example, the transition from discussing 1971 to 2007 is abrupt and does not clearly indicate how these years relate to one another in terms of the overall narrative of car ownership.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should follow a chronological order or thematic structure. Starting with a clear introduction that outlines the trends over time would help, followed by distinct paragraphs for each time period (e.g., 1971, 2007) that summarize the key statistics and their implications. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas will also aid in guiding the reader through the information.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text without distinct paragraphs, which significantly hinders readability and clarity. Each idea or set of data should be separated into its own paragraph to allow the reader to digest the information more easily. The lack of paragraphing contributes to a sense of confusion, as the reader is unable to identify where one point ends and another begins.
  • How to improve: Implementing a clear paragraph structure is essential. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that provide details or examples. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the statistics from 1971, while another could discuss the situation in 2007. This separation will help in presenting a more organized and coherent argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are crucial for linking ideas and ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like "however" and "with the figure rising" are present, but they are not used effectively to create a cohesive narrative. The lack of varied cohesive devices results in a somewhat choppy reading experience.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," "similarly," and "consequently." These devices can help to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help to maintain coherence throughout the text.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant data, it suffers from issues related to organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing clearer structures, separating ideas into distinct paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can significantly improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing, potentially raising their band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic of household car ownership. Phrases like "did not possess a car" and "single-car families" show an understanding of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and lacks variety. For instance, the repeated use of "approximately" could be replaced with synonyms such as "roughly" or "around" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary. This can be achieved by reading more academic texts or articles related to statistics and household studies, which can introduce new terms and phrases. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in expanding vocabulary use.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "there was a unchange in the statistics" is incorrect; the correct term should be "no change." Additionally, the phrase "without cars levels fell dramatically" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly stated as "the number of households without cars fell dramatically."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by double-checking word choices and ensuring they fit the context. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more suitable alternatives, but it is crucial to understand the nuances of the words chosen.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a spelling error: "unchange" should be "no change." This error detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. The rest of the essay appears to have correct spelling, which is a positive aspect.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("In 1971, almost 50% of households did not possess a car, with the figure rising in the first year…") and simple sentences. However, the overall range is limited. For instance, the phrase "there was a unchange in the statistics" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The sentence structures tend to follow a predictable pattern, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of stating "However, there was a unchange in the statistics for single-car families in 2007," the writer could say, "Despite the fluctuations in car ownership, the statistics for single-car families remained unchanged in 2007." This not only improves clarity but also adds complexity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. The phrase "there was a unchange" is incorrect; it should be "there was an unchanged." Additionally, the use of "without cars levels fell dramatically" is awkward and could be clearer if rephrased to "the levels of households without cars fell dramatically." The punctuation is generally correct, but the overall clarity is compromised by these grammatical inaccuracies.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on these areas could be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can help catch mistakes like "a unchange." Engaging in writing practice that emphasizes clarity and correctness will also contribute to better grammatical performance in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In 1971, almost 50% of households did not possess a car, with the figure rising in the first year, compared to approximately 45% for one-car households. However, there was an unchanging statistic for single-car families in 2007, which remained consistent at approximately 43%, while the proportion of households without cars fell dramatically by around 25% at the same time.