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Task 1: The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

Task 1: The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar graph demonstrates the proportions of women and men who were qualified for driving licenses in an Asian country from 1980 to 2010.
Overall, there were more women than men who passed the driving test in this country in all the years illustrated. The highest figures for both female and male examinees were both reported in 2000.
Throughout the year, there was a disparity of about 20% between the percentage of women and men successfully obtaining their driver’s licenses, except for the year 2010.
To be more specific, in 1980, approximately 50% of women met the driving test requirements, whereas for men, it was about 30%. In the following years, both figures witnessed a gradual increase and reached their peaks in 2000, at almost 70% and 50% respectively.
However, in 2010, only around 63% of women passed their driving tests, which is less than 7% compared to the year 2000; in contrast, in terms of male drivers, the percentage remained the same.

Vocabulary Improvements

  1. “The bar graph demonstrates” -> “The bar graph illustrates”
    Explanation: Replacing “demonstrates” with “illustrates” is a more precise and formal word choice commonly used when discussing graphs and charts.
  2. “qualified for driving licenses” -> “eligible for driver’s licenses”
    Explanation: “Qualified for driving licenses” is not incorrect, but “eligible for driver’s licenses” is a more common and idiomatic expression.
  3. “examinees” -> “test takers”
    Explanation: “Examinees” is a less common term, while “test takers” is a more straightforward and commonly used phrase to refer to individuals taking a test.
  4. “Throughout the year” -> “Over the years”
    Explanation: “Throughout the year” suggests a continuous process within a single year, while “over the years” better fits the context of a multi-year period.
  5. “obtaining their driver’s licenses” -> “acquiring their driver’s licenses”
    Explanation: “Acquiring” is a more formal and sophisticated synonym for “obtaining.”
  6. “To be more specific” -> “To clarify”
    Explanation: “To be more specific” is somewhat redundant in this context, and “To clarify” serves the same purpose more succinctly.
  7. “witnessed a gradual increase” -> “experienced a gradual rise”
    Explanation: “Experienced a gradual rise” is a more varied and advanced way to describe an increase in numbers or percentages.
  8. “less than 7%” -> “a decrease of nearly 7%”
    Explanation: “Less than 7%” doesn’t convey the idea of a decrease, while “a decrease of nearly 7%” makes it clear that there has been a decline.
  9. “in contrast” -> “conversely”
    Explanation: “Conversely” is a more sophisticated transition word to indicate a sharp contrast between two points.

Overall, these changes help improve the clarity and formality of the essay by using more appropriate vocabulary and expressions.

 

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

Explanation:
The essay provides a basic overview of the data but lacks the necessary details and analysis required for a higher band score. It mentions the main trends and some key features, such as the disparities between the percentages of women and men passing the driving test. However, the information is limited, and there is a lack of depth in the analysis.

How to improve:
To achieve a higher band score, the essay needs to include more specific details and comparisons. For instance, it briefly mentions the highest figures in 2000 but does not elaborate on why this peak occurred. Additionally, there is no mention of trends before 1980 or after 2010, which could provide a more comprehensive understanding of the data. Furthermore, the essay lacks varied sentence structures and could benefit from a more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information with a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides a concise overview of the chart’s main features, setting the stage for the subsequent paragraphs. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the data, such as overall trends, specific years, and gender comparisons, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a good use of cohesive devices, including transitions such as “Overall,” “Throughout the year,” and “To be more specific,” helping to guide the reader through the information. Additionally, a range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

The central topic within each paragraph is well-defined, and there is an evident attempt to manage paragraphing effectively. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure and development. Some paragraphs could be more robustly developed to enhance the overall cohesion and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Paragraph Development: Consider expanding on key points in each paragraph to provide more detailed analysis and strengthen the overall coherence.
  2. Paragraphing Logic: Ensure that the organization of paragraphs follows a clear and logical progression, with each paragraph building upon the previous one.
  3. Cohesive Devices: Continue to use a variety of cohesive devices to maintain a smooth flow of ideas. Pay attention to the balance of information and the logical connection between sentences.

Overall, the essay is well-structured, but refining paragraph development and logic will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent presentation.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision in conveying information. It effectively communicates the main features of the given bar graph, providing a clear overview of the data. The writer uses a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as “proportions,” “qualified for driving licenses,” “disparity,” “successfully obtaining,” and “witnessed a gradual increase.” Additionally, the essay contains less common lexical items, such as “examinees,” contributing to a somewhat sophisticated use of language.

While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation. For instance, the phrase “who were qualified for driving licenses” could be refined to “who qualified for driving licenses” for smoother expression. However, these inaccuracies do not significantly hinder comprehension.

There are no major issues with spelling or word formation, and the essay maintains a coherent and logical structure throughout.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer could focus on refining the choice and placement of less common lexical items. Additionally, paying attention to minor errors in word choice and collocation, as highlighted above, would contribute to a more polished and precise use of vocabulary. Overall, the essay is proficient but has room for subtle improvements to reach a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, employing a variety of sentence structures. The introduction uses a mix of complex and simple sentence forms effectively. Throughout the essay, there is consistent control of grammar, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The writer successfully conveys the main features of the graph and makes relevant comparisons. The use of transitional phrases enhances the coherence of the essay.

How to improve: While the essay is generally well-written, attention could be given to enhancing sentence variety further. Introducing more complex sentence structures would contribute to achieving a higher band score. Additionally, meticulous proofreading to eliminate occasional errors and improve punctuation would contribute to a smoother presentation.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Revised IELTS Task 1 Report:

The provided bar graph delineates the gender-based distribution of successful driving test candidates in an Asian country from 1980 to 2010.

Introduction:
The graph illustrates the percentages of women and men who obtained driving licenses in the aforementioned country over the three-decade period.

Overview:
In general, a consistent trend is observed, with a higher proportion of women passing the driving test compared to men throughout the depicted years. Remarkably, the pinnacle for both genders was documented in the year 2000.

Detailed Analysis:
Throughout the years, a consistent discrepancy of approximately 20% existed between the success rates of women and men in acquiring their driver’s licenses. However, a notable exception occurred in 2010.

To elaborate, in 1980, around 50% of women successfully fulfilled the driving test requirements, while for men, the corresponding figure was approximately 30%. Subsequent years witnessed a gradual ascent in both categories, reaching their zenith in 2000 at nearly 70% for women and 50% for men.

Notably, in 2010, a dip is observed, with only about 63% of women passing their driving tests—an almost 7% decline compared to 2000. In stark contrast, the success rate for male drivers remained consistent between 2000 and 2010.

Conclusion:
In conclusion, the data underscores the persistent higher success rates for women in obtaining driving licenses, with the exception of a minor decline in 2010. The gender disparity remained relatively stable, except for this particular year.

 

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