Task 1: The table shows the cost of water in five cities in Australia
Task 1: The table shows the cost of water in five cities in Australia
The table presents details about the expanse of water in five Australian metropolises.
Overall, Sydney and Perth are two regions with the highest usage change per kiloliter, including kiloliter up to 125KL and kiloliter over 125KL, in that order. Remarkably, two cities also record the highest average bill per families in Australia.
To begin with, Melbourne and Sydney are two areas by which the cost per kiloliter is similar throughout the usage. In particular, Melbourne dwellers need to pay $0.78 per one kiloliter, while the counterparts in Sydney pay $0.98. As a result, the average bill per household in Melbourne ($253) is fewer than in Sydney ($319). The similarity is also observed in Brisbane, where the different expanse between two categories is negligible, $0.81 per kiloliter under 125 KL and $0.84 over 125 KL. In addition, the average bill in this area is $310.
Conversely, Adelaide and Perth witness a significant growth between the cost of water per kiloliter up to 125KL and over 125KL. Accordingly, the expanse in Adelaide is $0.42 and $1.00, while Perth citizens also pay $0.42 per kiloliter under 125KL, but have to pay $1.50 per kiloliter over 125KL. Therefore, the average bill per household in Perth ($332) is also higher than in Adelaide ($312) and the highest recorded number in this table.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"expanse of water" -> "volume of water"
Explanation: "Expanse" typically refers to a wide or extensive area, which is less precise in this context. "Volume" is more appropriate and commonly used in discussions about quantities of liquids like water. -
"kiloliter" -> "kiloliters"
Explanation: "Kiloliter" should be pluralized to "kiloliters" when referring to multiple units of measurement, adhering to standard grammatical rules for plural forms of units of measurement. -
"kiloliter up to 125KL and kiloliter over 125KL" -> "kiloliters up to 125 kiloliters and kiloliters over 125 kiloliters"
Explanation: This change clarifies that the categories refer to specific ranges of kiloliter measurements, enhancing readability and precision. -
"two regions with the highest usage change per kiloliter" -> "the two cities with the greatest changes in water usage per kiloliter"
Explanation: "Regions" might be vague; "cities" is more specific and appropriate in this context. Also, "greatest changes" is more formal and precise than "highest usage change." -
"kiloliter over 125KL" -> "kiloliters exceeding 125 kiloliters"
Explanation: This revision avoids the awkward construction of "kiloliter over 125KL" and clarifies that the measurement is above 125 kiloliters. -
"two cities also record the highest average bill per families" -> "these cities also record the highest average bills per household"
Explanation: "Families" is informal and imprecise; "household" is the correct term for a statistical unit of analysis in this context. Also, "bills" should be plural to match "average" and "household." -
"Melbourne dwellers need to pay $0.78 per one kiloliter" -> "residents of Melbourne pay $0.78 per kiloliter"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less formal and slightly awkward; "residents" is more appropriate and formal. Also, removing "per one" simplifies the sentence structure. -
"fewer than in Sydney ($319)" -> "less than in Sydney ($319)"
Explanation: "Fewer" is used for countable nouns; "less" is the correct comparative form for uncountable nouns like money. This change maintains consistency in formality and precision. -
"the different expanse between two categories" -> "the difference in cost between these categories"
Explanation: "Expanse" is incorrectly used here; "difference" is the correct term for the variation in cost. Also, "these categories" is clearer and more direct than "two categories." -
"Conversely" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "Conversely" implies a direct reversal, which might not be the intended meaning. "In contrast" is more neutral and appropriate for highlighting differences without implying a direct reversal. -
"the expanse in Adelaide is $0.42 and $1.00" -> "the costs in Adelaide are $0.42 and $1.00"
Explanation: "Expanse" is again incorrectly used; "costs" is the correct term for the financial aspect discussed. Also, "are" should be used for the plural subject "costs." -
"have to pay $1.50 per kiloliter over 125KL" -> "must pay $1.50 per kiloliter when exceeding 125 kiloliters"
Explanation: "Have to pay" is somewhat informal; "must pay" is more formal. The phrase "when exceeding 125 kiloliters" clarifies the condition more precisely than "over 125KL." -
"the highest recorded number in this table" -> "the highest recorded cost in this table"
Explanation: "Number" is too vague; "cost" specifically refers to the financial data being discussed, enhancing clarity and precision.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Sydney and Perth are two regions with the highest usage change per kiloliter", but this is not accurate as Adelaide has a higher usage change per kiloliter than Sydney.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information and by avoiding irrelevant details. For example, the essay could focus on the key features of the table, such as the highest and lowest average bills per household, and the cities with the highest and lowest usage change per kiloliter. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the expanse of water", the essay could say "the cost of water".
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences appears mechanical or faulty, leading to some confusion. For example, phrases like "the different expanse between two categories is negligible" could be clearer. Additionally, while paragraphing is attempted, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from improved clarity in the use of cohesive devices, ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Additionally, enhancing the logical grouping of related ideas within paragraphs would strengthen the overall coherence. Finally, refining the language to avoid mechanical phrasing and ensuring that all references are clear would also contribute to a better score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "expanse" and "metropolises." However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "usage change" which is not a standard phrase in this context. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "fewer" instead of "less" when referring to the average bill. These issues do not completely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise terms. They should also ensure that they are using collocations correctly and avoid common errors in word choice. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and understanding of lexical nuances.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the expanse of water" (which should be "the cost of water") and awkward phrasing like "the highest usage change per kiloliter." These errors occasionally hinder clarity but do not completely obstruct communication. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which further impacts the overall accuracy.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be accomplished by practicing complex sentence formation and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct. Additionally, refining vocabulary usage and ensuring that terms accurately reflect the intended meaning will enhance clarity. Regular feedback from a knowledgeable source can also help identify persistent errors and areas for improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
The table presents details about the cost of water in five Australian cities. Overall, Sydney and Perth are the regions with the highest usage changes per kiloliter, including kiloliters up to 125 KL and kiloliters over 125 KL, respectively. Notably, these two cities also record the highest average bills per household in Australia.
To begin with, Melbourne and Sydney exhibit similar costs per kiloliter across different usage levels. Specifically, Melbourne residents pay $0.78 per kiloliter, while their counterparts in Sydney pay $0.98. Consequently, the average bill per household in Melbourne ($253) is lower than that in Sydney ($319). A similar pattern is observed in Brisbane, where the difference in cost between the two categories is minimal, with charges of $0.81 per kiloliter for usage under 125 KL and $0.84 for usage over 125 KL. Additionally, the average bill in this area is $310.
Conversely, Adelaide and Perth experience a significant increase in the cost of water per kiloliter between the two usage categories. In Adelaide, the costs are $0.42 for up to 125 KL and $1.00 for over 125 KL, while Perth residents also pay $0.42 per kiloliter for usage under 125 KL but face a higher charge of $1.50 per kiloliter for usage over 125 KL. Therefore, the average bill per household in Perth ($332) is higher than that in Adelaide ($312), making it the highest recorded figure in this table.
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