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TASK 2: Advertising’s importance and impacts You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

TASK 2: Advertising’s importance and impacts
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people's lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, the prevalence of advertisements is undeniable. This affects every aspect of people's lives. From my perspective, although I believe that commercials influence an awareness of important things, I also agree that it does not have only negative effects on human lives.
On the one hand, the ubiquity of advertising has a negative impact on people. Increased frequency of advertisements from online to offline makes humans over-interact with them. Consequently, they are more likely to face up to information disturbance, leading to the loss of consciousness of what is actually essential to them. Therefore, they tend to buy lots of things without demand. It not only decreases their financial resources but also causes a burden on the environment because of the waste from unused things.
On the other hand, the proliferation of advertisements brings certain advantages. Commercials help businesses to reinforce their brand identity and attract potential consumers. As a result, businesses have a great revenue, resulting in the promotion of currency circulation and the growth of economics. In addition, the prevalence of advertising creates opportunities for the development of graphic design or media.
In conclusion, while I agree that the ubiquity of advertising impacts the consciousness of crucial things and has a negative influence on people's lives, I also devote to the benefits of the prevalence of advertisements.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, the prevalence of advertisements is undeniable." -> "Currently, the ubiquity of advertisements is undeniable."
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" adds a touch of formality and precision, aligning with academic writing standards.

  2. "From my perspective, although I believe that commercials influence an awareness of important things, I also agree that it does not have only negative effects on human lives." -> "From my perspective, while I acknowledge that commercials raise awareness of important matters, I also concur that they do not solely yield negative effects on human lives."
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce a more nuanced and formal expression, avoiding the use of "I believe" and enhancing the overall academic tone.

  3. "On the one hand, the ubiquity of advertising has a negative impact on people." -> "Firstly, the widespread presence of advertising exerts a negative impact on individuals."
    Explanation: The alteration introduces a more structured approach, replacing the informal phrase "On the one hand" with a more formal "Firstly."

  4. "Increased frequency of advertisements from online to offline makes humans over-interact with them." -> "The escalating frequency of advertisements, spanning from online to offline platforms, leads to excessive human interaction with these promotional messages."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more precise language, avoiding the informal "over-interact" and presenting a formal construction for better clarity.

  5. "Consequently, they are more likely to face up to information disturbance, leading to the loss of consciousness of what is actually essential to them." -> "Consequently, individuals are more susceptible to information overload, resulting in a diminished awareness of what is truly essential to them."
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace the colloquial "face up to" and "loss of consciousness" with more formal alternatives, enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "Therefore, they tend to buy lots of things without demand." -> "Hence, they tend to make excessive purchases without genuine demand."
    Explanation: The modification replaces the informal "lots of things" with a more formal "excessive purchases" and improves the overall precision of the statement.

  7. "It not only decreases their financial resources but also causes a burden on the environment because of the waste from unused things." -> "This not only depletes their financial resources but also imposes an environmental burden due to the waste generated by unused items."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language, replacing the casual "lots of things" with a more specific reference to "unused items" and enhancing clarity.

  8. "On the other hand, the proliferation of advertisements brings certain advantages." -> "Conversely, the proliferation of advertisements confers specific advantages."
    Explanation: The suggested change substitutes the colloquial "On the other hand" with the more formal "Conversely," aligning with academic style.

  9. "Commercials help businesses to reinforce their brand identity and attract potential consumers." -> "Advertisements assist businesses in fortifying their brand identity and enticing prospective consumers."
    Explanation: The modification introduces more sophisticated vocabulary, replacing "help" with "assist" and "attract" with "entice," contributing to a more formal tone.

  10. "In conclusion, while I agree that the ubiquity of advertising impacts the consciousness of crucial things and has a negative influence on people’s lives, I also devote to the benefits of the prevalence of advertisements." -> "In conclusion, while acknowledging the impact of the ubiquity of advertising on awareness of crucial matters and its negative influence on people’s lives, I also recognize the merits associated with the prevalence of advertisements."
    Explanation: The revised conclusion employs more formal language, replacing the casual "I agree" with "acknowledging," and enhances the overall academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question. It acknowledges the prevalence of advertising, expresses a stance on its impact, and provides reasons for the viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay could further delve into the positive and negative impacts of advertising on people’s perceptions and lives. Providing more specific examples or personal experiences related to the prompt would add depth and nuance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position by stating that while advertisements negatively impact people’s consciousness, there are also benefits to their prevalence.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently aligns with the established position. Avoid ambiguity or contradictory statements, maintaining a cohesive argument throughout.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas to a certain extent. It discusses the negative impact of advertising on people’s lives and briefly mentions the benefits, providing some examples.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay could benefit from more extensive development of ideas. Elaborate on the negative effects, perhaps with specific instances, and provide more detailed examples to bolster the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the impact of advertising on people’s lives, both negatively and positively.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid generalizations and ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt. Be cautious not to veer into unrelated discussions, keeping the content tightly aligned with the task.

Overall Feedback:
The essay provides a decent response to the prompt, but improvements can be made in terms of depth and development of ideas. Expanding on examples and providing more specific instances would strengthen the argument. Additionally, maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay and avoiding underdeveloped points will contribute to a more cohesive and convincing response. Finally, be mindful of word count to meet the requirements of the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the writer’s stance, and subsequent paragraphs explore both the negative and positive aspects of advertising. However, the transition between the negative and positive effects could be smoother. The shift from discussing the negative impact to the positive impact is somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating transitional phrases that guide the reader through the shift in focus. For instance, a transitional sentence could bridge the gap between the discussion of negative effects and the introduction of positive aspects, ensuring a smoother transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with distinct sections addressing the negative and positive impacts of advertising. Each paragraph contains a central idea and supporting details, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay. However, the length of the paragraphs could be more balanced. The paragraph discussing the negative impact is notably longer than the one covering the positive aspects, affecting the visual symmetry and potentially the reader’s engagement.
    • How to improve: Aim for more balanced paragraph lengths to maintain visual symmetry and create a more harmonious reading experience. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, focused ones to enhance readability and emphasize key points.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") and pronouns ("it," "they"). However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to create stronger connections between ideas. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more explicit signposting of the essay structure, guiding the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "however") and synonyms to avoid repetition. Explicitly outline the essay’s structure in the introduction to provide the reader with a roadmap for the subsequent discussion. This can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. Some terms, such as "prevalence," "ubiquity," and "reinforce," contribute to a decent variety. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more nuanced and contextually fitting vocabulary. For instance, in the phrase "loss of consciousness of what is actually essential," a more precise term like "awareness" or "perception" could be used to enhance lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specialized terms and synonyms where appropriate. Be cautious not to force complex vocabulary; instead, focus on naturally integrating terms that enhance the clarity and precision of your ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. For example, the phrase "information disturbance" effectively communicates the concept of being overwhelmed by excessive advertising. However, there are instances where greater precision could enhance clarity. In the sentence "they tend to buy lots of things without demand," the term "without demand" is somewhat imprecise and could be clarified to convey a more specific idea.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "without demand," consider using terms like "impulsively" or "unwisely," depending on the nuance you wish to convey.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate level of spelling, with only minor errors such as "over-interact" (should be "over-interact") and "economics" (should be "economic"). These errors do not significantly impede understanding, but attention to spelling accuracy is crucial for a polished essay.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch minor spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to details like hyphenation, as in the case of "over-interact." Developing a habit of reviewing your writing systematically can further improve spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying structures further. For example, some sentences follow a straightforward subject-verb-object pattern, and more complex sentence structures (e.g., conditional sentences, inverted sentences) could be incorporated to enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider integrating more complex sentence structures. Experiment with conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varied sentence beginnings to add depth and variety. For instance, instead of relying solely on straightforward statements, introduce complexity through sentences with multiple clauses. This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where sentence structure could be refined for greater clarity. In the sentence, "It not only decreases their financial resources but also causes a burden on the environment because of the waste from unused things," a slight rephrasing for clarity might be beneficial (e.g., "Not only does it decrease their financial resources, but it also burdens the environment with waste from unused items."). Additionally, there is an inconsistency in verb tenses: "Commercials help businesses to reinforce their brand identity and attract potential consumers" – consider maintaining consistency by using the present tense throughout.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to sentence structure, ensuring that complex ideas are expressed clearly and concisely. Be mindful of verb tense consistency, especially when discussing general truths or facts. Proofread carefully to catch any instances of ambiguity or potential confusion. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to gain insights into areas of improvement in grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the ubiquity of advertisements is undeniable. From my perspective, while I acknowledge that commercials raise awareness of important matters, I also concur that they do not solely yield negative effects on human lives.

Firstly, the widespread presence of advertising exerts a negative impact on individuals. The escalating frequency of advertisements, spanning from online to offline platforms, leads to excessive human interaction with these promotional messages. Consequently, individuals are more susceptible to information overload, resulting in a diminished awareness of what is truly essential to them. Hence, they tend to make excessive purchases without genuine demand. This not only depletes their financial resources but also imposes an environmental burden due to the waste generated by unused items.

Conversely, the proliferation of advertisements confers specific advantages. Advertisements assist businesses in fortifying their brand identity and enticing prospective consumers. In addition, the prevalence of advertising creates opportunities for the development of graphic design or media, contributing to the growth of these fields.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the impact of the ubiquity of advertising on awareness of crucial matters and its negative influence on people’s lives, I also recognize the merits associated with the prevalence of advertisements.

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