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Task 2: Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a or brush. What are the reasons? pen, penat Is this a positive /negative development?

Task 2: Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a or brush. What are the reasons? pen, penat Is this a positive /negative development?

It is a common belief that the number of people using stationery such as a pen, pencil, or brush is decreasing. Indeed, there are numerous reasons behind this trendy development, which comes with both benefits and drawbacks.

First and foremost, the primary rationale for this change is due to the innovation of advanced technology. Specifically, laptops, tablets, and digital pens have transformed human writing habits. Since there is a growing concern about losing materials, people prefer taking notes on their laptops and tablets with the use of electronic pencils. This could help them secure the safety of information and avoid unexpected criminal incidents such as arson or burglary, with an aim to destroy written evidence. Also, typing on keyboards is faster compared to the use of pens or pencils, which could save substantial time to complete other tasks.

Undoubtedly, everything has its own imperfections; therefore, this trend has both pros and cons. Looking at its bright side, avoiding using a pen or pencil can limit the demolition of trees to attain wood for paper, protecting greenery for the earth. Moreover, it would be easier for people with less neat handwriting to write on tablets or laptops so that everyone can comprehend their viewpoints. However, little do people realize the risk of cybercrime; the information written on technical devices might be hacked or stolen. This also results in a lack of information privacy.

In conclusion, the use of traditional handwriting might be reduced due to the development of technology, yet not eradicated. Although there are different reasons and benefits for decreasing the use of pens or pencils, the risks of utilizing this writing method cannot be belittled.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “trendy development” -> “trend”
    Explanation: “Trendy development” sounds colloquial and slightly informal. Using “trend” instead maintains conciseness and professionalism while referring to the changing pattern of using stationery.
  2. “innovation of advanced technology” -> “advancements in technology”
    Explanation: “Innovation of advanced technology” is redundant and less formal. “Advancements in technology” is a more formal and precise phrase, aligning better with academic writing.
  3. “Since there is a growing concern about losing materials” -> “Owing to concerns about material loss”
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. The suggested alternative provides a more formal and precise expression to convey the idea of concern regarding material loss.
  4. “could help them secure the safety of information” -> “could enhance information security”
    Explanation: The phrase “secure the safety of information” is redundant. “Enhance information security” is a more direct and formal way to convey the protection of information.
  5. “unexpected criminal incidents such as arson or burglary” -> “unexpected criminal activities like arson or theft”
    Explanation: The term “incidents” is broad and doesn’t specifically relate to criminal activities. Replacing it with “activities” and using “theft” instead of “burglary” maintains a formal tone and improves precision.
  6. “with an aim to destroy written evidence” -> “in an attempt to eliminate written evidence”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative offers a more formal expression. “With an aim to” is slightly informal compared to “in an attempt to,” which aligns better with an academic tone.
  7. “substantial time” -> “considerable time”
    Explanation: “Substantial time” isn’t incorrect, but “considerable time” is more formal and academically suitable in this context.
  8. “Undoubtedly, everything has its own imperfections” -> “Certainly, everything has its drawbacks”
    Explanation: The original phrase is a bit informal. The suggested alternative maintains the certainty while using a more formal term (“drawbacks”) to convey imperfections.
  9. “Looking at its bright side” -> “Considering its positive aspects”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and avoids the colloquial nature of “Looking at its bright side.”
  10. “avoiding using a pen or pencil” -> “eschewing traditional writing tools”
    Explanation: “Avoiding using” is a bit awkward. The suggested alternative uses a more formal phrase to express the act of avoiding traditional writing tools.
  11. “limit the demolition of trees” -> “reduce deforestation”
    Explanation: “Demolition of trees” is not a standard phrase. “Reduce deforestation” is a more fitting and formal expression in this context.
  12. “so that everyone can comprehend their viewpoints” -> “making their viewpoints more legible”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains formality and clarity by replacing the phrase with a more precise term (“legible”).
  13. “little do people realize” -> “often overlooked”
    Explanation: “Little do people realize” sounds more casual. “Often overlooked” conveys a similar meaning in a more formal manner.
  14. “risks of utilizing this writing method cannot be belittled” -> “risks associated with this writing method should not be underestimated”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more formal phrase (“should not be underestimated”) to convey the significance of the risks, aligning better with academic writing standards.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “It is a common belief that the number of people using stationery such as a pen, pencil, or brush is decreasing. Indeed, there are numerous reasons behind this trendy development, which comes with both benefits and drawbacks.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively addresses the topic and presents the writer’s position. However, to enhance clarity, consider providing a brief preview of the main reasons or benefits and drawbacks you will discuss in the essay. This will provide a roadmap for the reader and improve the overall organization of your response.
    • Improved example: “In today’s digital age, the traditional use of pens, pencils, and brushes is on the decline. This essay will explore the multifaceted reasons behind this shift, examining both the advantages and disadvantages associated with this contemporary trend.”
  2. Quoted text: “First and foremost, the primary rationale for this change is due to the innovation of advanced technology. Specifically, laptops, tablets, and digital pens have transformed human writing habits. Since there is a growing concern about losing materials, people prefer taking notes on their laptops and tablets with the use of electronic pencils. This could help them secure the safety of information and avoid unexpected criminal incidents such as arson or burglary, with an aim to destroy written evidence. Also, typing on keyboards is faster compared to the use of pens or pencils, which could save substantial time to complete other tasks.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation of the impact of technology is clear, but the rationale connecting digital note-taking to the prevention of criminal incidents seems speculative. To strengthen your argument, provide more concrete examples or reasons to support this claim. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to make your position more nuanced and persuasive.
    • Improved example: “The advent of technology, including laptops and digital pens, has revolutionized the way we write. For instance, the shift to digital note-taking not only enhances information security but also offers the convenience of faster typing, optimizing time for other tasks. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge potential concerns, such as the need to address cybersecurity risks associated with digital information.”
  3. Quoted text: “Undoubtedly, everything has its own imperfections; therefore, this trend has both pros and cons. Looking at its bright side, avoiding using a pen or pencil can limit the demolition of trees to attain wood for paper, protecting greenery for the earth. Moreover, it would be easier for people with less neat handwriting to write on tablets or laptops so that everyone can comprehend their viewpoints. However, little do people realize the risk of cybercrime; the information written on technical devices might be hacked or stolen. This also results in a lack of information privacy.”
    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph effectively presents the pros and cons of the trend. However, the transition between discussing environmental benefits and the risk of cybercrime is abrupt. To improve coherence, consider providing a smoother transition or grouping related points together. Additionally, elaborate on the environmental impact to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: “While the shift away from traditional writing tools contributes to environmental conservation by reducing the need for paper, it’s essential to consider the broader implications. For instance, the ease of digital writing may enhance communication for those with less neat handwriting. On the flip side, the increasing reliance on digital platforms raises concerns about cybersecurity, emphasizing the importance of safeguarding information privacy in this digital era.”

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and providing relevant ideas. However, refining the organization and strengthening the support for certain claims would enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the response.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the topic, and each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a coherent overall structure. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and the essay maintains a balanced exploration of both the positive and negative aspects of the trend.

However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied, and there is slight underuse in connecting some ideas. For example, the transition between the positive and negative aspects of the trend could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing key points and reinforcing the essay’s stance.

How to improve:

  1. Increase the variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This includes using a wider range of transition words and phrases.
  2. Ensure a smoother transition between contrasting ideas, particularly between the positive and negative aspects of the trend.
  3. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points and reinforcing the essay’s stance on whether the trend is positive or negative.

Note: While the essay generally meets the Band 7 criteria, addressing the suggested improvements could potentially elevate it to a higher band score.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, achieving a Band 8 score. The writer employs a diverse range of words and phrases throughout the essay, showing a high level of lexical resource. The vocabulary used is generally precise and sophisticated, contributing to a fluid and articulate expression of ideas. There is an effective use of less common lexical items, showcasing a strong grasp of language. However, occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, such as the phrase “concern about losing materials,” which might be better expressed as “concern about losing written materials.” Nevertheless, these errors are infrequent and do not significantly impede comprehension.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a Band 9 score, the writer should focus on refining word choices and ensuring precise collocation. Attention to detail in selecting the most fitting vocabulary for conveying ideas is crucial. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in word choice, such as the mentioned instance, will further elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, using a variety of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, and there is evidence of the ability to construct sentences with flexibility. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as “arson or burglary, with an aim to destroy” where the phrase “with an aim to destroy” seems awkward and could be revised for better clarity. Overall, the use of complex sentence structures and control of grammar contributes to a Band 7 score.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining the clarity of complex sentences. In the mentioned instance, consider rephrasing the sentence for smoother flow and precision. Additionally, ensure that each complex structure adds value to the overall coherence of the essay. Keep an eye on minor errors and strive for even greater precision in expression.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that the number of individuals employing traditional writing tools like pens, pencils, or brushes is dwindling. This contemporary shift is influenced by several factors, bringing along both advantages and disadvantages.

Primarily, the key driver behind this change is the advent of advanced technology. Notably, laptops, tablets, and digital pens have revolutionized human writing practices. Concerns about material loss prompt people to opt for electronic note-taking using laptops and tablets, facilitated by electronic pencils. This approach helps secure information, mitigating potential criminal incidents like arson or burglary aimed at destroying written evidence. Additionally, keyboard typing proves faster compared to using pens or pencils, thereby saving significant time for other tasks.

Certainly, every trend has its imperfections; hence, this shift has both positive and negative aspects. On the positive side, eschewing traditional writing tools can curtail the felling of trees for paper production, contributing to environmental preservation. Furthermore, individuals with less legible handwriting find it easier to express their ideas on tablets or laptops, ensuring better comprehension by others. However, it is crucial for people to recognize the cybersecurity risk; information stored on electronic devices is susceptible to hacking or theft, posing a threat to data privacy.

In conclusion, the utilization of conventional handwriting may decrease due to technological advancements, but it is unlikely to be completely eradicated. While there are various reasons and benefits associated with diminishing the use of pens or pencils, the potential risks of this evolving writing method should not be underestimated.

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