TASK 2: Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

TASK 2: Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

It has been argued that the government's budget should be spent on public health programs to encourage people to live healthier lifestyles rather than training for high-level international competitions such as the Olympics. From my perspective, I firmly oppose this idea for some reasons below.
First and foremost, since people have their own freedom of choice, the government's health programs supposed to be launched publicly should not be mandatory. Building healthy lifestyles and habits are highly dependent on people’s needs and interests, so it should be the responsibility of each of them for their health-related outcomes later. Moreover, as a result, national-scaled health programs and campaigns using public budgets might be a great waste, as many people are unwilling to realize this idea. For those with free choice who would find this policy unnecessary to execute, the budgets spent on it would be unable to be absolutely effective since they should have been used for practical projects such as public construction like free schools and free hospitals.
Undoubtedly, training programs for medals at international-scaled competitions like the Olympics are totally essential since they create a proper environment for trainees to prepare themselves for the games. People in trainees' crews are highly chosen in order to perform the best and to save on training costs as well. Furthermore, winning medals at these competitions brings pride not only to the athletes themselves but also to their home countries, as they are the representatives in the games. Their accomplishments will definitely be remembered as well as powerfully inspire the next generations of athletes.
In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of training athletes for great sports events like the Olympics. The national budget should be smartly used in crucial projects, not in public health improvement programs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It has been argued" -> "It is often contended"
   Explanation: "It is often contended" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, indicating a common viewpoint in the discussion.

2. "I firmly oppose this idea for some reasons below" -> "I strongly disagree with this perspective for the following reasons"
   Explanation: "I strongly disagree with this perspective" is more formal and precise than "I firmly oppose this idea," and "for the following reasons" is a clearer and more academic way to introduce the subsequent points.

3. "the government’s health programs supposed to be launched publicly" -> "public health programs that are intended to be publicly launched"
   Explanation: "Public health programs that are intended to be publicly launched" clarifies the meaning and avoids the awkward and informal construction of "supposed to be launched publicly."

4. "Building healthy lifestyles and habits are highly dependent" -> "Building healthy lifestyles and habits is highly dependent"
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from a plural subject to a singular subject, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

5. "people’s needs and interests" -> "individuals’ needs and preferences"
   Explanation: "Individuals’ needs and preferences" is more precise and formal than "people’s needs and interests," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

6. "national-scaled health programs" -> "national-scale health programs"
   Explanation: "National-scale" is the correct adjectival form, enhancing the formality and precision of the phrase.

7. "a great waste" -> "a significant waste"
   Explanation: "A significant waste" is a more formal and precise term than "a great waste," which is colloquial and vague.

8. "people are unwilling to realize this idea" -> "individuals may not find this approach effective"
   Explanation: "Individuals may not find this approach effective" is more precise and avoids the informal and vague "unwilling to realize this idea," which is not appropriate for academic writing.

9. "the budgets spent on it would be unable to be absolutely effective" -> "the funds allocated to such initiatives would likely be ineffective"
   Explanation: "The funds allocated to such initiatives would likely be ineffective" is more formal and avoids the awkward and incorrect construction of "would be unable to be absolutely effective."

10. "practical projects such as public construction like free schools and free hospitals" -> "practical projects such as public infrastructure development, including free schools and hospitals"
    Explanation: "Public infrastructure development, including free schools and hospitals" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and informal "public construction like free schools and free hospitals."

11. "People in trainees’ crews are highly chosen" -> "Athletes selected for these teams are highly skilled"
    Explanation: "Athletes selected for these teams are highly skilled" corrects the awkward and unclear phrase "People in trainees’ crews are highly chosen," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

12. "to save on training costs as well" -> "to optimize training costs"
    Explanation: "To optimize training costs" is a more precise and formal expression than "to save on training costs as well," which is redundant and informal.

13. "brings pride not only to the athletes themselves but also to their home countries" -> "brings not only pride to the athletes but also to their respective countries"
    Explanation: "Brings not only pride to the athletes but also to their respective countries" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "to the athletes themselves but also to their home countries."

14. "The national budget should be smartly used in crucial projects" -> "The national budget should be strategically allocated to critical projects"
    Explanation: "Strategically allocated to critical projects" is more precise and formal than "smartly used in crucial projects," which uses colloquial language and vague terms.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position against the idea of prioritizing public health programs over training athletes. However, it could be argued that the response does not fully explore the extent of agreement or disagreement as required by the prompt. While the author expresses a clear opposition, they do not sufficiently discuss any potential merits of public health programs or provide a balanced view of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider acknowledging some benefits of public health initiatives, even if they ultimately disagree with prioritizing them. This could involve briefly discussing how these programs might contribute to society before reinforcing their own stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the prioritization of public health programs. The author effectively uses phrases like "I firmly oppose this idea" to assert their viewpoint. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the extent of their disagreement, as the phrase "for some reasons below" is vague.
  • How to improve: The introduction could be strengthened by explicitly stating the extent of disagreement (e.g., "I completely disagree with this statement"). Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument will help reinforce the position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of personal choice in health and the pride associated with Olympic success. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the argument about the inefficacy of health programs could be supported with examples or data to strengthen the claim.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing specific successful Olympic athletes and their impact on national pride could enhance the argument. Additionally, exploring counterarguments and refuting them would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between public health funding and Olympic training. However, the mention of "public construction like free schools and free hospitals" feels slightly tangential and could distract from the main argument regarding health versus sports funding.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument. Removing or rephrasing any off-topic references and ensuring that each paragraph directly supports the thesis will help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the topic, deeper support for its claims, and a tighter focus on the prompt’s requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea of prioritizing public health programs over training athletes for the Olympics. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression of ideas. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing public health programs to the importance of training athletes feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more seamlessly. For example, after discussing the limitations of public health programs, a sentence like "Conversely, the investment in athlete training offers distinct advantages" could serve as a bridge to the next point. This would help maintain a coherent narrative throughout the essay.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting arguments. However, the conclusion feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the main points discussed.
  • How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also revisits the thesis statement in the conclusion. Expanding the conclusion to briefly summarize the key arguments made in the body paragraphs would reinforce the overall structure and provide a more satisfying closure to the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "undoubtedly," which help in linking ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but it does not effectively connect the preceding and following ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices such as "in contrast," "on the other hand," and "in addition" to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is contextually appropriate to enhance clarity and coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "mandatory," "national-scaled health programs," and "trainees’ crews." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "public health programs" and "international-scaled competitions," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. The use of synonyms and more varied expressions would elevate the lexical resource.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "public health programs," you could use "community wellness initiatives" or "health promotion campaigns." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the budgets spent on it would be unable to be absolutely effective" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, "national-scaled health programs" could be more accurately described as "nationwide health initiatives."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of saying "absolutely effective," consider "fully effective" or "entirely effective." Review the essay for phrases that could be simplified or clarified to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed without ambiguity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "national-scaled," which is not a standard term and could be misinterpreted. The phrase "trainees’ crews" is also somewhat unconventional and may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall clarity, ensure that terms used are standard and widely recognized. Consider using "training teams" instead of "trainees’ crews" for better clarity. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading widely can also help reinforce correct spelling and familiarization with standard terminology.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its lexical resource score, leading to a more effective and engaging argument.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Building healthy lifestyles and habits are highly dependent on people’s needs and interests," and compound sentences like "Undoubtedly, training programs for medals at international-scaled competitions like the Olympics are totally essential since they create a proper environment for trainees to prepare themselves for the games." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are introduced and developed. For example, the phrase "the government’s health programs supposed to be launched publicly should not be mandatory" could be restructured for variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Moreover" or "First and foremost," try using alternatives like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Another point to consider is." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If the government invests in health programs, it may…") could add depth and complexity to the argumentation.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the government’s health programs supposed to be launched publicly should not be mandatory" is awkwardly constructed and should read "the government’s health programs that are supposed to be launched publicly." Additionally, the sentence "the budgets spent on it would be unable to be absolutely effective" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for better flow, particularly in longer sentences.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical constructions to enhance clarity. For example, ensure that relative clauses are used correctly and that sentences are not overly complex. Practicing sentence simplification can help. Additionally, review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentences could be clearer.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often contended that the government’s budget should be allocated to public health programs aimed at encouraging people to adopt healthier lifestyles, rather than investing in training for high-level international competitions such as the Olympics. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint for several reasons.

First and foremost, since individuals have their own freedom of choice, public health programs that are intended to be launched should not be mandatory. Building healthy lifestyles and habits is highly dependent on individuals’ needs and preferences, making it essential for each person to take responsibility for their health-related outcomes. Moreover, national-scale health programs and campaigns funded by public budgets could represent a significant waste, as many people may be unwilling to embrace this initiative. For those who find such policies unnecessary, the funds allocated to these initiatives would likely be ineffective, as they could have been better utilized for practical projects, such as constructing free schools and hospitals.

Undoubtedly, training programs for athletes competing in international events like the Olympics are crucial, as they create an optimal environment for athletes to prepare for the games. Athletes selected for these teams are highly skilled and are chosen to ensure peak performance while optimizing training costs. Furthermore, winning medals at these competitions brings not only pride to the athletes but also to their respective countries, as they serve as representatives on the global stage. Their accomplishments will undoubtedly be remembered and will powerfully inspire future generations of athletes.

In conclusion, I firmly support the idea of training athletes for prestigious sports events like the Olympics. The national budget should be strategically allocated to critical projects rather than solely focusing on public health improvement programs.