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Task 2: Major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions.

Task 2: Major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in those cities are facing? Suggest some solutions.

There is a prevailing opinion that major cities in the world are growing fast because of their problems. This could lead to several problems and in this essay I will suggest some viable measures to remedy the situation.

On the one hand, there are many compelling problems that young people have to face with the fast development of huge cities. Firstly, the youth can damage their mental health when they are facing the problems of big cities. In particular, big states usually have a high rate of crime due to their wealthy residents, and it can influence the psychology of young people when they hang out or go to work in daily life. As a consequence, they will have serious diseases such as anxiety or depression if they go out when there is a high rate of violations. Furthermore, the physical health of young people is also affected by the toxic emissions in big metropolitans. To be specific, the inhabitants use their means of transport frequently so that those vehicles can emit a huge amount of toxic fumes to the environment during the rush hour. For example, some young Vietnamese students have had respiratory diseases such as lung cancer or asthma since they lived in Ha Noi.

On the other hand, the government can handle the problems of big cities for young people by several measures. The first solution is that the ministry can improve the quality of security in big provinces. In particular, they can raise awareness among communities by providing a tutorial about avoiding misconduct in monthly campaigns so that young people will pay more attention when they are in public places. Consequently, the more crime rates decrease, the faster development of huge cities can be achieved. Another solution is that the authorities should also have priority policies for using public transport. In fact, the government can encourage the youth to use public transport frequently by reducing the expense of these vehicles and accompanying them with some benefits for themselves. For example, the Vietnamese authorities are encouraging their young students to use public transport and those pupils will receive a small subsidization or have a better academic performance if they follow the program.

In conclusion, although the fast improvement of big cities causes problems for young people, such as the devastation of both their mental and physical health. However, I believe the government can tackle those issues by improving the quality of security standards and having preference management for public transport.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "major cities in the world" -> "metropolitan areas globally"
    Explanation: "Major cities in the world" is a bit informal for an academic context. "Metropolitan areas globally" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more precisely.

  2. "This could lead to several problems" -> "This may engender various issues"
    Explanation: The original phrase is quite vague and casual. Substituting with "may engender various issues" elevates the language and aligns it more with academic writing style.

  3. "compelling problems" -> "pressing issues"
    Explanation: "Compelling problems" is somewhat informal. "Pressing issues" is a more formal phrase suitable for academic writing.

  4. "young people" -> "youth"
    Explanation: While "young people" is acceptable, "youth" is a more formal and precise term often used in academic contexts.

  5. "big states" -> "metropolitan regions"
    Explanation: "Big states" might be ambiguous or incorrect in the context of cities. "Metropolitan regions" better refers to densely populated urban areas.

  6. "rate of crime" -> "crime rate"
    Explanation: Flipping the words to "crime rate" aligns with the typical usage in academic writing.

  7. "wealthy residents" -> "affluent inhabitants"
    Explanation: "Wealthy residents" is a bit casual. "Affluent inhabitants" is more sophisticated and fits better in an academic tone.

  8. "psychology of young people" -> "mental well-being of the youth"
    Explanation: "Psychology of young people" is a bit generic. "Mental well-being of the youth" is more specific and formal.

  9. "hang out" -> "socialize"
    Explanation: "Hang out" is informal; "socialize" maintains formality.

  10. "serious diseases such as anxiety or depression" -> "severe conditions like anxiety disorders or depression"
    Explanation: Providing a more specific term like "anxiety disorders" instead of "anxiety" enhances precision and academic tone.

  11. "to be specific" -> "specifically"
    Explanation: "To be specific" can be replaced with the more concise "specifically" in academic writing.

  12. "big metropolitans" -> "large metropolitan areas"
    Explanation: "Big metropolitans" is informal. "Large metropolitan areas" is a more formal and accurate term.

  13. "For example, some young Vietnamese students have had respiratory diseases such as lung cancer or asthma since they lived in Ha Noi." -> "For instance, numerous young Vietnamese students in Hanoi have developed respiratory conditions like lung cancer and asthma."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision while maintaining formality.

  14. "the government can handle" -> "governmental intervention can address"
    Explanation: "Handle" is a bit informal. "Governmental intervention can address" provides a more formal expression.

  15. "provinces" -> "urban centers"
    Explanation: "Provinces" refers to administrative divisions and might not fit the context. "Urban centers" is more appropriate here.

  16. "raise awareness among communities by providing a tutorial" -> "increase community awareness through educational programs"
    Explanation: "Providing a tutorial" is too informal. "Educational programs" align better with academic style.

  17. "misconduct" -> "malpractice"
    Explanation: "Misconduct" might be too broad. "Malpractice" is a more formal term.

  18. "the more crime rates decrease" -> "as crime rates decrease"
    Explanation: Restructuring for better clarity and formality.

  19. "the faster development of huge cities can be achieved" -> "facilitating the accelerated growth of metropolises"
    Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision in expressing the idea of city development.

  20. "authorities" -> "government bodies"
    Explanation: "Authorities" can be somewhat vague. "Government bodies" specifies the entities responsible in a formal manner.

  21. "public transport" -> "public transportation"
    Explanation: "Public transport" is acceptable, but "public transportation" is a slightly more formal term often used in academic writing.

  22. "expense of these vehicles" -> "cost of utilizing these modes"
    Explanation: "Expense of these vehicles" is a bit awkward. "Cost of utilizing these modes" is more formal and clear.

  23. "encourage the youth" -> "promote among the youth"
    Explanation: "Encourage" is more casual. "Promote among the youth" maintains formality.

  24. "small subsidization" -> "modest subsidy"
    Explanation: "Small subsidization" can be more succinctly expressed as "modest subsidy" without losing meaning.

  25. "preference management" -> "priority management"
    Explanation: "Preference management" might not precisely convey the intended idea. "Priority management" aligns better with the context of policies.

  26. "the fast improvement of big cities" -> "rapid urban development"
    Explanation: "Fast improvement of big cities" can be refined to "rapid urban development" for a more formal expression.

  27. "causes problems for young people" -> "poses challenges for the youth"
    Explanation: "Causes problems for young people" is a bit informal. "Poses challenges for the youth" maintains formality while expressing a similar idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "There is a prevailing opinion that major cities in the world are growing fast because of their problems. This could lead to several problems and in this essay I will suggest some viable measures to remedy the situation."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s position on the topic. It should explicitly state whether the writer agrees, disagrees, or has a balanced view on the growth of major cities and the problems faced by young people. To enhance clarity, the writer can rephrase the introduction to clearly express their stance. For instance, "In this essay, I will discuss the challenges faced by young people in rapidly growing cities and propose solutions to address these issues."
    • Improved example: "In this essay, I will discuss the challenges faced by young people in rapidly growing cities and propose solutions to address these issues."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, the youth can damage their mental health when they are facing the problems of big cities."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the essay introduces the mental health aspect, it lacks depth in developing the idea. The writer could enhance this by providing specific examples or scenarios related to how the fast-paced and often stressful environment of big cities affects the mental well-being of young individuals. Adding personal experiences or observations would make the argument more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, the youth can suffer from deteriorating mental health when confronted with the challenges of big cities. For instance, the competitive nature of urban life and the constant exposure to crime may lead to heightened levels of stress and anxiety among young residents. I have personally witnessed friends struggling with such issues in the bustling city of London."
  3. Quoted text: "Furthermore, the physical health of young people is also affected by the toxic emissions in big metropolitans."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay touches upon the impact of toxic emissions on physical health but lacks specific details or examples. The writer should provide more concrete examples or instances illustrating how the toxic emissions in large cities lead to health problems among the youth. This would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the physical health of young people is jeopardized by the high levels of toxic emissions in big metropolitans. For example, the regular exposure to air pollution, mainly caused by heavy traffic, has been linked to respiratory diseases such as asthma and lung cancer. This is evident in the experiences of young residents in cities like Beijing, where air quality is a significant concern."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but could benefit from a clearer introduction and more detailed development of ideas with specific examples to enhance its persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a band score of 6.0. The writer arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. There is logical organization, and the essay maintains a central topic within each paragraph. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and/or between sentences. Paragraphing is generally used, but not always logically.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure smoother connections between ideas. Attention should be given to maintaining logical relationships within and between sentences. Additionally, a more systematic approach to paragraphing, ensuring a logical flow of ideas, will contribute to an improved overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, such as "misconduct," "devastation," and "preference management." The writer also incorporates some less common lexical items related to the essay’s theme, like "toxic emissions," "metropolitans," and "priority policies." However, occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present, such as "fast development of huge cities" (more commonly expressed as rapid development or fast growth of major cities). Additionally, the essay includes some inaccuracies in spelling and word formation, as seen in "big provinces" (more appropriately stated as big cities or urban areas).

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation. Additionally, careful proofreading is recommended to eliminate spelling and word formation errors. Precise and accurate use of vocabulary will contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary to further elevate the lexical range, avoiding repetitive phrases like "fast development of huge cities."

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a well-developed and cohesive response. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, with only a few errors that do not significantly impede communication. The writer successfully addresses both sides of the argument, discussing problems faced by young people in major cities and suggesting viable solutions. The essay is coherent and logically organized, providing specific examples to support the points made.

How to improve: While the essay generally shows a strong command of language, there are a few areas where improvement is possible. Paying attention to word choice and using more varied vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, reviewing and revising for minor grammatical errors would contribute to a more polished final product. Overall, maintaining this level of complexity and accuracy while refining language use would elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing opinion that major cities globally are expanding rapidly, accompanied by a host of associated issues. This may engender various problems, especially for the youth residing in these metropolitan areas. In this essay, I will delve into these pressing issues and propose viable measures to address the challenges.

On the one hand, the rapid development of large metropolitan regions poses challenges for the mental well-being of the youth. Specifically, the high crime rates in affluent areas can adversely affect the psychology of young people as they navigate their daily lives. For instance, numerous young Vietnamese students in Hanoi have developed respiratory conditions like lung cancer and asthma due to the toxic emissions from frequent use of personal vehicles during rush hours.

On the other hand, governmental intervention can address these issues and contribute to the well-being of young people in urban centers. One solution is to increase community awareness through educational programs aimed at preventing malpractice. Monthly campaigns providing tutorials on avoiding misconduct can significantly impact young people’s behavior in public places, ultimately contributing to a decrease in crime rates. Another solution involves prioritizing public transportation. Government bodies can promote the use of public transport among the youth by reducing the cost of utilizing these modes and offering modest subsidies or additional benefits. For example, the Vietnamese authorities are encouraging young students to use public transport, providing them with a small subsidy and linking it to improved academic performance.

In conclusion, while the fast-paced development of major cities poses challenges for the youth, both in terms of mental and physical health, proactive measures can be taken. By improving security standards and promoting the use of public transport through incentives, governments can contribute to the well-being of the young population in metropolitan areas.

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