Task 2: Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is thought that plenty of individuals choose social media as a way to keep updated with their relationships and the news. Although this trend can bring about some benefits, the drawbacks involved such as the loss of authentic interaction and the potential for misinformation are far more crucial.
To begin with, there can be some minor positive effects of making use of social media. Chief among these is that people can maintain connections through video calls and messaging with family and friends. Due to the widespread availability of internet access and mobile devices, users can contact their relationships at any time and anywhere. Another upside is that browsing these platforms helps users to be well-informed about various news. Since social media offer more choices of news, it is crucial to critically evaluate what they receive to ensure getting accurate and reliable updates.
Granted, engaging in social media can pose several beneficial impacts, but I believe that it is more negative. One notable drawback is that utilizing social media can lead to the loss of authentic interaction, which can occur when digital communication lacks the emotional depth and nuance of face-to-face interaction. To explain, chatting online may fail to convey the full range of emotions leading to a diminished sense of connection and empathy. The second issue is that the prevelance of exaggerated news to mislead people and result in financial losses. For example, a recent campaign to launch an appeal to raise money for charity on Facebook was an immense scam of up to 3 billion Viet Nam dong taking advantage of individuals’ generosity.
To conclude, social media can have merits in some ways. However, this phenomenon can also produce disadvantageous influences of greater significance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is thought that plenty of individuals" -> "It is believed that many individuals"
Explanation: "It is thought that" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is believed that" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing. Additionally, "plenty of" is informal; "many" is more appropriate in formal contexts.
"choose social media as a way to keep updated with their relationships and the news" -> "choose social media as a means of staying updated on their relationships and the news"
Explanation: "keep updated with" is informal and slightly awkward. "staying updated on" is more natural and formal. Also, "a way" is vague; "a means of" is more specific and formal.
"the drawbacks involved such as" -> "the drawbacks, such as"
Explanation: The phrase "the drawbacks involved such as" is redundant. Removing "involved such as" simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure.
"can be some minor positive effects" -> "may have some minor positive effects"
Explanation: "can be" is less formal and slightly vague. "may have" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"making use of social media" -> "utilizing social media"
Explanation: "making use of" is slightly informal and verbose. "utilizing" is more concise and formal.
"Due to the widespread availability of internet access and mobile devices" -> "owing to the widespread availability of internet access and mobile devices"
Explanation: "Due to" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Owing to" is more formal and suitable for academic contexts.
"Another upside is that" -> "Another advantage is that"
Explanation: "Upside" is informal and less precise. "Advantage" is the correct term for discussing benefits in a formal context.
"browsing these platforms helps users to be well-informed about various news" -> "browsing these platforms enables users to stay informed about various news"
Explanation: "helps users to be well-informed" is verbose and slightly awkward. "enables users to stay informed" is more direct and formal.
"it is crucial to critically evaluate what they receive" -> "it is essential to critically evaluate the information they receive"
Explanation: "what they receive" is vague and informal. "the information they receive" specifies what needs to be evaluated, enhancing clarity and formality.
"engaging in social media can pose several beneficial impacts" -> "engaging in social media can have several beneficial impacts"
Explanation: "pose" is incorrect in this context; "have" is the correct verb for describing the effects of an action.
"can lead to the loss of authentic interaction" -> "may result in the loss of authentic interaction"
Explanation: "can lead to" is less formal and slightly vague. "may result in" is more precise and formal.
"The second issue is that the prevelance of exaggerated news" -> "Another issue is the prevalence of exaggerated news"
Explanation: "The second issue is that" is redundant; "Another issue is" is more concise. "prevelance" is a spelling error; "prevalence" is the correct term.
"to mislead people and result in financial losses" -> "to mislead people and cause financial losses"
Explanation: "result in" is slightly informal and less direct. "cause" is more direct and formal.
"an immense scam of up to 3 billion Viet Nam dong" -> "a scam of up to 3 billion Vietnamese dong"
Explanation: "immense" is informal and not precise. "a scam" is more straightforward and formal. Also, "Viet Nam" should be "Vietnamese" for proper noun usage.
"this phenomenon can also produce disadvantageous influences of greater significance" -> "this phenomenon can also yield more significant disadvantageous influences"
Explanation: "produce" is less formal and slightly vague. "yield" is more precise and formal, and "more significant disadvantageous influences" clarifies the extent of the impact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is essential for responding to the prompt. The author mentions benefits such as maintaining connections and staying informed, while also discussing significant drawbacks like loss of authentic interaction and misinformation. However, the analysis of the advantages is somewhat superficial and lacks depth compared to the discussion of disadvantages. For instance, the mention of "minor positive effects" does not fully explore the potential benefits of social media.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could provide more detailed examples and explanations of the advantages, perhaps discussing how social media can foster community engagement or support movements. Additionally, balancing the depth of analysis between both sides would create a more comprehensive response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the disadvantages of social media outweigh the advantages. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the transition from discussing advantages to disadvantages could be smoother to reinforce the position more effectively. The phrase "Granted, engaging in social media can pose several beneficial impacts, but I believe that it is more negative" could be clearer in articulating the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Despite these benefits, the more significant issues arise from…" This would help reinforce the position and guide the reader through the argument more coherently.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of connection and the drawbacks of misinformation. However, the support for these ideas is uneven. The advantages are mentioned but not deeply explored, while the disadvantages are supported with specific examples, such as the charity scam. This imbalance may lead to a perception that the argument against social media is stronger than the argument for it.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide more substantial support for the advantages, perhaps including statistics or studies that highlight the positive impacts of social media on relationships or information dissemination. This would create a more balanced and persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of social media as per the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "the potential for misinformation" could be elaborated further to connect it more explicitly to the overall argument about the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph, ensuring that all discussions are relevant to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing balanced support for both sides, and ensuring smooth transitions will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the main points. The body paragraphs are organized with a focus on positive aspects first, followed by the negative aspects. However, the transition between the positive and negative points could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Granted, engaging in social media can pose several beneficial impacts, but I believe that it is more negative" could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph to enhance the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the advantages, you could use a phrase like "Despite these benefits, it is essential to consider the significant drawbacks that accompany social media use." This would create a clearer contrast and improve the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear separation between the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph has a central idea, which is good practice. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development. The transition from discussing the loss of authentic interaction to the issue of misinformation feels abrupt.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, start with a sentence like "One of the most significant disadvantages of social media is the loss of authentic interaction." This would provide a clearer focus for the reader and improve the flow of ideas within the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Another upside," and "To conclude," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "the prevelance of exaggerated news" lacks a clear link to the previous sentence, making it feel somewhat isolated.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" or "Additionally" to introduce new points, and "On the other hand" to contrast ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly connects the ideas in a way that enhances understanding. For example, rephrase the transition to the misinformation point to something like, "In addition to the loss of authentic interaction, another significant drawback is the prevalence of exaggerated news."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "authentic interaction," "misinformation," and "emotional depth." However, the use of phrases such as "plenty of individuals" and "minor positive effects" indicates a tendency towards more common vocabulary rather than a broader lexical variety. The phrase "engaging in social media can pose several beneficial impacts" is somewhat awkward and could be expressed more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of "plenty of individuals," consider using "a significant number of individuals" or "a multitude of people." Additionally, phrases like "the positive ramifications" or "the detrimental consequences" could replace simpler terms, thereby enriching the essay’s vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the prevelance of exaggerated news," where "prevalence" should be corrected to "prevalence." The phrase "result in financial losses" could be more specific; instead, "lead to significant financial repercussions" would convey a clearer meaning. Furthermore, "immense scam" could be replaced with "massive fraud" for precision.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Regularly consulting a thesaurus or using vocabulary-building apps can help identify more precise alternatives. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and ensuring the correct usage of terms will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a notable spelling error: "prevelance" should be corrected to "prevalence." While other words are spelled correctly, this error detracts from the overall impression of the essay and indicates a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a systematic approach to proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can aid in reducing spelling mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Although this trend can bring about some benefits" and "One notable drawback is that utilizing social media can lead to the loss of authentic interaction" showcases the ability to construct complex sentences effectively. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Due to the widespread availability of internet access and mobile devices, users can contact their relationships at any time and anywhere" could be rephrased to avoid repetitive structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another" or "One notable drawback," try using transitions like "In addition," "Conversely," or "On the other hand." This will help to create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the prevelance of exaggerated news to mislead people" should be corrected to "the prevalence of exaggerated news that misleads people." Additionally, the phrase "taking advantage of individuals’ generosity" could be clearer with a slight rephrasing for grammatical accuracy. The use of commas is mostly appropriate, but there are places where additional punctuation could clarify meaning, such as after introductory clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with word forms and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses can help clarify sentences. For example, rephrasing “the prevelance of exaggerated news to mislead people” to “the prevalence of exaggerated news that misleads people” would enhance clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can also help solidify understanding and application.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and ensuring grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that many individuals choose social media as a means of staying updated on their relationships and the news. Although this trend may have some minor positive effects, the drawbacks involved, such as the loss of authentic interaction and the potential for misinformation, are far more significant.

To begin with, there can be some benefits to utilizing social media. Chief among these is that people can maintain connections through video calls and messaging with family and friends. Owing to the widespread availability of internet access and mobile devices, users can contact their relationships at any time and from anywhere. Another advantage is that browsing these platforms enables users to stay informed about various news. Since social media offer a wider range of news choices, it is essential to critically evaluate the information they receive to ensure they are getting accurate and reliable updates.

Granted, engaging in social media can have several beneficial impacts, but I believe that the negative aspects outweigh them. One notable drawback is that utilizing social media may result in the loss of authentic interaction, which can occur when digital communication lacks the emotional depth and nuance of face-to-face interaction. To explain, chatting online may fail to convey the full range of emotions, leading to a diminished sense of connection and empathy. Another issue is the prevalence of exaggerated news, which can mislead people and cause financial losses. For example, a recent campaign to raise money for charity on Facebook was a significant scam of up to 3 billion Vietnamese dong, taking advantage of individuals’ generosity.

To conclude, while social media can have merits in some ways, this phenomenon can also yield more significant disadvantageous influences.