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Task 2: Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 2: Most of the urgent problems can only be solved with international cooperation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Addressing urgent global challenges appears to be more effective if it is done by a joint effort of every country, according to some; however, I partially agree with the statement, acknowledging that some issues are best addressed at a national level. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will expound upon and support my views.

Primarily, global warming is a pressing issue necessitating a multi-faceted approach. This is because even though one country has zero carbon emission, they could be affected from the uncontrolled pollution of neighboring nations as well. Illustratively, Finland, despite its eco-friendly practices, has experienced severe impacts of global warming, including heavy snowfall and prolonged summers. This phenomenon is attributed to the emission of greenhouse gases by certain Asian regions. Therefore, a collective initiative is highly recommended.

Despite the fact that there are issues that require exclusive national control, even if they have global repercussions. Terrorism that is a global threat, which has been identified as a government -sponsored program in some part of the world. Due to this, under no circumstance the government should act to wipe-out and start taking necessary steps to counteract this since the devastating consequences do not limit in one place. Therefore, it is evident that the approach to handling such issues is predominantly determined by the nation's authority, with limited external involvement in domestic affairs.

In conclusion, there are some argue that having an international effort could prevent the majority of the world’s problems, I support this view to certain extent. It is recommended that every nation must play its own role both at individual and global level to encounter against evils.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "According to some; however, I partially agree with the statement" -> "According to some perspectives; nevertheless, I hold a partial agreement with the statement."
    Explanation: The original sentence structure is slightly informal. Replacing it with a more structured expression maintains formality and clarity.

  2. "In the subsequent paragraphs, I will expound upon and support my views." -> "In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on and justify my views."
    Explanation: "Subsequent" can be replaced with "following" for a more formal tone. "Expound upon" can be substituted with "elaborate on," which is more commonly used in academic writing.

  3. "Primarily, global warming is a pressing issue necessitating a multi-faceted approach." -> "Primarily, global warming presents a pressing concern demanding a multifaceted approach."
    Explanation: Replacing "necessitating" with "presents" and "multi-faceted" with "multifaceted" maintains formality while ensuring clarity and conciseness.

  4. "Illustratively, Finland, despite its eco-friendly practices…" -> "For instance, Finland, despite its environmentally conscious practices…"
    Explanation: Replacing "Illustratively" with "For instance" maintains the academic tone while being more straightforward. Additionally, "eco-friendly" is substituted with "environmentally conscious" for a more formal expression.

  5. "…a collective initiative is highly recommended." -> "…a collective initiative is strongly advocated."
    Explanation: The phrase "highly recommended" can be replaced with "strongly advocated" to convey a similar meaning in a more formal manner.

  6. "Despite the fact that there are issues that require exclusive national control, even if they have global repercussions." -> "However, some issues necessitate exclusive national control, despite their global repercussions."
    Explanation: The original sentence is slightly convoluted. By rephrasing it, the sentence becomes clearer and more structured.

  7. "Terrorism that is a global threat, which has been identified as a government-sponsored program in some part of the world." -> "Terrorism, a global threat, has been identified as a government-sponsored program in certain regions."
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure and omitting unnecessary phrasing improves clarity and conciseness.

  8. "Due to this, under no circumstance the government should act to wipe-out and start taking necessary steps to counteract this since the devastating consequences do not limit in one place." -> "Consequently, the government must take immediate action to counter and prevent such threats, considering their far-reaching and devastating consequences."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and has awkward phrasing. The revised version provides a clearer and more direct expression of the idea.

  9. "It is recommended that every nation must play its own role both at individual and global level to encounter against evils." -> "It is recommended that every nation should fulfill its role at both individual and global levels in combating these issues."
    Explanation: The phrase "encounter against evils" is less precise and formal. Replacing it with "combating these issues" maintains the academic tone while improving clarity.

This revision aims to enhance the essay’s academic tone and clarity by replacing informal or ambiguous language with more suitable and precise expressions commonly used in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Addressing urgent global challenges appears to be more effective if it is done by a joint effort of every country, according to some; however, I partially agree with the statement, acknowledging that some issues are best addressed at a national level. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will expound upon and support my views."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in presenting your stance, which is positive. However, it lacks a concise summary of the main points you will discuss in the essay. Adding a brief roadmap would enhance the structure and help readers follow your argument more easily.
    • Improved example: "While I agree that addressing urgent global challenges often requires international cooperation, I also believe that certain issues are more effectively handled at the national level. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on these perspectives, providing examples and reasons to support my views."
  2. Quoted text: "Primarily, global warming is a pressing issue necessitating a multi-faceted approach. This is because even though one country has zero carbon emission, they could be affected from the uncontrolled pollution of neighboring nations as well. Illustratively, Finland, despite its eco-friendly practices, has experienced severe impacts of global warming, including heavy snowfall and prolonged summers. This phenomenon is attributed to the emission of greenhouse gases by certain Asian regions. Therefore, a collective initiative is highly recommended."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your explanation is reasonable, but it lacks depth. Instead of just mentioning the impact on Finland, consider providing additional examples or reasons to further support the need for international cooperation on global warming.
    • Improved example: "Global warming requires a collective effort due to its cross-border impacts. For instance, even if a country maintains zero carbon emissions, it may still suffer from the uncontrolled pollution of neighboring nations. Finland, known for its eco-friendly practices, has faced severe consequences such as heavy snowfall and prolonged summers, primarily attributed to the greenhouse gas emissions of certain Asian regions. This illustrates the interconnected nature of environmental issues, emphasizing the necessity of a coordinated global initiative."
  3. Quoted text: "Despite the fact that there are issues that require exclusive national control, even if they have global repercussions. Terrorism that is a global threat, which has been identified as a government -sponsored program in some part of the world. Due to this, under no circumstance the government should act to wipe-out and start taking necessary steps to counteract this since the devastating consequences do not limit in one place. Therefore, it is evident that the approach to handling such issues is predominantly determined by the nation’s authority, with limited external involvement in domestic affairs."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point on terrorism is clear, but the expression is somewhat convoluted. Simplify and strengthen your argument by providing a specific example or a more straightforward explanation of why national control is crucial for certain issues.
    • Improved example: "Certain issues, like terrorism, demand exclusive national control due to their global repercussions. For instance, if a government-sponsored terrorism program exists in a specific part of the world, it is essential for the affected nation to take immediate steps to counteract it. The devastating consequences of terrorism transcend borders, highlighting the need for a strong, national approach with limited external involvement in domestic affairs."

Overall, your essay presents a reasonable argument, but deeper exploration of examples and more clarity in expression would elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression of ideas and exhibits coherence in presenting arguments. The introduction provides a nuanced stance on the issue, and the subsequent paragraphs discuss global warming and terrorism as examples. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion, such as in the phrase "some; however," where the semicolon is used incorrectly, affecting the overall flow. Additionally, there is an inconsistency in referencing, as seen in the phrase "some argue" without specifying who these individuals are. Paragraphing is generally logical, though improvements could be made for smoother transitions between ideas.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesion and Flow: Pay attention to the use of punctuation, ensuring correct usage of semicolons and other connectors to enhance the coherence of ideas.
  2. Referencing and Clarity: Clearly attribute opinions or arguments to specific entities rather than using vague terms like "some argue." This will add precision and credibility to your points.
  3. Paragraphing: While generally logical, refine paragraphing for more seamless transitions between ideas. Consider incorporating transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay showcases an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, touching upon the essential aspects of global issues like ‘global warming’ and ‘terrorism.’ It attempts to introduce varied vocabulary with phrases like ‘multi-faceted approach,’ ‘eco-friendly practices,’ and ‘government-sponsored program.’ However, there are inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the use of vocabulary and expressions, causing some lack of clarity or cohesion in conveying the ideas. There are instances where word choices and expressions could be more refined for precision.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource, strive for greater accuracy and appropriateness in word usage. Aim for more precision in conveying ideas by selecting vocabulary that enhances clarity and coherence. Review and refine the use of less common vocabulary items, ensuring their accurate application in the context. Additionally, proofreading for consistency in expressions and ensuring clarity of the conveyed message can enhance the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, such as conditional sentences and relative clauses, although some of these are not executed with full accuracy. There are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that impact the overall clarity. While there is a range of sentence structures, the complexity is not consistently maintained, leading to occasional lapses in grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To move to a higher band score, focus on maintaining consistency in the use of complex structures and ensure greater accuracy. Pay attention to grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and sentence construction. Proofread the essay for clarity and coherence, aiming for a more polished expression of ideas. Additionally, strive for more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the overall quality of the language used.

Bài sửa mẫu

Addressing urgent global challenges is often deemed more effective through collaborative efforts among nations; however, I hold a nuanced perspective, recognizing that certain issues are optimally addressed at a national level. In the ensuing paragraphs, I will elaborate on and support my stance.

Primarily, global warming stands out as a pressing concern demanding a multifaceted approach. This is because, even if one country maintains zero carbon emissions, it could still suffer from the uncontrolled pollution originating from neighboring nations. For instance, Finland, despite its eco-friendly practices, has experienced severe impacts of global warming, such as heavy snowfall and prolonged summers. This occurrence is directly linked to the emission of greenhouse gases by specific Asian regions. Hence, a collective initiative is highly recommended to effectively tackle this global issue.

Nevertheless, there are issues that necessitate exclusive national control, despite their global repercussions. Terrorism, a global threat, has been identified as a government-sponsored program in some parts of the world. In light of this, it is imperative that the government takes decisive action to eradicate terrorism and initiates necessary steps to counteract its devastating consequences, as these consequences are not confined to one location. Consequently, it is evident that the approach to handling such issues is predominantly determined by the nation’s authority, with limited external involvement in domestic affairs.

In conclusion, while some argue that international efforts could mitigate a majority of the world’s problems, I support this view to a certain extent. It is recommended that every nation plays its unique role, both at an individual and global level, to counteract the myriad challenges we face.

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