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Task 2: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

Task 2: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

There is no denying that the ubiquitous presence of advanced technologies nowadays has transformed the means of communication among many individuals in society. This essay is going to elucidate several implications of technological development on social ties and shed light on why this trend is more beneficial.
There is a plethora of significant changes in social bonds due to the advent of technological advancements, the two prominent transformations being witnessed in family bonds and peer relationships. Regarding the former, on account of the significant popularity of technology communication tools, the majority of the young are not only more inclined to indulge in instant messaging, instantaneous emails, and short message service (SMS) texting but also less willing to engage in in-person conversations with their family members, inadvertently depriving them of their family quality time. As a consequence, if the young generation continuously maintained these preferred devious ways of connection instead of face-to-face ones for a longer period of time, this would be most likely to give rise to the increasingly widening generation gap and the significantly deteriorated mutual understanding as well as have an adverse effect on family relations, which is a precursor to a dysfunctional family and even divorces in the worst scenario. This is not to mention the fact that in light of the remarkable proliferation of digital platforms, where Internet-users could overcome the geographical boundaries and time constraints to keep in touch with each other, many individuals could both enhance the upkeep of constant contact in the digital age and develop a strong rapport with others through the Internet. To be more specific, although peer circles and virtual relationships could be monumentally heightened in the prime age of technology at the expense of real-life social interactions, plenty of people might get trapped in the vicious circle of excessive media consumption and superficial and fleeting interactions online.
Despite the aforementioned disadvantageous changes of technological progress in both family and peer relationships, there are more cogent justifications for why this development is more advantageous. One of the most prominent benefits is that by virtue of the universal ubiquity of cutting-edge technological gadgets, diplomatic relationships among both developed and developing countries as well as global interconnectedness are increasingly flourishing, making a great contribution in fostering global economic growth, expediting cultural exchange, and developing the globalisation of politics. This is ascribed to the fact that prior to the widespread availability of digital communication technologies, plenty of nations on the globe encountered many stumbling blocks in communication for the long haul when many ineffective and limited communication instruments at their disposal such as hand-written letters, telegrams, and phone calls had been mainly made use of, thereby deterring them from laying the groundwork for an interconnected world and international diplomacy. Another salient advantage of the substantial prevalence of innovative technologies is that the learning process could be significantly promoted, coupled with the highly enhanced interactions between teachers and students. This is attributable to an eclectic mix of online learning platforms and virtual classrooms with many fantastic functionalities serving for learning and teaching processes, which are gradually superseding the traditional schooling system, could maximise continuous knowledge absorption and information exchange via frequently held forums for discussion and debate with the online round-the-clock presence of teachers.
In conclusion, this essay has demonstrated that in spite of a number of deplorable repercussions of technological breakthroughs on a few fundamental relationships in society, technological innovation could bring about more positive effects on both global development and teacher-and-student connection. Therefore, it is highly recommended that technological inventions should be taken advantage of for the sake of an improved life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "There is no denying" -> "It is undeniable"
    Explanation: "It is undeniable" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the tone of the essay by avoiding the colloquialism "There is no denying."

  2. "This essay is going to elucidate" -> "This essay will elucidate"
    Explanation: "Will elucidate" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better than the more conversational "is going to elucidate."

  3. "shed light on" -> "illuminate"
    Explanation: "Illuminate" is a more precise and formal term than "shed light on," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.

  4. "a plethora of significant changes" -> "numerous significant changes"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a plethora," which can be seen as overly dramatic and less specific.

  5. "depriving them of their family quality time" -> "resulting in a reduction of family quality time"
    Explanation: "Resulting in a reduction of family quality time" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and slightly informal "depriving them of."

  6. "preferred devious ways of connection" -> "preferred methods of communication"
    Explanation: "Devious" is inappropriate and misleading in this context; "methods of communication" is neutral and accurate.

  7. "monumentally heightened" -> "significantly increased"
    Explanation: "Significantly increased" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing than "monumentally heightened," which is overly dramatic and less formal.

  8. "vicious circle of excessive media consumption" -> "cycle of excessive media consumption"
    Explanation: "Cycle" is a more neutral and formal term than "vicious circle," which carries a negative connotation that may not be intended.

  9. "cogent justifications" -> "strong justifications"
    Explanation: "Strong justifications" is a clearer and more direct term than "cogent," which can be less familiar to non-expert readers.

  10. "cutting-edge technological gadgets" -> "advanced technological devices"
    Explanation: "Advanced technological devices" is more formal and precise than "cutting-edge technological gadgets," which sounds informal and slightly colloquial.

  11. "expediting cultural exchange" -> "facilitating cultural exchange"
    Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more formal and precise term than "expediting," which can imply a sense of urgency that may not be intended.

  12. "eclectic mix" -> "diverse range"
    Explanation: "Diverse range" is more formal and academically appropriate than "eclectic mix," which can be seen as informal and less precise.

  13. "fantastic functionalities" -> "innovative features"
    Explanation: "Innovative features" is more formal and specific than "fantastic functionalities," which is overly enthusiastic and less suitable for academic writing.

  14. "maximise continuous knowledge absorption" -> "optimize continuous knowledge acquisition"
    Explanation: "Optimize" is more formal and precise than "maximise," and "acquisition" is the correct term for the process of gaining knowledge, not "absorption."

  15. "highly recommended" -> "strongly recommended"
    Explanation: "Strongly recommended" is a more formal expression than "highly recommended," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses how technology has changed relationships, specifically focusing on family bonds and peer relationships. The author identifies both negative impacts, such as the decline in face-to-face interactions, and positive aspects, like enhanced global communication. However, while the essay mentions both sides, the depth of exploration into the negative effects could be improved, as it primarily emphasizes the positive implications.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the negative consequences of technology on relationships, providing more specific examples or statistics. This would create a more balanced view and ensure that both sides of the argument are equally represented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that technological advancements are more beneficial overall. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, with arguments presented logically. However, the transition between discussing negative impacts and positive outcomes could be smoother, as it sometimes feels abrupt.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of negative and positive impacts. For example, explicitly stating that despite the drawbacks, the overall trend is towards positive outcomes would reinforce the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas regarding the impact of technology on relationships, such as the decline in family interactions and the rise of digital communication. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of online learning platforms. However, some arguments, particularly regarding the negative impacts, could benefit from further elaboration and specific examples.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author could include more concrete examples or case studies, especially when discussing the negative effects on family relationships. This would provide a more compelling argument and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on how technology affects relationships. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when exploring global interconnectedness and diplomatic relationships, which, while relevant, may not directly address the core of the prompt regarding personal relationships.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. It would be beneficial to limit discussions of global impacts to a few sentences and instead concentrate more on personal relationships, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main question.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, particularly in balancing the discussion of negative and positive impacts, enhancing the clarity of transitions, and providing more specific examples, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the negative and positive impacts of technology on relationships, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with the first body paragraph focusing on the negative effects on family relationships and the second on the positive aspects of technology in broader contexts. However, there are instances where the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing family relationships to peer relationships lacks a clear transitional phrase, which could confuse readers about the connection between these points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between sections and ideas. For instance, after discussing family relationships, a sentence like "Similarly, the impact of technology extends to peer relationships" could help guide the reader more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph addresses the negative impacts on family bonds, while the second discusses peer relationships and the broader implications of technology. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. Some sentences are lengthy and complex, which may hinder readability.
    • How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with, "The rise of technology has significantly altered family dynamics, often to the detriment of personal connections." Additionally, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones can enhance clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and linking phrases (e.g., "despite," "in light of," "to be more specific"). However, there is a tendency to rely on certain phrases repetitively, which can make the writing feel formulaic. For instance, the phrase "this is ascribed to the fact that" appears in a context where simpler alternatives could suffice.
    • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of relying on complex phrases, consider using simpler alternatives like "this is because" or "this means that." Additionally, incorporating more varied devices, such as referencing back to previous ideas (e.g., "as previously mentioned") or using contrasting phrases (e.g., "on the other hand"), can help create a more engaging and fluid narrative.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and readability, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "ubiquitous," "elucidate," "plethora," and "adverse effect" showcasing a strong command of language. However, some phrases, such as "devious ways of connection," may confuse readers due to their unusual pairing of words. The use of "monumentally heightened" is also somewhat exaggerated and could be simplified for clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms or expressions that convey similar meanings without being overly complex or unusual. For instance, instead of "devious ways of connection," you might use "less direct forms of communication." Additionally, aim for a balance between sophisticated vocabulary and clarity to ensure that your message is easily understood.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does well in using vocabulary that generally fits the context, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "significantly deteriorated mutual understanding" could be more effectively expressed as "deterioration of mutual understanding." The phrase "diplomatic relationships among both developed and developing countries" is slightly awkward; "between" would be more appropriate than "among" when referring to two distinct groups.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure they convey the intended meaning. For instance, consider revising phrases to enhance clarity and precision. Instead of "the remarkable proliferation of digital platforms," you might say "the rapid growth of digital platforms," which is clearer and more straightforward.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "communication," "significant," and "technological" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid understanding of standard English spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: While spelling is currently strong, it’s beneficial to maintain this standard by regularly practicing spelling exercises and proofreading your work. Consider using tools like spell checkers or writing apps that highlight spelling errors to further enhance accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a score of 7 in Lexical Resource, there are opportunities for improvement in precision and clarity. By refining word choices and ensuring that vocabulary enhances rather than complicates the message, the overall effectiveness of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "if the young generation continuously maintained these preferred devious ways of connection instead of face-to-face ones for a longer period of time, this would be most likely to give rise to the increasingly widening generation gap" demonstrate an effective use of conditional clauses. Additionally, the use of participial phrases, as seen in "coupled with the highly enhanced interactions between teachers and students," adds depth to the writing. However, there are instances of overly complex constructions that may hinder clarity, such as "the remarkable proliferation of digital platforms, where Internet-users could overcome the geographical boundaries and time constraints to keep in touch with each other."
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider simplifying some of the more convoluted sentences. Aim for a balance between complex and straightforward sentences to maintain clarity. For example, breaking down lengthy sentences into shorter ones can help convey ideas more clearly. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings (e.g., starting with adverbial clauses or phrases) can further diversify the writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with few errors. For example, the use of commas is generally appropriate, as seen in "Despite the aforementioned disadvantageous changes of technological progress in both family and peer relationships." However, there are minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as in the phrase "the young are not only more inclined to indulge in instant messaging, instantaneous emails, and short message service (SMS) texting but also less willing to engage in in-person conversations." The parallel structure could be improved for better clarity and flow.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to parallel structure in lists and comparisons. For example, consider revising the aforementioned phrase to ensure all elements are presented in a similar grammatical form. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help avoid any potential confusion. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also aid in reinforcing these skills.

Overall, the essay reflects a high level of proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in clarity and structure. By focusing on simplifying complex sentences and ensuring grammatical consistency, the writer can further enhance the effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no denying that the ubiquitous presence of advanced technologies today has transformed the means of communication among many individuals in society. This essay will elucidate several implications of technological development on social ties and illuminate why this trend is more beneficial.

Numerous significant changes in social bonds have emerged due to the advent of technological advancements, with two prominent transformations being observed in family bonds and peer relationships. Regarding the former, the significant popularity of technological communication tools has led the majority of young people to be more inclined to indulge in instant messaging, instantaneous emails, and short message service (SMS) texting, while simultaneously becoming less willing to engage in in-person conversations with their family members. This shift inadvertently results in a reduction of family quality time. Consequently, if the younger generation continues to maintain these preferred methods of communication instead of face-to-face interactions for an extended period, it is likely to give rise to an increasingly widening generation gap and significantly deteriorated mutual understanding. This, in turn, could adversely affect family relations, potentially leading to dysfunctional families and even divorces in the worst-case scenario.

On the other hand, in light of the remarkable proliferation of digital platforms, where internet users can overcome geographical boundaries and time constraints to keep in touch, many individuals can enhance their constant contact in the digital age and develop strong rapport with others online. To be more specific, although peer circles and virtual relationships may be significantly increased in this technological era at the expense of real-life social interactions, many people might find themselves trapped in a cycle of excessive media consumption and superficial, fleeting interactions online.

Despite the aforementioned disadvantages of technological progress in both family and peer relationships, there are strong justifications for why this development is more advantageous. One of the most prominent benefits is that, due to the universal ubiquity of cutting-edge technological devices, diplomatic relationships among both developed and developing countries, as well as global interconnectedness, are flourishing. This contributes greatly to fostering global economic growth, facilitating cultural exchange, and advancing the globalization of politics. Prior to the widespread availability of digital communication technologies, many nations faced significant obstacles in communication, relying on ineffective and limited tools such as handwritten letters, telegrams, and phone calls. This hindered their ability to lay the groundwork for an interconnected world and international diplomacy.

Another salient advantage of the substantial prevalence of innovative technologies is that the learning process can be significantly enhanced, coupled with improved interactions between teachers and students. This is attributable to an eclectic mix of online learning platforms and virtual classrooms, which feature many innovative functionalities that serve the learning and teaching processes. These platforms are gradually superseding the traditional schooling system, optimizing continuous knowledge acquisition and information exchange through frequently held forums for discussion and debate, with the online presence of teachers available around the clock.

In conclusion, this essay has demonstrated that despite a number of negative repercussions of technological breakthroughs on certain fundamental relationships in society, technological innovation can yield more positive effects on both global development and teacher-student connections. Therefore, it is highly recommended that we take advantage of technological inventions for the sake of an improved life.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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