TASK 2: Quality of life in the 21st century You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

TASK 2: Quality of life in the 21st century
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:
People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words

The Fourth Industrial Revolution in the 21st century has remarkably impacted people's lives, as its innovations have been significant game changers across various aspects of modern life. This has led to an ongoing debate about whether people in this contemporary era are experiencing a considerably improved quality of life compared to those in previous times. From my perspective, I agree with this statement for some reasons, but also have conflicting viewpoints, which are outlined below.

To begin with, there are some compelling evidence supporting the given statement. First and foremost, modern people in many parts of the world no longer face food shortages as severe as those in earlier eras, as technological advancements have enabled the production of food in greater quantities and on a larger scale. In addition, advancements in the field of healthcare are also a significant step forward, as many diseases once thought to be incurable now have treatment protocols, resulting in an increase in the lifespan of modern humans. For instance, pneumonia and tuberculosis, two of many formerly fatal diseases, have been controlled and are no longer a threat to people today. Another noteworthy point is that the introduction of the internet has completely transformed contemporary life by offering amenities that transcend physical and national borders, which people in previous times could not have imagined. Admittedly, it helps people store and publish vast amounts of information and enables them to access information from any corner of the world without any geographical barriers.

Nevertheless, every era has its own issues, and the 21st century is no exception. One of the defining problems in this century is the aging population. The rising cost of living, including inflation and the increasingly unaffordable housing market, has prevented a growing number of people from securing housing or accommodation, which is considered one of the foundational conditions for marriage and having children. Moreover, psychological issues caused by overwhelming societal pressures, such as those related to study, careers, relationships, and family expectations, have also become a critical concern. An increasing number of people are resorting to psychological treatments or even suicide in an attempt to free themselves from depression.

All things considered, I believe that people today have overcome critical issues of previous eras, such as food and healthcare; however, it is also important not to overlook the pressing issues of this modern time. I hope that humanity will soon develop new solutions to the challenges that have arisen in the 21st century thanks to the power of science, similar to how past issues were resolved.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "remarkably impacted" -> "significantly influenced"
   Explanation: "Remarkably" is somewhat informal and less precise in an academic context. "Significantly influenced" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the substantial impact without the emotional connotation of "remarkably."

2. "game changers" -> "pivotal developments"
   Explanation: "Game changers" is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "Pivotal developments" maintains the intended meaning while being more formal and precise.

3. "compelling evidence" -> "substantial evidence"
   Explanation: "Compelling" can imply emotional persuasion, which is less suitable for academic writing. "Substantial" is neutral and more appropriate for presenting evidence in an academic context.

4. "First and foremost" -> "primarily"
   Explanation: "First and foremost" is a colloquial expression. "Primarily" is a more formal alternative that maintains the intended emphasis without the informal tone.

5. "food shortages" -> "food scarcity"
   Explanation: "Food shortages" is a bit informal and vague. "Food scarcity" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in academic and professional contexts.

6. "enables the production of food in greater quantities and on a larger scale" -> "facilitates increased food production"
   Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and slightly awkward. "Facilitates increased food production" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

7. "many diseases once thought to be incurable" -> "numerous diseases previously considered incurable"
   Explanation: "Many" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Numerous" is more precise and formal, and "previously considered" is a more academic phrasing.

8. "completely transformed" -> "completely revolutionized"
   Explanation: "Transformed" is correct but "revolutionized" is more specific and academically precise when describing the profound impact of the internet on contemporary life.

9. "transcend physical and national borders" -> "extend beyond geographical boundaries"
   Explanation: "Transcend" can be seen as slightly informal and vague in this context. "Extend beyond geographical boundaries" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

10. "the 21st century is no exception" -> "this century is not immune"
    Explanation: "No exception" is a common idiom, which might be seen as too informal for academic writing. "Not immune" is a more formal expression that maintains the intended meaning.

11. "the rising cost of living" -> "increasing cost of living"
    Explanation: "Rising" is correct but "increasing" is more commonly used in formal and academic contexts to describe ongoing changes in cost of living.

12. "unaffordable housing market" -> "unaffordable housing market conditions"
    Explanation: Adding "conditions" clarifies that the unaffordability refers to the market conditions, making the phrase more specific and formal.

13. "considered one of the foundational conditions" -> "regarded as a fundamental condition"
    Explanation: "Considered one of the foundational conditions" is awkward and verbose. "Regarded as a fundamental condition" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.

14. "psychological issues caused by" -> "psychological problems resulting from"
    Explanation: "Caused by" is straightforward but less formal. "Resulting from" is more academically precise and formal, indicating the causal relationship more clearly.

15. "resorting to psychological treatments or even suicide" -> "seeking psychological treatments or resorting to suicide"
    Explanation: "Resorting to" can be seen as slightly informal and vague. "Seeking" is more precise and formal, and reordering the phrase clarifies the sequence of actions.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the improvements in quality of life in the 21st century and the challenges that persist. The author agrees with the statement but also acknowledges conflicting viewpoints, which demonstrates a nuanced understanding of the topic. The introduction outlines the debate and the conclusion reiterates the complexity of the issue, ensuring that all parts of the question are covered.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the author could specify the extent to which they agree or disagree in the introduction. A clearer thesis statement indicating a balanced view could help guide the reader more effectively through the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both the advancements and the challenges of modern life. However, the phrase "I agree with this statement for some reasons, but also have conflicting viewpoints" could lead to some ambiguity about the author’s overall stance. While the essay does present a balanced view, the clarity of the position could be improved.
  • How to improve: The author should aim for a more definitive statement of their position in the introduction. For example, explicitly stating "I largely agree that quality of life has improved, but there are significant challenges that must be addressed" would provide a clearer framework for the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as advancements in food production and healthcare, which are effectively backed by examples. The discussion of the internet’s transformative impact is also relevant and well-articulated. However, the counterarguments regarding the aging population and psychological issues could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the claims.
  • How to improve: To enhance the support for the counterarguments, the author could include specific data or case studies related to the rising cost of living or mental health statistics. This would provide a more robust foundation for the points made and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of quality of life in the 21st century, discussing both improvements and challenges. The transitions between points are generally smooth, and the author does not deviate from the central theme. However, some sections could be more tightly linked to the main argument.
  • How to improve: The author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of quality of life. For instance, when discussing psychological issues, it could be beneficial to explicitly connect these challenges to the overall quality of life, perhaps by discussing how these issues affect daily living or societal well-being.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively balances multiple perspectives. With minor adjustments in clarity, support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that supports the claim that the quality of life in the 21st century has improved compared to previous centuries. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are logically structured. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the positive aspects of modern life, such as advancements in food production and healthcare, while the second body paragraph addresses the challenges faced in the current era, like the aging population and psychological issues. This clear division enhances the logical flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points. For example, when transitioning from discussing advancements to challenges, phrases like "However," or "On the other hand," can help signal shifts in perspective more clearly. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical connections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance, while the body paragraphs delve into specific points supporting that stance. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reiterates the writer’s perspective. This clear paragraphing aids readability and comprehension.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. For instance, starting the second body paragraph with a sentence like "Despite these advancements, the 21st century presents unique challenges" would provide immediate clarity on the paragraph’s focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but"), transitional phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "Nevertheless"), and referencing (e.g., "this contemporary era"). These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied transitional phrases and synonyms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modern" or "contemporary," synonyms like "current" or "present-day" can enhance lexical variety. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "In contrast," or "Conversely," can further enrich the essay’s cohesion and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt while maintaining a logical flow. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate their coherence and cohesion even further, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "Fourth Industrial Revolution," "technological advancements," and "psychological treatments" effectively conveying complex ideas. However, some phrases, such as "significant game changers" and "critical concern," while appropriate, could be more varied to enhance lexical richness. The use of "compelling evidence" and "noteworthy point" shows an attempt to engage with sophisticated vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical range further, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advancements," alternatives like "progress," "developments," or "innovations" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or collocations could enrich the essay’s vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "conflicting viewpoints" could be misleading, as the writer does not clearly articulate opposing views. Moreover, the term "amenities" in the context of the internet may not be the most precise choice; it typically refers to physical comforts rather than the benefits of information access.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that vocabulary aligns closely with the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "conflicting viewpoints," consider "nuanced perspectives" to better reflect the complexity of the argument. Additionally, using "benefits" or "advantages" instead of "amenities" when discussing the internet would clarify the point being made.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "unimaginable," "treatment protocols," and "psychological" are spelled correctly, contributing positively to the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is strong, it is always beneficial to maintain this standard. Regular practice through writing exercises and proofreading can help sustain spelling accuracy. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can further minimize the risk of errors in future essays.

In summary, the essay exhibits a solid command of lexical resource, meriting a Band Score of 7. To improve, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary variety, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This has led to an ongoing debate about whether people in this contemporary era are experiencing a considerably improved quality of life compared to those in previous times" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "I hope that humanity will soon develop new solutions to the challenges that have arisen in the 21st century," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical scenarios. However, while there is a good mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, some sentences could be further varied in length and structure to enhance fluency and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or adverbial clauses can add complexity. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses within sentences can create a more dynamic flow. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in achieving greater variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "there are some compelling evidence" should be corrected to "there is some compelling evidence" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are instances where additional commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which are outlined below" to separate it from the main clause.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are correctly matched. Reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as articles and prepositions, can also be beneficial. For punctuation, consider practicing with complex sentences to understand where commas may be necessary for clarity. Reading widely can also help internalize correct punctuation usage in various contexts.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, demonstrating a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. With targeted practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The Fourth Industrial Revolution in the 21st century has significantly influenced people’s lives, as its innovations have been pivotal developments across various aspects of modern existence. This has sparked an ongoing debate about whether individuals in this contemporary era are experiencing a considerably improved quality of life compared to those in previous centuries. From my perspective, I agree with this statement for several reasons, but I also acknowledge some conflicting viewpoints, which I will outline below.

To begin with, there is substantial evidence supporting the assertion that quality of life has improved. First and foremost, many people in various parts of the world no longer face food scarcity as severely as those in earlier eras, thanks to technological advancements that facilitate increased food production on a larger scale. Additionally, progress in the field of healthcare represents a significant step forward, as numerous diseases previously considered incurable now have treatment protocols, resulting in an increase in the lifespan of modern humans. For instance, pneumonia and tuberculosis, two formerly fatal diseases, have been effectively controlled and are no longer a threat to people today. Another noteworthy point is that the introduction of the internet has completely revolutionized contemporary life by offering amenities that extend beyond geographical boundaries, enabling individuals to store and publish vast amounts of information and access it from any corner of the globe.

Nevertheless, every era has its own challenges, and this century is not immune. One of the defining problems of the 21st century is the aging population. The increasing cost of living, including inflation and the unaffordable housing market conditions, has prevented a growing number of people from securing housing, which is regarded as a fundamental condition for marriage and having children. Moreover, psychological problems resulting from overwhelming societal pressures—such as those related to studies, careers, relationships, and family expectations—have also become a critical concern. An increasing number of individuals are seeking psychological treatments or resorting to suicide in an attempt to escape from depression.

All things considered, I believe that people today have overcome critical issues of previous eras, such as food scarcity and healthcare challenges; however, it is also important not to overlook the pressing issues of our modern time. I hope that humanity will soon develop new solutions to the challenges that have arisen in the 21st century, harnessing the power of science, similar to how past issues were resolved.