Task 2: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Individuals share diverse opinions about when encountering unexpected situations like undesirable employment or financial burden, we should try to resolve these situations or just accept that. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the former perspective, thus, I will analyze both these viewpoints and my own perception in this essay.
To begin with, a number of advocates argue that terrible situations are quietly common and prevalent in our lives. For example, an official survey by Hanoi Law University in 2023 showed that only 30% of institution’s graduates decided to pursue law related employment, 60% of these students opt to various types of occupations for different circumstances and aspirations after five years of graduation. Also in this survey, approximately 35% of graduates felt satisfied with the monthly income they earned. Notably, when asking 65% of remaining students whether they wanted to pursue a new profession, only 10% of them thought they would in the future. This result could be able to indicate the ubiquity of young workers having undesirable jobs and incomes.
On the other hand, while the former perspective has its own advantages, however, I am inclined with an alternative opinion. It is evident that having unsatisfied jobs and the lack of financial standard has been happening for a significant time. However, this difficult time can serve as a motivation and inspiration for every individual trying harder in their lives. For instance, prior to becoming one of the best writers, J.K. Rowling had undergone numerous challengings in her life, she divorced with her husband before 30, accepted to be a teacher because the writing of Harry Potter was rejected by 12 different companies. However, she did not give up, and finally, her persistence and determination was significantly recorded. Nowadays, Harry Potter is one of the most renowned books worldwide, and J.K Rowling was the first billionaire writer in history.
In conclusion, the debate on this topic will proceed in the future, each opinion holding its own advantages and disadvantages. Although, I support that everyone should consider such situations as a motivation for them to obtain higher accomplishment in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Individuals share diverse opinions" -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions"
Explanation: "Hold" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "share" in this context, aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the possession of opinions rather than the act of sharing them.
"when encountering unexpected situations like undesirable employment or financial burden" -> "when faced with unexpected situations such as undesirable employment or financial burdens"
Explanation: "Faced with" is a more formal expression than "encountering," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing. Additionally, "financial burdens" is plural to match the plural context of "situations."
"we should try to resolve these situations or just accept that" -> "we should strive to address these situations or accept them"
Explanation: "Strive to address" is more formal and precise than "try to resolve," and "accept them" is more direct and formal than "accept that."
"I strongly agree with the former perspective" -> "I strongly support the former viewpoint"
Explanation: "Support" is more academically precise than "agree," and "viewpoint" is a more formal term than "perspective."
"terrible situations" -> "adverse situations"
Explanation: "Adverse" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "terrible," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"quietly common" -> "common"
Explanation: "Quietly common" is redundant; "common" alone is sufficient and more direct.
"institution’s graduates" -> "the institution’s graduates"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "institution’s" corrects the possessive form and improves readability.
"opt to various types of occupations" -> "choose various occupations"
Explanation: "Choose" is more direct and formal than "opt to," and "various occupations" is simpler and clearer than "various types of occupations."
"Notably, when asking 65% of remaining students" -> "Notably, when 65% of the remaining students"
Explanation: Removing "asking" clarifies the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone.
"could be able to indicate" -> "may indicate"
Explanation: "May indicate" is more concise and formal than "could be able to indicate," which is awkward and verbose.
"having unsatisfied jobs and the lack of financial standard" -> "having unsatisfying jobs and inadequate financial standards"
Explanation: "Unsatisfying" and "inadequate" are more precise and formal than "unsatisfied" and "lack of," respectively.
"challengings" -> "challenges"
Explanation: "Challenges" is the correct noun form, not "challengings."
"divorced with her husband" -> "divorced from her husband"
Explanation: "From" is the correct preposition for "divorced," not "with."
"the writing of Harry Potter was rejected by 12 different companies" -> "her manuscript for Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers"
Explanation: "Her manuscript" is more specific and formal than "the writing," and "publishers" is more precise than "companies."
"significantly recorded" -> "significantly documented"
Explanation: "Documented" is more appropriate in this context than "recorded," which is typically used for audio or visual recordings.
"the first billionaire writer in history" -> "the first billionaire author in literary history"
Explanation: "Author" is more specific than "writer," and "literary history" clarifies the context of the achievement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether to accept a bad situation or strive to improve it. The introduction clearly states the intention to analyze both viewpoints, which is a positive aspect. However, the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat limited. The first body paragraph primarily focuses on the prevalence of undesirable jobs without fully articulating the reasons why some might argue for acceptance. The second body paragraph presents a strong argument for improvement but lacks a balanced exploration of the acceptance perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more comprehensive discussion of the reasons behind the acceptance viewpoint. This could involve including examples or arguments that highlight the potential benefits of accepting a bad situation, such as the mental peace it might bring or the pragmatic approach of focusing on stability rather than change.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of striving for improvement, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the acceptance viewpoint and the writer’s own opinion is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "while the former perspective has its own advantages, however, I am inclined with an alternative opinion" could be more smoothly integrated to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position throughout the essay, the writer should use transitional phrases that logically connect the discussion of opposing views to their own stance. For example, they could summarize the acceptance viewpoint before explicitly stating their disagreement, which would create a more cohesive flow.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the example of J.K. Rowling is used to support the argument for improvement. However, the first body paragraph lacks depth in extending and supporting the idea of acceptance. The statistics mentioned are relevant but could be better explained to illustrate the implications of accepting a bad situation.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for both viewpoints. For the acceptance perspective, they could discuss potential reasons why some individuals might choose to accept their circumstances, such as fear of failure or the emotional toll of constant striving for change.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two perspectives as required by the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the discussion of J.K. Rowling, while relevant, could be more closely tied to the argument about striving for improvement rather than serving as a standalone example.
- How to improve: To maintain stronger focus, the writer should ensure that all examples directly relate back to the main argument being made in each paragraph. They could also briefly summarize how each example supports the overall argument before moving on to the next point, reinforcing the connection to the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents clear arguments. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could enhance the clarity, depth, and balance of their response, potentially raising their band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. However, the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the statistics about graduates to the personal story of J.K. Rowling feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection. The reader may struggle to see how the examples relate to the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences that clearly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each example supports the point being made and is linked back to the overall thesis. Using transitional phrases such as "In addition," or "Conversely," can help clarify the relationship between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall argument. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two to better accommodate the shift from discussing general dissatisfaction to the specific example of J.K. Rowling. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing a new idea or example. This helps maintain clarity and keeps the reader engaged. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea, supported by evidence or examples, which can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "to begin with," which help in guiding the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For instance, there are instances where the same phrases are repeated, which can detract from the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "for instance," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay. This could involve rephrasing certain sentences to incorporate different cohesive devices that enhance the connection between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "undesirable employment," "financial burden," and "motivation and inspiration." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, phrases like "terrible situations" could be replaced with "adverse circumstances" or "challenging scenarios" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and advanced vocabulary throughout the essay. This can be achieved by reading widely and practicing paraphrasing common phrases. Additionally, using a thesaurus can help identify alternative words that convey the same meaning but add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "this result could be able to indicate" is awkward and could be simplified to "this result indicates." Additionally, "having unsatisfied jobs" should be rephrased as "having unsatisfactory jobs" for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of words and their appropriate contexts. Practicing with vocabulary exercises that emphasize word collocations and context usage can help. Furthermore, reviewing the essay for clarity and conciseness before final submission can eliminate awkward phrasing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling in the essay is quite accurate, with only minor errors. However, the word "challengings" is incorrect; the correct form is "challenges." This error detracts from the overall impression of lexical proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In my opinion, I strongly agree with the former perspective" and "However, this difficult time can serve as a motivation and inspiration for every individual trying harder in their lives" showcases an ability to construct more intricate sentences. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and run-on sentences, such as "Individuals share diverse opinions about when encountering unexpected situations like undesirable employment or financial burden, we should try to resolve these situations or just accept that." This sentence could be split for clarity and better flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "In my opinion" or "To begin with," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, ensure that complex sentences are not overly lengthy or convoluted; breaking them into shorter, clearer sentences can enhance readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "the former perspective has its own advantages, however, I am inclined with an alternative opinion" incorrectly uses a comma before "however" and should be split into two sentences or properly punctuated with a semicolon. Additionally, phrases like "could be able to indicate" are awkward and could be simplified to "indicate." The use of articles is inconsistent, such as in "the institution’s graduates" where "the" may not be necessary.
- How to improve: Focus on mastering punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions. Regular practice with sentence combining and restructuring can also help improve grammatical accuracy. Reading more academic texts can provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and conciseness can help eliminate awkward phrases and enhance overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on improving sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Individuals share diverse opinions about whether, when encountering unexpected situations like undesirable employment or financial burdens, we should try to resolve these situations or simply accept them. In my opinion, I strongly support the former perspective; thus, I will analyze both these viewpoints and my own perception in this essay.

To begin with, a number of advocates argue that adverse situations are quite common and prevalent in our lives. For example, an official survey by Hanoi Law University in 2023 showed that only 30% of the institution’s graduates decided to pursue law-related employment, while 60% of these students chose various types of occupations for different circumstances and aspirations after five years of graduation. Also, in this survey, approximately 35% of graduates felt satisfied with the monthly income they earned. Notably, when asking 65% of the remaining students whether they wanted to pursue a new profession, only 10% of them thought they would in the future. This result may indicate the ubiquity of young workers having unsatisfying jobs and inadequate financial standards.

On the other hand, while the former perspective has its own advantages, I am inclined towards an alternative opinion. It is evident that having unsatisfactory jobs and a lack of financial stability has been happening for a significant time. However, this difficult time can serve as motivation and inspiration for every individual to try harder in their lives. For instance, prior to becoming one of the best writers, J.K. Rowling underwent numerous challenges in her life; she divorced her husband before turning 30 and accepted a teaching position because her manuscript for Harry Potter was rejected by 12 different publishers. However, she did not give up, and finally, her persistence and determination were significantly documented. Nowadays, Harry Potter is one of the most renowned book series worldwide, and J.K. Rowling is the first billionaire author in literary history.

In conclusion, the debate on this topic will continue in the future, with each opinion holding its own advantages and disadvantages. Although I support the idea that everyone should consider such situations as motivation for achieving higher accomplishments in the future.