Task 2: Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritize health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many individuals support that governments should allocate the majority of tax resources for improving public health, while others share their opinions that there are still numerous crucial fields, which also must receive the priority. In my opinion, I agree with the latter perspective, and will discuss these two viewpoints in this essay.
To begin with, a number of advocates argue that the people's health is the most essential part of society. They present a factual case in Cuba. In this country, the government has purchased health insurance for all the population, therefore Cuba’s residents could go to every hospital to receive treatment or medicine without worrying about a fee. As a result, the health public system in this country has significantly developed as well as the well-being of society too. In addition, with various advanced hospitals, Cuba also welcomes millions of foreign visitors annually, who travel to this country for the considerable healthcare.
While the public health system contributes an enormous role in societal growth, it is also crucial to acknowledge various vital fields as well. For example, on the estimation in Vietnam in 2023, around 12% of the national budget was allocated for the military, which is the highest percentage among all society sectors. In this case, Vietnam has over 4000 km of borders both in land and coastline with other nations, moreover, in Vietnamese history, we also had to encounter many invaders from foreign countries, including China, USA, Japan, and France. Consequently, protecting our sovereignty is the most essential mission, which was both agreed by both the government and Vietnamese too.
In conclusion, the discussion about how to spend the significant portion of the tax resource for health care or for different industries would proceed in the future. However, I strongly believe the priority of the national budget should be allocated depending on specific circumstances in each country.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the prioritization of health care versus other important sectors for tax spending. The first paragraph introduces the two perspectives, while the body paragraphs provide examples supporting each viewpoint. The discussion of Cuba’s health care system illustrates the benefits of prioritizing health care, while the mention of Vietnam’s military spending highlights the importance of other sectors. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both views, as the discussion on health care is more developed than that on military spending.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance in addressing both parts of the question, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for the viewpoint that supports prioritizing health care. Additionally, including a counter-argument or a more robust discussion on the implications of prioritizing military spending would strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion in the introduction, favoring the perspective that other priorities should receive attention alongside health care. However, the conclusion somewhat dilutes this position by suggesting that budget allocation should depend on specific circumstances, which could be interpreted as a lack of commitment to the stated opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the writer should reiterate their stance more explicitly in the conclusion. They could summarize the key reasons for their viewpoint and emphasize the importance of considering multiple priorities in tax spending without suggesting ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with a clear structure that includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The examples provided, such as Cuba’s health care system and Vietnam’s military spending, serve to support the arguments. However, the development of ideas could be further extended, particularly in the discussion of military spending, which lacks depth and specific examples.
- How to improve: To improve the support and extension of ideas, the writer should elaborate on the implications of prioritizing military spending. Including statistics, historical context, or potential consequences of neglecting health care could provide a more comprehensive argument. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could enhance the sophistication of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of tax allocation between health care and other priorities. However, the transition between discussing health care and military spending could be smoother, as the connection between these two sectors is not explicitly stated, which may lead to some confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve coherence, the writer should include transitional phrases that clearly link the discussion of health care to other priorities. For example, they could explain how health care and military spending both contribute to national stability and well-being, thereby reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in balancing the discussion of both viewpoints, maintaining a consistent position, extending and supporting ideas, and ensuring coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on tax allocation, establishing a clear framework for the discussion. The first body paragraph focuses on the argument for prioritizing health care, using Cuba as a case study, while the second body paragraph addresses the importance of military spending in Vietnam. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing health care and military spending feels abrupt, lacking a more explicit connection between the two viewpoints.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing health care, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like "While health care is undeniably important, it is essential to consider other critical areas such as national defense." This would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of prioritizing health care, while the second addresses the necessity of military funding. However, the paragraphs could be more developed; for instance, the second paragraph could benefit from additional examples or elaboration on the implications of military spending, which would provide a more balanced discussion.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a viewpoint but also elaborates on it with sufficient detail and examples. Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that provide evidence or further explanation.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "For example," and "Consequently," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which is the highest percentage among all society sectors" could be better integrated into the sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," and "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity. For instance, instead of saying "which is the highest percentage among all society sectors," consider rephrasing to "making it the highest percentage allocated to any sector in society," which would improve the flow and clarity of the sentence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments. By enhancing the logical flow between ideas, developing paragraphs with more detailed examples, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "allocate," "advocates," "essential," and "sovereignty" being effectively used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the phrase "numerous crucial fields" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "various critical sectors" or "multiple significant domains." Additionally, the phrase "the health public system" is awkward and could be better expressed as "the public health system."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and advanced terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy and practicing with varied vocabulary in writing exercises can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some precise vocabulary, but there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the health public system" is not standard English; it should be "the public health system." Additionally, "the considerable healthcare" is vague and could be more specific, such as "high-quality healthcare services." The phrase "the people’s health is the most essential part of society" could be more accurately stated as "public health is a fundamental component of societal well-being."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on contextually appropriate vocabulary. Reading more academic texts and noting how specific terms are used can help in understanding the nuances of word choice. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and correctness before finalizing the essay can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "health public system," which, while not a spelling error, reflects a misunderstanding of word order and structure rather than spelling itself. The term "factual case" is also somewhat misleading; a more appropriate term might be "case study."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch any overlooked errors or awkward phrases that may not be spelled incorrectly but are used incorrectly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses a fair range of vocabulary, improvements can be made in vocabulary variety, precision, and clarity. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, the use of "while others share their opinions that there are still numerous crucial fields, which also must receive the priority" showcases the ability to construct complex ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, "In this case, Vietnam has over 4000 km of borders both in land and coastline with other nations, moreover, in Vietnamese history, we also had to encounter many invaders from foreign countries" could be split into shorter sentences for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, questions, or varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of "In addition, with various advanced hospitals, Cuba also welcomes millions of foreign visitors annually," you could rephrase it as "Moreover, millions of foreign visitors are welcomed annually by Cuba, thanks to its various advanced hospitals." This not only varies the structure but also emphasizes the subject.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the health public system" should be corrected to "the public health system." Additionally, the sentence "therefore Cuba’s residents could go to every hospital to receive treatment or medicine without worrying about a fee" could be improved by using a semicolon or a conjunction instead of "therefore" to better connect the ideas. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, ensure that singular and plural nouns are correctly matched with their verbs. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks such as semicolons and colons to connect related ideas more effectively. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals support the idea that governments should allocate the majority of tax resources to improving public health, while others believe there are still numerous crucial fields that must also receive priority. In my opinion, I agree with the latter perspective and will discuss both these viewpoints in this essay.

To begin with, a number of advocates argue that people’s health is the most essential part of society. They present a factual case in Cuba. In this country, the government has purchased health insurance for the entire population, allowing Cuba’s residents to visit any hospital to receive treatment or medicine without worrying about fees. As a result, the public health system in this country has significantly developed, as has the well-being of society. In addition, with various advanced hospitals, Cuba also welcomes millions of foreign visitors annually who travel to this country for its considerable healthcare.

While the public health system plays an enormous role in societal growth, it is also crucial to acknowledge various vital fields as well. For example, according to estimates in Vietnam in 2023, around 12% of the national budget was allocated for the military, which is the highest percentage among all sectors of society. In this case, Vietnam has over 4,000 km of borders, both land and coastline, with other nations. Moreover, in Vietnamese history, we have encountered many invaders from foreign countries, including China, the USA, Japan, and France. Consequently, protecting our sovereignty is the most essential mission, which is agreed upon by both the government and the Vietnamese people.

In conclusion, the discussion about how to spend a significant portion of tax resources on healthcare or on different industries will continue in the future. However, I strongly believe that the priority of the national budget should be allocated depending on the specific circumstances in each country.