Task 2: some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In the career environment, there is a profound opinion that employers should not focus on their attire. In contrast, others think concentrating on the quality of work is better choice. Personally, I partly agree with this suggestion based on the reasons that I explained in this essay.

On the one hand, allowing employees to have the freedom to dress the way they want could bring about tangible benefits for both these individuals and the companied as whole.Uniforms are often designed for the majority, meaning that they lack flexibility that accommodate people with unique attributes. When employers force everyone to dress in a similar wat, many would feel psychologically prohibited, plunging their productivity level. Fortunately, research has shown that dressing the way employees want will boost their comfortable and energy, elevating their productivity and benefiting the companies.

On the other hand, it is important to emphasize a dresscode when the companies have a lot of client-facing roles. It is proven that the perception of professionalism is affected by the way a person dresses. When a workers needs to persuade a client, even a minor boost in positive peprception can be hugely beneficial. For instance, if a lawyer dresses inappropriately, it would be challenging for them the gain the trust with their clients, which eventually damages the productivity of their partnerships.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining whether the focus of employers should be on the productivity and quality of work or the attire chosen by their employees, I believe that striking a balance between all aspects is the optimal approach. While dressing comfortably can boost productivity and creativity, the chosen outfit must ensure that it represents a spirit of professionalism that is vital in client-facing roles.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the career environment" -> "In the professional environment"
Explanation: "Career environment" is not a standard term. "Professional environment" is more commonly used and accurately describes the context of workplaces or industries.
"there is a profound opinion" -> "there is a prevailing opinion"
Explanation: "Profound" typically implies deep or insightful, which is not the intended meaning here. "Prevailing" better conveys the widespread nature of the opinion.
"better choice" -> "better option"
Explanation: "Choice" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Option" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"allowing employees to have the freedom to dress the way they want" -> "granting employees the freedom to dress as they prefer"
Explanation: "Dress the way they want" is informal and slightly vague. "Dress as they prefer" is more formal and precise.
"the companied as whole" -> "the company as a whole"
Explanation: "Companied" is a typographical error. The correct term is "company."
"Uniforms are often designed for the majority" -> "Uniforms are often designed for the average individual"
Explanation: "The majority" can be ambiguous; "the average individual" clarifies that the reference is to the typical person, not necessarily the majority.
"meaning that they lack flexibility that accommodate people with unique attributes" -> "meaning they lack flexibility in accommodating individuals with unique attributes"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves readability.
"plunging their productivity level" -> "reducing their productivity"
Explanation: "Plunging" is an emotional and informal term; "reducing" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing.
"dressing the way employees want" -> "dressing as they prefer"
Explanation: Similar to earlier, "dressing the way employees want" is informal; "dressing as they prefer" is more formal and precise.
"boost their comfortable and energy" -> "boost their comfort and energy"
Explanation: "Comfortable" should be "comfort" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"a dresscode" -> "a dress code"
Explanation: "Dresscode" is a typographical error; "dress code" is the correct term.
"a workers needs" -> "workers need"
Explanation: "A workers" is grammatically incorrect; "workers need" is the correct subject-verb agreement.
"the gain the trust with their clients" -> "to gain the trust of their clients"
Explanation: "The gain the trust with their clients" is grammatically incorrect. "To gain the trust of their clients" corrects the preposition and verb agreement.
"which eventually damages the productivity of their partnerships" -> "which ultimately hinders the productivity of their partnerships"
Explanation: "Damages" is somewhat informal and vague; "hinders" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"striking a balance between all aspects" -> "achieving a balance among all aspects"
Explanation: "Striking" is somewhat informal and less precise; "achieving" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a balanced view on whether employers should care about employee attire or focus solely on work quality. The writer acknowledges both sides of the argument, indicating a partial agreement with the notion that attire can impact productivity. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, as the phrase "partly agree" is somewhat vague and does not fully articulate the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, providing a more definitive stance on how much weight should be given to each aspect (dress vs. work quality) would clarify the response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear, but it lacks consistency in articulating the author’s stance. The introduction states a partial agreement, yet the body paragraphs could be interpreted as leaning towards both sides without a strong emphasis on the author’s viewpoint. The conclusion attempts to summarize the argument but does not reinforce a decisive position.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph supports the main argument more explicitly. Using phrases such as "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help to reinforce the author’s perspective. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in each body paragraph would help maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the psychological impact of dress codes on productivity and the importance of professionalism in client-facing roles. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on how attire affects client perception is valid but could be supported with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-world examples can help substantiate claims and make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, exploring counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the relationship between employee attire and work quality. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For instance, the phrase "the chosen outfit must ensure that it represents a spirit of professionalism" could be elaborated to clarify how this relates to the overall argument about productivity and work quality.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of the prompt. Using topic sentences that clearly link back to the main argument can help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point made is directly relevant to the prompt will enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it would benefit from clearer articulation of the author’s position, deeper exploration of ideas, and tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of allowing employees to dress freely, while the second addresses the importance of a dress code in client-facing roles. This logical organization aids in understanding the writer’s stance. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the ideas is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of freedom in dressing to the necessity of a dress code could be better signposted.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the two opposing views more explicitly. For example, adding a sentence at the end of the first paragraph that acknowledges the contrasting viewpoint before introducing it in the second paragraph would create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. The first body paragraph starts with a general statement but could be more focused on the specific benefits of relaxed dress codes.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "Allowing employees to dress according to their preferences can lead to increased job satisfaction and productivity." This would provide a clearer framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "the companied as whole" and "plunging their productivity level." Additionally, the use of cohesive devices like "for instance" is effective but could be supplemented with more varied connectors to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall readability of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "profound opinion," "tangible benefits," and "psychologically prohibited." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or lack variety, such as the repeated use of "productivity" and "companies." Additionally, phrases like "the way they want" could be expressed more creatively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "productivity," you could use "efficiency," "output," or "performance." Additionally, explore more sophisticated phrases or idiomatic expressions to convey ideas more vividly, such as "fostering a culture of individuality" instead of "allowing employees to have the freedom."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys ideas clearly, there are moments of imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "the way employees want" is vague and could be more specific. Additionally, "the majority" lacks context—what majority is being referred to? The term "wat" is a spelling error that detracts from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise language by clearly defining terms and avoiding ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "the way employees want," specify "their personal style of dress." Ensure that all vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning, and double-check for spelling errors that may confuse readers.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "wat" instead of "way," "peprception" instead of "perception," and "companied" instead of "company." These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and negatively impact the impression of the writer’s language proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing the essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools to identify errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list of challenging terms can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "when the companies have a lot of client-facing roles" and "if a lawyer dresses inappropriately" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "it is important to emphasize" and "when employers force," which could be varied to enhance the overall flow and engagement of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of starting with "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," the writer could use phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "the companied as whole" should be "the company as a whole," and "wat" is a typographical error for "way." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For example, "When a workers needs to persuade a client, even a minor boost in positive peprception can be hugely beneficial" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("a workers" should be "a worker") and a misspelling of "perception."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch typographical and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing sentence structure exercises focusing on subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules will help solidify these skills. Regular reading of well-written essays can also provide insights into correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on these areas of grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the professional environment, there is a prevailing opinion that employers should not focus on their employees’ attire. In contrast, others believe that concentrating on the quality of work is a better option. Personally, I partly agree with this suggestion based on the reasons I will explain in this essay.

On the one hand, granting employees the freedom to dress as they prefer could bring about tangible benefits for both these individuals and the company as a whole. Uniforms are often designed for the average individual, meaning they lack flexibility in accommodating people with unique attributes. When employers force everyone to dress in a similar way, many may feel psychologically restricted, which can lead to a reduction in their productivity. Fortunately, research has shown that dressing as they prefer can boost employees’ comfort and energy, ultimately elevating their productivity and benefiting the companies.

On the other hand, it is important to emphasize a dress code when companies have many client-facing roles. It is proven that the perception of professionalism is affected by the way a person dresses. When workers need to gain the trust of their clients, even a minor boost in positive perception can be hugely beneficial. For instance, if a lawyer dresses inappropriately, it would be challenging for them to gain the trust of their clients, which ultimately hinders the productivity of their partnerships.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on whether the focus of employers should be on the productivity and quality of work or the attire chosen by their employees, I believe that achieving a balance among all aspects is the optimal approach. While dressing comfortably can boost productivity and creativity, the chosen outfit must ensure that it represents a spirit of professionalism that is vital in client-facing roles.