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Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. But others think taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Task 2: Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. But others think taking part in individual sports is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that leading corporations should contribute to their budget to advocate sports and important facilities for the local community. In my opinion, I completely support with this viewpoint since they can undertake social duties and raise their reputation in society.
On the one hand, I acknowledge the drawbacks of supporting their funds for social demands including sports and social facilities. On the one hand, they can waste numerous financial supplies to build and install the new facilities. Therefore, rather than investing their budget for construction, this is an efficient solution if this sum can pay for the workforce in the countryside or rural areas, the employment issues could be solved. This method will raise their labor force and workloads. Additionally, they can provide affordable workers, encourage more job opportunities for people, especially in remote areas, and stimulate economic development.
Nevertheless, from my perspective, I tend to agree with the idea that the optimal way for enterprises's money are allocated for sports and essential facilities. One main reason is that taking social responsibility can promote their image and position in the market, and appeal to numerous workforce, which means that high-quality employees tend to favor companies that are famous for their dedication, effort, and duties reflecting the way they treat their staff. In other words, this method also have more favor and beliefs of inhabitants and local authorities. This would lead to gaining a good image and attracting substantial financial resources from sponsors and other private companies. For instance, Vingroup is one of the most developed corporations in Vietnam, which often dedicates budget resources to charity work in the community. Therefore, they achieve the highest position in nation and expand their brand in over the world.
In conclusion, in my opinion, I am in favor of companies's budgets should be invested in essential social demands. This approach will have an impact on their reputation in the market and society, and appeal to the financial supplies. Consequently, the unemployment issues can be solved, reduce significantly the number of jobless people in rural areas, and contribute to a thriving economy.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "completely support with this viewpoint" -> "strongly endorse this viewpoint"
    Explanation: Replacing "completely support with" with "strongly endorse" elevates the language by using a more formal and emphatic term without losing the intended meaning.

  2. "acknowledge the drawbacks of supporting their funds for social demands" -> "recognize the limitations of allocating funds to social needs"
    Explanation: "Acknowledge the drawbacks" is more informal; "recognize the limitations" maintains formality while expressing a similar sentiment. "Supporting their funds for social demands" is rephrased to "allocating funds to social needs" for better clarity and formality.

  3. "numerous financial supplies" -> "considerable financial resources"
    Explanation: "Numerous financial supplies" is imprecise and less formal. "Considerable financial resources" provides a more specific and formal term to refer to a significant amount of money.

  4. "budget for construction" -> "allocation for construction"
    Explanation: "Budget for construction" is slightly informal in an academic context. "Allocation for construction" is more appropriate and formal, emphasizing the designated funds.

  5. "pay for the workforce" -> "support the workforce"
    Explanation: "Pay for the workforce" may imply direct payment, while "support the workforce" conveys a broader sense of assistance, including training, resources, etc.

  6. "this is an efficient solution" -> "this could prove an effective solution"
    Explanation: "An efficient solution" is slightly informal. "Could prove an effective solution" maintains formality while suggesting potential effectiveness rather than absolute efficiency.

  7. "from my perspective, I tend to agree with the idea" -> "personally, I concur with the notion"
    Explanation: "From my perspective, I tend to agree with the idea" is redundant and somewhat informal. "Personally, I concur with the notion" is more succinct and formal.

  8. "the optimal way for enterprises’s money are allocated" -> "the ideal allocation of enterprise funds"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "The optimal way for enterprises’ money are allocated" should be rephrased to "the ideal allocation of enterprise funds" for clarity and correctness.

  9. "taking social responsibility can promote their image" -> "assuming social responsibility can enhance their reputation"
    Explanation: "Taking social responsibility" is a bit informal. "Assuming social responsibility" is a more formal and fitting alternative. "Promote their image" is replaced with "enhance their reputation" for a more sophisticated tone.

  10. "have more favor and beliefs of inhabitants" -> "garner more favor and trust among residents"
    Explanation: "Have more favor and beliefs" is awkward. "Garner more favor and trust among residents" is a clearer and more formal expression.

  11. "expand their brand in over the world" -> "expand their brand globally"
    Explanation: "Expand their brand in over the world" is ungrammatical. "Expand their brand globally" is a concise and proper way to express the idea.

  12. "I am in favor of companies’s budgets should be invested" -> "I support the investment of company budgets"
    Explanation: "I am in favor of companies’s budgets should be invested" is grammatically incorrect. "I support the investment of company budgets" presents the idea more accurately and succinctly.

  13. "reduce significantly the number of jobless people" -> "significantly reduce unemployment"
    Explanation: "Reduce significantly the number of jobless people" is rephrased to "significantly reduce unemployment" for a clearer and more direct expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the one hand, I acknowledge the drawbacks of supporting their funds for social demands including sports and social facilities. On the one hand, they can waste numerous financial supplies to build and install the new facilities. Therefore, rather than investing their budget for construction, this is an efficient solution if this sum can pay for the workforce in the countryside or rural areas, the employment issues could be solved. This method will raise their labor force and workloads. Additionally, they can provide affordable workers, encourage more job opportunities for people, especially in remote areas, and stimulate economic development."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The expression of ideas is somewhat convoluted, leading to a lack of clarity. It is crucial to avoid repetition, as you’ve started two consecutive sentences with "On the one hand." Additionally, the connection between the financial supplies and employment in rural areas is not clearly established. To improve, streamline your ideas and ensure a logical flow in presenting the drawbacks of allocating funds to sports and social facilities.
    • Improved example: "While investing in sports and social facilities can be seen as a positive step, it’s essential to consider potential drawbacks. Allocating significant financial resources to construction projects may divert funds from addressing critical issues, such as employment in rural areas. Instead of focusing solely on infrastructure, redirecting these funds to rural workforce development could efficiently address employment challenges, thereby contributing to economic growth."
  2. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, from my perspective, I tend to agree with the idea that the optimal way for enterprises’ money is allocated for sports and essential facilities. One main reason is that taking social responsibility can promote their image and position in the market, and appeal to numerous workforces, which means that high-quality employees tend to favor companies that are famous for their dedication, effort, and duties reflecting the way they treat their staff. In other words, this method also has more favor and beliefs of inhabitants and local authorities. This would lead to gaining a good image and attracting substantial financial resources from sponsors and other private companies. For instance, Vingroup is one of the most developed corporations in Vietnam, which often dedicates budget resources to charity work in the community. Therefore, they achieve the highest position in the nation and expand their brand in over the world."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph is well-structured, but there is a tendency to overgeneralize, and the ideas could be more focused. The connection between social responsibility and attracting high-quality employees could be explained more explicitly. Additionally, the example of Vingroup is well-placed but lacks details on how their social responsibility initiatives have specifically impacted their market position.
    • Improved example: "However, I firmly support the notion that allocating corporate funds to sports and essential facilities can significantly enhance a company’s image. Taking social responsibility not only attracts high-quality employees but also builds a positive reputation in the market. For instance, companies known for their dedication to social duties often gain favor from both inhabitants and local authorities. This positive perception can lead to increased financial support from sponsors and private companies. Take Vingroup, a prominent corporation in Vietnam, as an example. Their consistent commitment to community charity work has not only elevated their national standing but has also expanded their brand globally."

Overall, the essay addresses the task and presents a clear position, but improvements in clarity, focus, and the development of ideas are needed for a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The ideas are generally organized logically, and there is a clear overall progression in the response. However, there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there is room for improvement, particularly in avoiding repetitive or inaccurate use. Paragraphing is used, but it is not always logical.

The essay presents a balanced discussion of the pros and cons of corporations contributing to sports and facilities for the local community. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall organization of the essay. The introduction and conclusion help to frame the argument effectively.

How to Improve:

  1. Cohesion: Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices to ensure they are used appropriately and avoid repetition.
  2. Paragraphing: Ensure that paragraphs are logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a clear central idea.
  3. Avoiding Repetition: Be mindful of repetitive language and strive for variety in expression.
  4. Clarity in Referencing: Work on making referencing and substitution clearer and more precise.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, and there is an attempt to use less common lexical items. The writer shows some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a generally flexible and precise expression. While there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, they do not impede communication significantly. The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey ideas with some degree of flexibility and precision.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer could focus on incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary consistently. Avoiding occasional errors in word choice and collocation would further strengthen the lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, paying attention to the precision of vocabulary and using uncommon lexical items more fluently could contribute to a more polished lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is a variety of structures used, but occasional errors and awkward phrasing are present, affecting overall fluency. Some sentences lack clarity due to grammar issues, such as in "On the one hand, I acknowledge the drawbacks of supporting their funds for social demands including sports and social facilities." The essay also contains punctuation errors, such as missing commas and awkward use of semicolons.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and fluency. Pay attention to the correct use of punctuation marks, particularly commas and semicolons. Consider proofreading the essay to identify and rectify minor errors that affect the overall coherence of the text.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that major corporations should allocate funds towards promoting sports and essential facilities for the local community. In my view, I wholeheartedly endorse this perspective as it enables them to fulfill social responsibilities and enhance their standing in society.

On one hand, I recognize the drawbacks of diverting funds to meet social needs such as sports and communal facilities. Financial resources could be squandered on constructing and installing new facilities. Instead of channeling their budget into construction, a more efficient solution might be directing these funds towards employing individuals in rural areas. This approach could address employment issues, bolster the labor force, and elevate work opportunities, particularly in remote regions, thereby stimulating economic development.

However, from my standpoint, I am inclined to support the notion that the optimal use of enterprise funds is for sports and essential facilities. One primary reason is that undertaking social responsibility can enhance their image and position in the market, attracting a plethora of skilled individuals. High-quality employees often prefer companies renowned for their dedication, effort, and commitment to staff welfare. This approach also garners favor and trust from residents and local authorities, culminating in a positive reputation and attracting significant financial support from sponsors and private enterprises. A case in point is Vingroup, a prominent corporation in Vietnam, known for its substantial contributions to community welfare. Consequently, they have attained the highest position nationally and expanded their brand globally.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that companies should invest their budgets in meeting essential social needs. This strategy not only impacts their reputation in the market and society but also attracts financial support. Consequently, it can address unemployment issues, significantly reduce the number of jobless individuals in rural areas, and contribute to a thriving economy.

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