Task 2: Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sports, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In an era where strength is an essential part of determining the achievement of sports, the debate intensifies over which is more crucial, physical or mental strength. This discourse aims to dissect the multifaceted arguments surrounding this issue and delineate the viewpoint that a person's physical characteristics bring significant benefits in sports.

On the one hand, one compelling reason for mental health as a vital element when playing sports is to obtain more willpower for sports participants. Years ago, because of the lack of property, most people gave priority to earning money instead of cheering for sports players. In stark contrast, contemporary society recognizes the victory of athletics partly depends on their fans' encouragement, the elation of their fans is the greatest motivation that leads to players defeating challenges in competition. For instance, Antoni, who is known as the god of boxing, revealed that in the final match when he realized his physical fitness was exhausted and he could not continue competing, the cheers and incentive of the audience enabled him the strength to conquer himself and his opponent.

On the other hand, not only mental fitness but also high levels of strength play a major role in their performance in sports. Compared to mental health, which is mostly affected by surrounding things, physical health can be enhanced by fostering self-care every day. Beside that, physical health is a characteristic that exists from the moment people are born, each person is having various health conditions. As a result, physical endurance allows athletes to compete conquestly. For example, the football players not only need endurance but also muscle fitness, which requires all handled by physical health. It is apparent that without a strong strength, sports participants would not be able to get a high position.

In summation, while some arguments for top sport are almost achieved by mental poweress, my point of view is that physical strength yields greater benefits for sports players.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"strength is an essential part of determining the achievement of sports" -> "physical strength is a crucial determinant of athletic success"
Explanation: The phrase "determining the achievement of sports" is awkward and vague. "A crucial determinant of athletic success" is more precise and aligns better with academic language by specifying the context and outcome.
"the debate intensifies" -> "the debate becomes increasingly contentious"
Explanation: "Intensifies" can be seen as somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Becomes increasingly contentious" is more formal and accurately conveys the escalating nature of the debate.
"a person’s physical characteristics bring significant benefits" -> "an individual’s physical attributes significantly contribute"
Explanation: "Bring benefits" is somewhat informal and general. "Contribute" is more specific and academically appropriate, and "attributes" is a more precise term than "characteristics" in this context.
"Years ago, because of the lack of property" -> "Historically, due to economic constraints"
Explanation: "Years ago, because of the lack of property" is awkwardly phrased and unclear. "Historically, due to economic constraints" is clearer and more formal, specifying the type of limitation.
"the elation of their fans is the greatest motivation" -> "the enthusiasm of their fans serves as the greatest motivation"
Explanation: "Elation" is less common in this context and can be misinterpreted. "Enthusiasm" is a more appropriate and widely recognized term for describing fan support.
"Antoni, who is known as the god of boxing" -> "Antoni, widely regarded as the boxing legend"
Explanation: "The god of boxing" is an informal and hyperbolic expression. "The boxing legend" is a more measured and academically suitable description.
"the cheers and incentive of the audience enabled him the strength" -> "the cheers and encouragement from the audience gave him the strength"
Explanation: "Enabled him the strength" is grammatically incorrect. "Gave him the strength" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Beside that" is informal and vague. "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"each person is having various health conditions" -> "each individual has various health conditions"
Explanation: "Is having" is grammatically incorrect in this context. "Has" is the correct verb form for describing a general characteristic.
"physical endurance allows athletes to compete conquestly" -> "physical endurance enables athletes to compete successfully"
Explanation: "Compete conquestly" is not a standard phrase. "Compete successfully" is the correct and formal expression.
"It is apparent that without a strong strength" -> "It is evident that without sufficient strength"
Explanation: "Strong strength" is redundant. "Sufficient strength" is more precise and avoids redundancy.
"top sport are almost achieved by mental poweress" -> "top sports are largely achieved through mental prowess"
Explanation: "Top sport" should be pluralized to "top sports," and "mental poweress" is a typographical error. "Mental prowess" is the correct term and is more formal.
"my point of view is that physical strength yields greater benefits" -> "my perspective is that physical strength offers greater benefits"
Explanation: "Yields" can be replaced with "offers" for a more formal tone, and "perspective" is a more academic term than "point of view."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of physical and mental strength in sports. The first paragraph discusses the significance of mental strength, citing the example of a boxer whose performance was influenced by audience support. The second paragraph presents the argument for physical strength, emphasizing its role in athletic performance and providing a general example of football players needing endurance and muscle fitness. However, the discussion of mental strength is somewhat underdeveloped, lacking depth and specific examples compared to the argument for physical strength.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples and arguments supporting mental strength. For instance, discussing how mental resilience can help athletes cope with pressure during competitions or how psychological training can improve performance would provide a more balanced view. Additionally, integrating counterarguments and addressing them would strengthen the overall analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that physical strength is more important for success in sports, particularly in the conclusion. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the introduction sets up the debate, the transition between discussing mental and physical strength could be clearer, as the essay sometimes appears to waver between the two perspectives without firmly establishing the author’s stance until the end.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate when they are shifting from one viewpoint to another and reiterate their stance after discussing each perspective. For example, after presenting the argument for mental strength, a sentence summarizing how this contrasts with physical strength would help reinforce the author’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both mental and physical strength, but the development and support of these ideas are uneven. The argument for mental strength is less developed, with only one example provided, while the argument for physical strength includes more general statements about its necessity in sports. The use of specific examples, such as the boxer, is effective, but the lack of depth in the mental strength argument weakens the overall impact.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide more specific examples for both perspectives. For instance, discussing famous athletes known for their mental toughness or psychological strategies used in sports could enrich the argument for mental strength. Additionally, elaborating on the implications of physical strength in various sports would provide a more comprehensive view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of physical versus mental strength in sports. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly convoluted, particularly in the mental strength section, where the argument about societal changes feels somewhat tangential and does not directly relate to the main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument of the essay. Avoiding unnecessary digressions and ensuring that each example or argument ties back to the main question will help keep the discussion relevant and concise. A clearer structure, with defined paragraphs for each viewpoint, would also aid in maintaining topic focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, balance of arguments, and clarity of position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing mental strength and physical strength could be more seamless. The introduction sets the stage well, but the arguments in the body paragraphs could be better connected to reinforce the overall argument. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" helps signal the contrasting views, but the logical progression of ideas within each paragraph could be more cohesive.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, when transitioning from mental to physical strength, a phrase like "While mental strength is crucial, it is equally important to consider the role of physical strength…" could help clarify the connection. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth of analysis. The first body paragraph discussing mental strength is relatively short and lacks depth compared to the second paragraph on physical strength, which is more developed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is of a similar length and depth. Expanding on the mental strength argument with additional examples or explanations would create a more balanced discussion. Furthermore, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph that summarizes the main point and links back to the thesis, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example." These phrases help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the phrase "In stark contrast" is effective, but similar phrases could be used more frequently to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "therefore." This will help to create smoother transitions and a more sophisticated flow of ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can enhance cohesion within paragraphs.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas, balance in paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these areas, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "multifaceted," "vital element," "willpower," and "endurance." However, there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "strength" and "health," which limits the overall lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases, such as "the elation of their fans," could be expressed more diversely to enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "strength," alternatives like "power," "vigor," or "stamina" could be employed. Expanding the vocabulary related to sports and mental attributes would also add depth to the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise word choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the victory of athletics" is somewhat vague; it could be clearer if rephrased to "the success of athletes." Additionally, the term "physical characteristics" is too broad and could be more specific, such as "physical attributes" or "physical capabilities." The phrase "conquer himself and his opponent" is also somewhat awkward and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. Reviewing the context in which terms are used can help ensure that the vocabulary aligns with the ideas being expressed. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more specific terms can also aid in this process.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "poweress," which should be "power." Additionally, "conquestly" is not a standard English word; the intended meaning might be better conveyed with "successfully" or "victoriously." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch any mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but it is important to verify that suggested corrections are contextually appropriate. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will enhance the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of "In stark contrast, contemporary society recognizes the victory of athletics partly depends on their fans’ encouragement" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a nuanced argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as varied subordinate clauses or conditional sentences, which could enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include clauses, such as "Although mental strength is important, physical strength is often the deciding factor in competitive sports." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., participial phrases, gerunds) would create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several noticeable errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, phrases like "the elation of their fans is the greatest motivation that leads to players defeating challenges in competition" could be clearer with improved punctuation and structure. The phrase "the cheers and incentive of the audience enabled him the strength to conquer himself and his opponent" contains awkward phrasing and lacks clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect prepositions. For example, the phrase "not only mental fitness but also high levels of strength play a major role" could be improved by ensuring parallel structure: "not only does mental fitness play a major role, but so do high levels of physical strength." Furthermore, practicing the correct use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will improve readability and clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments effectively, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In an era where strength is an essential part of determining success in sports, the debate intensifies over which is more crucial: physical or mental strength. This discourse aims to dissect the multifaceted arguments surrounding this issue and delineate the viewpoint that an individual’s physical attributes significantly contribute to success in sports.

On the one hand, one compelling reason for mental strength being a vital element in sports is that it provides greater willpower for athletes. Historically, due to economic constraints, most people prioritized earning money instead of cheering for sports players. In stark contrast, contemporary society recognizes that the victory of athletes partly depends on the encouragement of their fans; the enthusiasm of their fans serves as the greatest motivation that leads players to overcome challenges in competition. For instance, Antoni, widely regarded as a boxing legend, revealed that in the final match, when he realized his physical fitness was exhausted and he could not continue competing, the cheers and encouragement from the audience gave him the strength to conquer both himself and his opponent.

On the other hand, not only does mental strength matter, but high levels of physical strength also play a major role in performance in sports. Compared to mental strength, which is mostly affected by external factors, physical health can be enhanced through daily self-care. Furthermore, physical health is a characteristic that exists from the moment people are born; each individual has various health conditions. As a result, physical endurance enables athletes to compete successfully. For example, football players not only need endurance but also muscle strength, which is entirely dependent on physical health. It is evident that without sufficient strength, sports participants would not be able to achieve high positions.

In summation, while some arguments suggest that top sports are largely achieved through mental prowess, my perspective is that physical strength offers greater benefits for athletes.