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Task 2: Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Task 2: Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered on campus. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days, many universities shift from face-to-face classes to online classes. This new form of educational program would have both merit and demerit but I think the demerit would surpass the merit for the reason provided below.
There are many reasons that contributed to the idea of some colleges switching from in-person class to remote class. Firstly, during the covid-19 pandemic, remote working is becoming a global trend and having huge impacts on education making schools and universities to offer online courses instead. This enabled students to study from home so they could take advantage of the flexible timetable to work on different tasks at the same time. Another compelling factor is that online classes give them the opportunity to study more effectively since there is no need to attend classes having hundreds of students. Giving the chance to follow and understand the lecturers clearly without being distracted by the noisy classes.
Although having such great advantages, online learning still has many drawbacks for students. By attending online classes students could not be self-disciplined enough and might lack communication skills. For instance, this form of class would require the students to concentrate more to not miss the information and require higher self-study skill. Another reason is that students engaged in face-to-face classes could have the opportunity to enhance their social life by making friends; study more actively and productivity which remote classes would not have. Since they studied in a passive way and could easily get bored by looking at the screen for hours. Besides, students who do not have access to technology devices such as computer, internet would be at a disadvantage to attend online classes.
In conclusion, switching the form of teaching from face-to-face to remote classes would have both advantages and disadvantages but applying this form of classes would not be an efficient way for students to study in the long term.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "These days, many universities shift" -> "Currently, numerous universities are transitioning"
    Explanation: Replacing "These days" with "Currently" adds a more formal and precise touch to the introduction. "Shift" is replaced with "transitioning" for a more academic term.

  2. "This new form of educational program" -> "This innovative educational approach"
    Explanation: Substituting "form of educational program" with "innovative educational approach" conveys the idea more eloquently and aligns better with formal language.

  3. "would have both merit and demerit" -> "has both merits and drawbacks"
    Explanation: The phrase "has both merits and drawbacks" is a more sophisticated way of expressing the balance of advantages and disadvantages.

  4. "the reason provided below" -> "as outlined below"
    Explanation: Changing "the reason provided below" to "as outlined below" enhances the formality of the statement and maintains a clear academic tone.

  5. "There are many reasons that contributed to the idea" -> "Several factors contributed to the notion"
    Explanation: Replacing "There are many reasons that contributed to the idea" with "Several factors contributed to the notion" adds clarity and formality to the sentence.

  6. "during the covid-19 pandemic" -> "amidst the COVID-19 pandemic"
    Explanation: Substituting "during the covid-19 pandemic" with "amidst the COVID-19 pandemic" elevates the language and adheres to a more formal style.

  7. "remote working is becoming a global trend" -> "telecommuting is emerging as a global phenomenon"
    Explanation: Changing "remote working is becoming a global trend" to "telecommuting is emerging as a global phenomenon" introduces a more sophisticated term and maintains formality.

  8. "huge impacts on education" -> "significant implications for education"
    Explanation: Replacing "huge impacts on education" with "significant implications for education" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  9. "making schools and universities to offer online courses instead" -> "prompting schools and universities to offer online courses"
    Explanation: The alteration from "making schools and universities to offer online courses instead" to "prompting schools and universities to offer online courses" results in a more polished and grammatically correct sentence.

  10. "This enabled students to study from home" -> "This facilitated students in studying from home"
    Explanation: The substitution of "This enabled students to study from home" with "This facilitated students in studying from home" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal expression.

  11. "take advantage of the flexible timetable" -> "utilize a flexible schedule"
    Explanation: Changing "take advantage of the flexible timetable" to "utilize a flexible schedule" is a more formal and concise way of expressing the idea.

  12. "to work on different tasks at the same time" -> "to concurrently engage in various tasks"
    Explanation: Replacing "to work on different tasks at the same time" with "to concurrently engage in various tasks" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  13. "Another compelling factor is that" -> "Another noteworthy factor is that"
    Explanation: Substituting "Another compelling factor is that" with "Another noteworthy factor is that" adds a touch of sophistication and formality.

  14. "there is no need to attend classes having hundreds of students" -> "there is no need to attend classes with hundreds of students"
    Explanation: Correcting the sentence to "there is no need to attend classes with hundreds of students" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  15. "follow and understand the lecturers clearly" -> "follow and comprehend the lectures effectively"
    Explanation: Replacing "follow and understand the lecturers clearly" with "follow and comprehend the lectures effectively" maintains clarity and elevates the language.

  16. "By attending online classes students" -> "Participating in online classes, students"
    Explanation: Changing "By attending online classes students" to "Participating in online classes, students" is a more formal and grammatically correct construction.

  17. "could not be self-disciplined enough" -> "may lack sufficient self-discipline"
    Explanation: Substituting "could not be self-disciplined enough" with "may lack sufficient self-discipline" provides a more nuanced and formal expression.

  18. "might lack communication skills" -> "may exhibit deficiencies in communication skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "might lack communication skills" with "may exhibit deficiencies in communication skills" offers a more precise and formal wording.

  19. "this form of class would require" -> "this mode of instruction necessitates"
    Explanation: Changing "this form of class would require" to "this mode of instruction necessitates" introduces a more formal and precise phrase.

  20. "students engaged in face-to-face classes" -> "students participating in traditional classroom settings"
    Explanation: Substituting "students engaged in face-to-face classes" with "students participating in traditional classroom settings" provides a more formal and accurate expression.

  21. "study more actively and productivity" -> "engage in more active and productive study habits"
    Explanation: Replacing "study more actively and productivity" with "engage in more active and productive study habits" ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  22. "Since they studied in a passive way" -> "As they engaged in passive learning"
    Explanation: Changing "Since they studied in a passive way" to "As they engaged in passive learning" results in a more formal and grammatically correct construction.

  23. "get bored by looking at the screen for hours" -> "become disinterested after prolonged screen exposure"
    Explanation: Substituting "get bored by looking at the screen for hours" with "become disinterested after prolonged screen exposure" offers a more formal and nuanced expression.

  24. "students who do not have access to technology devices" -> "students lacking access to technological devices"
    Explanation: Changing "students who do not have access to technology devices" to "students lacking access to technological devices" maintains a more formal and precise wording.

  25. "applying this form of classes" -> "adopting this instructional approach"
    Explanation: Replacing "applying this form of classes" with "adopting this instructional approach" introduces a more formal and accurate phrase.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both positive and negative aspects of universities offering online courses. It recognizes the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on the shift to online learning and highlights advantages and disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing a more explicit stance on whether the overall impact is positive or negative. Additionally, ensure each part of the prompt is thoroughly explored.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by suggesting that the demerits of online learning surpass the merits. The stance is consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, use topic sentences to guide each paragraph’s focus.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, supporting them with examples, such as the impact of the pandemic and the advantages of flexible schedules. However, some points could be further developed for a more comprehensive discussion.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each idea with more specific examples and provide a deeper analysis of the advantages and disadvantages to enhance the overall depth of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the positive and negative aspects of online learning. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, such as when discussing the disadvantages of online classes.
    • How to improve: Maintain a clear and direct connection to the topic in every paragraph. Ensure that examples and explanations directly relate to the impact of universities offering online courses.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a consistent position and presenting ideas with supporting examples. To improve, provide a more explicit stance, enhance clarity through topic sentences, delve deeper into ideas, and ensure a sharper focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a basic level of logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction expressing a stance, followed by supporting points in the body paragraphs, and a straightforward conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online classes is abrupt, and the essay lacks a clear roadmap for the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider incorporating a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Provide smooth transitions between paragraphs, guiding the reader through the essay’s progression. A more structured approach, perhaps starting each body paragraph with a topic sentence, can further strengthen the organization.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure could be improved. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, but there is a lack of coherence within some paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph discusses reasons for the shift to online classes without a clear separation of ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on creating well-structured paragraphs by introducing a clear main idea in each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph develops a single point cohesively. In the second paragraph, consider breaking down the reasons for the shift to online classes into distinct ideas, each with its supporting details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses basic cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "firstly," "although," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. The transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be more seamless to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to establish stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay logically. For instance, use words like "furthermore" or "however" to create smoother transitions between contrasting points. Experiment with more advanced cohesive devices to elevate the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion. By refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage, the essay could achieve a higher level of clarity and coherence, contributing to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate a variety of terms, but some repetition of words and phrases is noticeable. For instance, the repeated use of "classes" could be diversified for a richer expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should strive for more diversity in vocabulary. Synonyms, varied expressions, and a wider range of terms related to the topic could be incorporated. For example, instead of frequently using "classes," consider alternatives like "educational sessions," "lectures," or "academic sessions."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is moderate. There is a generally clear conveyance of ideas, but some terms are used in a slightly imprecise manner. For instance, the phrase "remote working" might be more accurately described as "remote learning" in the context of education.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, attention to the specific context of terms is crucial. Revisiting phrases and ensuring they accurately reflect the intended meaning will contribute to a more precise use of vocabulary. In this case, replacing "remote working" with "remote learning" would provide a more accurate representation of the educational setting.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally adheres to correct spelling, with only minor issues. However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "productivity," which is misspelled as "productivity."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, careful proofreading is essential. Utilize spelling and grammar-check tools, and consider a thorough review of the essay before submission. Paying specific attention to commonly misspelled words, such as "productivity," will contribute to a more polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but the variety could be improved. For instance, the essay often relies on straightforward structures, such as "There are many reasons" and "Another reason is that," which, while grammatically correct, may contribute to a lack of sophistication in expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences. Introduce subordinate clauses, use varied sentence lengths, and experiment with rhetorical devices to add depth and nuance to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates control over grammar and punctuation, but there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "This new form of educational program would have both merit and demerit" could be refined to "This new form of an educational program has both merits and demerits." Additionally, there are some missing articles and prepositions throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct grammatical errors. Pay attention to articles (a, an, the) and prepositions to ensure precise and accurate language use. Also, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to further refine your writing.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and sentence structure, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. Focus on incorporating a wider array of sentence constructions and meticulously reviewing your writing for grammatical precision to elevate your overall language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, numerous universities are transitioning from traditional face-to-face classes to online courses. This innovative educational approach has both merits and drawbacks, as outlined below.

Several factors contributed to the notion of this shift, especially amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, where telecommuting is emerging as a global phenomenon, with significant implications for education. This prompted schools and universities to offer online courses, facilitating students in studying from home and enabling them to utilize a flexible schedule to concurrently engage in various tasks.

Another noteworthy factor is that with online classes, there is no need to attend classes with hundreds of students. This allows students to follow and comprehend the lectures effectively without being distracted by the noise in a physical classroom.

Participating in online classes, students may lack sufficient self-discipline and exhibit deficiencies in communication skills. This mode of instruction necessitates that students, compared to those participating in traditional classroom settings, engage in more active and productive study habits. As they engage in passive learning through prolonged screen exposure, students may become disinterested.

Furthermore, students lacking access to technological devices face challenges in adopting this instructional approach, putting them at a disadvantage.

In conclusion, the shift from face-to-face to remote classes has both advantages and disadvantages. While online learning offers flexibility and effective studying, students may face challenges with self-discipline and communication skills. Therefore, implementing this form of instruction may not be the most efficient way for students to study in the long term.

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