Task 2: While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Task 2: While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be
encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as
electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You should write at least 250 words.

In this modernized world, many advocate for the idea of academic pursuit by participating in tertiary education while others hold the belief that there should be more students doing vocational training due to the lack of competent laborers such as electricians and plumbers. Although the two notions hold true to some extent, I would support the former as I believe in the cruciality of academic expertise.

On the one hand, there are several feasible explanations to why people think that students should be incentivized to take part in vocational training. Firstly, training for the manual jobs such as electricians or plumbers does not require intense academic knowledge, yet emphasizes the importance of empirical experience. Thus, this quickly supplies more workers into the job market, addressing the problem of lacking manual laborers. Besides, vocational courses are an alternative for those who do not have access to higher education to seek a job to support their life. For instance, due to the high tuition fee, many may opt for the training courses that are more affordable first, then join the university when the financial situation is settled. As a result, this both tackles the social issue and at the same time provides a life-saving alternative to less fortunate students.

On the other hand, I believe that university education is conducive to a knowledge-based economy like today. As the world is ever-evolving, there appear a multitude of updates regarding the development of informatics and robotics. Hence, universities would promote their students to delve deeper into these specific majors to meet the demand for high-quality laborers, thus driving the society towards further transformative events, as already indicated by the inventions of the internet or smartphones. Moreover, university degrees may ensure career opportunities for students. These degrees serve as a demonstration for their expertise in the occupation that they follow. Therefore, they are likely to find a job that is well-suited to their desired career path, hence boosting productivity as well as reducing the overall turnover rate.

In conclusion, I recognize the importance of vocational training courses, however, I believe that there is a more urgent need for academically competent workers in this fast-changing society with university education being key to desirable career opportunities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this modernized world" -> "In this contemporary world"
   Explanation: "Modernized" is somewhat redundant when used to describe the world, as "modern" already implies a level of advancement. "Contemporary" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.

2. "many advocate for the idea" -> "many advocate the idea"
   Explanation: Removing "for the" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic style, which often avoids unnecessary prepositions.

3. "participating in tertiary education" -> "pursuing tertiary education"
   Explanation: "Pursuing" is more specific and academically formal than "participating," which can be vague and less precise in this context.

4. "there should be more students doing vocational training" -> "there should be more students enrolled in vocational training"
   Explanation: "Enrolled in" is more specific and formal than "doing," which is too casual for academic writing.

5. "lack of competent laborers" -> "shortage of skilled laborers"
   Explanation: "Shortage" is a more precise term than "lack," and "skilled laborers" is more specific than "competent laborers," which can be ambiguous.

6. "cruciality of academic expertise" -> "importance of academic expertise"
   Explanation: "Cruciality" is not typically used in this context; "importance" is more appropriate and clear.

7. "feasible explanations" -> "valid reasons"
   Explanation: "Valid reasons" is more direct and academically appropriate than "feasible explanations," which can imply practicality rather than logical justification.

8. "training for the manual jobs" -> "training for manual occupations"
   Explanation: "Occupations" is a more formal term than "jobs," and it aligns better with academic style.

9. "quickly supplies more workers" -> "rapidly increases the workforce"
   Explanation: "Rapidly increases the workforce" is more formal and precise than "quickly supplies more workers."

10. "lacking manual laborers" -> "shortage of manual laborers"
    Explanation: "Shortage" is a more formal and precise term than "lacking," which is somewhat informal and vague.

11. "high tuition fee" -> "high tuition fees"
    Explanation: "Fees" is the plural form, as it refers to multiple types of fees, making it grammatically correct and more precise.

12. "life-saving alternative" -> "viable alternative"
    Explanation: "Viable" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "life-saving," which carries an emotional connotation.

13. "there appear a multitude of updates" -> "there are numerous updates"
    Explanation: "There are numerous updates" is grammatically correct and more formal than "there appear a multitude of updates," which is awkward and less formal.

14. "transformative events" -> "transformative developments"
    Explanation: "Developments" is a more specific and formal term than "events," which can be too broad and vague in this context.

15. "boosting productivity as well as reducing the overall turnover rate" -> "enhancing productivity and reducing the overall turnover rate"
    Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more formal synonym for "boosting," and using "and" instead of "as well as" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both vocational training and university education. The writer acknowledges the importance of vocational training in supplying workers for manual jobs but ultimately supports the need for university education. This balanced approach shows an understanding of the question’s complexity. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the prompt, as the phrase "I would support the former" could be clearer in indicating the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterate this position in the conclusion. For example, using phrases like "I strongly believe that…" or "I partially agree that…" would clarify the writer’s stance.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of university education, but it occasionally wavers. For instance, the introduction mentions that both academic pursuit and vocational training hold merit, which could confuse readers about the writer’s primary stance. The conclusion reiterates support for university education but does not strongly emphasize the writer’s position on vocational training.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently emphasize their primary argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that reinforce their stance and by summarizing their position more forcefully in the conclusion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting both vocational training and university education. For example, it discusses the benefits of vocational training in addressing labor shortages and the advantages of university education in fostering a knowledge-based economy. However, some points could be better developed. For instance, the discussion on the importance of university degrees could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to include more specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of university education. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these ideas would provide a more comprehensive argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both vocational training and university education in relation to the prompt. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the societal impacts of university education without directly linking it back to the prompt about vocational training.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph, ensuring that the relevance of each argument is clear.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from clearer articulation of the writer’s position, more robust support for ideas, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets up the debate between vocational training and university education, while the body paragraphs are organized to present arguments for both sides. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the merits of vocational training, providing reasons and examples that support this viewpoint. The second body paragraph shifts focus to the advantages of university education, maintaining a clear contrast between the two perspectives. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea being discussed. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs can further guide the reader through the argument, making connections between ideas more apparent.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the reasons for promoting vocational training, while the second emphasizes the importance of university education. This clear separation aids in understanding the contrasting viewpoints. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it currently blends into the final argument rather than summarizing the key points.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and summarizes the main arguments presented in the essay. This can be achieved by restating the key points from each body paragraph in a concise manner, reinforcing the overall argument. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence that reflects on the implications of the discussion or suggests a way forward.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal the progression of thought and the relationship between different points. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the overall fluidity of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases for common transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Moreover," you could use "To begin with," "Additionally," or "In addition." This variety will not only improve the readability of the essay but also demonstrate a broader range of vocabulary and cohesive strategies.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but there are opportunities for improvement in the clarity of transitions, paragraph distinctions, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "academic pursuit," "tertiary education," "empirical experience," and "knowledge-based economy." These phrases show an ability to discuss the topic with appropriate academic language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be expanded further. For example, the phrase "lack of competent laborers" could be enhanced by using synonyms like "shortage of skilled tradespeople" to add variety and depth to the language.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help identify alternative phrases that convey similar meanings, thus enriching the overall lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the term "cruciality" is less commonly used and may not convey the intended meaning as effectively as "importance" or "necessity." Additionally, the phrase "the problem of lacking manual laborers" could be more precisely stated as "the shortage of skilled manual laborers."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more commonly accepted terms and phrases that clearly convey their intended meaning. Reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help in selecting the most appropriate words for specific ideas.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall clarity. Words such as "electricians," "plumbers," "tuition," and "demonstration" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the essay’s readability.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial in avoiding potential pitfalls.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "Although the two notions hold true to some extent, I would support the former as I believe in the cruciality of academic expertise" effectively combines a subordinate clause with a main clause. Additionally, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps to structure the argument clearly. However, while there is a range of structures, some sentences could be more varied in their construction. For instance, the sentence "As a result, this both tackles the social issue and at the same time provides a life-saving alternative to less fortunate students" could be rephrased to avoid the repetitive structure of "this both… and at the same time."
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases, participial phrases, or varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "there are" or "I believe," try rephrasing to start with a dependent clause or an adverbial phrase. This will create a more dynamic flow in your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "the cruciality of academic expertise" is somewhat awkward; "the importance of academic expertise" would be more natural. Additionally, the use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where they could enhance clarity, such as before "however" in the concluding sentence. The phrase "due to the lack of competent laborers such as electricians and plumbers" is clear, but the use of "laborers" could be more precise if replaced with "workers" to maintain consistency with the term used earlier in the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining word choice and ensuring that phrases flow naturally. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be needed for clarity. Furthermore, consider revising awkward phrases to enhance the overall readability of the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, but improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision could elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary world, many advocate for the idea of academic pursuit by participating in tertiary education, while others hold the belief that there should be more students doing vocational training due to the lack of competent laborers such as electricians and plumbers. Although the two notions hold true to some extent, I would support the former, as I believe in the importance of academic expertise.

On the one hand, there are several valid reasons why people think that students should be incentivized to take part in vocational training. Firstly, training for manual occupations such as electricians or plumbers does not require intense academic knowledge, yet emphasizes the importance of empirical experience. Thus, this quickly increases the workforce, addressing the problem of the shortage of manual laborers. Besides, vocational courses are a viable alternative for those who do not have access to higher education to seek a job to support their lives. For instance, due to the high tuition fees, many may opt for training courses that are more affordable first, then join the university when their financial situation is settled. As a result, this both tackles the social issue and at the same time provides a life-saving alternative to less fortunate students.

On the other hand, I believe that university education is conducive to a knowledge-based economy like today. As the world is ever-evolving, there are numerous updates regarding the development of informatics and robotics. Hence, universities would promote their students to delve deeper into these specific majors to meet the demand for high-quality laborers, thus driving society towards further transformative developments, as already indicated by the inventions of the internet or smartphones. Moreover, university degrees may ensure career opportunities for students. These degrees serve as a demonstration of their expertise in the occupations that they pursue. Therefore, they are likely to find a job that is well-suited to their desired career path, hence boosting productivity as well as reducing the overall turnover rate.

In conclusion, I recognize the importance of vocational training courses; however, I believe that there is a more urgent need for academically competent workers in this fast-changing society, with university education being key to desirable career opportunities.