Task: Some people believe that schools should teach foreign languages for primary school children. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people claim that children should be taught international languages at primary school. Despite certain drawbacks revolving around this approach, the benefits predominate.

Admittedly, approaching a second language at an early age can engender several downsides. Given the facts that most pupils, at this stage of life, probably abided by their parents’ decisions in education with the justification that they are conscious about what is suited to their children. Thus, primary students probably are forced to consistently learn a certain type of language, which may inhibit them from gaining exposure to other varieties, arguably hindering their language aptitudes due to a lack of concern for their aspirations and capabilities. Another consideration that should be taken into account is mother tone preservation as the first language might decay over time if primary schools overemphasize educating students about international languages at this young age.

Nonetheless, I am of the opinion that studying languages at primary school offers students benefits surpassing drawbacks. An early exposure to a new language would presumably facilitate children’s cognitive development. Studies have shown that studying a new vocabulary and structure system could enhance children’s knowledge absorbability and multitasking ability which is transferable to their academic and professional life. Moreover, it has been proved that learning international languages at an early age has a higher likelihood of being fluent in those ones as they could imitate the sounds more accurately compared to the older people. In addition, teaching foreign languages equips primary pupils with other various cultures and practices, which encourages them to be open-minded and ready to navigate diverse environments, shaping a multicultural-conscious generation.

In conclusion, early language education can lead to the risks of the depletion of the mother tone and the pressure to conform to a specific international language. Nevertheless, the benefits are incontrovertible by stimulating children’s cognition, facilitating a good command of foreign languages, and fostering a sense of cultural diversity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people claim" -> "It is argued"
Explanation: "It is argued" is a more formal and impersonal way to introduce an opinion, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more conversational "Some people claim."
"revolving around" -> "centering on"
Explanation: "Centering on" is a more precise and formal term that better conveys the focus of the discussion, enhancing the academic tone.
"approaching a second language" -> "introducing a second language"
Explanation: "Introducing a second language" is a more specific and accurate term that clearly indicates the action of starting to learn a new language.
"Given the facts that" -> "Given that"
Explanation: "Given that" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a premise in academic writing, eliminating the unnecessary word "facts."
"probably abided by" -> "typically followed"
Explanation: "Typically followed" is more precise and less colloquial than "probably abided by," which sounds informal and speculative.
"conscious about what is suited to their children" -> "aware of what is appropriate for their children"
Explanation: "Aware of what is appropriate for their children" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "conscious about."
"forced to consistently learn" -> "required to consistently study"
Explanation: "Required to consistently study" is more formal and specific, fitting the academic context better than "forced to consistently learn."
"arguably hindering" -> "potentially hindering"
Explanation: "Potentially" is a more academically appropriate term than "arguably," which can imply a subjective opinion rather than a neutral observation.
"mother tone preservation" -> "maintenance of the mother tongue"
Explanation: "Maintenance of the mother tongue" is a more formal and precise term, enhancing clarity and specificity.
"overemphasize educating students" -> "emphasize the education of students"
Explanation: "Emphasize the education of students" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "overemphasize educating."
"presumably facilitate" -> "likely facilitate"
Explanation: "Likely" is a more formal and academically appropriate adverb than "presumably," which can sound speculative.
"could enhance children’s knowledge absorbability" -> "may enhance children’s ability to absorb knowledge"
Explanation: "May enhance children’s ability to absorb knowledge" is more precise and formal, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"has been proved" -> "has been shown"
Explanation: "Has been shown" is a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the less formal "has been proved."
"higher likelihood of being fluent" -> "greater likelihood of fluency"
Explanation: "Greater likelihood of fluency" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"could imitate the sounds more accurately" -> "are more likely to accurately imitate the sounds"
Explanation: "Are more likely to accurately imitate the sounds" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"various cultures and practices" -> "diverse cultures and practices"
Explanation: "Diverse" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "various," which is somewhat vague.
"multicultural-conscious generation" -> "culturally aware generation"
Explanation: "Culturally aware generation" is a more precise and formal term, fitting the academic context better than "multicultural-conscious."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching foreign languages to primary school children. The author acknowledges the drawbacks, such as potential hindrance to children’s language aptitudes and the risk of mother tongue decay. However, the essay predominantly focuses on the advantages, such as cognitive development and cultural awareness, which aligns well with the task of weighing the two sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made about the disadvantages. For instance, citing studies or statistics regarding the impact of early foreign language education on mother tongue proficiency would strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more balanced exploration of the disadvantages could help in providing a more comprehensive view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of teaching foreign languages outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the concluding statement, which reinforces the author’s belief in the benefits of early language education. The transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages is smooth, and the author consistently supports their stance throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could further enhance clarity by explicitly stating their position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This would help to reinforce the argument and ensure that the reader is consistently aware of the author’s viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several strong ideas, particularly regarding the cognitive benefits of learning a foreign language at a young age. The author extends these ideas by discussing how early exposure can lead to better language fluency and cultural awareness. However, some points, particularly regarding the disadvantages, could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing cognitive development, including specific studies or expert opinions would lend credibility. Additionally, elaborating on how cultural awareness impacts children’s future interactions could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding irrelevant information. The discussion of both advantages and disadvantages is relevant to the question, and the author does not stray from the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point back to the prompt, perhaps by using phrases like "In relation to the disadvantages…" or "When considering the advantages…". This would reinforce the relevance of each point made in the context of the task.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in the areas of evidence and elaboration, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively states the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to first address the disadvantages followed by the advantages of teaching foreign languages at a primary level. However, the transition between the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For example, the phrase "Nonetheless, I am of the opinion…" serves as a transition but feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit link to the previous paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the disadvantages, a sentence summarizing those points before introducing the advantages could help create a more cohesive argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis will strengthen the overall organization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses the disadvantages, while the second focuses on the advantages. Each paragraph is well-developed, containing relevant examples and explanations. However, the first paragraph could be more concise, as some sentences are lengthy and may obscure the main points.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, aim for clarity and conciseness. Break down longer sentences into shorter, more digestible ones. For instance, the sentence starting with "Given the facts that most pupils…" could be simplified to enhance readability. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "despite," "nonetheless," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. Some phrases are repeated, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Another consideration that should be taken into account" is somewhat formulaic and could be replaced with a more engaging transition.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "moreover," you could use "in addition," "furthermore," or "also." Additionally, incorporating a few more complex cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast," could enhance the essay’s sophistication and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph clarity, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "engender," "aptitudes," "multitasking ability," and "multicultural-conscious generation." These choices reflect an understanding of academic language and the ability to express nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "international languages" could be diversified with synonyms like "foreign languages" or "global languages" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "international languages," you could use "foreign languages" or "global tongues" in different sections. Additionally, try to include idiomatic expressions or collocations that are relevant to the topic, which can further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments of imprecision that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the first language might decay over time" could be misinterpreted; "decay" is a strong term that may not accurately convey the intended meaning of diminishing proficiency or neglect. Additionally, "knowledge absorbability" is an awkward construction that may not be commonly understood.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise vocabulary to convey your ideas clearly. Instead of "decay," consider phrases like "diminish" or "weaken." For "knowledge absorbability," you might use "ability to absorb knowledge" or "learning capacity." Always aim for clarity and ensure that the terms you choose accurately reflect your intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, "mother tone" should be corrected to "mother tongue," which is a common term in discussions about language. Such errors, while not frequent, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but be cautious as they may not catch all contextual errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common terms related to the topic to ensure correct usage.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading, the essay could reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Despite certain drawbacks revolving around this approach" and "Another consideration that should be taken into account" showcases an ability to construct sophisticated sentences. However, there are moments where the sentence structures become convoluted, such as "the benefits predominate," which could be simplified for clarity. The essay also includes some effective use of subordinate clauses, as seen in "which may inhibit them from gaining exposure to other varieties."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases or using rhetorical questions could add interest. Additionally, simplifying overly complex sentences can improve clarity without sacrificing sophistication. Practicing the use of different sentence types, such as conditional sentences or questions, could also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors present. For example, the phrase "the first language might decay over time" is grammatically correct, but the term "mother tone" is a misnomer; it should be "mother tongue." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which may inhibit them" to separate the clause more clearly. Additionally, the phrase "studying a new vocabulary and structure system" could be more precise; it would be clearer to say "studying new vocabulary and grammatical structures."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common pitfalls, such as ensuring the correct usage of terms (e.g., "mother tongue" instead of "mother tone"). Regular proofreading can help catch these errors. For punctuation, practicing the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences, can enhance clarity. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct application could also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay presents a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted practice and attention to detail, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that children should be taught foreign languages in primary school. Despite certain drawbacks centering on this approach, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.

Admittedly, introducing a second language at an early age can engender several downsides. Given that most pupils, at this stage of life, typically follow their parents’ decisions regarding education, it is important to recognize that parents are often aware of what is appropriate for their children. Thus, primary students may be required to consistently study a particular language, which could potentially hinder their exposure to other varieties. This situation may hinder their language aptitudes due to a lack of consideration for their aspirations and capabilities. Another consideration that should be taken into account is the maintenance of the mother tongue, as the first language might decay over time if primary schools overemphasize the education of students in international languages at such a young age.

Nonetheless, I believe that studying languages in primary school offers students benefits that surpass the drawbacks. Early exposure to a new language is likely to facilitate children’s cognitive development. Studies have shown that learning new vocabulary and structural systems may enhance children’s ability to absorb knowledge and multitask, which is transferable to their academic and professional lives. Moreover, it has been demonstrated that learning foreign languages at an early age leads to a greater likelihood of fluency, as children are more likely to accurately imitate the sounds compared to older learners. In addition, teaching foreign languages equips primary pupils with an understanding of diverse cultures and practices, encouraging them to be open-minded and ready to navigate various environments, thereby shaping a culturally aware generation.

In conclusion, early language education can lead to the risks of the depletion of the mother tongue and the pressure to conform to a specific international language. Nevertheless, the advantages are undeniable, as it stimulates children’s cognition, facilitates a good command of foreign languages, and fosters a sense of cultural diversity.