TASK: Some people propose that Art is a necessary subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time for them to study, so they should focus on studying Math or a language. Write an essay to discuss this problem and give your opinion.

TASK: Some people propose that Art is a necessary subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time for them to study, so they should focus on studying Math or a language.
Write an essay to discuss this problem and give your opinion.

People have divergent notions regarding the necessity of Art education for children in schools. While some argue that subjects like Mathematics and language studies should take precedence, others believe that Art is an essential component of a well-rounded education. From my standpoint, a balanced approach that includes both perspectives is most beneficial.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some hold the viewpoint that Mathematics and language play a pivotal role in school curricula. A strong foundation in these subjects is crucial for academic and professional success. They provide practical skills and expand career opportunities, fostering problem-solving, critical thinking, and effective communication. Additionally, many education systems use students' performance in these areas as a measure of overall educational quality, which can lead to increased opportunities, scholarships, and future achievements.

On the other hand, it is important not to overlook the significance of Art education. Art fosters creativity and imagination, allowing children to express their unique thoughts and emotions. Engaging in artistic activities helps nurture their ability to think creatively, which can empower them to find innovative solutions to various challenges they may encounter in life. Furthermore, Art provides a valuable outlet for children to convey their feelings and personal experiences, enhancing their communication skills and self-confidence.

In summary, while the emphasis on Mathematics and language studies is well-justified, it is equally important to recognize the value of Art education. A balanced curriculum that incorporates both academic and artistic subjects can provide children with a comprehensive education, preparing them for a well-rounded and fulfilling future.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "People have divergent notions" -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions"
   Explanation: "Individuals hold diverse opinions" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence by using "individuals" instead of "people" and "diverse opinions" instead of "divergent notions."

2. "should take precedence" -> "should be prioritized"
   Explanation: "Should be prioritized" is a more formal and precise term than "should take precedence," which is slightly colloquial and less specific in an academic context.

3. "From my standpoint" -> "From my perspective"
   Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to indicate personal viewpoint, whereas "from my standpoint" can sound slightly informal.

4. "most beneficial" -> "most advantageous"
   Explanation: "Most advantageous" is a more formal synonym for "most beneficial," aligning better with academic style by using a more precise vocabulary.

5. "it is understandable why" -> "it is logical that"
   Explanation: "It is logical that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "it is understandable why," which can sound somewhat conversational.

6. "pivotal role" -> "central role"
   Explanation: "Central role" is a more precise and formal term than "pivotal role," which can be slightly overused in academic writing.

7. "practical skills" -> "practical abilities"
   Explanation: "Practical abilities" is a more formal and precise term than "practical skills," which is slightly informal and less specific.

8. "expand career opportunities" -> "enhance career prospects"
   Explanation: "Enhance career prospects" is a more formal and precise phrase than "expand career opportunities," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

9. "providing a measure of overall educational quality" -> "serving as a benchmark for overall educational quality"
   Explanation: "Serving as a benchmark for overall educational quality" is more specific and formal, improving the clarity and academic tone of the sentence.

10. "Art fosters creativity and imagination" -> "Art cultivates creativity and imagination"
    Explanation: "Cultivates" is a more precise and formal verb than "fosters" in this context, aligning better with academic language.

11. "enhancing their communication skills and self-confidence" -> "enhancing their communication skills and self-assurance"
    Explanation: "Self-assurance" is a more formal term than "self-confidence," which is slightly more colloquial and less precise in an academic context.

12. "providing children with a comprehensive education" -> "offering children a comprehensive education"
    Explanation: "Offering" is a more formal verb than "providing" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the necessity of Art education in schools versus the emphasis on Mathematics and language studies. The introduction clearly outlines the two opposing views, and the body paragraphs present arguments supporting both perspectives. The conclusion reiterates the importance of a balanced approach, which aligns well with the prompt’s request to discuss the problem and provide an opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about the benefits of Art education. For instance, mentioning studies that link creativity to problem-solving skills in professional settings could strengthen the argument for Art’s inclusion in the curriculum.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position advocating for a balanced curriculum that includes both Art and core academic subjects. The writer’s stance is evident from the introduction and is consistently supported throughout the essay. Phrases like "From my standpoint" and "it is equally important" reinforce the author’s opinion.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more assertive tone in the conclusion. Instead of merely summarizing, the writer could restate their opinion more emphatically, perhaps by suggesting specific changes to current educational practices or policies that reflect their balanced approach.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of both Mathematics/language and Art education. Each paragraph contains relevant points that are logically developed. For example, the connection between Art and creativity is well articulated, and the discussion of Mathematics and language as foundational skills is robust.
  • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the writer could include counterarguments or acknowledge potential criticisms of their position. For instance, they could address the viewpoint that Art may not lead to direct career opportunities as clearly as Mathematics or language studies do, and then refute this by discussing the long-term benefits of creativity in various fields.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the necessity of Art education in the context of a balanced curriculum. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument without straying into unrelated areas, demonstrating a strong adherence to the prompt.
  • How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the writer should ensure that each point directly ties back to the central question of the necessity of Art education. They could enhance this connection by explicitly linking the benefits discussed back to the overall theme of educational balance in each paragraph, ensuring that every point reinforces the main argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, a more assertive conclusion, and addressing potential counterarguments, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph effectively addresses a distinct aspect of the argument: the first paragraph discusses the importance of Mathematics and language, while the second highlights the value of Art education. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s opinion, reinforcing the balanced approach advocated throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit transitional phrases between points. For example, after discussing the importance of Mathematics and language, a phrase such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" could be used to signal the shift to the discussion about Art. This would further clarify the relationship between the two perspectives and strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs delve into the contrasting views, and the conclusion wraps up the discussion neatly. Each paragraph is well-developed, containing relevant examples and explanations that support the main idea.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the clarity of each paragraph by including topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph. For instance, starting the second paragraph with a sentence like "Proponents of Mathematics and language education argue that these subjects are foundational for future success" would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, phrases like "Furthermore" and "Additionally" are used to add information and support the arguments presented. This variety contributes to the overall fluidity of the essay and helps guide the reader through the writer’s thought process.
  • How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Additionally," alternatives like "Moreover" or "In addition" could be employed. Furthermore, using cohesive devices that refer back to previous points, such as "This" or "Such an approach," can help create stronger connections between sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices to guide the reader. With minor adjustments in transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could reach an even higher level of clarity and fluidity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively conveying complex ideas. Phrases such as "divergent notions," "pivotal role," and "nurture their ability" showcase an ability to use varied and sophisticated language. The use of terms like "well-rounded education" and "innovative solutions" further illustrates a strong lexical resource. However, while the vocabulary is varied, there are instances where more specific terms could enhance clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: To further improve, the writer could incorporate even more nuanced vocabulary related to education and art. For example, instead of using "well-rounded education," they might consider "holistic education" or "integrated curriculum." Additionally, using synonyms for repeated words (e.g., "importance" could be varied with "significance" or "value") would enhance lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "academic and professional success" and "enhancing their communication skills" being particularly effective. However, there are moments where the choice of words could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "a balanced approach that includes both perspectives" could be interpreted as vague; specifying what those perspectives entail would provide clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify ambiguous phrases. For example, instead of saying "a balanced approach," they could specify "a curriculum that equally prioritizes both artistic and academic subjects." This would eliminate ambiguity and enhance the reader’s understanding of the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "Mathematics," "creativity," and "communication" are all spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions. This contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: While the spelling is already strong, the writer should continue to proofread their work to maintain this level of accuracy. Engaging in regular spelling exercises or using tools such as spell checkers can help ensure that this standard is upheld in future writings.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of various sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some argue that subjects like Mathematics and language studies should take precedence, others believe that Art is an essential component of a well-rounded education" showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the writer employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay, which contributes to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there are opportunities to further enhance the variety of structures.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, using participial phrases or conditional clauses could add complexity. Instead of starting sentences with "It is important" or "On the one hand," the writer might consider alternatives like "Considering the importance of…" or "Should we prioritize…". This would not only enhance the range of structures but also engage the reader more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. For instance, the sentence "A strong foundation in these subjects is crucial for academic and professional success" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is also used correctly, with commas appropriately placed to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there are minor areas where punctuation could be improved, such as the potential use of a semicolon in the sentence "A balanced approach that includes both perspectives is most beneficial" to connect closely related independent clauses.
  • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on reviewing the rules for more complex punctuation, such as semicolons and colons, which can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement or article usage, can help ensure that the essay maintains a high level of accuracy throughout. Engaging in exercises that focus on these specific areas can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining punctuation usage, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have divergent opinions regarding the necessity of Art education for children in schools. While some argue that subjects like Mathematics and language studies should be prioritized, others believe that Art is an essential component of a well-rounded education. From my perspective, a balanced approach that includes both perspectives is most advantageous.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some hold the viewpoint that Mathematics and language play a central role in school curricula. A strong foundation in these subjects is crucial for academic and professional success. They provide practical abilities and expand career opportunities, fostering problem-solving, critical thinking, and effective communication. Additionally, many education systems use students’ performance in these areas as a benchmark for overall educational quality, which can lead to increased opportunities, scholarships, and future achievements.

On the other hand, it is important not to overlook the significance of Art education. Art cultivates creativity and imagination, allowing children to express their unique thoughts and emotions. Engaging in artistic activities helps nurture their ability to think creatively, which can empower them to find innovative solutions to various challenges they may encounter in life. Furthermore, Art provides a valuable outlet for children to convey their feelings and personal experiences, enhancing their communication skills and self-assurance.

In summary, while the emphasis on Mathematics and language studies is well-justified, it is equally important to recognize the value of Art education. A balanced curriculum that incorporates both academic and artistic subjects can offer children a comprehensive education, preparing them for a well-rounded and fulfilling future.