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Teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary part of growing up, while others see it as a negative which should be avoid?

Teenage conflict with their parents as a necessary
part of growing up, while others see it as a negative which should be avoid?

People have yet to reach a consensus of negative effects of conflict on one’s upbringing. While it is irrefutable it yields certain drawbacks, I am totally convinced that having logical argument with their parents is a necessary part of growing up.
Some people argue that conflict is wholly negative due to several reasons. The first rationale may lie upon the loss of intimacy bond within one family, as casual heat debate for both parties barely contains positivity withdrawal outcome, depriving what ought to be a precious pleasant moment with their beloved one. To cite an example, it is not uncommon to witness a breakdown of intimacy in family in this interconnected world over an controversial point of view, might I add, could ingrain such archetypes as demonstrative of vengeful and sadistic for the development of liberty. Another justification for this argument is that the emotional scars, as a sense of abandonment may soar hence the child, who is not attaining such cognitive enhancement, perhaps trigger an unprecedented self-destructive activity. This can be seen in an increasing adolescent antisocial behavior and worse, juvenile crime.
On the other hand, conflict is innately a vital role for critical thinking and problem solving, as an argument within a family reaches an approval for both views via deep analyzation, profound mutual sympathy. To specify, a child could acknowledge an impenetrable experience with regard to great human endeavors, and regardless of age gap. To cite an example, by listening to parents one could obtain a deep understanding about their parents reign, value in transcended years thereby reinforcing inseparable bond.
In conclusion, the breakdown of intimate bonds and emotional scars stand as the chief reasons why many people criticize conflict within one’s family. However, I am of the opinion that arguments play a vital role in the development of critical thinking thereby guiding one toward their higher self.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "People have yet to reach a consensus of negative effects" -> "There remains no consensus on the adverse effects"
    Explanation: Replacing "have yet to reach" with "remains no consensus on" maintains formality and clarity. "Negative effects" can be replaced with "adverse effects" for a more precise academic tone.

  2. "it yields certain drawbacks" -> "it entails specific drawbacks"
    Explanation: Changing "yields certain drawbacks" to "entails specific drawbacks" offers a more formal and precise description, avoiding ambiguity in the statement.

  3. "logical argument with their parents" -> "constructive discourse with their parents"
    Explanation: Substituting "logical argument" with "constructive discourse" elevates the language to a more academic level while encompassing a broader range of interaction beyond just logical reasoning.

  4. "casual heat debate for both parties" -> "heated discussions for both parties"
    Explanation: "Casual heat debate" is unclear and informal; replacing it with "heated discussions" maintains the idea with a more appropriate phrase for academic writing.

  5. "barely contains positivity withdrawal outcome" -> "hardly yields positive outcomes"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Hardly yields positive outcomes" offers a clearer and more direct expression of the idea.

  6. "precious pleasant moment" -> "cherished and pleasant moment"
    Explanation: The phrase "precious pleasant moment" can be refined to "cherished and pleasant moment" for a more refined and academically suitable language.

  7. "an controversial point of view" -> "a controversial point of view"
    Explanation: Changing "an" to "a" before "controversial point of view" corrects the article usage in front of a vowel sound and maintains grammatical accuracy.

  8. "ingrain such archetypes as demonstrative of vengeful and sadistic" -> "instill archetypes indicative of vengeance and sadism"
    Explanation: Simplifying and refining the sentence for clarity and precision while maintaining a formal tone.

  9. "not attaining such cognitive enhancement" -> "not achieving cognitive development"
    Explanation: A more direct and clearer expression of the idea, replacing the somewhat convoluted phrase with a simpler alternative.

  10. "trigger an unprecedented self-destructive activity" -> "precipitate unprecedented self-destructive behavior"
    Explanation: Replacing "trigger an unprecedented self-destructive activity" with "precipitate unprecedented self-destructive behavior" offers a more academic and clearer expression.

  11. "reaches an approval for both views via deep analyzation" -> "reaches consensus through thorough analysis"
    Explanation: "Approval for both views via deep analyzation" is awkward and informal. "Reaches consensus through thorough analysis" provides a more academic and formal phrasing.

  12. "acknowledge an impenetrable experience" -> "gain invaluable experience"
    Explanation: "Acknowledge an impenetrable experience" is unclear. "Gain invaluable experience" provides a clearer and more precise alternative.

  13. "great human endeavors" -> "significant human endeavors"
    Explanation: The term "significant human endeavors" is more appropriate in an academic context than "great human endeavors," maintaining the formality of the language.

  14. "reign, value in transcended years" -> "relevance over time"
    Explanation: Simplifying and refining the expression for clarity while maintaining an academic tone.

  15. "stand as the chief reasons" -> "constitute the primary reasons"
    Explanation: Replacing "stand as the chief reasons" with "constitute the primary reasons" offers a more formal and precise phrasing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "People have yet to reach a consensus of negative effects of conflict on one’s upbringing. While it is irrefutable it yields certain drawbacks, I am totally convinced that having logical argument with their parents is a necessary part of growing up."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively presents the writer’s stance; however, it could benefit from a clearer outline of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Providing a roadmap can enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s structure. For instance, mention the specific drawbacks of conflict that will be addressed in the body paragraphs.
    • Improved example: "People have yet to reach a consensus regarding the negative effects of conflict on one’s upbringing. While acknowledging its drawbacks, this essay will delve into the essential role of logical arguments with parents in the process of growing up, exploring both perspectives to provide a balanced view."
  2. Quoted text: "The first rationale may lie upon the loss of intimacy bond within one family, as casual heat debate for both parties barely contains positivity withdrawal outcome, depriving what ought to be a precious pleasant moment with their beloved one."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea of the loss of intimacy is well presented, but the sentence structure is complex, making the point somewhat unclear. Simplify the sentence for better clarity. Also, provide a specific example or scenario to illustrate the impact on intimacy, making the argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, conflicts may lead to a loss of intimacy within the family. For instance, heated debates can create a negative atmosphere, depriving family moments of their inherent positivity. A clear example could be a family dinner turning tense due to conflicting opinions."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, conflict is innately a vital role for critical thinking and problem solving, as an argument within a family reaches an approval for both views via deep analyzation, profound mutual sympathy."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point about conflict being vital for critical thinking is well-stated, but the sentence structure is complex. Simplify the language for better clarity. Additionally, provide a concrete example that illustrates how conflicts within a family can lead to critical thinking and problem-solving.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, conflicts play a crucial role in fostering critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Through thoughtful analysis and mutual understanding, family arguments can lead to an agreement that respects and incorporates both perspectives. For instance, resolving a disagreement about curfew hours can teach a teenager negotiation and compromise skills."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, but improvements in clarity, sentence structure, and the inclusion of specific examples could elevate its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents a coherent structure overall, addressing both perspectives on teenage conflict with parents. It begins with an introduction presenting a stance and two main body paragraphs supporting this view. The progression of ideas is somewhat clear, but there are instances where the flow could be smoother. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively in places but lacks consistency. Paragraphing is used, but the logic within paragraphs could be stronger. There’s an attempt to organize ideas, but the execution could be more refined for a higher score.

How to Improve:

  • Enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother progression.
  • Ensure consistent and appropriate use of cohesive devices throughout the essay.
  • Work on refining paragraph structure and coherence within each paragraph to enhance logical organization. Consider topic sentences to reinforce paragraph unity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation that slightly impact the overall fluency and accuracy. For example, the phrase "it yields certain drawbacks" could be improved for smoother expression.

The essay successfully presents contrasting viewpoints on the topic and makes an effort to provide examples and justification for each perspective. There is evidence of a varied vocabulary, including terms like "intimacy bond," "cognitive enhancement," and "impenetrable experience," contributing to a sense of lexical range. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they do not significantly impede communication.

Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only a few minor errors that do not distract from the overall coherence of the essay. The language use is coherent, and the writer effectively conveys their ideas with a reasonable degree of precision.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation for greater precision. Additionally, paying attention to the fluency of expression and avoiding awkward phrases can further improve the overall lexical sophistication. Consistent attention to detail in vocabulary usage will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of structures, including complex sentences, contributing to a band score of 7. The writer successfully uses a variety of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. There is clear control of grammar and punctuation, though there are a few errors that do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively presents arguments and ideas in a coherent manner.

How to improve: To enhance the score, pay attention to the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. While the essay contains some complex structures, ensure that all sentences are error-free to achieve a higher band score. Additionally, refine the organization of ideas to create a smoother flow between paragraphs, providing a more cohesive and polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have not yet reached a consensus on the adverse effects of conflict on one’s upbringing. While it is undeniable that it entails specific drawbacks, I am entirely convinced that engaging in logical discourse with parents is a necessary part of growing up.

Some individuals argue that conflict is wholly negative for several reasons. The primary concern may revolve around the loss of intimacy within a family. Heated discussions for both parties hardly yield positive outcomes, depriving what should be a cherished and pleasant moment with their loved ones. For instance, it is not uncommon to witness a breakdown of intimacy in families in this interconnected world over a controversial point of view. This could instill archetypes indicative of vengeance and sadism, potentially hindering the development of familial bonds. Another aspect of this argument is the emotional scars, as a sense of abandonment may soar, and a child not achieving cognitive development might precipitate unprecedented self-destructive behavior. This is evident in the increasing prevalence of adolescent antisocial behavior and, worse, juvenile crime.

On the other hand, conflict plays an inherently vital role in critical thinking and problem-solving. Engaging in arguments within a family can lead to an approval of both views through thorough analysis and profound mutual sympathy. For example, a child could gain invaluable experience and understanding of great human endeavors, transcending age gaps. Listening to parents can provide a deep understanding of their experiences, values, and the relevance of those values over time, thereby reinforcing an inseparable bond.

In conclusion, the breakdown of intimate bonds and emotional scars are the primary reasons why many people criticize conflict within a family. However, I firmly believe that arguments play a vital role in the development of critical thinking, guiding individuals toward their higher selves.

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