Teenagers should be encouraged to participate in more community service activities. Do you agree or disagree? Write an essay of about 250 words expressing your opinion, with supporting examples.

There is a widely held belief that It is important to motivate teenagers attend in more community service projects to have many life experience . And I Completely agree with this viewpoint .

The first argument given to support my opinion is that Community service helps teenagers develop empathy responsibility or another good personality . This evidenced by the fact that teenagers are empathy when they do community service and they also can develop compassion with the poor . For this reason , community service very important in the developing the behavior of teenagers.
Another rationale behind my belief is that Attend in community service helps teenagers learn more useful life skills. Teenagers will learn more important skills through community activities like teamwork, leadership skills , social skills and solve the problem . For example, teenagers attend a community with class and we have a misson and we must do with friend so teenager can learn how to do teamwork and have more gain practical experience. In other words, teenagers should do community service to contribute to society and develop more great skills
With mentioned above , i am convinced that Teenagers ought to be inspired to take part in a greater number of community service activities

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"motivate teenagers attend" -> "encourage teenagers to participate in"
Explanation: "Encourage" is a more formal and precise verb than "motivate," and "participate in" is more appropriate than "attend" in this context, which refers to involvement in activities rather than attendance at events.
"have many life experience" -> "gain numerous life experiences"
Explanation: "Gain" is more specific and formal than "have," and "numerous life experiences" is grammatically correct and more precise than "many life experience," which is awkward and incorrect.
"I Completely agree with this viewpoint" -> "I fully support this perspective"
Explanation: "Fully support" is a more formal expression than "completely agree," and "perspective" is preferred over "viewpoint" in academic writing for its slightly more formal connotation.
"Community service helps teenagers develop empathy responsibility or another good personality" -> "Community service fosters empathy, responsibility, and other positive personality traits"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "helps," and "empathy, responsibility, and other positive personality traits" is a clearer and more formal way to express the development of various desirable qualities.
"This evidenced by the fact that" -> "This is evident from the fact that"
Explanation: "This is evident from the fact that" is grammatically correct and more formal than "This evidenced by the fact that," which is incorrect.
"teenagers are empathy when they do community service" -> "teenagers exhibit empathy when they engage in community service"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is the correct verb form for describing the display of empathy, and "engage in" is more formal than "do" for describing participation in activities.
"they also can develop compassion with the poor" -> "they also develop compassion for the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "For the disadvantaged" is a more precise and formal phrase than "with the poor," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"community service very important" -> "community service is very important"
Explanation: Adding "is" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"Attend in community service" -> "participate in community service"
Explanation: "Participate" is the correct verb for engaging in activities, whereas "attend" is more suitable for events or meetings.
"learn more important skills" -> "acquire more essential skills"
Explanation: "Acquire" is a more formal verb than "learn," and "essential" is more precise than "important" in this context, emphasizing the critical nature of the skills gained.
"solve the problem" -> "address challenges"
Explanation: "Address challenges" is a more formal and precise way to describe dealing with difficulties, compared to the vague "solve the problem."
"With mentioned above" -> "As mentioned above"
Explanation: "As mentioned above" is the correct phrase structure for referring back to previous points in an academic text.
"Teenagers ought to be inspired to take part in a greater number of community service activities" -> "Teenagers should be encouraged to participate in a greater number of community service activities"
Explanation: "Should be encouraged" is a more formal and appropriate expression than "ought to be inspired," which is less commonly used in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the statement that teenagers should participate in community service. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the topic. The introduction states the writer’s position, but the supporting arguments are somewhat vague and do not fully elaborate on the benefits of community service. For instance, while the essay mentions developing empathy and life skills, it does not provide concrete examples or a comprehensive discussion of how these benefits manifest in real-life scenarios.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is addressed in detail. This could involve providing specific examples of community service activities and explaining how they contribute to personal development. Additionally, discussing potential counterarguments could enhance the depth of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of community service, but the clarity is sometimes undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "teenagers are empathy" and "Attend in community service" detract from the overall coherence of the argument. The position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, but the lack of clarity in expression can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using clear and correct language to express their position. This includes avoiding grammatical errors and ensuring that sentences are well-structured. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a strong reiteration in the conclusion can help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant but lack sufficient development and support. The argument about developing empathy is mentioned but not adequately explained or supported with examples. Similarly, while the essay touches on the acquisition of life skills, it does not delve into how these skills are gained through specific community service experiences.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, detailing a particular community service project and describing the skills learned or the impact on the community would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of community service for teenagers. However, there are moments where the writing strays into vague generalizations, such as "develop empathy responsibility or another good personality," which could confuse the reader about the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is clearly connected to the thesis will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, using clear transitions between ideas can aid in maintaining coherence.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their ideas with specific examples, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and maintaining clarity throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that teenagers should participate in community service. The arguments are laid out in a logical sequence, with the first paragraph introducing the main idea and the subsequent paragraphs providing supporting arguments. However, the transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing empathy to life skills feels abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas more effectively. For example, after discussing empathy, you might introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to fostering empathy, community service also equips teenagers with essential life skills." This would create a clearer connection between the two arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined, and the conclusion is somewhat weak and lacks a summarizing statement.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the introduction could explicitly state the importance of community service before presenting the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the writer’s position.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for this reason" and "in other words." However, the range is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like "this evidenced by the fact that" could be simplified for better readability.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "consequently." Additionally, aim for clearer sentence structures to enhance readability. For example, instead of saying "teenagers are empathy," consider rephrasing to "teenagers develop empathy." This not only improves clarity but also enhances the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "community service," "empathy," and "leadership skills." However, the use of phrases like "good personality" and "many life experience" indicates a limited range and some awkwardness in expression. The phrase "develop compassion with the poor" is also somewhat imprecise, as "with" is not the best preposition in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of "good personality," they might use "positive character traits" or "valuable qualities." Additionally, using phrases like "foster compassion for those in need" would improve clarity and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "develop empathy responsibility or another good personality," which lacks clarity and proper conjunctions. The phrase "Attend in community service" is grammatically incorrect, as "attend" should be replaced with "participate in" or "engage in." Furthermore, "solve the problem" is vague and could benefit from specificity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "solve the problem," they could specify what problems they refer to, such as "overcoming challenges." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading a variety of texts can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "experience" (should be "experiences"), "Completely" (should be "completely"), and "i" (should be "I"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational grasp of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Regular practice, reading, and targeted vocabulary exercises will significantly aid in this development.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("This evidenced by the fact that teenagers are empathy when they do community service") and compound sentences ("For example, teenagers attend a community with class and we have a mission and we must do with friend"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, phrases like "to have many life experience" and "community service very important in the developing the behavior of teenagers" lack clarity and grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences and varied conjunctions. For example, using relative clauses ("which helps them develop empathy") or conditional sentences ("If teenagers engage in community service, they will learn valuable skills") can add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more sophisticated structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "motivate teenagers attend in more community service projects" should be "motivate teenagers to participate in more community service projects." Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing commas before conjunctions and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "Completely" should be "completely") detract from the overall readability. The phrase "This evidenced by the fact that teenagers are empathy" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "This is evidenced by the fact that teenagers develop empathy."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and proper verb forms. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, pay attention to the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Reading essays or articles can also help in understanding proper punctuation usage in context.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Consider revising your essay with these suggestions in mind, and practice writing more complex sentences to enhance your overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a widely held belief that it is important to encourage teenagers to participate in more community service projects to gain numerous life experiences. I fully support this perspective.

The first argument supporting my opinion is that community service helps teenagers develop empathy, responsibility, and other positive personality traits. This is evident from the fact that teenagers exhibit empathy when they engage in community service, and they also develop compassion for the disadvantaged. For this reason, community service is very important in shaping the behavior of teenagers.

Another rationale behind my belief is that participating in community service helps teenagers acquire more essential skills. Through community activities, teenagers learn valuable skills such as teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving. For example, when teenagers work on a community project with their classmates, they must collaborate to achieve a common goal, allowing them to learn how to work effectively in a team and gain practical experience. In other words, teenagers should participate in community service not only to contribute to society but also to develop essential skills.

As mentioned above, I am convinced that teenagers ought to be encouraged to participate in a greater number of community service activities.