The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing. Why is this? What can be done?

The amount of drinkable water for people is decreasing.

Why is this?

What can be done?

It is true that there is a decrease in the supply water for drinking. There are a number of reasons behind this trend, and several solutions should be adopted to address it.

A range of factors are responsible for the aforementioned problem. One reason for the declining drinkable water is the influence of pollution. This is owning to the release of industrial, agricultural and domestic waste. Because of lacking proper awareness, many people usually throw their trash into lakes, rivers and oceans. without hesitation. As a result, the water source is polluted seriously, leading to the unsafety to drink it. Another factor that contributes to this situation is climate change. Consequently, rising temperatures are causing increased evaporation from lakes, rivers, oceans and more frequent droughts, leading to water shortages. This also results in melting glaciers and ice caps, reducing freshwater reserves.

To solve this problem, a multi-facted approach is required. One effective solution is to introduce and enforce regulations to reduce polluted water. For industry, factories should reuse and recycle materials within the production process. In the agricultural sector, this can can be achieved by converting organic waste into compost for soil amendment. In addition, people have to sort recyclable materials and ensure they are properly recycled. Another measure is organizing public awareness campaigns. These can include educating people about the importance of water conservation and provide tips on how to reduce water usage. Therefore, we can save a significant amount of water if maintained over the long term.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for this issue, and several aproaches should be adopted to tackle it.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is true that there is a decrease in the supply water for drinking." -> "It is evident that there is a decline in the availability of drinking water."
   Explanation: Replacing "It is true that there is a decrease in the supply water for drinking" with "It is evident that there is a decline in the availability of drinking water" enhances the formal tone and uses more precise language, emphasizing the nature of the issue.

2. "A range of factors are responsible for the aforementioned problem." -> "A variety of factors contribute to this issue."
   Explanation: "A range of factors are responsible for the aforementioned problem" is somewhat awkward and informal. "A variety of factors contribute to this issue" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.

3. "This is owning to the release of industrial, agricultural and domestic waste." -> "This is attributed to the release of industrial, agricultural, and domestic waste."
   Explanation: "Owing to" is less common and slightly informal in this context. "Attributed to" is more appropriate and formal, fitting the academic style better.

4. "Because of lacking proper awareness, many people usually throw their trash into lakes, rivers and oceans. without hesitation." -> "Due to a lack of awareness, many individuals often dispose of their waste into lakes, rivers, and oceans without hesitation."
   Explanation: "Because of lacking proper awareness" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Due to a lack of awareness" corrects the grammar and enhances formality. Also, "dispose of their waste" is more precise than "throw their trash."

5. "the water source is polluted seriously" -> "the water source is seriously polluted"
   Explanation: "The water source is polluted seriously" is grammatically incorrect. "The water source is seriously polluted" corrects the order and maintains formal tone.

6. "leading to the unsafety to drink it" -> "rendering it unsafe for consumption"
   Explanation: "The unsafety to drink it" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Rendering it unsafe for consumption" is grammatically correct and more formal.

7. "To solve this problem, a multi-facted approach is required." -> "To address this issue, a multifaceted approach is necessary."
   Explanation: "Multi-facted" is a typo and should be "multifaceted." Additionally, "is required" can be replaced with "is necessary" for a more formal tone.

8. "can can be achieved" -> "can be achieved"
   Explanation: The double "can" is a typographical error. Removing the extra "can" corrects the text.

9. "people have to sort recyclable materials and ensure they are properly recycled." -> "individuals must sort recyclable materials and ensure their proper recycling."
   Explanation: "People have to" is informal and slightly vague. "Individuals must" is more formal and precise, and "ensure their proper recycling" is grammatically correct.

10. "organizing public awareness campaigns" -> "organizing public awareness campaigns"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "organizing" should not be repeated.

11. "Therefore, we can save a significant amount of water if maintained over the long term." -> "Thus, significant water savings can be achieved if these measures are sustained over the long term."
    Explanation: "Therefore" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Thus" is more formal. Also, "we can save a significant amount of water" is passive and less direct; "significant water savings can be achieved" is more active and precise.

12. "it is clear that there are various reasons for this issue, and several aproaches should be adopted to tackle it." -> "it is evident that there are various reasons for this issue, and several approaches should be implemented to address it."
    Explanation: "Aproaches" is a typographical error and should be "approaches." Also, "tackle" is slightly informal; "address" is more appropriate in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons for the decreasing supply of drinkable water and suggests potential solutions. The reasons provided, such as pollution and climate change, are relevant and well-explained. However, the discussion could benefit from more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning specific pollutants or statistics on water scarcity could enhance the response.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of pollution and climate change on water supply. Additionally, expanding on the solutions with more detailed explanations or examples of successful implementations could provide a more rounded answer.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the issue of decreasing drinkable water and presents a logical flow of ideas. The introduction clearly states the problem, and the body paragraphs provide a coherent argument. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the urgency of the issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main arguments and emphasizes the importance of addressing the issue. Using stronger language to convey urgency or significance can enhance the overall impact.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the causes of water scarcity and possible solutions. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For example, while the essay mentions regulations for industries, it does not elaborate on what specific regulations could be implemented or how they have been effective in other contexts.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations of each solution, including potential challenges and benefits. Incorporating examples of successful policies or initiatives from different countries could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the reasons for the decrease in drinkable water and suggesting solutions. However, there are minor deviations, such as the phrase "without hesitation" in the discussion of pollution, which could be seen as an unnecessary detail that detracts from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Removing extraneous details and ensuring that each point made is directly related to the prompt will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, but it could benefit from more specific examples, clearer conclusions, and a tighter focus on the main arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the problem and its causes, followed by a discussion of potential solutions. The logical flow is generally maintained, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses pollution as a cause, while the second addresses climate change. However, the transition between the discussion of causes and solutions could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions. For example, after discussing the causes, a sentence like "Given these pressing issues, it is imperative that we explore viable solutions" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one dedicated to a specific idea. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. For example, the phrase "To solve this problem, a multi-facted approach is required" could be more directly linked to the solutions that follow.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which would enhance readability and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Another factor," "Consequently," and "In addition." These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "Another factor" is used to introduce a new point, but varying this with alternatives like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" could enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover" or "On the other hand" can add variety and improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid confusion; for example, the phrase "Because of lacking proper awareness" could be rephrased for clarity to "Due to a lack of awareness."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions can help elevate the writing to a higher level of clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary but lacks the variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores. Terms like "drinkable water," "pollution," and "climate change" are relevant but somewhat basic. The phrase "multi-faceted approach" is a positive inclusion, indicating an attempt to use more complex vocabulary. However, the overall lexical choices remain quite limited, which detracts from the essay’s depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "pollution," you could use "contamination" or "degradation." Additionally, phrases like "water scarcity" or "freshwater depletion" could replace "decrease in the supply water for drinking," providing a more nuanced expression of the issue.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "this is owning to the release of industrial, agricultural and domestic waste" is awkward; "owing to" is the correct form, but the context could be clearer. The term "unsafety" is also not standard; "unsafe" would be the appropriate choice. These inaccuracies can confuse readers and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining word choice for clarity and correctness. Review commonly used phrases and ensure that they fit the context appropriately. For instance, replace "unsafety" with "unsafe" and revise awkward constructions like "this is owning to" to "this is due to." Reading more academic texts can help familiarize you with precise vocabulary usage.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "can can" (should be "can"), "aproaches" (should be "approaches"), and "multi-facted" (should be "multi-faceted"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s proficiency.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break before reviewing your work to approach it with fresh eyes. Use spell check tools, but also manually check for common errors and practice writing frequently used words. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words can be beneficial for targeted practice.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "One reason for the declining drinkable water is the influence of pollution," which effectively conveys the relationship between cause and effect. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. The phrase "This is owning to the release of industrial, agricultural and domestic waste" could be rephrased for clarity and variety, as it feels somewhat awkward and less formal.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "One reason is…" or "Another factor is…", the writer could use phrases like "In addition to pollution, another significant contributor to the decline in drinkable water is…" This would create a more engaging flow and demonstrate a higher level of grammatical sophistication.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, the phrase "Because of lacking proper awareness" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "Because of a lack of proper awareness." Additionally, the sentence "without hesitation" is incorrectly capitalized as it follows a period and should start with a capital letter. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in lists, as seen in "industrial, agricultural and domestic waste," which should have a serial (Oxford) comma for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on identifying and correcting common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for punctuation errors can also be beneficial. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to sentence fragments and ensure that all sentences are complete and properly structured. For example, revising "leading to the unsafety to drink it" to "leading to it being unsafe to drink" would enhance clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that there is a decrease in the supply of water for drinking. There are a number of reasons behind this trend, and several solutions should be adopted to address it.

A range of factors is responsible for the aforementioned problem. One reason for the declining drinkable water is the influence of pollution. This is attributed to the release of industrial, agricultural, and domestic waste. Due to a lack of proper awareness, many people usually throw their trash into lakes, rivers, and oceans without hesitation. As a result, the water source is seriously polluted, rendering it unsafe for consumption. Another factor that contributes to this situation is climate change. Consequently, rising temperatures are causing increased evaporation from lakes, rivers, and oceans, as well as more frequent droughts, leading to water shortages. This also results in melting glaciers and ice caps, reducing freshwater reserves.

To solve this problem, a multifaceted approach is required. One effective solution is to introduce and enforce regulations to reduce polluted water. For industry, factories should reuse and recycle materials within the production process. In the agricultural sector, this can be achieved by converting organic waste into compost for soil amendment. In addition, individuals must sort recyclable materials and ensure their proper recycling. Another measure is organizing public awareness campaigns. These can include educating people about the importance of water conservation and providing tips on how to reduce water usage. Thus, significant water savings can be achieved if these measures are sustained over the long term.

In conclusion, it is evident that there are various reasons for this issue, and several approaches should be implemented to tackle it.