The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

It’s frightening that myriads of terrestrial and marine animals are on the verge of extinction due to human beings. My essay will shed light on the causes and measures to this issue.

To begin with, the constant tampering of nature by human has led to drastic changes in the natural world resulting in animals and plants finding it more difficult and difficult to survive. Nearly every kind of habitat or ecosystem – be it land, air or water – has been affected by the uncontrollable destruction of habitats by human. The impact of humans taking land for buildings, farming and timber has rendered species extinct at speeds unprecedented in Earth’s history. Besides, humans, due to their industrial, agricultural, or normal day-to-day activities, release an inordinate amount of toxic waste that is eventually dumped into the air, water or landfills. Tragedies like oil spills have been known to destroy and threaten many aquatic life forms.

Having said that, rapid, greatly intensified efforts to address the problem, slowing the extinctions currently underway. First, each government should levy exorbitant fines on devastating behaviors such as littering, illegal dumping or other environmental offences. The implementation of stringent laws, accompanied by extensive media coverage of the issue would raise environmental awareness among all sections of the society. Second, international organizations such as the United Nations should coordinate activities among member countries as well as encourage participation by the private sectorto promote sustainable use of the world’s natural resources. Specifically, the presence of such inter-governmental organizations plays a major role in initiating negotiations on reducing industrial pollution level or other toxic waste.

In short, the blame for the most recent mass extinction is not natural calamities – it’s human. Therefore, several solutions need to be done to tackle this worrying trend and save endangered species from the brink of extinction.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It’s frightening that myriads of terrestrial and marine animals are on the verge of extinction due to human beings." -> "It is alarming that numerous terrestrial and marine animals are on the brink of extinction due to human activities."
Explanation: Replacing "It’s frightening" with "It is alarming" enhances formality, and substituting "myriads" with "numerous" maintains a formal tone while being more precise.
"My essay will shed light on the causes and measures to this issue." -> "This essay will elucidate the causes of and measures to address this issue."
Explanation: The revision simplifies the expression, replacing "shed light on" with "elucidate," and ensures clarity and conciseness in academic writing.
"To begin with, the constant tampering of nature by human has led to drastic changes in the natural world resulting in animals and plants finding it more difficult and difficult to survive." -> "Firstly, the continuous interference with nature by humans has caused significant alterations in the natural world, making it increasingly challenging for animals and plants to survive."
Explanation: The revised version uses more formal language, replacing "tampering" with "interference" and avoiding repetition by using "increasingly challenging."
"Nearly every kind of habitat or ecosystem – be it land, air or water – has been affected by the uncontrollable destruction of habitats by human." -> "Almost every habitat or ecosystem, whether on land, in the air, or underwater, has been adversely impacted by the uncontrolled destruction of habitats by humans."
Explanation: The improved version employs more varied vocabulary, replaces the colloquial "be it" with "whether," and adds precision by using "adversely impacted."
"Besides, humans, due to their industrial, agricultural, or normal day-to-day activities, release an inordinate amount of toxic waste that is eventually dumped into the air, water or landfills." -> "Moreover, humans, owing to their industrial, agricultural, or routine activities, emit an excessive amount of toxic waste that is subsequently disposed of in the air, water, or landfills."
Explanation: The revision enhances formality by using "moreover" and "owing to," and it replaces "normal day-to-day activities" with "routine activities" for precision.
"Tragedies like oil spills have been known to destroy and threaten many aquatic life forms." -> "Incidents such as oil spills are recognized for causing the destruction and endangerment of various aquatic life forms."
Explanation: The improved version employs a more formal tone by using "incidents" instead of "tragedies" and restructures the sentence for clarity and precision.
"Having said that, rapid, greatly intensified efforts to address the problem, slowing the extinctions currently underway." -> "Nevertheless, prompt and significantly intensified efforts are needed to address the problem and mitigate the ongoing extinctions."
Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "Having said that" with "Nevertheless" and provides a clearer expression of the need for immediate and intensified efforts.
"First, each government should levy exorbitant fines on devastating behaviors such as littering, illegal dumping or other environmental offences." -> "Firstly, each government should impose substantial fines on destructive behaviors such as littering, illegal dumping, or other environmental offenses."
Explanation: The revision maintains formality by using "firstly" and replaces "levy exorbitant fines" with "impose substantial fines" for a more precise and formal expression.
"The implementation of stringent laws, accompanied by extensive media coverage of the issue would raise environmental awareness among all sections of the society." -> "Implementing stringent laws, accompanied by extensive media coverage, would enhance environmental awareness across all segments of society."
Explanation: The revised version streamlines the sentence, removing redundancy and improving overall clarity and formality.
"Second, international organizations such as the United Nations should coordinate activities among member countries as well as encourage participation by the private sectorto promote sustainable use of the world’s natural resources." -> "Secondly, international organizations, such as the United Nations, should coordinate activities among member countries and encourage private sector participation to promote the sustainable use of the world’s natural resources."
Explanation: The revision adds necessary spaces for clarity, uses "secondly" for formality, and ensures a more grammatically correct sentence structure.
"Specifically, the presence of such inter-governmental organizations plays a major role in initiating negotiations on reducing industrial pollution level or other toxic waste." -> "Specifically, the involvement of these intergovernmental organizations plays a significant role in initiating negotiations to reduce industrial pollution levels and address other toxic waste issues."
Explanation: The improved version clarifies the role of intergovernmental organizations and ensures precision in discussing the reduction of industrial pollution levels.
"In short, the blame for the most recent mass extinction is not natural calamities – it’s human." -> "In conclusion, the responsibility for the most recent mass extinction lies not with natural calamities but with human actions."
Explanation: The revision replaces "blame" with "responsibility," ensuring a more nuanced and formal expression, and clarifies the relationship between the mass extinction and human actions.
"Therefore, several solutions need to be done to tackle this worrying trend and save endangered species from the brink of extinction." -> "Therefore, various solutions must be implemented to address this concerning trend and rescue endangered species from the brink of extinction."
Explanation: The revised version replaces the colloquial "need to be done" with "must be implemented" for formality and precision, enhancing the overall academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the reasons for the extinction of animal species and proposes solutions. It identifies human activities as the primary cause and suggests measures to counteract the issue. The discussion is well-structured, covering both land and sea ecosystems, providing a comprehensive analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support the points made about the impact of human activities on different ecosystems. This will strengthen the argument and add depth to the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position by attributing the extinction of animal species solely to human activities. The thesis statement is prominently presented in the introduction, and each paragraph reinforces this stance.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly restate the main position in the conclusion, summarizing the key points. This reinforcement will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically and supports them with relevant examples. The mention of habitat destruction, industrial pollution, and specific examples like oil spills adds depth to the discussion.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, consider providing more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of human activities on specific species or ecosystems. This will enrich the content and make the arguments more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively stays on topic, discussing the reasons for the extinction of animal species and proposing solutions. There are no significant deviations from the main theme.
- How to improve: To further ensure focus, avoid general statements or vague references. Provide specific details and examples consistently throughout the essay to maintain relevance and engagement.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presenting a well-structured argument with a clear stance on the causes of animal extinction and potential solutions. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples and reinforcing key points in the conclusion for a more impactful response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically by addressing the causes of animal extinction in the first paragraph and proposing solutions in the second paragraph. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the causes to proposing solutions could be more seamless, providing a clearer connection between the two aspects.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the causes discussed with the proposed solutions. This can create a more coherent and smoothly flowing essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the topic, with one paragraph focusing on causes and another on solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first paragraph, for instance, is quite brief and lacks detailed examples to support the points made.
- How to improve: Expand each paragraph by providing more elaboration and specific examples. This would not only enhance the structure but also add depth to the discussion, making the essay more compelling and informative.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as linking words like "to begin with" and "having said that." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of cohesive devices. The transitions between sentences and ideas could be more varied for a smoother flow.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitions, and pronouns, to establish stronger connections between sentences and ideas. This will contribute to a more cohesive and polished essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization, there are opportunities for improvement in the smoothness of transitions and the development of paragraphs. Additionally, diversifying the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms such as "myriads," "verge of extinction," "drastic changes," "unprecedented," and "inordinate amount." However, the vocabulary could be more diverse, and some word choices might be considered a bit generic or imprecise.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more specific terms related to environmental issues and extinction. Instead of general terms like "drastic changes," use more vivid descriptors such as "habitat degradation" or "ecosystem disruption." Additionally, introduce specialized vocabulary related to the causes and solutions, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "myriads of terrestrial and marine animals" could be more specific, and "devastating behaviors" might benefit from a more precise description.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by specifying the types of animals under threat (e.g., endangered species, marine mammals) and providing more detailed descriptions of harmful behaviors (e.g., illegal dumping could be specified as dumping industrial waste). This precision will add depth to your arguments and showcase a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some spelling errors, such as "myriads" (should be "myriad") and "goverment" (should be "government").
- How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to enhance spelling accuracy. Focus on common problem areas, such as pluralization ("myriads" to "myriad") and ensure correct spelling of essential terms, like "government."

In conclusion, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of lexical resource, further diversification and precision in vocabulary, along with improved spelling accuracy, would contribute to a more sophisticated and compelling response. Keep refining your language skills to convey ideas with greater clarity and depth.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of structures further. Some sentences are repetitive, such as the use of "difficult and difficult to survive," and there is a tendency to use basic sentence structures. A more nuanced and varied use of sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of expression.
- How to improve: To enrich the essay’s grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of compound-complex sentences, inverted structures, and varied sentence lengths. For instance, instead of relying on repetitive structures like "difficult and difficult," explore synonyms or alternative phrasing to express ideas more eloquently. Additionally, ensure coherence and clarity when introducing varied structures to maintain the essay’s overall flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonably good grasp of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable instances of errors. For example, the sentence "To begin with, the constant tampering of nature by human has led to drastic changes" contains a subject-verb agreement issue ("human" should be plural). There is also inconsistency in tenses, such as "having said that" which is not seamlessly integrated into the overall tense structure of the essay. Punctuation, like the comma splice in "Second, international organizations," requires attention for more accurate usage.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreements and maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. In particular, ensure that transition phrases like "having said that" are appropriately integrated into the context of the sentences. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation, replacing comma splices with appropriate punctuation marks or restructuring sentences for clearer communication.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and structure, refining the range of sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is alarming that a multitude of terrestrial and marine animals are on the brink of extinction due to human activities. This essay will elucidate the causes of and measures to address this issue.

To commence, the continuous interference with nature by humans has caused significant alterations in the natural world, making it increasingly challenging for animals and plants to survive. Almost every habitat or ecosystem, whether on land, in the air, or underwater, has been adversely impacted by the uncontrolled destruction of habitats by humans. The impact of humans taking land for buildings, farming, and timber has rendered species extinct at speeds unprecedented in Earth’s history. Moreover, humans, owing to their industrial, agricultural, or routine activities, emit an excessive amount of toxic waste that is subsequently disposed of in the air, water, or landfills. Incidents such as oil spills are recognized for causing the destruction and endangerment of various aquatic life forms.

Nevertheless, prompt and significantly intensified efforts are needed to address the problem and mitigate the ongoing extinctions. Firstly, each government should impose substantial fines on destructive behaviors such as littering, illegal dumping, or other environmental offenses. Implementing stringent laws, accompanied by extensive media coverage, would enhance environmental awareness across all segments of society. Secondly, international organizations, such as the United Nations, should coordinate activities among member countries and encourage private sector participation to promote the sustainable use of the world’s natural resources. Specifically, the involvement of these intergovernmental organizations plays a significant role in initiating negotiations to reduce industrial pollution levels and address other toxic waste issues.

In conclusion, the responsibility for the most recent mass extinction lies not with natural calamities but with human actions. Therefore, various solutions must be implemented to address this concerning trend and rescue endangered species from the brink of extinction.