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The bar chart below demonstrates the various types of accommodation chosen by the British when they went on holiday in 2010

The bar chart below demonstrates the various types of accommodation chosen by the British when they went on holiday in 2010

  The bar chart illustrates data on different choices for living of the travelers from four countries in the UK in the year 2010

     Overall, the hotels were chosen mostly by people from four nations in Great Britain. Self-caterings were the second most chosen in England, Scotland and Wales while people in Northern Ireland love living in caravans 

     Caravans and campings were the least popular accommodations chosen by travelers in England, Scotland and Wales, accounting for over 30% in total while self-caterings were the second chance when people wanted to book around 30%. In addition, all four nations in Great Britain mostly booked hotels to accommodate occurring between 45% and 55% and hotels were witnessed a highest option which chose by people in England.

     However, people in Northern Ireland chose caravans as the second option when they went for a holiday, accounting for 30%. The third choice for the holiday of people in Northern Ireland were self-caterings and campings, both approximating 12%


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "choices for living" -> "choices for accommodation"
    Explanation: Replacing "choices for living" with "choices for accommodation" is more precise and appropriate when referring to the options selected by travelers for their stay.

  2. "travelers from four countries in the UK" -> "travelers from the four nations of the UK"
    Explanation: Using "nations" instead of "countries" is more accurate when describing the components of the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland).

  3. "Self-caterings were the second most chosen" -> "Self-catering options ranked second"
    Explanation: The phrase "Self-catering options ranked second" provides a more concise and formal expression, avoiding the use of the superlative "most chosen."

  4. "while people in Northern Ireland love living in caravans" -> "while residents of Northern Ireland prefer staying in caravans"
    Explanation: Substituting "love living" with "prefer staying" enhances the formality of the statement and uses a more sophisticated verb to describe the choice of accommodation.

  5. "Caravans and campings were the least popular accommodations" -> "Caravans and campgrounds were the least favored lodging choices"
    Explanation: Using "lodging choices" instead of "accommodations" and "least favored" instead of "least popular" contributes to a more refined and varied vocabulary.

  6. "when people wanted to book around 30%" -> "when individuals sought to make reservations, approximately 30%"
    Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more precise and formal description of the percentage associated with the choice of self-catering options.

  7. "all four nations in Great Britain mostly booked hotels" -> "residents of all four nations in Great Britain predominantly opted for hotels"
    Explanation: Substituting "mostly booked" with "predominantly opted for" elevates the formality of the sentence and employs a more sophisticated verb.

  8. "accommodating occurring between 45% and 55%" -> "accommodating between 45% and 55%"
    Explanation: The word "occurring" is redundant in this context, and the revised phrase maintains clarity while eliminating unnecessary elements.

  9. "hotels were witnessed a highest option" -> "hotels emerged as the most preferred choice"
    Explanation: The phrase "were witnessed a highest option" is awkward, and the suggested revision provides a more eloquent and grammatically correct expression.

  10. "chose by people in England" -> "chosen by individuals in England"
    Explanation: Substituting "chose by" with "chosen by" adheres to proper grammar and syntax, contributing to a more polished sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by presenting an overview of the data on different choices for accommodation among travelers from four countries in the UK in 2010. The main trends are identified, such as hotels being the most popular choice overall and caravans being the least popular. The key features and bullet points are presented, including the preference for hotels in England and the popularity of caravans in Northern Ireland.

How to improve:
While the essay covers the main points, there is room for improvement in several areas. The introduction is brief and could benefit from more detail to set the context for the reader. Additionally, the language used in the essay is somewhat repetitive, and there are minor grammatical errors that could be addressed for clarity. To enhance the response, consider providing more specific details and ensuring a smoother flow of information. Also, aim for greater accuracy in sentence structure to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion, with a clear introduction and body paragraphs that present information in a logical order. The use of cohesive devices, such as linking words, contributes to the overall flow of the essay. There is a discernible progression of ideas, particularly when comparing the accommodation choices across the four nations. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with distinct sections for each country’s preferences.

However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences is slightly faulty, and the use of referencing could be clearer. For example, the transition between the overall description and specific details about each nation’s preferences could be smoother. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity, and there are minor grammatical issues, affecting the essay’s overall coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Pay attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence. Consider revising sentences that may be confusing or lack clarity.

  2. Referencing: Work on making references between sentences more explicit. Connect ideas more seamlessly to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

  3. Grammar and Mechanics: Address minor grammatical issues to improve the overall quality of expression and coherence.

Overall, the essay is well-organized, but refinement in sentence structure, referencing, and grammar would contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively communicates the key information about the types of accommodation chosen by travelers in the UK in 2010. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "self-caterings" and "campings," but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "choices for living" might be better phrased as "accommodation choices," and "were witnessed a highest option" could be revised to "were seen as the most popular option." There are also occasional errors in word formation and spelling, such as "chose" instead of "chosen" and "campings" instead of "camping."

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring proper word formation will enhance the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors is essential to prevent inaccuracies that may impede communication. Consider using a wider range of vocabulary with more attention to word choice and collocation to elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay falls within the Band 6 criteria for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. It effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey information about the bar chart. There are instances where complex structures are used, such as "The bar chart illustrates data on different choices for living of the travelers from four countries in the UK in the year 2010." However, there are also some errors and awkward phrasings that slightly hinder communication. For instance, the phrase "living of the travelers" could be revised for better clarity.

While the overall message is conveyed, there are frequent grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that slightly affect the essay’s overall fluency. For example, "Self-caterings were the second most chosen in England, Scotland and Wales while people in Northern Ireland love living in caravans" could be improved for smoother readability.

How to improve:

  1. Refine sentence structures for better clarity and coherence. For example, consider revising "living of the travelers" to "choices of accommodation for travelers."
  2. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, such as in the phrase "Self-caterings were the second most chosen."
  3. Review word choices for accuracy and appropriateness, for instance, "chosen mostly by people" could be refined to "mostly chosen by people."
  4. Ensure consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.

Overall, a Band 6 reflects a mix of strengths and weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in clarity and precision of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart offers insights into the preferred types of accommodation selected by British travelers in the year 2010.

Introduction:
The bar chart delineates the accommodation choices made by residents from four constituent nations of the UK for their holidays in 2010.

Overview:
In general, hotels emerged as the predominant choice for accommodation among the populace from England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland. Notably, individuals from Northern Ireland exhibited a distinct preference for caravans, while self-caterings secured the second position in popularity across England, Scotland, and Wales.

Detailed Paragraphs:

  1. Residents in England, Scotland, and Wales predominantly opted for hotels, constituting a substantial 45% to 55% of their choices. The highest affinity towards hotels was observed among individuals from England.

  2. Self-caterings emerged as the second most favored option in these regions, with an approximate selection rate of 30%. Notably, this choice was particularly popular in England, Scotland, and Wales.

  3. Caravans and campings were the least favored accommodations in England, Scotland, and Wales, collectively accounting for over 30%. The lowest preference among these options was evident in these regions.

  4. Northern Ireland presented a unique trend, with caravans being the second most preferred choice, representing 30% of selections. In this region, hotels remained the primary accommodation choice, ranging between 45% and 55%.

  5. The third most chosen options in Northern Ireland were self-caterings and campings, each accounting for approximately 12% of preferences.

In summary, while hotels universally dominated as the preferred accommodation, variations existed in the secondary choices across the four nations, with Northern Ireland distinctly favoring caravans.

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