The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of country B’ s economy in 2005 and 2015 with a forecast for 2025.

The bar chart compares contribution proportions of five different industrial factors to country B’s economy in 2005 and 2015 with a prediction in the year of 2025.
Overall, it is evident that the highest percentage in economy was made up by finance. In the period from 2005 to 2015, there was a general upward trend in financial industry, food processing and fuels, while the opposite trend was observed in the others. The year of 2025 is forecasted with a range of alterations in all categories.
In 2005, finance and fuels contributed the most for economy of country B, approximately 31%, while 10% was the lowest proportion accounted by food processing. In addition, the figures for manufacturing and tourism were roughly 21% and 26% respectively. A significant increase was experienced in finance, food industry and fuels in 2015. Percentage contributed by finance increased to about 36% in comparison with around 21% and 31% were recorded in food processing and oil, coal and gas respectively. However, at the same time, there was a considerable downward trend in two the other fields. The percentage of manufacturing and tourism declined to a little over 15% and 21% correspondingly.
In 2025, there is a projection that the proportion of finance will continue growing and standing at the highest position of contributors of economy with about 42%. The figure for fuels is predicted to decrease to around 26%; however, it will take the next highest rank in economy. A significant decrease is projected in food industry and manufacturing, which will be 10% and 5% correspondingly. The trend of tourism will see a negligible change until 2025.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart compares" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "compares" for describing the function of a bar chart in presenting data.
"contribution proportions" -> "proportional contributions"
Explanation: "Proportional contributions" is a more precise term that accurately describes the relationship between the size of each sector and the overall economy.
"the highest percentage in economy" -> "the largest proportion of the economy"
Explanation: "The largest proportion of the economy" is a more formal and precise way to describe the size of the contribution of a sector.
"made up by" -> "comprised of"
Explanation: "Comprised of" is a more formal and accurate term for describing the composition of something, such as the economy.
"there was a general upward trend" -> "there was a general upward trend observed"
Explanation: Adding "observed" clarifies that the trend was noticed or recorded, enhancing the academic tone.
"the opposite trend was observed in the others" -> "the opposite trends were observed in the other sectors"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that the trends were observed in multiple sectors, not just one, and uses "sectors" for specificity.
"The year of 2025 is forecasted" -> "It is forecasted for the year 2025"
Explanation: "It is forecasted for the year 2025" is more grammatically correct and formal, improving the flow of the sentence.
"with a range of alterations" -> "with significant changes"
Explanation: "Significant changes" is more specific and academically appropriate than the vague "range of alterations."
"the lowest proportion accounted by" -> "the lowest proportion accounted for"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating the purpose or function of the proportion.
"A significant increase was experienced" -> "A significant increase was observed"
Explanation: "Observed" is more precise in an academic context, indicating that the change was noticed or recorded.
"percentage contributed by" -> "percentage contribution of"
Explanation: "Percentage contribution of" is grammatically correct and clearer in describing the proportion contributed by each sector.
"two the other fields" -> "the other two fields"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error to "the other two fields" improves the sentence structure.
"a little over" -> "approximately"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise term than "a little over" in academic writing.
"standing at the highest position of contributors" -> "remaining the highest contributor"
Explanation: "Remaining the highest contributor" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"take the next highest rank" -> "rank second"
Explanation: "Rank second" is a more direct and formal way to express the relative position of fuels in the economy.
"A significant decrease is projected" -> "a significant decline is projected"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more specific term than "decrease" in the context of economic trends, aligning better with academic style.
"will be 10% and 5% correspondingly" -> "will be 10% and 5% respectively"
Explanation: "Respectively" is the correct adverb to use when listing items in parallel structure, enhancing clarity and formality.
"The trend of tourism will see a negligible change" -> "The trend in tourism is expected to remain unchanged"
Explanation: "Is expected to remain unchanged" is a more precise and formal way to describe the predicted stability in tourism trends.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that there was a general upward trend in financial industry, food processing and fuels, but it does not provide specific details about the magnitude of the increase. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the figure for fuels is predicted to decrease to around 26%, but the chart shows that it is predicted to increase to around 27%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of finance increased by 5% between 2005 and 2015, or that the percentage of food processing increased by 10%. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. For example, the essay could state that the figure for fuels is predicted to increase to around 27%, not decrease to around 26%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transition between sentences and ideas. While paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, particularly in the way some ideas are grouped together, which may confuse the reader. The central topics of each paragraph are generally clear, but the flow could be improved for better clarity and coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus that directly relates to the overall topic. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to ensure that related ideas are grouped together logically will help create a smoother reading experience. Avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that referencing is clear will also contribute to a higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the main points. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are not always accurate, such as "contribution proportions" and "industrial factors," which could be expressed more naturally. There are also some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest percentage in economy" instead of "the highest percentage of the economy." Additionally, there are minor spelling and grammatical errors, such as "two the other fields," which detracts from the overall clarity but does not impede communication significantly.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and natural expressions. They should also ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately and appropriately. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can help enhance clarity and coherence in the writing. Engaging with a wider variety of texts can also aid in developing a more sophisticated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay also contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally impede clarity. For example, phrases like "the highest percentage in economy" and "the year of 2025 is forecasted with a range of alterations" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect prepositions and articles, such as "contributed the most for economy" instead of "to the economy." Overall, the errors are noticeable but do not significantly hinder communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and enhancing sentence variety. This can be done by proofreading for common errors, practicing more complex sentence structures, and ensuring that all phrases are idiomatic and clear. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and using precise language will help convey ideas more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the contribution proportions of five different industries to country B’s economy in 2005 and 2015, with a forecast for 2025.

Overall, it is evident that the highest percentage of the economy was contributed by the finance sector. From 2005 to 2015, there was a general upward trend in the financial industry, food processing, and fuels, while the opposite trend was observed in the other sectors. The year 2025 is forecasted to show a range of alterations across all categories.

In 2005, finance and fuels contributed the most to the economy of country B, at approximately 31%, while food processing accounted for the lowest proportion at 10%. Additionally, the figures for manufacturing and tourism were roughly 21% and 26%, respectively. A significant increase was observed in finance, food processing, and fuels by 2015. The percentage contributed by finance rose to about 36%, compared to around 21% and 31% recorded for food processing and oil, coal, and gas, respectively. However, during the same period, there was a considerable downward trend in the other two fields. The percentages for manufacturing and tourism declined to just over 15% and 21%, correspondingly.

In 2025, it is projected that the proportion of finance will continue to grow, maintaining its position as the highest contributor to the economy at about 42%. The figure for fuels is predicted to decrease to around 26%; however, it will still hold the next highest rank in the economy. A significant decrease is anticipated in food processing and manufacturing, which are expected to be 10% and 5%, respectively. The trend for tourism is expected to see negligible change until 2025.