The bar chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006, and 2010

The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of individuals absorbing the suggested volume of organic food on a daily basis in the UK in three different years.
Overall, it is apparent that the ratio of women eating the advised daily quantity of fruit and vegetables was highest, but that of children was lowest in the given years. Moreover, the shares of citizens of all ages using the proposed daily degree of organic food witnessed upward trends.
In 2002, organic food gained its biggest popularity among women with 25%, while the data of men consuming fruit and vegetables for the recommended daily amount doubled that of children at 22% and 11% respectively.
Subsequently, the figure for female consumers of the suggested volume of organic food on a daily basis significantly soared and peaked at 32% in 2006 before dropping to 27% 4 years later. The statistics of males and of children eating the proposed daily quantity of fruit and vegetables underwent increases to 28% and 16% in that order in 2006, then the former and the latter slightly decreased to 24% and 14% in that sequence over nearly a half-decade.
It is noticeable that the proportion of children using organic food for a recommended daily volume made the biggest change with a rise of 3%, whereas that of males and of females showed the smallest alteration, growing by 2% in the given time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar chart illustrates" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "The given" simplifies the phrase and maintains a more formal tone by avoiding unnecessary redundancy.
"absorbing the suggested volume of organic food" -> "consuming the recommended amount of organic food"
Explanation: "Consume" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "absorb," which is typically used for the intake of substances through the skin or other non-ingestion methods.
"the advised daily quantity of fruit and vegetables" -> "the recommended daily intake of fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: "Recommended daily intake" is a more specific and formal term commonly used in health and nutrition contexts.
"the proposed daily degree of organic food" -> "the recommended daily amount of organic food"
Explanation: "Degree" is vague and incorrect in this context; "amount" is the correct term for quantifying substances like food.
"gained its biggest popularity" -> "achieved its highest level of popularity"
Explanation: "Achieved its highest level of popularity" is a more formal and precise way to describe the peak of popularity.
"the data of men consuming fruit and vegetables for the recommended daily amount" -> "the data on men consuming the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables"
Explanation: "On" is more appropriate than "of" when referring to data about a subject, and the order of the words clarifies the meaning.
"the figure for female consumers of the suggested volume of organic food on a daily basis" -> "the proportion of female consumers of organic food at the recommended daily level"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific than "figure," and "at the recommended daily level" is clearer and more formal than "on a daily basis."
"significantly soared" -> "markedly increased"
Explanation: "Markedly increased" is a more formal and precise term than "significantly soared," which can be seen as overly dramatic for academic writing.
"dropping to 27%" -> "decreasing to 27%"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is a more neutral and formal term than "dropping," which can imply a sudden or dramatic change.
"the statistics of males and of children eating the proposed daily quantity of fruit and vegetables" -> "the statistics for males and children consuming the recommended daily quantity of fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: "For" is more appropriate than "of" when referring to data about a group, and "consuming" is more precise than "eating" in this context.
"the former and the latter" -> "the former and latter"
Explanation: In formal writing, "the former and latter" is typically used without articles when referring to previously mentioned items.
"the biggest change with a rise of 3%" -> "the largest change, with an increase of 3%"
Explanation: "Largest" is more formal than "biggest," and "increase" is more precise than "rise" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the bar chart. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, such as the highest and lowest consumption rates and the overall trends. However, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the use of the phrase "organic food" which is not mentioned in the chart.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the data presented in the chart and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be made more concise and clear by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the ratio of women eating the advised daily quantity of fruit and vegetables was highest," the essay could say "women had the highest percentage of people consuming the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The referencing is not always clear, particularly in the transition between years and the statistics presented. Paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that references are clear and consistent. Additionally, improving the structure of paragraphs to ensure each one has a clear central topic and logical progression will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "proportion," "absorbing," and "organic food." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "absorbing the suggested volume of organic food" instead of "consuming the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables." Additionally, the phrase "daily degree of organic food" is awkward and not idiomatic. There are also some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "witnessed upward trends" which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate, it lacks the precision and flexibility required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that word choices are idiomatic. Expanding the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will improve clarity and professionalism in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the shares of citizens of all ages using the proposed daily degree of organic food witnessed upward trends," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, phrases like "the suggested volume of organic food" are somewhat awkward and could be improved for clarity. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, as the overall meaning is still conveyed.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and refining awkward phrases. Incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures with greater accuracy and ensuring that punctuation is consistently correct will also help in improving the score. Practicing with more varied sentence constructions and seeking feedback on grammar usage can further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of individuals consuming the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in the UK in three different years. Overall, it is apparent that the percentage of women eating the advised daily quantity of fruit and vegetables was the highest, while that of children was the lowest in the given years. Moreover, the proportions of citizens of all ages consuming the proposed daily amount of fruit and vegetables experienced upward trends.

In 2002, the consumption of fruit and vegetables was most popular among women at 25%, while the figures for men and children were 22% and 11% respectively, with men consuming double the amount of children. Subsequently, the percentage of female consumers of the recommended daily amount significantly soared, peaking at 32% in 2006 before dropping to 27% four years later. The statistics for males and children consuming the proposed daily quantity of fruit and vegetables also increased to 28% and 16% respectively in 2006, but both figures slightly decreased to 24% and 14% in that order over the next four years.

It is noteworthy that the proportion of children consuming the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables saw the largest change, with an increase of 5%, while the figures for males and females showed smaller changes, both growing by 2% during the same period.