The bar chart below shows the price of tickets on one airline between Sydney and Melbourne, Australia over a two week period in 2013.

The bar chart illustrates the differences in ticket prices between Sydney and Melbourne over a two-week period in 2013.
It is clear that there was only a minor change in airfares between the two cities. Overall, higher costs are typically observed on weekends rather than weekdays, except for Monday of Week 1.
Over the 14 days, the price of a flight ticket from Sydney to Melbourne changed depending on the day of the week. On the Monday of Week 1, the price was $80, but this decreased considerably to $50 on the following Monday. From Tuesday to Thursday of both weeks, the fares were relatively stable, averaging around $40. On Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, the prices remained consistent, at approximately $76, $70, and $50 respectively.
A similar trend was observed for flights from Melbourne to Sydney. Prices decreased slightly from $60 and $40 on Mondays to about $35 on weekdays. The cost of tickets peaked on Fridays, reaching $80 in Week 1 and $60 in Week 2. On Saturdays and Sundays of the first week, travelers paid around $55 per ticket, whereas during the same days in the second week, the fare was slightly lower, at exactly $50.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart illustrates the differences in ticket prices" -> "The bar chart depicts the variations in ticket prices"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in the context of presenting data, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"between Sydney and Melbourne" -> "between Sydney and Melbourne airports"
Explanation: Adding "airports" clarifies the specific locations being compared, providing a more precise context for the data discussed.
"there was only a minor change" -> "there was a relatively small change"
Explanation: "Relatively small" is a more formal and precise term than "minor," which can sound somewhat informal and vague in academic writing.
"higher costs are typically observed on weekends" -> "higher costs are generally observed on weekends"
Explanation: "Generally" is a more formal synonym for "typically," aligning better with academic style by avoiding colloquial expressions.
"except for Monday of Week 1" -> "except for Monday of the first week"
Explanation: "The first week" is more specific and formal than "Week 1," which can appear too informal or conversational for academic writing.
"the price was $80" -> "the price was $80.00"
Explanation: Adding ".00" to the dollar amount provides clarity and precision, which is typical in formal and academic contexts.
"decreased considerably" -> "decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more precise and formal term than "considerably," which can be vague and less formal.
"relatively stable" -> "relatively consistent"
Explanation: "Consistent" is more specific and academically appropriate than "stable," which can imply a broader range of meanings.
"averaging around $40" -> "averaging approximately $40"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more formal and precise adverb than "around," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"Prices decreased slightly" -> "Prices decreased marginally"
Explanation: "Marginally" is a more precise term than "slightly," which can be too informal for academic writing.
"The cost of tickets peaked" -> "The cost of tickets reached its peak"
Explanation: "Reached its peak" is a more formal and precise way to describe the highest point in a series of data.
"travelers paid around $55 per ticket" -> "travelers paid approximately $55 per ticket"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal and precise than "around," aligning better with academic style.
"the fare was slightly lower" -> "the fare decreased slightly"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more direct and formal verb than "was lower," which can sound passive and less precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could have provided more specific details about the price changes, such as the percentage increase or decrease in price.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the price changes. For example, the essay could have stated that the price of a ticket from Sydney to Melbourne increased by 20% on Fridays, or that the price of a ticket from Melbourne to Sydney decreased by 10% on Tuesdays. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could have discussed the reasons for the price changes, such as the demand for flights or the availability of seats.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The central topic of each paragraph is evident, particularly in the way the writer discusses the ticket prices from both cities. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances where the connection between sentences could be smoother, indicating some under-use of cohesive devices. Overall, the essay effectively conveys the information, but there are minor issues with cohesion that prevent it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer could incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next would improve overall readability. More explicit referencing and substitution could also help reduce repetition and clarify relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, effectively conveying the main trends and details of the bar chart. However, while it attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "considerably," "peaked," "observed"), there are instances of inaccuracy and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the repeated use of "prices" and "ticket" could be improved with synonyms or varied expressions. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "airfares" which could be more consistently used. These factors prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition. They should also ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately and appropriately. Furthermore, paying attention to spelling and word formation will help to minimize errors that could impede communication. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions will also contribute to a more polished and nuanced essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer has good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. The use of comparative language and clear organization contributes to the overall clarity of the response. However, while the grammatical range is solid, it does not fully exhibit the flexibility and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures, particularly by incorporating more complex and compound sentences. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would enhance the overall grammatical accuracy. Practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence beginnings could also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the differences in ticket prices between Sydney and Melbourne over a two-week period in 2013. It is evident that there was only a minor fluctuation in airfares between the two cities. Overall, higher costs were typically observed on weekends rather than weekdays, with the exception of Monday of Week 1.

Throughout the 14 days, the price of a flight ticket from Sydney to Melbourne varied depending on the day of the week. On the Monday of Week 1, the price was $80, but this decreased significantly to $50 on the following Monday. From Tuesday to Thursday of both weeks, the fares remained relatively stable, averaging around $40. On Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays, the prices were consistent, at approximately $76, $70, and $50 respectively.

A similar trend was noted for flights from Melbourne to Sydney. Prices decreased slightly from $60 on Mondays to about $35 on weekdays. The cost of tickets peaked on Fridays, reaching $80 in Week 1 and $60 in Week 2. On Saturdays and Sundays of the first week, travelers paid around $55 per ticket, whereas during the same days in the second week, the fare was slightly lower, at exactly $50.