The bar chart shows the causes leading to culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant, at least 150 words.

The provided bar chart indicates the main reasons for culture shock among overseas employees in Vietnam.
Overall, there are five major reasons leading to culture shock for foreigners when coming to work in Vietnam. Additionally, there are several other reasons. Among these, language barriers and the contrast between expectations and reality are considered the two greatest reasons explaining this phenomenon.
The primary reason foreigners are most susceptible to culture shock is the language barrier, which constitutes nearly 30% of the total, according to the provided statistics. Following closely, ollowing closely, with the same proportion as the language barrier, is the difference between expectations and reality, at 27%.
Subsequently, the third and fourth causes exhibit similar proportions, with a lack of comprehension and challenges in assimilating with the working environment accounting for 18% and 17% respectively. Accounting for the lowest proportion among the factors specifically mentioned is change in living, only nearly 1/3 of the most important reason. Finally, other contributing factors represent the smallest proportion, constituting only 3% of the total.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"main reasons for culture shock" -> "primary causes of culture shock"
Explanation: "Primary causes of culture shock" is a more precise and formal alternative to "main reasons for culture shock," enhancing the clarity and sophistication of the statement.
"there are five major reasons leading to culture shock" -> "five major factors contributing to culture shock"
Explanation: "Contributing to culture shock" is a more active and precise phrase than "leading to culture shock," providing a clearer description of the relationship between the factors and culture shock.
"Among these, language barriers and the contrast between expectations and reality are considered the two greatest reasons explaining this phenomenon." -> "Among these, language barriers and dissonance between expectations and reality are considered the primary factors contributing to this phenomenon."
Explanation: Replacing "the two greatest reasons explaining this phenomenon" with "the primary factors contributing to this phenomenon" maintains clarity while using more sophisticated language.
"The primary reason foreigners are most susceptible to culture shock" -> "The main factor that renders foreigners highly susceptible to culture shock"
Explanation: "Main factor that renders foreigners highly susceptible" is a more formal and specific alternative to "primary reason foreigners are most susceptible," improving the precision and formality of the statement.
"Following closely, ollowing closely" -> "Closely following"
Explanation: "Closely following" is a more concise and grammatically correct way to express the idea of following closely.
"Subsequently, the third and fourth causes exhibit similar proportions" -> "Moreover, the third and fourth factors demonstrate comparable proportions"
Explanation: "Demonstrate comparable proportions" is a more formal and precise alternative to "exhibit similar proportions," enhancing the clarity and sophistication of the statement.
"with a lack of comprehension and challenges in assimilating with the working environment accounting for 18% and 17% respectively" -> "with a lack of comprehension accounting for 18% and challenges in assimilating with the working environment accounting for 17%"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence to place the specific percentages immediately after the factors being described improves clarity and readability.
"Accounting for the lowest proportion among the factors specifically mentioned is change in living, only nearly 1/3 of the most important reason." -> "The change in living conditions, comprising only approximately one-third of the most significant factor, represents the smallest proportion."
Explanation: The revised sentence provides a clearer and more precise description of the proportion of change in living conditions compared to the most important reason.
"Finally, other contributing factors represent the smallest proportion, constituting only 3% of the total." -> "Lastly, other contributing factors represent the smallest proportion, constituting merely 3% of the total."
Explanation: Replacing "Finally" with "Lastly" maintains the sequential flow of the paragraph, while "merely" adds emphasis to the small proportion, enhancing the clarity and impact of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart depicting causes of culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam. It provides an overview of the major reasons for culture shock and presents key features such as language barriers, contrast between expectations and reality, lack of comprehension, challenges in assimilating with the working environment, and change in living. The essay makes relevant comparisons between these reasons, highlighting their proportions and significance.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could extend its analysis by providing more detailed explanations or examples for each reason presented. Additionally, ensuring that all information provided is accurate and supported by the data from the chart would strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with coherence and some progression. It starts with a clear introduction summarizing the main features of the bar chart and proceeds to elaborate on the major reasons for culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam. The essay effectively organizes ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a different cause. Cohesive devices are used, albeit somewhat mechanically, to connect ideas within and between sentences. The use of paragraphing is sufficient, although there could be a more logical arrangement of paragraphs for smoother flow.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim for a more seamless integration of cohesive devices, ensuring they don’t appear mechanical. Work on transitioning between paragraphs to improve overall flow. Additionally, ensure that the progression of ideas is clearer throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam. It effectively conveys the main features of the bar chart and makes comparisons where relevant. The writer utilizes terms such as "culture shock," "language barrier," "expectations and reality," "assimilating," and "working environment" appropriately. Additionally, the essay attempts to incorporate less common vocabulary, such as "comprehension," which adds depth to the discussion. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated to fully meet the Band 7 criteria.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, especially more sophisticated and precise terms. This could involve using synonyms for frequently used words to avoid repetition and employing more complex language structures. Additionally, integrating academic or formal vocabulary related to sociology or intercultural communication could enhance the lexical richness of the essay. Finally, paying closer attention to collocation and word choice to ensure accuracy and fluency will further strengthen the lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which contributes to a varied structure. There is an attempt to use a wide range of vocabulary, indicating some flexibility in language use. While the majority of the sentences are error-free, there are occasional grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay. For instance, "Following closely, ollowing closely" contains a typographical error. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases. However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on proofreading to eliminate typographical errors and punctuation mistakes. Additionally, aim for more consistent accuracy in complex sentence structures. Expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence structures further can enhance flexibility in language use.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart provided outlines the principal causes of culture shock experienced by foreign workers in Vietnam. Overall, it identifies five significant reasons contributing to culture shock, along with a few lesser ones. The most prominent of these are language barriers and discrepancies between expectations and reality, both accounting for substantial proportions.

Language barriers emerge as the foremost cause of culture shock, representing nearly 30% of the cases according to the chart. Closely following is the disparity between expectations and reality, which accounts for 27%. These two factors are the primary challenges faced by foreigners adjusting to life in Vietnam.

Additionally, other significant causes include difficulties in understanding local social norms and challenges associated with adapting to the workplace environment, each constituting 18% and 17% respectively. The smallest specific cause mentioned is adjustments to living conditions, which accounts for roughly 10%, significantly lower than the leading reasons. Other minor contributing factors make up a mere 3% of the total.

This summary highlights the main influences leading to culture shock among foreign workers, providing a clear comparison of their impacts.