The bar chart shows the causes leading to culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar chart indicates the reasons main to subculture surprise amongst overseas employees in Vietnam.
Overall, there are five major reasons leading to culture shock for foreigners when coming to work in Vietnam, besides there are a number of other reasons. Language barriers and the contrast between expectations and reality are considered the two greatest reasons to explain this phenomenon.
The reason why foreigners are most susceptible to culture shock is the language barrier, which accounts for almost 30%, according to statistics. The second cause with the same proportion as language barrier is the difference between expectations and reality, at 27%.
The third and fourth reasons have approximately equal rates: lack of understanding and difficulty integrating with the working style, 18% and 17% respectively. Finally, other causes account for the lowest rate at only 3%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"reasons main to subculture surprise" -> "primary factors contributing to culture shock"
Explanation: The phrase "reasons main to subculture surprise" is not only grammatically incorrect but also uses "subculture" inappropriately. "Subculture" refers to a cultural group within a larger culture, often having beliefs or interests at variance with those of the larger culture, which is not applicable here. The corrected phrase uses "primary factors contributing to" which is grammatically sound and accurate in context, replacing "subculture surprise" with "culture shock" to correctly convey the intended meaning.
"besides there are a number of other reasons" -> "additionally, several other factors exist"
Explanation: The phrase "besides there are a number of other reasons" is awkwardly constructed and informal. Using "additionally, several other factors exist" refines the structure and elevates the formality of the sentence, enhancing readability and precision.
"the two greatest reasons to explain this phenomenon" -> "the two predominant explanations for this phenomenon"
Explanation: The phrase "the two greatest reasons to explain this phenomenon" is slightly awkward and can be more elegantly expressed. "The two predominant explanations for this phenomenon" is more formal and better suited to academic or analytical writing, emphasizing the importance of these reasons more effectively.
"The reason why foreigners are most susceptible" -> "The primary reason foreigners are most susceptible"
Explanation: The original phrase can be improved by specifying "primary" to emphasize the significance of this particular reason over others. This adjustment provides clarity and adds a level of detail that supports the analytical tone of the essay.
"the same proportion as language barrier" -> "an equivalent proportion to that of the language barrier"
Explanation: "The same proportion as language barrier" is grammatically awkward and lacks precision. "An equivalent proportion to that of the language barrier" corrects these issues, providing a clearer and more formal comparison between the two statistical figures.
"lack of understanding and difficulty integrating with the working style" -> "limited comprehension and challenges integrating into the working style"
Explanation: "Lack of understanding" and "difficulty integrating with the working style" are somewhat vague and can be interpreted as slightly informal. "Limited comprehension" and "challenges integrating into the working style" offer more precise and formal alternatives that are better suited for a detailed analytical discussion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features presented in the bar chart. It clearly outlines the five major reasons for culture shock among foreign workers in Vietnam, highlighting language barriers and the contrast between expectations and reality as the primary causes. The information is presented in a structured manner, with each reason being distinctly discussed.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and potentially achieve a higher band score, consider providing more detailed explanations for each of the reasons presented. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs can further improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. It effectively identifies the main features of the bar chart and provides comparisons where relevant. The introduction and conclusion frame the main points well. Paragraphing is used adequately, but could be improved for better logical flow. The essay demonstrates some effective use of cohesive devices, although there are instances where cohesion within sentences could be stronger. Additionally, the essay lacks clear referencing and substitution in some parts.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider restructuring some sentences for smoother transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure clear referencing to data from the chart, avoiding ambiguity. Additionally, refine paragraphing to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single central topic and logically progresses the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering key aspects of the given bar chart such as "reasons leading to culture shock," "language barriers," "contrast between expectations and reality," "lack of understanding," and "difficulty integrating with the working style." The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, though there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "reasons main to subculture surprise" could be improved for clarity and precision. Additionally, while there are some attempts at varied expression, the language lacks the sophistication and fluency expected for higher bands. However, the communication is not impeded by spelling or word formation errors.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on enhancing vocabulary variety and precision. Use synonyms or more specific terms to avoid repetition, and ensure that word choice and collocation are accurate. Aim for a more natural and fluent expression by studying model essays and authentic materials. Additionally, proofread carefully to eliminate any errors in spelling or word formation that could detract from the clarity of the message.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, including introductory phrases ("Overall," "The reason why," "The second cause with the same proportion as…") and dependent clauses ("according to statistics," "considered the two greatest reasons to explain this phenomenon"). There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, although some sentences lack complexity.

The essay also shows some errors in grammar and punctuation that, while not significantly hindering communication, are noticeable. For instance, there are minor issues such as missing articles ("the reasons main to subculture surprise"), unclear phrasing ("The second cause with the same proportion as language barrier is the difference between expectations and reality, at 27%"), and occasional awkward phrasing ("Finally, other causes account for the lowest rate at only 3%").

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures consistently. Work on clarity and precision in phrasing to avoid ambiguity or confusion for the reader. Proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation issues can further enhance the overall accuracy of the essay. Additionally, strive for smoother transitions between ideas to improve the flow of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart illustrates the primary factors contributing to culture shock among expatriate workers in Vietnam.

In general, there are five prominent causes underlying culture shock experienced by foreigners upon their arrival to work in Vietnam, alongside several additional factors. Notably, language barriers and disparities between expectations and reality emerge as the foremost reasons explaining this phenomenon.

The predominant factor rendering foreigners vulnerable to culture shock is the language barrier, which constitutes nearly 30% of the total, according to the provided statistics. Following closely, at the same percentage, is the discordance between expectations and reality.

Subsequently, the third and fourth causes exhibit similar proportions, with a lack of comprehension and challenges in assimilating with the working environment accounting for 18% and 17% respectively. Lastly, other contributing factors represent the smallest proportion, constituting only 3% of the total.