The bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts gives information about the different forms of transport used to commute and for work in a European city over the period of 40 years
Overall, while the percentage of people using cars witnessed an upward trend over the years, [the opposite trend was true for the figures for the other modes of transport] the figures for the other modes of transport saw a significant decrease during the period shown. In addition, a large number of people opted to drive to work in 2000.
In terms of car use and walking, In 1960, around 5% of total travellers used cars to travel and for work. After that, The number of citizens who used cars grew steadily and in 2000 it surpassed 35%.While, almost 35% of European travellers had chosen to walk. Additionally, In the year 2000, the figure for people who walked fell to 9%.
Regarding bike and bus usage, Bikes were preferred by a quarter of the population compared to bus usage. There was a gradual decrease in the percentage of citizens using bikes,and it was just 5% in 2000. Buses were used by 17% of the people in 1960, and the number increased to 27% in the year 1980,and then . However, its figure decreased to 15% in 2000.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The bar charts gives" -> "The bar charts provide"
   Explanation: "Provide" is the correct verb form for the passive voice in this context, enhancing the formal tone and grammatical accuracy.

2. "commute and for work" -> "commute and to work"
   Explanation: "To work" is the correct preposition to use in this context, aligning with the intended meaning of traveling to one’s workplace.

3. "witnessed an upward trend" -> "experienced a significant increase"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant increase" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "witnessed an upward trend."

4. "the figures for the other modes of transport saw a significant decrease" -> "the figures for other modes of transport showed a substantial decline"
   Explanation: "Showed a substantial decline" is more formal and precise than "saw a significant decrease," and "substantial" is preferred over "significant" for academic writing.

5. "a large number of people opted to drive" -> "a considerable number of individuals chose to drive"
   Explanation: "Chose" is more formal than "opted," and "individuals" is more precise than "people" in academic contexts.

6. "In terms of car use and walking," -> "Regarding car usage and walking"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "In terms of," and "usage" is preferred over "use" in formal writing.

7. "The number of citizens who used cars grew steadily" -> "The number of citizens utilizing cars increased steadily"
   Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "used," and "increased" is more precise than "grew."

8. "almost 35% of European travellers had chosen to walk" -> "approximately 35% of European travelers chose to walk"
   Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise than "almost," and "travelers" is the correct plural form in American English, which is commonly used in academic writing.

9. "Regarding bike and bus usage," -> "Regarding bicycle and bus usage"
   Explanation: "Bicycle" is the correct term for the mode of transport, and "usage" is more formal than "use."

10. "There was a gradual decrease in the percentage of citizens using bikes" -> "There was a gradual decline in the proportion of citizens using bicycles"
    Explanation: "Decline" is more specific than "decrease," and "proportion" is more precise than "percentage" in this context.

11. "and it was just 5%" -> "and it had decreased to 5%"
    Explanation: "Had decreased to" is more formal and precise than "was just," which is too informal for academic writing.

12. "Buses were used by 17% of the people" -> "Buses were used by 17% of the population"
    Explanation: "Population" is a more formal term than "people," aligning better with academic style.

13. "and then. However, its figure decreased to 15% in 2000." -> "and then, however, its usage decreased to 15% in 2000."
    Explanation: The addition of "however" clarifies the contrast, and "usage" is more specific than "figure" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the information presented in the bar chart, but it lacks a comprehensive overview of all the modes of transport mentioned in the prompt. While it discusses cars, walking, bikes, and buses, it fails to adequately highlight the main features and comparisons across the three years (1960, 1980, and 2000). For instance, the essay does not clearly present the percentage of people using buses in 2000 or provide a comparative analysis of the trends for each mode of transport over the specified years.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that each mode of transport is discussed with clear data points for all three years. A structured overview that outlines the main trends before diving into specifics would enhance clarity. Including a summary statement that encapsulates the overall trends observed in the data would also strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position or argument, as it is primarily descriptive. While it states trends, it lacks a definitive stance or interpretation of the data. The phrase "the opposite trend was true for the figures for the other modes of transport" is vague and does not clarify what those trends are, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state the main trends and their implications. For instance, a clear thesis statement at the beginning could outline the significant changes in transport modes over the years. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reinforce the main argument would also help in maintaining clarity throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the changes in transport modes but lacks depth and support. For example, while it mentions that car usage increased, it does not explain why this might be significant or how it compares to other modes. The support for claims is minimal, with no specific data points or comparisons provided to illustrate the trends effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific data points for each mode of transport and explain their relevance. For example, discussing the implications of the rise in car usage (e.g., urbanization, changes in lifestyle) or the decline in walking could provide a more nuanced understanding of the data. Additionally, using comparative language (e.g., "in contrast to the rise in car usage, walking saw a significant decline") would strengthen the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing modes of transport as required by the prompt. However, some sentences are convoluted and could lead to confusion about the main focus. For instance, the phrase "the figures for the other modes of transport saw a significant decrease during the period shown" is somewhat ambiguous and could be clearer.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the analysis of the bar chart. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague language will help keep the discussion clear and relevant. Additionally, organizing the essay into distinct sections for each mode of transport could improve coherence and focus.

In summary, the essay needs to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the data, present a clearer position, extend and support ideas with relevant details, and maintain a focused discussion throughout. By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their Task Response score significantly.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear overview of the trends in transport modes over the specified years. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall summary highlights the main trends observed in the data. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the discussion of car usage, walking, biking, and bus usage is somewhat jumbled, making it harder for the reader to follow the progression of information. The transitions between different modes of transport could be clearer, as the essay jumps between statistics without a smooth flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay by grouping similar modes of transport together. For example, you could have one paragraph dedicated to cars, another for walking, and a third for biking and bus usage. This way, comparisons can be made more effectively within each section, and the reader can follow the trends more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they lack clear topic sentences and transitions that guide the reader through the argument. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, but the subsequent paragraphs do not clearly delineate different modes of transport. For example, the transition from discussing cars to walking is abrupt and could confuse readers about the main focus of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines what the paragraph will discuss. For instance, start a paragraph with "Car usage saw a significant increase over the years," followed by supporting details. Additionally, use linking phrases to transition between ideas, such as "In contrast," or "Similarly," to clarify relationships between different modes of transport.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "Regarding," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, the phrase "the figures for the other modes of transport" appears multiple times, which can lead to redundancy and disrupt the flow of reading. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices in some areas feels forced or awkward, such as "While, almost 35% of European travellers had chosen to walk," where the comma placement is incorrect.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "On the other hand" to contrast the increase in car usage with the decrease in walking. Additionally, ensure that punctuation is correct to maintain clarity. Practicing the use of various cohesive devices in writing exercises can help in becoming more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant information, enhancing the logical organization, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to transport and commuting. Terms such as "commute," "upward trend," "significant decrease," and "preferred" are appropriately used. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "modes of transport" and "the figures for," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modes of transport," you could use "transportation methods," "means of travel," or "commuting options." Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could help convey nuances in the data, such as "dramatic decrease" or "steady increase."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the opposite trend was true for the figures for the other modes of transport" is somewhat vague and could be clearer. The use of "witnessed" in "witnessed an upward trend" is also a bit informal for an academic context.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, aim for clarity in your expressions. Instead of "the opposite trend was true," you might say, "in contrast, the usage of other modes of transport declined." Additionally, consider replacing informal terms like "witnessed" with more formal alternatives such as "experienced" or "showed." This will help convey your points more effectively and in a more academic tone.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "commute and for work" (which should be "commute to work") and "its figure decreased" (which should be "its figures decreased"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can help catch basic errors, but manual proofreading is essential for context-specific mistakes. Additionally, practicing common vocabulary related to the topic can help reinforce correct spelling and usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses relevant vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing clarity, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("The bar charts gives information about the different forms of transport used to commute and for work in a European city over the period of 40 years") and compound sentences ("Overall, while the percentage of people using cars witnessed an upward trend over the years, the figures for the other modes of transport saw a significant decrease during the period shown"). However, the range is somewhat limited, with frequent reliance on basic sentence forms and conjunctions. For example, the phrase "In terms of car use and walking" could be expanded into a more complex structure to enhance clarity and engagement.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "In addition, a large number of people opted to drive to work in 2000," you could say, "In addition to the rising trend in car usage, which saw a significant increase by 2000, a large number of people opted to drive to work." This not only varies the structure but also improves the flow of information.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "The bar charts gives" should be "The bar charts give" to match the plural subject with the correct verb form. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "In terms of car use and walking, In 1960," where the second "In" should not be capitalized. Another example is the awkward phrasing in "the figures for the other modes of transport saw a significant decrease during the period shown," which could be more clearly expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, review subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs match their subjects in number. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding capitalization after commas and the use of commas to separate clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading your work for common errors can also help. For instance, after writing, read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant information, improving the variety of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts provide information about the different forms of transport used to commute and to work in a European city over a period of 40 years. Overall, while the percentage of people using cars experienced a significant increase over the years, the figures for other modes of transport showed a substantial decline during the period shown. In addition, a considerable number of people chose to drive to work in 2000.

In terms of car usage and walking, in 1960, around 5% of total travelers used cars to commute and to work. After that, the number of citizens utilizing cars increased steadily, and in 2000 it surpassed 35%. Meanwhile, almost 35% of European travelers had chosen to walk. Additionally, in the year 2000, the figure for people who walked fell to 9%.

Regarding bicycle and bus usage, bicycles were preferred by a quarter of the population compared to bus usage. There was a gradual decline in the proportion of citizens using bicycles, and it had decreased to 5% in 2000. Buses were used by 17% of the population in 1960, and the number increased to 27% in the year 1980; however, its usage decreased to 15% in 2000.