The bar chart shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second years of use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of visits to a community website in the first and second years of use.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart illustrates how many individuals visited a community website in each of two years.
Overall, page views in the second year of use were significantly higher than in the first year. However, after 2 years, the high views of the community website appeared in the middle of year, around June, July or at the end of the year like November, December.

I'm the first year, there was about 2400 people Joining the website. This number increased continuously for 3 months until November, December reached 10000 users, before dropping to a lowest level than at the beginning, about 2300 people in February, March. Nevertheless, The community website continued to fluctuate with a strong upward trend and peaked in the first year with around 15000 users in August.

In the second year, the trend of increase and decrease was repeated as in the first year. Starting with around 3500 users, the lowest recorded was in September and the number increased rapidly until December when it reached around 17500. Like the previous year, the number of users on the site declined to around 10000 in February and March before reaching a peak of 21000 users in July. However, the number then decreased to around 12500 by the end of August. Although there were many fluctuations recorded in different time periods, it can be seen that compared to the first year, the site received much more attention in the second year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the chart illustrates how many individuals visited" -> "the chart depicts the number of individuals who visited"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal verb than "illustrates" in this context, and "who visited" is grammatically correct compared to "how many individuals visited", which is awkward and less formal.
"page views" -> "page views of the website"
Explanation: Adding "of the website" clarifies that the page views refer specifically to the community website being discussed, enhancing clarity and specificity.
"However, after 2 years, the high views of the community website appeared" -> "However, after two years, the community website experienced a surge in views"
Explanation: "Experienced a surge in views" is more precise and formal than "appeared," which is vague and less suitable for academic writing. "Two years" should be written as "two years" for consistency in date format.
"I’m the first year" -> "In the first year"
Explanation: "I’m" is a contraction and is too informal for academic writing. "In" is the correct preposition to use here.
"Joining the website" -> "accessing the website"
Explanation: "Accessing" is a more precise term than "Joining," which is typically used for membership or affiliation, not for general usage.
"This number increased continuously for 3 months until November, December reached 10000 users" -> "This number increased continuously for three months, reaching 10,000 users in November and December"
Explanation: "Reaching 10,000 users in November and December" corrects the awkward phrasing and provides clarity on the timing of the increase.
"before dropping to a lowest level than at the beginning" -> "before dropping to a lower level than at the beginning"
Explanation: "Lower" is the correct comparative form needed here, and "than" should be "than" for correct comparison.
"Nevertheless, The community website continued to fluctuate" -> "Nevertheless, the community website continued to fluctuate"
Explanation: Capitalization of "The" is incorrect; it should be lowercase in this context.
"peaked in the first year with around 15000 users in August" -> "peaked in the first year with approximately 15,000 users in August"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "around," and the comma after "15,000" is necessary for clarity.
"the trend of increase and decrease was repeated" -> "the trend of fluctuation was repeated"
Explanation: "Fluctuation" is a more precise term than "increase and decrease," which is redundant and less formal.
"Like the previous year" -> "similar to the previous year"
Explanation: "Similar to" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "Like," which is too casual for academic writing.
"the number of users on the site declined" -> "the number of users on the site decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal synonym for "declined," aligning better with academic style.
"it can be seen that compared to the first year, the site received much more attention" -> "it is evident that compared to the first year, the site received significantly more attention"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a stronger, more formal expression than "it can be seen," and "significantly" adds a level of specificity to the comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information in the chart. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the number of users on the site declined to around 12500 by the end of August in the second year, but the chart shows that the number of users was around 13500.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate details and by avoiding irrelevant information. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that the number of users "increased rapidly" in the second year, the essay could say that the number of users "increased significantly" or "increased at a faster rate."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a generally coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing the first year to the second year. However, while there is a logical arrangement of ideas, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, leading to occasional awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "the trend of increase and decrease was repeated" could be more fluidly expressed. Additionally, there are instances where referencing is unclear, such as "the lowest recorded was in September," which could benefit from clearer context. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively, ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical. Additionally, improving the clarity of references and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic will contribute to a more organized structure. Finally, practicing varied sentence structures and avoiding repetitive phrases will help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main features of the bar chart, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "a lowest level" (should be "the lowest level") and "the high views of the community website appeared in the middle of year" (should be "the highest views appeared in the middle of the year"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message clearly.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are accurate and appropriate for the context. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation will help improve clarity. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. While there are attempts at more complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and sentence fragments, can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the high views of the community website appeared in the middle of year" and "the lowest recorded was in September" exhibit awkward constructions and grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which further detracts from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that they are accurate. Practicing the correct use of tenses and improving punctuation will also enhance clarity. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct recurring errors. Additionally, using a variety of sentence starters and linking words can improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the number of individuals who visited a community website during its first and second years of operation. Overall, page views in the second year were significantly higher than in the first year. However, after two years, the peak visits to the community website occurred in the middle of the year, around June and July, as well as towards the end of the year, particularly in November and December.

In the first year, approximately 2,400 people joined the website. This number increased steadily for three months, reaching 10,000 users by November and December, before dropping to a lower level than at the beginning, around 2,300 people in February and March. Nevertheless, the community website continued to fluctuate, exhibiting a strong upward trend and peaking in the first year with about 15,000 users in August.

In the second year, the pattern of increases and decreases mirrored that of the first year. Starting with around 3,500 users, the lowest recorded number was in September, after which the figure rose rapidly until December, when it reached approximately 17,500. Similar to the previous year, the number of users on the site declined to around 10,000 in February and March before peaking at 21,000 users in July. However, the number then decreased to around 12,500 by the end of August. Although there were numerous fluctuations recorded during different time periods, it is evident that, compared to the first year, the site garnered significantly more attention in the second year.