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The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the types of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given data illustrate how various ages approached information on several media platforms taking place in a random country in 2011.

In overview, the radio was the most popular among other media in the age of 18 to over 65, while the young preferred social networks. Moreover, microblogging was the least used platform of all ages.

In detail, radio had the highest-used proportion between the ages of 18 and 64 with 95%. Meanwhile, more than 85% of seniors collecting news by listening to the radio, ranked them at second place compared to the other groups. In the ages of 10 to 17, only 40% of them got daily news, placing third among the other ages.

However, social media were the most widely used by teenagers with 80% of them, as much as those who were in the ages of 18 and 29. From this point, the popularity of social networking sites decreased in the contrary motion to how long they lived, from 45% to solely 10% between 30 and over 65 years old. Lastly, the most uncommon news platform was microblogging, since the highest rate ever recorded was 25% in the 18-29 age group, while solely 5% of the old updating news with this.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “illustrate how various ages approached information” -> “depict how individuals across different age groups accessed information”
    Explanation: “Approached” is a vague term in this context. “Depict” offers a more precise and descriptive alternative. Also, replacing “various ages” with “individuals across different age groups” provides a clearer and more specific description.
  2. “In overview” -> “Overall”
    Explanation: “In overview” sounds awkward; “Overall” is a more succinct and natural transition to introduce a general summary.
  3. “the young preferred social networks” -> “young individuals favored social networks”
    Explanation: Using “the young” feels slightly informal. Replacing it with “young individuals” maintains formality and clarity. “Favored” is a stronger verb choice over “preferred” in this context.
  4. “microblogging was the least used platform of all ages” -> “microblogging had the lowest usage across all age brackets”
    Explanation: “Least used” can be expressed more formally as “lowest usage.” Using “age brackets” is more precise and avoids repetition.
  5. “radio had the highest-used proportion” -> “the radio had the highest proportion of usage”
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase helps in maintaining clarity and readability.
  6. “more than 85% of seniors collecting news” -> “over 85% of seniors acquiring news”
    Explanation: Replacing “collecting” with “acquiring” provides a more formal and fitting term for obtaining news.
  7. “In the ages of 10 to 17” -> “Among individuals aged 10 to 17”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative offers a clearer and more formal expression for this age group.
  8. “However, social media were the most widely used by teenagers” -> “Conversely, teenagers predominantly utilized social media”
    Explanation: The term “widely used” can be replaced with “predominantly utilized” for a more sophisticated tone. “Conversely” better introduces a contrasting point.
  9. “solely 10%” -> “only 10%”
    Explanation: Using “only” is more common and sounds more natural in this context.
  10. “the most uncommon news platform” -> “the least prevalent news platform”
    Explanation: “Uncommon” can be replaced with “least prevalent” for better clarity and formality.
  11. “since the highest rate ever recorded was 25%” -> “as the peak recorded rate reached 25%”
    Explanation: The suggested alternative offers a clearer description of the highest recorded rate for better precision.
  12. “while solely 5% of the old updating news with this” -> “while only 5% of older individuals updated news using this platform”
    Explanation: Replacing “the old” with “older individuals” sounds more respectful and appropriate. Also, rephrasing “updating news with this” to “updated news using this platform” offers a clearer statement.

 

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview of the main trends in media usage among different age groups. It highlights key features and makes relevant comparisons. The overview is well-structured, with a clear identification of the most and least popular media platforms across various age brackets.

How to improve:
To improve, consider providing a more thorough analysis of the data. While the essay correctly identifies the most and least popular media platforms, it could benefit from more nuanced insights into the percentages and variations within age groups. Additionally, ensure that details provided are accurate, as accuracy is crucial in IELTS Task 1 essays. Aim for a more balanced coverage of information across all age groups to enhance the overall depth of the analysis.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The structure is generally coherent, maintaining a logical progression throughout. There’s an attempt to organize the information by age groups and media usage, aiding the reader’s understanding. However, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved for smoother transitions. The essay uses cohesive devices fairly effectively, but there are occasional mechanical or faulty connections between ideas. Paragraphing is used, though it could benefit from a more consistent logic in transitioning between paragraphs.

How to improve:

  1. Transitional Phrases: Incorporate more transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.
  2. Consistent Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent structure to enhance the logical flow.
  3. Varied Cohesive Devices: Aim for a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure their accurate and effective use to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.

Overall, enhancing the usage of cohesive devices and refining the paragraph structure will further improve coherence and cohesion in the essay.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary with a generally wide range of words used appropriately throughout. There is an attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, such as “microblogging,” and some awareness of style and collocation is evident. The writer effectively conveys the main features and makes comparisons as required by the prompt. The information is presented in a logical order, contributing to overall coherence.

However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation. For example, in the sentence “In detail, radio had the highest-used proportion between the ages of 18 and 64 with 95%,” the phrase “highest-used proportion” could be refined for better accuracy and fluency. Additionally, there are minor spelling errors, such as “taking place” instead of “occurring” in the introduction, and “updating news with this” at the end, which slightly impact the lexical accuracy.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining the choice of less common lexical items to ensure they are used accurately and seamlessly. Attention to word collocation and precision would further elevate the essay. Proofreading for spelling errors and choosing alternative words when minor inaccuracies are identified will contribute to achieving a higher band score. Additionally, maintaining consistency in the level of formality and precision in expressions would contribute to a more polished lexical performance.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout, with a variety of sentence structures used to convey information. Complex structures are evident, such as in the sentence, “Moreover, microblogging was the least-used platform of all ages.” There is a general control of grammar and punctuation, although a few errors exist, such as in the sentence, “In detail, radio had the highest-used proportion between the ages of 18 and 64 with 95%,” where the use of “highest-used” may be improved for clarity.

The essay effectively communicates the main features of the data, providing an overview and detailed analysis. It presents a logical progression of ideas, making comparisons between age groups and media types. The writer successfully conveys the central message of the chart.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is recommended to refine sentence structures for clarity. In the mentioned sentence, consider revising to “In detail, radio had the highest usage proportion among the ages of 18 and 64, with 95%.” Additionally, attention to detail in proofreading can help catch and correct minor errors, ensuring a consistently high level of accuracy.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

Introduction:
The provided bar chart delineates the media preferences for obtaining daily news among individuals of various age groups in a randomly selected country during the year 2011.

Overview:
Across all age demographics, the radio emerged as the predominant medium for accessing news, particularly for individuals aged 18 to 64. Conversely, social networks garnered significant preference among the youth, with microblogging registering as the least utilized platform across all age brackets.

Detailed Analysis:
Examining the specifics, the age group of 18 to 64 exhibited the highest reliance on radio, with an overwhelming 95% utilizing this medium for daily news consumption. Seniors, aged 65 and above, also demonstrated a notable inclination towards radio, albeit with a slightly reduced engagement rate of over 85%, positioning them as the second-largest user group. Notably, individuals aged 10 to 17 ranked third in radio usage, with a 40% adoption rate.

In contrast, social media platforms, particularly favored by teenagers, recorded an 80% usage rate within the 10 to 17 age group, mirroring the engagement levels seen in the 18 to 29 age bracket. However, the popularity of social networking sites exhibited a downward trajectory with increasing age, diminishing from 45% for those aged 30 to 44 to a mere 10% for individuals aged 45 and above.

Microblogging emerged as the least favored medium for obtaining news, with its highest adoption rate of 25% observed among those aged 18 to 29. Notably, usage dwindled significantly among older age groups, reaching a mere 5% for individuals aged 30 and above.

In summary, the data underscores the prevalent use of radio across diverse age brackets, contrasting with the age-dependent preference for social media and the marginal uptake of microblogging as a news source.

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