The best way for a country to prepare for the future is to invest more resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era, there are an array of factors having an immense influence on a nation’s development. While financial investment in youngsters is supposed to be attributed to the preparation for the success of a country, a group of people do not believe in this way. In my opinion, although countries should nourish another source of labor, I have faith in making use of resources for the young generation for their countries' preparation.

First, the young deserve to be invested for the sake of the well-prepared future of a particular nation. Firstly, there are some outstanding characteristics featured by young people. Flexibility is the prominent one that helps them swiftly adapt to the incessant alteration of modern life. Thanks to their creativity, most cutting-edge inventions such as water purifier machines or trash-picking-up robots make a significant contribution to the comfort of human lives. Secondly, the young generation is bestowed with some privileges that rarely do other people possess. They tend to be physically and mentally strong enough to take on the burden of heavy workloads. Having much time to acquire knowledge and accumulate experience, especially keeping track of the speed of new information is paramount of importance to be proficient in their own occupations.

On the other hand, sole investment in the young might be not sufficient for a nation’s fulfillment of preparation. The government should pay attention to fostering middle-aged human resources owing to their wide range of experience. To begin with, with their considerable amount of cumulative knowledge, they are able to provide their descendants with helpful advice, thus there should be rewards from the authority to encourage their knowledge and experience spreading. Furthermore, the grown-ups are so placid and calm that they consider and solve the problems effectively.

In conclusion, I am convinced that young people are worth receiving more investments to contribute to the country’s preparation for future prospects. Although adults might possess more experience and a calming personality, they are characterized by traits suitable and strong points than the previous generations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In the contemporary era" -> "In the present era"
Explanation: Replacing "contemporary" with "present" maintains formality while avoiding a slightly informal tone.
"an array of factors having an immense influence" -> "various factors exerting significant influence"
Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone.
"financial investment in youngsters" -> "investment in the youth"
Explanation: Using "investment in the youth" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase, avoiding the informal term "youngsters."
"a group of people do not believe" -> "some individuals hold a contrary belief"
Explanation: The revised phrase introduces a more formal structure and replaces the colloquial "do not believe" with "hold a contrary belief."
"In my opinion" -> "I contend"
Explanation: The phrase "I contend" provides a more assertive and formal expression of the author’s viewpoint.
"although countries should nourish another source of labor" -> "while it is essential for nations to cultivate an additional labor force"
Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
"young deserve to be invested" -> "youth merit investment"
Explanation: The revised wording is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"there are some outstanding characteristics featured by young people" -> "young people exhibit notable characteristics"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more precise and avoids the informal expression "featured by."
"Thanks to their creativity" -> "Owing to their creativity"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal phrase than "Thanks to," contributing to the overall academic tone.
"the prominent one" -> "a prominent one"
Explanation: The addition of "a" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"make a significant contribution to the comfort of human lives" -> "contribute significantly to the well-being of humanity"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and replaces the colloquial "comfort of human lives" with "well-being of humanity."
"privileges that rarely do other people possess" -> "privileges seldom possessed by others"
Explanation: The alternative wording is more formal and improves the flow of the sentence.
"burden of heavy workloads" -> "responsibility of demanding workloads"
Explanation: The term "responsibility" is more formal than "burden," aligning better with academic style.
"Having much time to acquire knowledge" -> "With ample time to acquire knowledge"
Explanation: "With ample time" is a more formal and precise phrase than "Having much time."
"preparation. The government should pay attention" -> "preparation; the government should prioritize"
Explanation: The revised sentence structure enhances the connection between ideas and uses a more formal expression ("prioritize" instead of "pay attention").
"cumulative knowledge" -> "accumulated knowledge"
Explanation: "Accumulated knowledge" is a more standard and formal term.
"rewards from the authority" -> "recognition from the authorities"
Explanation: "Recognition from the authorities" is a more formal phrase, replacing the informal "rewards from the authority."
"grown-ups are so placid and calm" -> "adults exhibit composure and calmness"
Explanation: The alternative wording is more formal and emphasizes the traits of composure and calmness.
"they consider and solve the problems effectively" -> "they effectively analyze and solve problems"
Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more precise language and maintains formality.
"young people are worth receiving more investments" -> "investing more in young people is worthwhile"
Explanation: The revised wording is more formal and emphasizes the value of investing in young people.
"they are characterized by traits suitable and strong points" -> "they possess suitable traits and strengths"
Explanation: The alternative phrasing is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay addresses the different aspects of the prompt, discussing the importance of investing in young people and acknowledging a counterargument related to middle-aged individuals. Relevant sections are cited to support the analysis.
- How to Improve: While the essay covers the main points, it would benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view. Additionally, ensuring that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored and linked back to the central argument will enhance the completeness of the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position in favor of investing in young people. However, there are moments where the clarity of expression could be improved. For instance, in the introduction, the phrase "I have faith in making use of resources for the young generation for their countries’ preparation" could be more straightforward.
- How to Improve: To enhance clarity, it’s recommended to express the main stance more explicitly and use precise language in conveying the position. Avoid ambiguous phrases that may lead to interpretation.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the characteristics of young people and the benefits of investing in them. However, some points lack specificity and could be further elaborated for a more comprehensive discussion.
- How to Improve: Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point, making the arguments more convincing and thorough. Expand on the potential benefits of investing in the young beyond general statements.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates, especially in the middle section discussing middle-aged individuals. While it attempts to address the counterargument, there is room for improvement in maintaining a stronger connection to the main focus.
- How to Improve: To stay more focused, ensure that all points made, even those related to counterarguments, directly contribute to supporting the main thesis. Tighten the connection between ideas to strengthen the essay’s coherence.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and maintains a clear position throughout. To improve, it should enhance clarity in expression, provide more specific examples, and ensure all points directly contribute to the central argument. Additionally, explicit acknowledgment and exploration of counterarguments will further enrich the essay’s depth and complexity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between the advantages of investing in young people and the counterargument about the importance of middle-aged human resources is somewhat abrupt. The essay could benefit from a more seamless connection between these ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through different sections of the essay. For instance, you may use phrases like "Moreover," or "On the contrary," to signal shifts in the argument. This will create a more cohesive and interconnected flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of some paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could be more focused on the advantages of investing in young people, and the third paragraph could be dedicated solely to the counterargument about middle-aged human resources.
- How to improve: Consider refining the structure of paragraphs by ensuring each one has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. In the second paragraph, elaborate on the advantages of young people, and in the third, thoroughly explore the counterargument to maintain clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas and create a sense of coherence. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain terms, and a more varied use of cohesive devices could further improve the essay’s cohesion.
- How to improve: While the essay includes cohesive devices like "Firstly" and "Furthermore," consider introducing a wider range of connectors to add variety and sophistication. For example, employ synonyms for "although" or "on the other hand" to diversify the language and enhance the overall cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to the frequency of repetitive words or phrases to maintain a natural flow.

By addressing these points, the essay can strengthen its coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms such as "contemporary era," "incessant alteration," and "cutting-edge inventions." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, certain phrases like "for the sake of the well-prepared future" could be expressed more creatively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, consider exploring synonyms and alternative expressions. Integrate specific examples that require the use of specialized terminology related to the topic. For instance, instead of "cutting-edge inventions," consider specifying examples like "technological innovations" or "scientific breakthroughs."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately but lacks precision in certain instances. For example, the phrase "an array of factors" could be replaced with a more specific term, and the use of "youngsters" might be further refined for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise language by avoiding vague terms. Instead of "an array of factors," specify the key factors influencing a nation’s development. Replace "youngsters" with a more specific term like "youth" for clarity and consistency.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of incorrect spelling, such as "cutting-edge," "incessant," and "fulfillment." These errors affect the overall presentation and should be addressed for a higher band score.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy. Consider utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct spelling errors. Additionally, focus on learning the correct spelling of commonly used words to enhance overall written accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in Lexical Resource, improvements in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy could lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of sentence structures. There is a tendency to rely on basic sentence structures, and there is a lack of complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the use of phrases like "In my opinion," or "To begin with" indicates a reliance on formulaic expressions rather than a diverse range of structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the band score in this criterion, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence structures. Experiment with complex and compound sentences. Introduce subordination and coordination to create a more sophisticated and varied flow. Utilize different sentence beginnings and transitions to add nuance and complexity to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a noticeable number of grammatical and punctuation errors. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "there are an array of factors"), awkward phrasing (e.g., "supposed to be attributed to the preparation"), and misuse of articles (e.g., "making use of resources for the young generation").
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofread your work carefully to catch errors in phrasing. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify specific grammar and punctuation issues. Additionally, strive for clarity and precision in expression.

Overall, while your essay presents some valid points, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical errors will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing, potentially leading to an improved band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, various factors exert significant influence on a nation’s development. While some individuals hold a contrary belief regarding the allocation of resources, I contend that investing in the youth is essential for a country’s preparation for the future.

Firstly, youth merit investment due to their notable characteristics. Flexibility is a prominent trait enabling them to swiftly adapt to the incessant changes of modern life. Owing to their creativity, they contribute significantly to the well-being of humanity through innovations such as water purifiers and trash-picking robots. Moreover, young people possess privileges seldom possessed by others, being physically and mentally strong enough to shoulder demanding workloads. With ample time to acquire knowledge and accumulate experience, they are well-equipped to navigate the rapid flow of new information, a crucial aspect for proficiency in their occupations.

While it is essential for nations to cultivate an additional labor force, investing more in young people is worthwhile. On the contrary, solely focusing on the youth may not be sufficient for a nation’s preparation. The government should also prioritize middle-aged human resources, recognizing their accumulated knowledge and experience. These adults, with their composure and calmness, effectively analyze and solve problems, providing valuable contributions to a nation’s development.

In conclusion, the preparation for a nation’s future requires a balanced approach. While adults bring experience and composure, young people exhibit notable characteristics and strengths essential for progress. Therefore, a judicious allocation of resources, considering both youth and adults, is crucial for a well-prepared and prosperous future.