The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The best way for a government to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that the optimal method for an authority to plan for the following years is to invest resources in its future generation. From my perspective, I completely agree with this statement for the following reasons.
There are legitimate reasons why I believe so, one of them is that investing in the future workforce will ensure a continuously developing country in the following years. The workers will be equipped with knowledge and multiple job skills, fully preparing them to contribute to every field of a nation, specially in terms of technological development, as the new generations crave for the invention of new discoveries. Take Singapore as a telling example, after independence, the nation rapidly grew from a low-income economy to a high-income, therefore enhanced the living standard and had enough expenditure for investment in the science and technology field. Furthermore, investing in the young generation will address the issue of lacking workforces, as young people are well-prepared to satisfy the employers and companies’ demands. Another point is that investing in the future generation could also affect their mindset. With enough supervision supplied, the risk of young people committing malpractices and adapting false attitude will significantly reduce, consequently preventing the growth in the number of criminals.
It is understandable that some people argue that funding into the future generation is excessive. While some developing countries have other priorities such as infrastructure as some believe, I disagree with the notion that governments should focus on other vital aspects but not the young generation, since the future of a nation is dependent on the future workers, and they are as important as other fields that require authorities’ focus. Therefore, governments should divide the state expenditure reasonably, ensuring a comprehensive development.
To conclude, whilst some may argue that investing resources in young people is unnecessary, I stand with my viewpoint that the investment into future generation is crucial for the above-mentioned reasons.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some people believe" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" introduces a more formal and authoritative tone, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more conversational "Some people believe." -
"optimal method" -> "most effective strategy"
Explanation: "Most effective strategy" is a more precise and formal term than "optimal method," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic discourse. -
"invest resources" -> "allocate resources"
Explanation: "Allocate resources" is a more precise and formal term than "invest resources," which can imply financial investment, which may not be the intended meaning in this context. -
"completely agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: "Strongly agree" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "completely agree," which can sound overly emphatic and informal. -
"legitimate reasons" -> "compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Compelling reasons" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "legitimate reasons," which can imply a legal or moral justification rather than a rational one. -
"fully preparing them" -> "thoroughly preparing them"
Explanation: "Thoroughly preparing" is a more precise and formal expression than "fully preparing," which is somewhat vague and less formal. -
"specially" -> "particularly"
Explanation: "Particularly" is the correct adverbial form for emphasizing a specific point, whereas "specially" is an adverbial form that is less commonly used in formal writing. -
"crave for the invention" -> "seek to develop"
Explanation: "Seek to develop" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of striving for innovation, compared to the colloquial "crave for the invention." -
"enough expenditure" -> "sufficient funds"
Explanation: "Sufficient funds" is a more formal and precise term than "enough expenditure," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"address the issue of lacking workforces" -> "address the shortage of workforce"
Explanation: "Address the shortage of workforce" is a more precise and formal way to describe the issue, avoiding the awkward construction "lacking workforces." -
"well-prepared to satisfy" -> "adequately prepared to meet"
Explanation: "Adequately prepared to meet" is a more formal and precise expression than "well-prepared to satisfy," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"supervision supplied" -> "guidance provided"
Explanation: "Guidance provided" is a more formal and precise term than "supervision supplied," which is less commonly used in this context. -
"committing malpractices" -> "engaging in malpractices"
Explanation: "Engaging in malpractices" is a more formal and accurate term than "committing malpractices," which is less commonly used and sounds informal. -
"funding into the future generation" -> "investing in the future generation"
Explanation: "Investing in the future generation" is the correct phrase, as "funding into" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. -
"divide the state expenditure reasonably" -> "allocate state funds reasonably"
Explanation: "Allocate state funds reasonably" is a more precise and formal way to describe the distribution of resources, compared to "divide the state expenditure reasonably." -
"comprehensive development" -> "comprehensive development"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition, and the phrase should be removed for clarity and conciseness in academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of investing in young people as a means for government preparation for the future. The writer presents reasons supporting this view, such as the development of a skilled workforce and the reduction of criminal behavior through proper guidance. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which is only briefly mentioned. This could enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include a more detailed discussion of the counterarguments. This could involve elaborating on the potential benefits of investing in other areas, such as infrastructure or healthcare, and then refuting these points with stronger evidence or reasoning to reinforce the main argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently supporting the idea that investing in young people is essential for future development. Phrases like "I completely agree with this statement" and "I stand with my viewpoint" reinforce this clarity. However, the transition between acknowledging the opposing view and reiterating the main argument could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint back to their own argument. For example, after stating the counterargument, the writer could say, "However, this perspective overlooks the long-term benefits of investing in our youth, which ultimately supports all sectors of society."
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the importance of a skilled workforce and the potential for reducing crime rates. These ideas are supported with examples, like the reference to Singapore’s economic growth. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, while the mention of technological development is relevant, it could benefit from specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer could incorporate more detailed examples and data. For instance, providing statistics on youth unemployment rates or crime rates in relation to investment in education could add weight to the argument. Additionally, expanding on how these investments translate into tangible benefits for society would enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the importance of investing in young people. However, there are moments where the discussion of counterarguments feels slightly disconnected from the main thesis. For example, the mention of infrastructure could be more directly linked to the main argument to clarify why it is less critical than investing in youth.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that any counterarguments presented are directly related to the main thesis. This could involve explicitly stating how investing in young people can also lead to improvements in other areas, such as infrastructure, by creating a more skilled workforce that can contribute to these sectors.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-argued position. By addressing counterarguments more thoroughly, enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all points are tightly linked to the main argument, the writer could further improve the overall effectiveness of the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of investing in young people, with a logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each subsequent paragraph builds on the previous one. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of a skilled workforce, while the second addresses the societal impacts of investing in youth. This logical flow enhances the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to signal to the reader what each paragraph will discuss. Additionally, using more explicit linking phrases between ideas could strengthen the connections between points, making the argument even more cohesive.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph centers on workforce development, while the second addresses societal impacts, and the third counters opposing views. This structure allows for a clear presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas. For instance, the counterargument could be presented in its own paragraph rather than being integrated into the second body paragraph. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of opposing views and a stronger rebuttal, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "furthermore," and "consequently," to connect ideas and enhance flow. These devices help to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the essay could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using phrases like "in addition," "on the other hand," or "for instance" could provide more variety and enhance the reader’s engagement. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not excessively will help maintain clarity and prevent redundancy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a well-structured argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and logical flow of their ideas, potentially achieving an even higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "optimal method," "future workforce," "technological development," and "malpractices." These expressions effectively convey the author’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, the repeated use of "invest" and "future generation" could be substituted with synonyms like "allocate," "fund," or "youth" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative words that fit the context. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations could enrich the essay’s language. For instance, instead of saying "invest resources," one might say "channel funds" or "allocate resources."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the risk of young people committing malpractices and adapting false attitude" could be clearer. The term "false attitude" is vague and could be replaced with "negative behaviors" or "unethical attitudes" to provide a more precise meaning. Additionally, "continuously developing country" might be better expressed as "a country that is continuously developing" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context and clarity when selecting vocabulary. Reviewing the essay for vague terms and replacing them with more specific language can significantly improve the overall quality. Engaging in exercises that emphasize context-based vocabulary usage can also help.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the majority of the text. Words such as "authority," "expenditure," and "development" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing. However, the phrase "specially in terms of technological development" should use "especially" instead of "specially," which is a common mistake.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a break to approach the text with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Keeping a list of frequently used vocabulary and their correct spellings can aid in reinforcing spelling skills.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For instance, the use of "one of them is that investing in the future workforce will ensure a continuously developing country" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the writer’s argument. Additionally, the phrase "with enough supervision supplied" illustrates the use of a participial phrase, adding variety. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures that could be diversified further, such as starting multiple sentences with "investing in" or "the future generation."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different sentence openings and forms. For example, instead of starting sentences with "investing in," the writer could use phrases like "By focusing on," "Through investment in," or "When governments prioritize." Incorporating more varied sentence types, such as questions or exclamatory sentences, could also add interest and complexity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors present. For example, the phrase "the new generations crave for the invention of new discoveries" contains an unnecessary preposition; it should be "crave the invention." Additionally, the sentence "the risk of young people committing malpractices and adapting false attitude will significantly reduce" should use "attitudes" in the plural form for grammatical correctness. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "therefore" in "the nation rapidly grew from a low-income economy to a high-income, therefore enhanced the living standard."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with prepositions and plural forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could help identify and correct these mistakes. Additionally, the writer should focus on punctuation, ensuring that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses and enhance readability. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify complex ideas and improve overall grammatical precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some people believe that the optimal method for an authority to plan for the following years is to invest resources in its future generation. From my perspective, I completely agree with this statement for the following reasons.
There are compelling reasons why I believe so; one of them is that investing in the future workforce will ensure a continuously developing country in the coming years. The workers will be equipped with knowledge and multiple job skills, thoroughly preparing them to contribute to every field of a nation, particularly in terms of technological development, as the new generations crave the invention of new discoveries. Take Singapore as a telling example: after independence, the nation rapidly grew from a low-income economy to a high-income one, which enhanced the living standard and provided sufficient funds for investment in the science and technology field. Furthermore, investing in the young generation will address the shortage of workforce, as young people are adequately prepared to meet the demands of employers and companies. Another point is that investing in the future generation could also positively affect their mindset. With enough guidance provided, the risk of young people engaging in malpractices and adopting false attitudes will significantly reduce, consequently preventing the growth in the number of criminals.
It is understandable that some people argue that funding for the future generation is excessive. While some developing countries have other priorities, such as infrastructure, I disagree with the notion that governments should focus on other vital aspects instead of the young generation, since the future of a nation is dependent on its future workers, and they are as important as other fields that require the authorities’ focus. Therefore, governments should allocate state funds reasonably, ensuring comprehensive development.
To conclude, whilst some may argue that investing resources in young people is unnecessary, I stand by my viewpoint that investment in the future generation is crucial for the above-mentioned reasons.