The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?
The best way to ensure the growth of children is to make parents take parenting courses. Do you agree or disagree?
Children rearing has always been a major concern in families, and is drawing even more attention in the modern world. Many specialists suggest that the participation in parenting lessons is the most effective way due to the fundamental principles and opportunities to stay informed they provide. However, I disagree with the statement, and believe that a multi-pronged approach involving specialized books and other media can be more impactful than solely participating in some short programs.
Proponents of partaking these courses might point out that the most significant benefit of this method is raising awareness on children development. In other words, they help equip parents, especially first-time ones, with necessary skills and insights on rearing issues. Through these classes, parents can be updated with the latest information from experts and specialists, and thereby become well-prepared for their journey. The suggestions might be cooking healthy meals to avoid nutrition deficits, the potential dangers at home or on the playground. Another advantage is the exchange of knowledge and experiences in the forums or groups for parents, which are created during and after the parenting courses. These are where parents can constantly help and share with each other about tips on bringing up their kids.
Conversely, these short-lived benefits are outweighed by their limitations, and the adoption of a more comprehensive method offers more lasting impacts. In fact, educational programs for parents are not always free, and this inevitably causes financial burdens for less affluent families. Although they can ask for help at any time from other parents on social media, the validity and reliability of these suggestions are uncertain. Alternatively, not only is learning from books or videos, particularly the ones shared by scientists, more affordable, it also gives them in-depth knowledge and a more solid foundation for future decisions. Indeed, the knowledge gained from parenting courses without a deep understanding is largely forgotten after several weeks, whereas parents can read the books or watch the videos as many times as they want until reaching full comprehension.
In conclusion, the assertion that taking parenting lessons is the best is justified by the exposure to a great source of information on the bring-up of children. However, I do not agree with this claim because I believe that parents should both do so and consult other materials to embrace the positive aspects of each one while minimizing the costs involved.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Children rearing" -> "Childcare"
Explanation: "Childcare" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic and formal contexts to refer to the care and nurturing of children, enhancing the formal tone of the essay. -
"drawing even more attention" -> "gaining increasing attention"
Explanation: "Gaining increasing attention" is a more formal and precise way to describe the growing interest in a topic, aligning better with academic language standards. -
"participating in parenting lessons" -> "enrolling in parenting courses"
Explanation: "Enrolling in parenting courses" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the act of joining educational programs, enhancing the academic tone of the essay. -
"fundamental principles and opportunities to stay informed" -> "core principles and opportunities for ongoing education"
Explanation: "Core principles and opportunities for ongoing education" refines the phrase by using more precise vocabulary and emphasizing the continuous nature of the learning process, which is more suitable for an academic context. -
"a multi-pronged approach involving specialized books and other media" -> "a multifaceted approach incorporating specialized texts and media"
Explanation: "Multifaceted approach" and "incorporating" are more formal and precise terms that enhance the academic quality of the sentence, replacing the less formal "multi-pronged" and "involving." -
"partaking these courses" -> "participating in these courses"
Explanation: "Participating in" is the correct phrase, as "partaking" is less commonly used and can be seen as informal or archaic in this context. -
"raising awareness on children development" -> "raising awareness about child development"
Explanation: "About child development" is grammatically correct and more formal than "on children development," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"necessity skills and insights" -> "essential skills and insights"
Explanation: "Essential" is more precise and formal than "necessity," which is not typically used in this context. -
"well-prepared for their journey" -> "adequately prepared for their parenting journey"
Explanation: "Adequately prepared for their parenting journey" specifies the context and enhances the formality of the statement, making it clearer and more appropriate for an academic essay. -
"the potential dangers at home or on the playground" -> "potential hazards at home or in playgrounds"
Explanation: "Hazards" is a more precise term than "dangers," and "in playgrounds" is grammatically correct, replacing the less formal "on the playground." -
"short-lived benefits" -> "transient benefits"
Explanation: "Transient" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "short-lived," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"the adoption of a more comprehensive method" -> "the implementation of a more comprehensive approach"
Explanation: "Implementation" and "approach" are more precise and formal terms that better suit the academic style of the essay. -
"not always free" -> "not universally accessible"
Explanation: "Not universally accessible" is a more precise and formal way to describe the availability of resources, which is more suitable for an academic context. -
"the knowledge gained from parenting courses" -> "the knowledge acquired through parenting courses"
Explanation: "Acquired" is a more formal synonym for "gained," and "through" is more appropriate than "from" in this context, enhancing the formality of the sentence. -
"the assertion that taking parenting lessons is the best" -> "the assertion that enrolling in parenting courses is optimal"
Explanation: "Optimal" is a more precise and formal term than "the best," and "enrolling in" is more specific than "taking," aligning better with the academic style of the essay.
These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that parenting courses are the best way to ensure the growth of children. The writer outlines the benefits of parenting courses while simultaneously arguing for a more comprehensive approach that includes other resources such as books and media. This dual perspective demonstrates an understanding of the complexities involved in parenting education. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the specific aspects of child growth that are being considered, such as emotional, social, or cognitive development, to enhance the depth of the response.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should clarify which aspects of child growth are being discussed. Including specific examples of how alternative methods contribute to these areas would strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the statement, consistently arguing for a multi-faceted approach to parenting education. The use of transitional phrases such as "Conversely" and "In conclusion" helps to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are moments where the position could be reinforced, particularly when discussing the limitations of parenting courses. The essay could benefit from a more emphatic reiteration of the main argument at key points.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should periodically restate their main argument throughout the essay, especially after discussing the benefits of parenting courses. This would reinforce their stance and remind the reader of the overarching thesis.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of parenting courses versus alternative resources. The arguments are generally well-supported with examples, such as the mention of financial burdens and the reliability of information from social media. However, some points could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on the long-term retention of knowledge from parenting courses versus books could include specific studies or statistics to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed evidence for their claims. Incorporating data, expert opinions, or real-life examples would enhance the credibility of the arguments and provide a more robust discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of parenting education and the effectiveness of courses versus other resources. There are minimal deviations from the main argument, which helps maintain clarity. However, the introduction could be more succinct, as it introduces the topic without directly linking it to the prompt until later in the paragraph.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should aim for a more direct introduction that quickly establishes the stance on the prompt. This would help set the tone for the rest of the essay and ensure that all subsequent points are clearly tied back to the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that parenting courses are the best way to ensure the growth of children. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, with the first discussing the benefits of parenting courses and the second countering those points with arguments for alternative resources. However, the transition between points could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of courses to their limitations could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "However" can be used at the beginning of paragraphs to signal shifts in argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the pros and cons of parenting courses. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely restates the thesis without synthesizing the arguments made in the body. This can leave the reader wanting a stronger final impression.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and reiterating the overall argument in a more impactful way. Consider adding a final thought or call to action that encourages readers to reflect on the importance of diverse parenting resources.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "in fact," and "alternatively," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. These devices are generally used effectively, but there are moments where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the suggestions might be cooking healthy meals" could be better integrated into the preceding sentence to clarify its relationship to the previous point about parenting courses.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore" to add information or "consequently" to indicate results can create a more nuanced connection between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is placed in a way that clearly reflects the relationship between the ideas being discussed.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, strengthening the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of parenting and child development. Terms such as "rearing," "nutrition deficits," "financial burdens," and "comprehensive method" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied language effectively. The use of phrases like "multi-pronged approach" and "well-prepared for their journey" adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where synonyms could enhance the essay further, such as using "childcare" instead of repeating "parenting" or "rearing."
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary further, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "parents," alternatives like "guardians" or "caregivers" could be used. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions related to parenting could enrich the text.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a good degree of precision. Phrases like "raising awareness on children development" are mostly clear, although "on" could be better replaced with "about" for improved clarity. The phrase "the potential dangers at home or on the playground" effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, the phrase "short-lived benefits" could be misleading as it may imply that the benefits are temporary rather than limited in scope.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on refining phrases for clarity. For example, changing "raising awareness on children development" to "raising awareness about child development" would improve the accuracy of the expression. Additionally, ensuring that terms are used in their correct contexts will enhance the overall clarity of the argument.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "nutrition," "affluent," and "comprehension" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing. This attention to detail reflects well on the writer’s command of the language.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell-checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing commonly misspelled words can reinforce spelling skills.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, with effective vocabulary use and minimal spelling errors. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, refining the precision of word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further enhance their writing quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases such as "Many specialists suggest that the participation in parenting lessons is the most effective way due to the fundamental principles and opportunities to stay informed they provide" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and a clear logical flow. Additionally, the use of transitional phrases like "Conversely" and "In conclusion" effectively guides the reader through the argument. However, some sentences could be further diversified; for example, the sentence "These are where parents can constantly help and share with each other about tips on bringing up their kids" could benefit from rephrasing to avoid repetition of "parents" and "share."
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial clauses or phrases (e.g., "While many advocate for parenting courses, others believe…"). Additionally, using more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add dynamism to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "the most significant benefit of this method is raising awareness on children development" is mostly correct, but "children development" should be "child development" for proper noun usage. Punctuation is mostly accurate, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in lists. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and thereby" in the sentence "and thereby become well-prepared for their journey," which could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to noun forms and ensure they are used correctly (e.g., "child development" instead of "children development"). Additionally, review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help solidify understanding.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the argument. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Children’s rearing has always been a significant concern for families and is gaining increasing attention in the modern world. Many specialists suggest that enrolling in parenting courses is the most effective way to equip parents due to the core principles and opportunities for ongoing education they provide. However, I disagree with this statement and believe that a multifaceted approach incorporating specialized texts and media can be more impactful than solely participating in short programs.
Proponents of these courses might argue that the most significant benefit of this method is raising awareness about child development. In other words, they help equip parents, especially first-time ones, with essential skills and insights on rearing issues. Through these classes, parents can stay updated with the latest information from experts and specialists, thereby becoming adequately prepared for their parenting journey. Suggestions may include cooking healthy meals to avoid nutritional deficits and identifying potential hazards at home or in playgrounds. Another advantage is the exchange of knowledge and experiences in forums or groups for parents, which are created during and after the parenting courses. These platforms allow parents to continuously help and share tips with each other about raising their children.
Conversely, these short-lived benefits are outweighed by their limitations, and the implementation of a more comprehensive approach offers more lasting impacts. In fact, educational programs for parents are not universally accessible, and this inevitably causes financial burdens for less affluent families. Although they can seek help from other parents on social media at any time, the validity and reliability of these suggestions are uncertain. Alternatively, learning from books or videos—particularly those shared by scientists—not only tends to be more affordable but also provides in-depth knowledge and a solid foundation for future decisions. Indeed, the knowledge acquired through parenting courses without a deep understanding is largely forgotten after several weeks, whereas parents can read books or watch videos as many times as they wish until achieving full comprehension.
In conclusion, the assertion that enrolling in parenting courses is optimal is justified by the exposure to a great source of information on child-rearing. However, I do not agree with this claim because I believe that parents should both participate in these courses and consult other materials to embrace the positive aspects of each while minimizing the costs involved.