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The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There exists a belief that offering up to six years of free education is an effective approach for individuals in developing nations to improve their circumstances, allowing them to engage in basic tasks like reading, writing, or performing basic numerical operations. In my view, I partially agree with this assertion.
To begin with, there are reasons why proponents support the idea that providing citizens with at least six years of education can contribute to poverty reduction. Primary among these reasons is that it facilitates learners in escaping impoverished circumstances by opening up various job opportunities. When individuals acquire essential skills, such as the ability to read, write, or use numbers, they increase their chances of pursuing higher education, thus creating opportunities for better jobs. This favorable condition paves the way for success in their careers, enabling them to overcome poverty. Another crucial point is that an educated populace contributes to the economic growth of developing nations. When governments offer free educational programs and ensure citizens have fundamental knowledge, the potential for employment and productivity increases, ultimately raising living standards.
Despite these justifications, there are shortcomings to the idea of reducing underdevelopment through six years of free education. To begin with, the government's budget may not be able to sustain this effort in the long run. For instance, in some countries, the number of underprivileged children may be overwhelming, and the government may struggle to meet the demands of the entire population while also addressing other sectors. Consequently, illiteracy and poverty may persist due to financial limitations. Moreover, poverty is a complex issue with various social causes, making it challenging for a country to address through education alone. Addressing this issue is a complex and multifaceted challenge for the government, requiring a comprehensive approach, substantial effort, and financial resources. In other words, tackling poverty through free learning programs is effective only when other contributing factors are also addressed.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that while providing free elementary education can reduce poverty, it may also pose additional challenges, particularly in addressing the diverse needs and factors contributing to poverty in some developing countries.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There exists a belief that" -> "There is a prevailing belief that"
    Explanation: Replacing "There exists a belief that" with "There is a prevailing belief that" adds formality to the statement, aligning it with academic style.

  2. "basic tasks like reading, writing, or performing basic numerical operations" -> "fundamental tasks such as reading, writing, or basic numerical operations"
    Explanation: Changing "basic tasks like" to "fundamental tasks such as" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.

  3. "In my view, I partially agree with this assertion." -> "In my perspective, I am inclined to partially concur with this assertion."
    Explanation: Substituting "In my view, I partially agree" with "In my perspective, I am inclined to partially concur" introduces a more formal expression and refines the language.

  4. "To begin with, there are reasons why proponents support the idea" -> "Initially, proponents advocate for the idea"
    Explanation: Replacing "To begin with, there are reasons why proponents support the idea" with "Initially, proponents advocate for the idea" streamlines the introduction and imparts a more sophisticated tone.

  5. "Primary among these reasons is" -> "Foremost among these reasons is"
    Explanation: Changing "Primary among these reasons is" to "Foremost among these reasons is" elevates the language, emphasizing the principal reason in a more formal manner.

  6. "When individuals acquire essential skills, such as the ability to read, write, or use numbers" -> "As individuals acquire fundamental skills, including proficiency in reading, writing, and numerical operations"
    Explanation: Replacing "When individuals acquire essential skills, such as the ability to read, write, or use numbers" with "As individuals acquire fundamental skills, including proficiency in reading, writing, and numerical operations" enhances precision and formality.

  7. "creating opportunities for better jobs" -> "facilitating opportunities for more lucrative employment"
    Explanation: Substituting "creating opportunities for better jobs" with "facilitating opportunities for more lucrative employment" adds sophistication and specificity to the statement.

  8. "Despite these justifications, there are shortcomings to the idea" -> "Notwithstanding these justifications, there are limitations to the concept"
    Explanation: Changing "Despite these justifications, there are shortcomings to the idea" to "Notwithstanding these justifications, there are limitations to the concept" refines the language, making it more nuanced and formal.

  9. "the government’s budget may not be able to sustain this effort" -> "the government’s budget may not be sustainable in the long run"
    Explanation: Replacing "the government’s budget may not be able to sustain this effort" with "the government’s budget may not be sustainable in the long run" simplifies the expression without sacrificing formality.

  10. "illiteracy and poverty may persist due to financial limitations" -> "illiteracy and poverty may endure owing to financial constraints"
    Explanation: Substituting "illiteracy and poverty may persist due to financial limitations" with "illiteracy and poverty may endure owing to financial constraints" maintains formality and introduces a more refined term for financial limitations.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In my view, I partially agree with this assertion."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you’ve stated your position, it’s not entirely clear how you stand regarding the assertion. To enhance clarity, consider outlining the specific aspects of the assertion you agree and disagree with. For instance, mention which parts of the proposal for six years of free education you support and which aspects you find less effective or needing improvement.
    • Improved example: "In my view, while I acknowledge the potential benefits of providing six years of free education in reducing poverty, I believe certain aspects of this proposal might require further consideration to maximize its effectiveness. I support the idea of foundational education but recognize some limitations in its ability to entirely alleviate poverty."
  2. Quoted text: "Another crucial point is that an educated populace contributes to the economic growth of developing nations."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about education’s role in economic growth is relevant, but it lacks further development. Expand upon how education specifically contributes to economic growth in developing countries. You could provide examples or explanations of how an educated workforce attracts investment, fosters innovation, or enhances productivity, thereby contributing tangibly to economic advancement.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, an educated populace fuels economic growth by fostering innovation and attracting foreign investments. For instance, countries with a highly skilled workforce often attract multinational companies seeking a proficient workforce, thus boosting employment opportunities and economic development."
  3. Quoted text: "For instance, in some countries, the number of underprivileged children may be overwhelming, and the government may struggle to meet the demands of the entire population while also addressing other sectors."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you’ve addressed a potential challenge, it’s necessary to further explain the implications of this challenge in the context of poverty reduction. Elaborate on how the overwhelming number of underprivileged children impacts the feasibility and sustainability of the proposed education program. Discuss the potential consequences on poverty reduction efforts in these specific scenarios.
    • Improved example: "The overwhelming number of underprivileged children in certain countries poses a significant challenge to sustaining a comprehensive six-year education program. This strain on resources might result in an inability to provide quality education to all, potentially perpetuating the cycle of poverty among those left underserved."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents well-reasoned arguments. However, enhancing the specificity of your agreement/disagreement and further developing the supporting points would strengthen the essay’s coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the topic and expressing a partial agreement. Each paragraph is well-structured, with clear central topics and a logical flow of arguments. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances of slight overuse or unnecessary repetition of certain cohesive devices. The essay effectively manages paragraphing, contributing to overall coherence.

How to improve:
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should pay attention to minor instances of overusing certain cohesive devices. Additionally, a more varied and nuanced use of cohesive devices could elevate the essay. Careful proofreading can help identify and rectify any remaining issues, ensuring a smoother flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. There is effective use of less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. The essay also minimally produces errors in word choice and word formation. The vocabulary is generally appropriate for the task, and the writer effectively conveys the message with a varied and nuanced choice of words.

How to improve: To move to a higher band score, the writer can further enhance lexical sophistication by incorporating a wider range of uncommon vocabulary and refining the use of collocations. Paying meticulous attention to occasional errors in word choice and word formation would help in achieving a more consistent and accurate expression of ideas. Additionally, the writer can strive for a more seamless incorporation of advanced vocabulary to convey ideas with even greater precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of sentence structures with overall flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, with only very occasional errors or inappropriacies. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing a good command of grammar and punctuation. The essay maintains clarity and coherence in conveying ideas, contributing to effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer can pay attention to a few minor errors that occasionally occur. Careful proofreading can help eliminate these slips, ensuring an even more polished and error-free presentation. Additionally, varying the complexity of sentence structures even more and incorporating a wider array of vocabulary could contribute to an even stronger command of language.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing belief that offering up to six years of free education is a practical strategy for individuals in developing nations to enhance their circumstances, enabling them to engage in fundamental tasks such as reading, writing, or performing basic numerical operations. In my perspective, I am inclined to partially concur with this assertion.

Initially, proponents advocate for the idea that providing citizens with at least six years of education can contribute significantly to poverty reduction. Foremost among these reasons is that it facilitates learners in escaping impoverished circumstances by opening up various job opportunities. As individuals acquire fundamental skills, including proficiency in reading, writing, and numerical operations, they increase their chances of pursuing higher education, thus facilitating opportunities for more lucrative employment. This favorable condition paves the way for success in their careers, enabling them to overcome poverty. Another crucial point is that an educated populace contributes to the economic growth of developing nations. When governments offer free educational programs and ensure citizens have fundamental knowledge, the potential for employment and productivity increases, ultimately raising living standards.

Notwithstanding these justifications, there are limitations to the concept of reducing underdevelopment through six years of free education. The government’s budget may not be sustainable in the long run, as, for instance, in some countries, the number of underprivileged children may be overwhelming, and the government may struggle to meet the demands of the entire population while also addressing other sectors. Consequently, illiteracy and poverty may endure owing to financial constraints. Moreover, poverty is a complex issue with various social causes, making it challenging for a country to address through education alone. Addressing this issue is a complex and multifaceted challenge for the government, requiring a comprehensive approach, substantial effort, and financial resources. In other words, tackling poverty through free learning programs is effective only when other contributing factors are also addressed.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that while providing free elementary education can reduce poverty, it may also pose additional challenges, particularly in addressing the diverse needs and factors contributing to poverty in some developing countries.

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