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The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Poverty remains a pressing issue in most developing countries, and one proposed solution is a provision of up to six years of free education, aiming to equip individuals with essential literacy and numeracy skills. In my opinion, I agree with this approach.

While free education is a crucial step towards poverty reduction, it is not a standalone solution. Equally essential are adequate infrastructure, trained teachers, and quality educational resources. Merely providing free education without ensuring its quality may result in a system that fails to deliver the desired outcomes. Therefore, governments could focus on holistic educational reforms, including teacher training programs, school infrastructure development, and curriculum enhancements, to maximize the impact of free education initiatives. For example, in China, alongside the introduction of free education policies, the government invested in teacher training programs and improved school infrastructure, leading to enhanced learning outcomes and noticeably higher student retention rates.
However, free education itself can significantly increase access to schooling, particularly for marginalized communities and children from low-income backgrounds. Financial barriers often prevent children from attending school, perpetuating the cycle of poverty. By eliminating tuition fees at young ages, developing countries can remove one of the major obstacles to education and ensure that all children have the
opportunity to learn. For instance, in India, the implementation of free education policies has led to a rise in school enrollment rates among girls from disadvantaged communities, encouraging them to escape unfair conditions and pursue better futures through improved employability. This inclusivity in education can help bridge social and economic gaps, fostering a more equitable society.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that offering up to six years of free education can be a powerful tool for overcoming poverty in developing countries. By prioritizing education and implementing necessary reforms, developing nations can better empower their citizens and reduce poverty levels in the long-term.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Poverty remains a pressing issue in most developing countries, and one proposed solution is a provision of up to six years of free education, aiming to equip individuals with essential literacy and numeracy skills. In my opinion, I agree with this approach."
    -> "Poverty persists as a significant challenge in the majority of developing nations, and one proposed remedy involves offering up to six years of tuition-free education, with the aim of imparting essential literacy and numeracy skills to individuals. In my view, I concur with this approach."
    Explanation: Replacing "pressing issue" with "significant challenge" and "provision" with "offering" elevates the formality of the language. Additionally, replacing "I agree with this approach" with "I concur with this approach" maintains a formal tone.

  2. "While free education is a crucial step towards poverty reduction, it is not a standalone solution. Equally essential are adequate infrastructure, trained teachers, and quality educational resources."
    -> "Although tuition-free education constitutes a crucial step toward alleviating poverty, it is not an independent solution. Equally vital are sufficient infrastructure, trained educators, and high-quality educational resources."
    Explanation: Substituting "crucial" with "constitutes" and "standalone" with "independent" adds formality to the language. Using "vital" instead of "essential" also enhances the academic tone.

  3. "Merely providing free education without ensuring its quality may result in a system that fails to deliver the desired outcomes."
    -> "Simply offering tuition-free education without ensuring its quality may result in a system that fails to achieve the desired outcomes."
    Explanation: Replacing "merely providing" with "simply offering" and restructuring the sentence for clarity enhances the formality of the expression.

  4. "Therefore, governments could focus on holistic educational reforms, including teacher training programs, school infrastructure development, and curriculum enhancements, to maximize the impact of free education initiatives."
    -> "Consequently, governments could prioritize comprehensive educational reforms, encompassing teacher training programs, school infrastructure development, and curriculum enhancements, to maximize the impact of tuition-free education initiatives."
    Explanation: Substituting "focus on" with "prioritize" and "holistic" with "comprehensive" elevates the formality, and the use of "encompassing" adds precision to the description of educational reforms.

  5. "For example, in China, alongside the introduction of free education policies, the government invested in teacher training programs and improved school infrastructure, leading to enhanced learning outcomes and noticeably higher student retention rates."
    -> "For instance, in China, concomitant with the implementation of tuition-free education policies, the government invested in teacher training programs and enhanced school infrastructure, resulting in improved learning outcomes and significantly higher student retention rates."
    Explanation: Replacing "alongside" with "concomitant with" and "improved" with "enhanced" enhances the formality and precision of the language.

  6. "However, free education itself can significantly increase access to schooling, particularly for marginalized communities and children from low-income backgrounds."
    -> "Nevertheless, tuition-free education can significantly enhance access to schooling, especially for marginalized communities and children from low-income backgrounds."
    Explanation: Substituting "however" with "nevertheless" and "increase" with "enhance" maintains a formal tone and precision in expression.

  7. "By eliminating tuition fees at young ages, developing countries can remove one of the major obstacles to education and ensure that all children have the opportunity to learn."
    -> "By abolishing tuition fees during early childhood, developing countries can eliminate a significant obstacle to education and ensure that all children have the opportunity to learn."
    Explanation: Replacing "eliminating" with "abolishing" and adding "significant" before "obstacle" enhances formality and precision in conveying the obstacle’s importance.

  8. "For instance, in India, the implementation of free education policies has led to a rise in school enrollment rates among girls from disadvantaged communities, encouraging them to escape unfair conditions and pursue better futures through improved employability."
    -> "For example, in India, the implementation of tuition-free education policies has resulted in an increase in school enrollment rates among girls from disadvantaged communities, motivating them to overcome challenging conditions and pursue improved futures through enhanced employability."
    Explanation: Replacing "rise" with "increase" and rephrasing to emphasize motivation and overcoming challenges improves precision and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "This inclusivity in education can help bridge social and economic gaps, fostering a more equitable society."
    -> "The inclusivity in education can contribute to bridging social and economic gaps, fostering a more equitable society."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "help" with "contribute to" elevates the formality of the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the proposed solution of providing up to six years of free education and clearly states the author’s agreement with this approach. Relevant examples, such as the mention of teacher training programs and infrastructure development in China, support the position effectively.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from providing even more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument further. This could involve delving into additional countries’ experiences with free education and its impact on poverty reduction.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The author’s agreement with the idea of providing free education is evident from the introduction to the conclusion. The essay’s structure and content contribute to a coherent presentation of the stance.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author can explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This reinforces the essay’s overall coherence and ensures that the reader can easily identify the author’s viewpoint.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses not only the importance of free education but also emphasizes the need for complementary measures like teacher training, infrastructure development, and curriculum enhancements. The examples provided, especially the case of India, add depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, the author could consider providing a bit more detail on the specific impacts of the mentioned reforms in China and India. This would strengthen the argument by illustrating the tangible positive outcomes resulting from these measures.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of reducing poverty through the provision of free education. It consistently discusses the role of education in overcoming poverty and avoids unnecessary tangents.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author can periodically revisit the core argument throughout the essay. This ensures that each paragraph is directly contributing to the overall thesis, reinforcing the central message without deviation.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively conveys the author’s position on the role of free education in reducing poverty. While the essay already performs well, incorporating more specific examples and reinforcing the central argument could further elevate its quality.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the topic and the author’s stance, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that delve into various aspects of the argument. The use of examples, such as the mention of China and India, adds depth and supports the overall coherence. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points without introducing new information.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs. While the overall structure is sound, integrating transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can strengthen the flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each dedicated to a specific subtopic. This approach aids readability and ensures a clear separation of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately concise, while the body paragraphs delve into the necessary details without becoming overly lengthy.
    • How to improve: Encourage a nuanced approach to paragraph length. While the existing structure is generally effective, consider varying paragraph lengths to add dynamic flow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for optimal clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices, including transition words and phrases (e.g., "while," "however," "for example," "in conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence by linking ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. The references to specific countries, such as China and India, serve as effective cohesive elements, providing real-world examples.
    • How to improve: Continue diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. Introduce a mix of pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures to further enrich the text. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay, ensuring a seamless connection between ideas.

Overall, this essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with a well-organized structure and effective use of cohesive devices. To further improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, varying paragraph lengths for added dynamism, and diversifying cohesive devices to elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. It includes terms such as "poverty reduction," "literacy," "numeracy skills," "infrastructure," "teacher training programs," "school enrollment rates," "disadvantaged communities," and "employability." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further. A more extensive and varied use of vocabulary, especially in the development of arguments and ideas, could enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of relying on frequently used terms, explore synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "free education," you could substitute it with phrases like "tuition-free learning" or "cost-free schooling." This will not only add variety but also showcase a deeper mastery of the language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precision could be employed. For example, in the phrase "fair conditions," the term "fair" is somewhat ambiguous and could be specified for clarity. Additionally, the word "implementing" could be replaced with a more precise term to convey the action more distinctly.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms like "fair conditions," specify the conditions you are referring to. Similarly, consider replacing common verbs like "implementing" with more specific verbs like "enforcing" or "executing" to enhance the clarity of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. There are no major spelling errors that significantly impact the overall quality of the writing. However, it’s crucial to remain vigilant and ensure consistent accuracy in spelling to uphold the professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: Continue practicing careful proofreading to catch any potential spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to detail, especially in words that might have variations in spelling or commonly confused words. Consistent attention to spelling accuracy will contribute to an overall polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a commendable variety of sentence structures. Complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences are skillfully employed to convey ideas. For instance, the introduction uses a complex sentence, "Poverty remains a pressing issue in most developing countries, and one proposed solution is a provision of up to six years of free education," showcasing a mix of structures that enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. Additionally, transitional phrases and cohesive devices contribute to the overall structural variety.
    • How to improve: While the essay already incorporates a diverse range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more advanced sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or parallel structures, to further elevate the sophistication of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The grammar and punctuation in the essay are generally accurate. Complex sentence structures are handled well, with appropriate use of conjunctions and relative pronouns. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be strengthened, such as in "Financial barriers often prevent children from attending school, perpetuating the cycle of poverty," where "barriers" should agree with the singular verb "prevents." Punctuation usage, including commas and semicolons, is generally correct, contributing to the essay’s clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical precision. Proofread the essay to catch instances where verb forms may not align with their subjects. Additionally, consider experimenting with more advanced punctuation, such as em dashes or colons, to further enhance sentence structure and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for slight improvements in subject-verb agreement and punctuation variety. Keep refining the use of diverse sentence structures and meticulously proofread for grammatical precision to elevate the essay’s language complexity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Poverty persists as a significant challenge in the majority of developing nations, and one proposed remedy involves offering up to six years of tuition-free education, with the aim of imparting essential literacy and numeracy skills to individuals. In my view, I concur with this approach.

Although tuition-free education constitutes a crucial step toward alleviating poverty, it is not an independent solution. Equally vital are sufficient infrastructure, trained educators, and high-quality educational resources. Simply offering tuition-free education without ensuring its quality may result in a system that fails to achieve the desired outcomes.

Consequently, governments could prioritize comprehensive educational reforms, encompassing teacher training programs, school infrastructure development, and curriculum enhancements, to maximize the impact of tuition-free education initiatives. For instance, in China, concomitant with the implementation of tuition-free education policies, the government invested in teacher training programs and enhanced school infrastructure, resulting in improved learning outcomes and significantly higher student retention rates.

Nevertheless, tuition-free education can significantly enhance access to schooling, especially for marginalized communities and children from low-income backgrounds. By abolishing tuition fees during early childhood, developing countries can eliminate a significant obstacle to education and ensure that all children have the opportunity to learn. For example, in India, the implementation of tuition-free education policies has resulted in an increase in school enrollment rates among girls from disadvantaged communities, motivating them to overcome challenging conditions and pursue improved futures through enhanced employability.

The inclusivity in education can contribute to bridging social and economic gaps, fostering a more equitable society. In conclusion, I strongly agree that offering up to six years of free education can be a powerful tool for overcoming poverty in developing countries. By prioritizing education and implementing necessary reforms, developing nations can better empower their citizens and reduce poverty levels in the long term.

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