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The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued whether providing poor people with free six-year education could tackle poverty in third world countries or not. Is it enough for success to be a low-educated person who just be able to read, write and use numbers? I do not think so. Despite the fact that schooling is vital for the development of the nation, it is not a key factor in fighting poverty. In other words, governments should make more action in this regard.

The elimination of illiteracy among residents of developing countries will have a prolonged effect on their well-being and the entire economy. Moreover, people with basic knowledge will be able to continue their education and make a contribution to society as qualified specialists in the future. Recent research shows that increasing the level of literacy by 2% could enhance the rise country's economy by 10%! That is why authorities should seriously think about giving up to six years of free education, especially in the third world.

There are many reasons to elaborate on the point of view regarding the inability of a minimum education to cope with poverty. Firstly, nothing will change if working places not establish. Furthermore, the lack of jobs affects demotivatively on willing people to get an education. And secondly, even though individuals can read and write, most specialities require more than these abilities. So, people have to make low-paid work to survive in this high-demand world.

Taking everything into account, I am absolutely convinced that people in developing countries certainly should be given six years of free education. Besides, the government have to encourage the nation for learning by creating new workplaces. Undoubtedly, these actions done simultaneously will have a visible effect in the future.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued whether providing poor people with free six-year education could tackle poverty in third world countries or not." -> "There is ongoing debate regarding whether offering impoverished individuals a complimentary six-year education could effectively address poverty in developing nations."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality by rephrasing and clarifying the statement, avoiding the use of "argued" and enhancing precision in describing the recipients of the education.

  2. "Is it enough for success to be a low-educated person who just be able to read, write and use numbers?" -> "Is it sufficient for success to be an individual with limited education who can merely read, write, and use numbers?"
    Explanation: The improved version adheres to formal language conventions, replacing "low-educated" with "individual with limited education" and restructuring the sentence for clarity.

  3. "Despite the fact that schooling is vital for the development of the nation, it is not a key factor in fighting poverty." -> "While education is crucial for national development, it may not be the primary factor in alleviating poverty."
    Explanation: The revised sentence refines the expression by replacing "Despite the fact that" with "While" and using more nuanced language to convey the relationship between education and poverty.

  4. "In other words, governments should make more action in this regard." -> "In other words, governments should take more substantial actions in this regard."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the vague "make more action" with "take more substantial actions," contributing to a more formal and precise tone.

  5. "The elimination of illiteracy among residents of developing countries will have a prolonged effect on their well-being and the entire economy." -> "Eradicating illiteracy among residents of developing countries will have a lasting impact on their well-being and the overall economy."
    Explanation: The revision employs more formal language, replacing "elimination" with "eradicating" for a refined expression of the idea.

  6. "Moreover, people with basic knowledge will be able to continue their education and make a contribution to society as qualified specialists in the future." -> "Furthermore, individuals with foundational knowledge can pursue further education and contribute to society as qualified specialists in the future."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and precision by replacing "people" with "individuals" and refining the description of those with basic knowledge.

  7. "Recent research shows that increasing the level of literacy by 2% could enhance the rise country’s economy by 10%!" -> "Recent research indicates that a 2% increase in literacy levels could lead to a 10% enhancement in the country’s economy."
    Explanation: The improved version employs more precise language and restructures the sentence for clarity and formality.

  8. "That is why authorities should seriously think about giving up to six years of free education, especially in the third world." -> "Hence, authorities should carefully consider providing up to six years of free education, particularly in developing regions."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality by replacing "seriously think about giving up" with "carefully consider providing" and specifying "developing regions" instead of "the third world."

  9. "Firstly, nothing will change if working places not establish." -> "Firstly, nothing will change if job opportunities are not established."
    Explanation: The suggested change corrects grammar and replaces "working places" with the more formal term "job opportunities."

  10. "Furthermore, the lack of jobs affects demotivatively on willing people to get an education." -> "Furthermore, the scarcity of job opportunities negatively impacts the motivation of individuals willing to pursue education."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and clarifies the impact of the lack of jobs on individuals’ motivation to pursue education.

  11. "And secondly, even though individuals can read and write, most specialities require more than these abilities." -> "Secondly, even though individuals can read and write, most professions demand skills beyond these basic abilities."
    Explanation: The improved version maintains formality by using "secondly" and replaces "specialties" with "professions" for a more precise expression.

  12. "So, people have to make low-paid work to survive in this high-demand world." -> "As a result, individuals are compelled to engage in low-paid labor to survive in this high-demand world."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and clarity, using "As a result" to connect the ideas and replacing "make" with "engage in" for a more formal expression.

  13. "Taking everything into account, I am absolutely convinced that people in developing countries certainly should be given six years of free education." -> "Considering all factors, I am firmly convinced that individuals in developing countries should indeed be provided with six years of free education."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality and clarity while refining the expression of conviction.

  14. "Besides, the government have to encourage the nation for learning by creating new workplaces." -> "Moreover, the government must stimulate national interest in education by establishing new employment opportunities."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances formality by replacing "Besides" with "Moreover" and using "must" instead of "have to" for greater precision.

  15. "Undoubtedly, these actions done simultaneously will have a visible effect in the future." -> "Undoubtedly, concurrently implementing these actions will yield tangible effects in the future."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality and precision by replacing "done simultaneously" with "concurrently implementing" and specifying "tangible effects" for clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the importance of education in developing countries, discusses its limitations in addressing poverty, and suggests the need for additional government actions.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis of the specific components of the question. For instance, it could explore the potential impact of free education on literacy rates and how it contributes to poverty reduction.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by expressing disagreement with the idea that six years of free education alone can effectively combat poverty. The stance is consistently presented throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the position, the essay could consider anticipating and addressing potential counterarguments to showcase a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but some are underdeveloped. For example, it mentions the importance of creating jobs but lacks specific examples or elaboration on how job creation can complement education.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed examples and explanations, linking the ideas back to the main argument. This will help in building a more comprehensive and persuasive case.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but deviates slightly when discussing the lack of job opportunities without fully tying it back to the main argument. This deviation is minor and does not significantly impact the overall focus.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should ensure that every point made directly contributes to the central argument. It could strengthen the connection between the discussion on job opportunities and the main theme of education’s role in poverty reduction.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, it could benefit from more thorough development of ideas and a stronger connection between supporting points and the main argument. Encouraging the exploration of counterarguments and providing concrete examples will further enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on different aspects of the argument. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for a smoother flow. For instance, the transition from discussing the prolonged effect of education on well-being to the economic impact lacks a clear link.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless flow of ideas within and between paragraphs. Explicitly connect related points to maintain a coherent progression of arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure could be refined for better effectiveness. Paragraphs generally contain one main idea, but some are more developed than others. For example, the second paragraph lacks sufficient elaboration on the importance of schooling, making it less impactful compared to the others.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is adequately developed. Elaborate on key points consistently across paragraphs, giving the essay a balanced and cohesive structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore," "And secondly"), but there is room for improvement in the variety and subtlety of these devices. The connections between sentences and ideas are generally clear, but more sophisticated cohesive devices could enhance the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and advanced transitional expressions. This will create a more sophisticated and nuanced connection between sentences and ideas, contributing to a higher level of cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, aligning with a Band Score of 6. To enhance coherence, work on refining the logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, focus on developing each paragraph consistently and incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices for a more polished and connected essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with a mix of common and less common words. For example, the use of phrases like "elimination of illiteracy," "qualified specialists," and "demotivatively" contributes to variety. However, there is room for improvement as some key terms, such as "third world," could be replaced with more precise language, and the repetition of certain words, like "education," could be minimized for greater diversity.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms for frequently used words. Additionally, replace broad terms like "third world" with more specific language, such as "developing countries" or the names of specific nations. This will add precision and depth to your expression.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys ideas effectively, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the term "low-educated person" might be refined to "individuals with limited formal education." Additionally, the use of "make more action" could be replaced with a more specific phrase, like "take more proactive measures."

    • How to improve: Strive for precision in language by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Replace vague terms with more specific ones and consider the nuance of each word to ensure it aligns accurately with your message.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where spelling errors are noticeable, such as "demotivatively." These errors, though infrequent, slightly impact the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay carefully. Pay special attention to complex words and technical terms. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch any overlooked errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more precise terms and refining spelling, the overall lexical resource can be elevated, contributing to a more polished and impactful piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple and complex sentences, with occasional use of compound sentences. For example, "Despite the fact that schooling is vital for the development of the nation, it is not a key factor in fighting poverty" showcases a complex sentence structure. However, there is room for improvement as the essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence constructions, limiting variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences or varying the length and style of sentences. For instance, integrating rhetorical questions, conditional sentences, or participial phrases can contribute to a more diverse and sophisticated writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a reasonably high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "Is it enough for success to be a low-educated person who just be able to read, write and use numbers?" where the verb form "be" is incorrect. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas in sentences, that slightly affect the overall accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to verb forms and sentence structures. In the mentioned example, the correct form should be "Is it enough for success to be a low-educated person who is just able to read, write, and use numbers?" Also, be diligent in using commas appropriately, ensuring they are placed to separate clauses, items in a list, and before coordinating conjunctions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in sentence structure variety and the elimination of minor errors. These enhancements can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate about whether providing complimentary six-year education to impoverished individuals could effectively address poverty in developing nations. The question arises: Is it sufficient for success to be an individual with limited education who can merely read, write, and use numbers? While education is undoubtedly crucial for national development, it may not be the sole factor in alleviating poverty. In other words, governments should take more substantial actions in this regard.

Eradicating illiteracy among residents of developing countries will have a lasting impact on their well-being and the overall economy. Furthermore, individuals with foundational knowledge can pursue further education and contribute to society as qualified specialists in the future. Recent research indicates that a 2% increase in literacy levels could lead to a 10% enhancement in the country’s economy. Hence, authorities should carefully consider providing up to six years of free education, particularly in developing regions.

Firstly, nothing will change if job opportunities are not established. Furthermore, the scarcity of job opportunities negatively impacts the motivation of individuals willing to pursue education. Secondly, even though individuals can read and write, most professions demand skills beyond these basic abilities. As a result, individuals are compelled to engage in low-paid labor to survive in this high-demand world.

Considering all factors, I am firmly convinced that individuals in developing countries should indeed be provided with six years of free education. Moreover, the government must stimulate national interest in education by establishing new employment opportunities. Undoubtedly, concurrently implementing these actions will yield tangible effects in the future.

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