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The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce youth crime is to educate parents about good parenting skills.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been recorded that the rate of juvenile delinquency has increased dramatically over the past few decades. Among all the solutions suggested to improve this nagging problem, providing parents with good parenting skills is widely deemed to be the best option. However, in my opinion, while it is necessary to educate parents, there should be proper support from governments and schools to prevent youth crime.

On the one hand, teaching fathers and mothers good parenting skills is essential to reduce juvenile offences. Since parents are the closest people to their children, their childcare and education have a significant impact on the children’s behaviours. Without timely guidance and frequent monitoring from parents, teens could struggle to distinguish between the right and the wrong as well as how to behave appropriately. As a result, the young are more likely to commit crime due to their lack of awareness about consequences of criminal activities. Additionally, it is necessary for parents to set clear boundaries to help youngsters avoid situations that may lead to crimes. In case that a child accidentally steals money, a father who teaches his child by corporal punishments could show them that violence is acceptable for illegal acts, which would deter the child from reoffending.

On the other hand, education at home alone is not enough to hinder juvenile delinquency, the involvement of government and educational institutions is required. There are lots of adolescents who are forced to break the law due to being unemployed and living under the poverty line. If the government implements solutions to lower the unemployment rate, the number of crimes perpetrated by the young will certainly decrease. Besides, as children these days spend a large amount of time at school, they are more likely to be influenced by their teachers and friends. For example, many Vietnamese teenagers follow their friends and use alcohol or drugs regardless of its negative effects. This fact suggests that the training of colleges and other youth organisations should be emphasised to lessen the crime rate among the young.

In conclusion, reducing youth crime requires a multi-faceted approach that involves both parents’ education and other support from governments and schools. This can lead to a safer and more secured community for everyone.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "nagging problem" -> "persistent issue"
    Explanation: Replacing "nagging problem" with "persistent issue" elevates the formality of the language and avoids the use of a more colloquial expression.

  2. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Substituting "On the one hand" with "Firstly" provides a smoother transition and aligns better with academic writing conventions.

  3. "teens could struggle" -> "adolescents may face challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "teens could struggle" to "adolescents may face challenges" introduces a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone.

  4. "youngsters" -> "adolescents"
    Explanation: Replacing "youngsters" with "adolescents" is a more formal and specific term, contributing to a higher level of formality in the essay.

  5. "in case that" -> "if"
    Explanation: Substituting "in case that" with "if" streamlines the expression and aligns with a more formal tone.

  6. "father who teaches his child by corporal punishments" -> "parent who disciplines their child using corporal punishment"
    Explanation: Changing "father who teaches his child by corporal punishments" to "parent who disciplines their child using corporal punishment" offers a more gender-neutral and academically precise phrase.

  7. "education at home alone" -> "solely relying on home-based education"
    Explanation: Replacing "education at home alone" with "solely relying on home-based education" enhances clarity and formality, providing a more nuanced expression.

  8. "a large amount of time" -> "a significant amount of time"
    Explanation: Substituting "a large amount of time" with "a significant amount of time" introduces a more precise and formal description.

  9. "This fact suggests that" -> "This phenomenon implies that"
    Explanation: Changing "This fact suggests that" to "This phenomenon implies that" elevates the language and aligns with a more formal style.

  10. "multi-faceted approach" -> "comprehensive approach"
    Explanation: Replacing "multi-faceted approach" with "comprehensive approach" maintains clarity while using a more sophisticated and formal term.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Since parents are the closest people to their children, their childcare and education have a significant impact on the children’s behaviours."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the essay acknowledges the importance of parental influence, it lacks depth in explaining how educating parents about good parenting skills can specifically address youth crime. It would be beneficial to provide concrete examples or scenarios where improved parenting skills directly contribute to crime prevention. For instance, detailing how effective communication and monitoring can deter adolescents from engaging in unlawful activities.
    • Improved example: "Given that parents are the primary influencers in a child’s life, honing effective communication skills and closely monitoring their activities can serve as preventive measures against juvenile delinquency. For instance, regular conversations about the consequences of illegal activities can instill a strong sense of morality in youngsters."
  2. Quoted text: "In case that a child accidentally steals money, a father who teaches his child by corporal punishments could show them that violence is acceptable for illegal acts, which would deter the child from reoffending."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay introduces an example, but the reasoning is somewhat unclear. Instead of corporal punishment as a deterrent, it would be more effective to emphasize positive reinforcement or alternative disciplinary methods. This would align with the concept of good parenting skills, promoting a nurturing environment.
    • Improved example: "If a child unintentionally steals money, a father employing positive reinforcement and open communication can effectively guide the child towards understanding the consequences of their actions. This approach fosters a supportive environment, discouraging the child from repeating such behaviors."
  3. Quoted text: "If the government implements solutions to lower the unemployment rate, the number of crimes perpetrated by the young will certainly decrease."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The essay rightly involves the government but lacks specificity in proposing solutions to reduce youth crime through employment. Providing more detailed examples or strategies, such as job training programs or youth employment initiatives, would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Implementing targeted job training programs for adolescents and introducing youth-focused employment initiatives can significantly reduce the likelihood of involvement in criminal activities. By offering viable alternatives and opportunities, the government plays a crucial role in steering the youth away from unlawful behaviors."

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but would benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of how good parenting skills, government involvement, and educational institutions collectively contribute to reducing youth crime.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there may be some under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is presented clearly. Paragraphing is generally logical and sufficient.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for a more balanced distribution of these devices to avoid potential under-/over-use. While paragraphing is generally logical, paying attention to the flow of ideas between paragraphs can further improve overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with fluency and flexibility. The writer skillfully employs uncommon lexical items to convey precise meanings, contributing to the sophistication of the essay. The vocabulary is generally natural, with rare minor errors that can be considered as occasional ‘slips’. The essay effectively communicates complex ideas related to juvenile delinquency, parenting, and the role of government and schools in crime prevention.

How to improve: While the essay excels in lexical resource, minor improvements can be made in terms of word choice and collocation. It would be beneficial to ensure that all lexical items are used with absolute accuracy. Additionally, attention to spelling and word formation, even though rare errors occur, could further enhance the overall lexical quality. Overall, maintaining this level of vocabulary use and addressing these minor points will contribute to an even more polished lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation overall. It uses a variety of complex structures effectively, showcasing a range of sentence forms and structures. There are frequent error-free sentences, but occasional errors and inaccuracies slightly detract from full fluency and accuracy.

How to improve: To improve towards an 8.0 or higher, focus on refining accuracy further. While the essay displays complexity and variation in sentence structures, polishing grammatical accuracy would elevate it. Ensure that the complex structures used are consistently error-free to enhance fluency and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

It has been observed that juvenile delinquency rates have surged significantly in recent decades. Among the various proposed solutions to address this persistent issue, educating parents about good parenting skills is widely considered the most effective. However, I believe that while parental education is crucial, it must be complemented by adequate support from governments and schools to effectively curb youth crime.

On one hand, imparting good parenting skills to fathers and mothers is indispensable for reducing juvenile offenses. Given that parents play a pivotal role in shaping their children’s behavior, their guidance significantly influences the way youngsters perceive right and wrong. Without timely guidance and vigilant monitoring from parents, adolescents may face challenges in distinguishing between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. This lack of awareness about the consequences of criminal activities increases the likelihood of young individuals engaging in unlawful behavior. Moreover, setting clear boundaries is essential for helping youngsters avoid situations that may lead to criminal acts. For instance, if a child unintentionally steals money and faces discipline through corporal punishment, it may inadvertently convey that violence is an acceptable response to illegal acts, potentially encouraging the child to reoffend.

On the other hand, relying solely on home-based education is insufficient to deter juvenile delinquency; active involvement from government and educational institutions is imperative. Many adolescents resort to criminal activities due to unemployment and living below the poverty line. By implementing measures to reduce the unemployment rate, the government can significantly decrease crimes committed by the youth. Additionally, considering the significant amount of time children spend at school, it becomes evident that they are heavily influenced by their teachers and peers. For instance, Vietnamese teenagers often follow the behaviors of their friends, engaging in activities like alcohol or drug use without considering the negative consequences. This underscores the need to emphasize training in schools and other youth organizations to effectively reduce the crime rate among the young.

In conclusion, addressing youth crime requires a comprehensive approach that includes parental education alongside crucial support from governments and schools. This multi-faceted strategy is essential for creating a safer and more secure community for everyone.

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