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The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some individuals strongly endorse the idea that the most effective approach to reduce youth crimes is to enhance parental skills. In my opinion, I am inclined to strongly agree with this perspective.

To begin with, parents play a crucial role in molding a child's personality and mindset. The susceptibility of youth to mimic the behaviors and words of those around them, particularly their family members, underscores the importance of parental influence. Parents equipped with sufficient parenting skills comprehend the profound impact of their actions on their children and, consequently, make adjustments to ensure the absence of undesirable behaviors. Consequently, children raised in a nurturing and positive environment are likely to become socially adept individuals with commendable traits such as generosity, kindness, and sympathy.

Moreover, other potential approaches to address youth crimes seem less effective. For instance, one alternative could involve law enforcement officers visiting schools to speak to young students about the repercussions of breaking the law. However, this might be ineffective as young people often resist advice from authoritative figures. Another option could be inviting a former offender to address teenagers about the consequences of their misdeeds, aiming to dissuade them from engaging in unlawful activities. While the vivid stories may leave a lasting impression on the youth, there is a risk that impressionable adolescents might idolize ex-offenders and emulate their criminal behaviors.

In conclusion, I strongly endorse the notion that providing parents with enhanced parenting skills is crucial to mitigate youth offending and foster the development of well-adjusted and responsible members of society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some individuals strongly endorse the idea" -> "Certain individuals fervently support the notion"
    Explanation: Replacing "Some individuals strongly endorse the idea" with "Certain individuals fervently support the notion" elevates the formality of the language by using more sophisticated terms like "fervently" and "notion."

  2. "In my opinion, I am inclined to strongly agree" -> "In my view, I firmly support"
    Explanation: Changing "In my opinion, I am inclined to strongly agree" to "In my view, I firmly support" maintains the writer’s stance while presenting it in a more concise and formal manner.

  3. "To begin with, parents play a crucial role" -> "First and foremost, parents wield a pivotal influence"
    Explanation: Replacing "To begin with, parents play a crucial role" with "First and foremost, parents wield a pivotal influence" introduces more formal language with the use of "first and foremost" and "pivotal influence."

  4. "susceptibility of youth to mimic" -> "propensity of young individuals to emulate"
    Explanation: Substituting "susceptibility of youth to mimic" with "propensity of young individuals to emulate" employs a more academic and precise term, enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  5. "Parents equipped with sufficient parenting skills" -> "Parents possessing adequate parental capabilities"
    Explanation: Changing "Parents equipped with sufficient parenting skills" to "Parents possessing adequate parental capabilities" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and nuanced expression.

  6. "ensure the absence of undesirable behaviors" -> "promote the avoidance of undesirable conduct"
    Explanation: Substituting "ensure the absence of undesirable behaviors" with "promote the avoidance of undesirable conduct" enhances the formality and precision of the language.

  7. "socially adept individuals with commendable traits" -> "individuals possessing commendable social skills"
    Explanation: Replacing "socially adept individuals with commendable traits" with "individuals possessing commendable social skills" maintains formality and provides a more specific description of the desired characteristics.

  8. "other potential approaches" -> "alternative strategies"
    Explanation: Changing "other potential approaches" to "alternative strategies" introduces a more formal term, aligning with academic language conventions.

  9. "young people often resist advice" -> "adolescents frequently reject guidance"
    Explanation: Substituting "young people often resist advice" with "adolescents frequently reject guidance" uses a more formal and specific term, contributing to the academic tone of the sentence.

  10. "there is a risk that impressionable adolescents might idolize" -> "there exists a risk of impressionable adolescents idealizing"
    Explanation: Changing "there is a risk that impressionable adolescents might idolize" to "there exists a risk of impressionable adolescents idealizing" employs a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses all elements of the prompt. It recognizes the importance of parental influence, discusses alternative approaches, and concludes with a clear stance in favor of enhancing parental skills.

    • How to improve: While the essay is well-rounded, providing more depth in the exploration of alternative approaches could strengthen the argument. Consider delving further into the potential challenges and limitations of other methods to offer a more nuanced analysis.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position, expressing a strong agreement with the idea that enhancing parental skills is the best way to reduce youth crimes. Each paragraph reinforces this standpoint.

    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly restating the main position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and develops ideas. It discusses the crucial role of parents in shaping a child’s behavior, provides examples, and contrasts alternative methods, supporting each point with relevant reasoning.

    • How to improve: To further enrich the content, consider incorporating real-world examples or statistics to bolster the argument. This can add a layer of empirical evidence, making the essay more persuasive.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a strong connection to the topic throughout, discussing the role of parents in preventing youth crimes and contrasting it with alternative methods.

    • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument can enhance coherence. Be vigilant about maintaining relevance to the main theme to avoid any potential tangents.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, maintains a clear and consistent position, effectively develops ideas, and stays on topic. To improve, consider providing more depth in exploring alternative approaches, restating the main position for emphasis, incorporating additional evidence, and ensuring the utmost relevance in each paragraph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the writer’s stance and sets the stage for the subsequent arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from the importance of parental influence to the limitations of alternative approaches and concluding with a succinct restatement of the main point.
    • How to improve: While the logical flow is generally effective, consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother connection between ideas. Ensure that the progression of arguments is seamless to enhance overall coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, and the body paragraphs maintain a clear focus on individual points.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the length of paragraphs. While the overall paragraphing is effective, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, more digestible units. This can further enhance clarity and make the essay more reader-friendly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases such as "To begin with" and "Moreover," which guide the reader through different points. Pronouns like "this perspective" effectively refer back to the writer’s opinion. Additionally, the essay maintains coherence through consistent topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
    • How to improve: Continue using a diverse range of cohesive devices, but be cautious not to overuse certain terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "youth crimes," consider using synonyms occasionally to maintain linguistic variety. Additionally, ensure that the logical progression of ideas is reinforced through the strategic use of cohesive devices.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with room for refinement in transitions and linguistic variety. Making these adjustments will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "susceptibility," "commendable traits," and "misdeeds." Additionally, the use of phrases like "profound impact" and "undesirable behaviors" adds depth to the expression.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider incorporating more domain-specific terms related to parenting and youth development. For instance, specific terms like "positive reinforcement," "authoritative parenting," or "adolescent psychology" can add precision to your argument.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances where more specific terms could be employed. For example, the phrase "law enforcement officers" could be refined to "police officers," and "repercussions" could be specified as "legal consequences" for greater clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to opportunities for precision, especially when discussing specific concepts. Be mindful of using terms that precisely convey the intended meaning, avoiding general or ambiguous expressions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally high throughout the essay, with no notable errors detected. The author demonstrates a strong command of spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: Maintain the meticulous approach to spelling. Consider proofreading to catch any potential errors that may have been overlooked. Additionally, be vigilant about specific terminology related to the essay topic to ensure accurate spelling in specialized terms.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong lexical resource, with a wide range of vocabulary and overall precise language usage. To elevate the lexical quality, focus on incorporating domain-specific terms for added precision. Additionally, maintain the excellent spelling accuracy exhibited in this essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are employed effectively to convey ideas. For instance, the use of complex sentences in expressing the relationship between parental influence and the behavior of youth adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the essay, consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures, such as inversion or conditional sentences, where appropriate. This will elevate the overall complexity of the language and contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay showcases a high level of grammatical accuracy. Verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structures are utilized with precision. For example, the consistent use of correct verb tenses contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the grammatical accuracy is impressive, pay careful attention to complex sentences to ensure that subordinate clauses are punctuated correctly. Additionally, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures to showcase a wider grammatical range.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, punctuation is handled proficiently throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used accurately to guide the reader and enhance clarity. However, there is a slight overuse of commas in a few instances.
    • How to improve: Review the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences, to ensure they are used judiciously. Consider experimenting with dashes or semicolons to vary punctuation and add stylistic diversity. This will contribute to a smoother flow and further elevate the essay’s overall punctuation proficiency.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with only minor areas for improvement. The writer’s adept use of sentence structures and precise grammar contributes significantly to the overall effectiveness of the essay. By incorporating subtle enhancements in sentence complexity and punctuation variety, the essay can reach an even higher level of linguistic sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Some individuals fervently support the notion that the most effective way to diminish youth crimes is by improving parental skills. In my view, I firmly support this perspective.

First and foremost, parents wield a pivotal influence in shaping a child’s character and mindset. The propensity of young individuals to emulate the behaviors and language of those closest to them, particularly their family members, highlights the significance of parental influence. Parents possessing adequate parental capabilities grasp the profound impact of their actions on their children and thus make adjustments to promote the avoidance of undesirable conduct. Consequently, children nurtured in a positive environment are more likely to develop into individuals with commendable social skills, such as generosity, kindness, and sympathy.

Moreover, other strategies to tackle youth crimes seem less effective. For instance, one alternative could involve law enforcement officers visiting schools to educate young students about the consequences of breaking the law. However, adolescents frequently reject guidance from authoritative figures, making this approach potentially less impactful. Another option could be inviting a former offender to address teenagers about the repercussions of their actions, aiming to dissuade them from unlawful activities. While these vivid stories may leave a lasting impression on the youth, there exists a risk of impressionable adolescents idealizing ex-offenders and potentially replicating their criminal behaviors.

In conclusion, I strongly endorse the notion that providing parents with enhanced parenting skills is pivotal in reducing youth offending and fostering the growth of well-adjusted and responsible members of society.”

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