The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills.
To what extent you agree or disagree?

Over the past decades, juvenile offences have become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. While educating parents seems to be reasonable, ample evidence suggests that the opposite is true. In this essay, I will analyze outstanding reasons why other factors is more vital.

Several reasons highlight the belief that educating parents with parental skills is warranted. On the one hand, parents now are extremely busy with their work, having no time to take care and teach their children; therefore, this can have an impact on their children’s behavior. In fact, in Vietnam a numerous number of youth crimes are the result of inappropriate childrearing. On the other hand, strict parents act as another reason. This can make their children feel suffocated and they tend to hang out more with their friends and want to experience new things, easily being affected bad habits and becoming crimes as a result.

However, I contend that alleviating youth crimes is concerning with other factors. Firstly, students are equipped with basic foundation of knowledge from teachers at school through lessons and educational programs. This affects indirectly to their thoughts, cognitive, and actions, so teachers play a crucial role in educating students. Secondly, students are also influenced negatively by their friends. This is because they are exposed to their friends everyday; therefore, they can imitate bad habits, such as truants, drug, or smoke.

In conclusion, while educating parents is likely to yield benefits for children, I maintain that other factors should be implemented due to their value for both individual and society. Such benefits, if conducted properly, can have a positive impact on children.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Over the past decades" -> "In recent decades"
Explanation: "Over the past decades" is slightly informal. "In recent decades" maintains the temporal reference while sounding more academic.
"prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon" -> "prevalent and widely acknowledged issue"
Explanation: "Publicly recognized phenomenon" is somewhat redundant and less formal. "Widely acknowledged issue" communicates the same idea with greater precision.
"the opposite is true" -> "contrary evidence suggests otherwise"
Explanation: "The opposite is true" is a bit colloquial. "Contrary evidence suggests otherwise" maintains formality and clarity.
"outstanding reasons" -> "compelling reasons"
Explanation: "Outstanding reasons" is vague. "Compelling reasons" suggests stronger argumentation in an academic context.
"with parental skills is warranted" -> "in parental skills is justified"
Explanation: "With parental skills is warranted" is awkward. "In parental skills is justified" is more direct and formal.
"extremely busy with their work" -> "exceedingly occupied with their professional commitments"
Explanation: "Extremely busy with their work" is a bit casual. "Exceedingly occupied with their professional commitments" is more formal and precise.
"no time to take care and teach their children" -> "insufficient time to nurture and educate their children"
Explanation: "No time to take care and teach their children" is informal. "Insufficient time to nurture and educate their children" conveys the same idea with a more formal tone.
"a numerous number of youth crimes" -> "a significant number of juvenile offenses"
Explanation: "A numerous number of youth crimes" is redundant and imprecise. "A significant number of juvenile offenses" is clearer and more concise.
"strict parents act as another reason" -> "authoritarian parenting is another contributing factor"
Explanation: "Strict parents act as another reason" lacks precision. "Authoritarian parenting is another contributing factor" specifies the type of parenting style more accurately.
"they tend to hang out more with their friends" -> "they are inclined to socialize more with their peers"
Explanation: "Hang out more with their friends" is informal. "Inclined to socialize more with their peers" maintains formality and clarity.
"easily being affected bad habits" -> "more susceptible to adopting negative behaviors"
Explanation: "Easily being affected bad habits" is grammatically incorrect. "More susceptible to adopting negative behaviors" is clearer and more formal.
"alleviating youth crimes is concerning with other factors" -> "addressing youth delinquency involves consideration of other factors"
Explanation: "Alleviating youth crimes is concerning with other factors" is awkward. "Addressing youth delinquency involves consideration of other factors" clarifies the statement.
"are equipped with basic foundation of knowledge from teachers at school" -> "receive a fundamental education from teachers at school"
Explanation: "Are equipped with basic foundation of knowledge from teachers at school" is wordy. "Receive a fundamental education from teachers at school" is more concise and clear.
"This affects indirectly to their thoughts" -> "This indirectly influences their thoughts"
Explanation: "This affects indirectly to their thoughts" is grammatically incorrect. "This indirectly influences their thoughts" is grammatically accurate and clearer.
"truants, drug, or smoke" -> "truancy, substance abuse, or smoking"
Explanation: "Truants, drug, or smoke" contains a grammatical error and lacks precision. "Truancy, substance abuse, or smoking" corrects the error and provides clearer terms.
"while educating parents is likely to yield benefits for children" -> "although educating parents is potentially beneficial for children"
Explanation: "While educating parents is likely to yield benefits for children" is slightly informal. "Although educating parents is potentially beneficial for children" maintains formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the proposal to reduce youth crimes through parental education while presenting counterarguments that emphasize the roles of teachers and peers in influencing youth behavior.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure each viewpoint is developed more fully. For instance, provide specific examples or data to support the claim that parental education alone may not suffice. Also, clearly state the degree of agreement or disagreement with the prompt to sharpen the focus on the essay’s stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance by suggesting that while parental education is beneficial, it is not sufficient on its own to curb youth crimes. This stance is clear from the introduction through to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the position on parental education in the thesis statement and reinforce this stance in each body paragraph. Ensure that examples and reasoning consistently align with this position to avoid any ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with some development, such as the impact of busy parents and strict parenting styles. However, these ideas could be further elaborated with more specific examples or studies to enhance credibility and depth.
- How to improve: Extend each point by providing concrete examples or statistics to illustrate how parental behaviors directly influence youth crimes. Additionally, expand on the influence of teachers and peers with more detailed explanations or case studies to bolster the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing factors influencing youth crimes, including parental roles, teacher influence, and peer pressure. However, some points could be more directly tied to the central theme of parental education and its effectiveness.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the effectiveness of parental education in reducing youth crimes, even when discussing alternative factors.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a well-structured argument that considers multiple perspectives. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of the essay’s stance, and maintaining a consistent thematic connection to parental education as a strategy for reducing youth crimes.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear organizational structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument effectively by stating the issue and the author’s stance. Each body paragraph then presents a distinct reason supported by examples. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow between paragraphs, as the transition from discussing parental education to other influencing factors could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one and directly supports the main argument. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs, providing a seamless flow of information.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure within paragraphs could be improved for clarity and coherence. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as parental education or other influencing factors, but some points within paragraphs could be better delineated.
- How to improve: Focus on developing a clear topic sentence for each paragraph that directly relates to the main argument. Within paragraphs, ensure that each supporting point is clearly expressed and supported with relevant examples or evidence. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "in conclusion," as well as pronouns and conjunctions to link related concepts. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices used, which can affect the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structure, and rhetorical devices like repetition or parallelism. Varying sentence structures and lengths can also contribute to smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, utilizing phrases like "prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon," "ample evidence," "inappropriate childrearing," "alleviating youth crimes," and "conducted properly." However, there is a tendency to rely on some common phrases and expressions without introducing more nuanced or specialized vocabulary throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance your score in this criterion, consider incorporating more diverse and precise vocabulary. Instead of using generic terms like "ample evidence," try to specify the type of evidence or employ synonyms that convey a similar meaning but add depth to your expression. Additionally, explore domain-specific vocabulary related to parenting, juvenile delinquency, and education to enrich your language further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. For instance, phrases like "prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon" and "inappropriate childrearing" demonstrate precise use of language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "ample evidence" could be replaced with specific examples or types of evidence to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision in your vocabulary by using terms that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of opting for broad terms like "evidence," provide specific examples, studies, or statistics to substantiate your claims. This will enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with only a few minor errors observed. Examples include "is warranted" (should be "are warranted"), "numerous number" (redundant, either "numerous" or "a number of" would suffice), and "bad habits and becoming crimes" (awkward phrasing, consider rephrasing for clarity).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essays carefully before submission. Pay close attention to common spelling errors and ensure consistency in verb agreement and phrasing. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is evidence of compound and complex sentences, though the variety could be improved. For instance, the essay frequently uses simple sentence structures, such as "parents now are extremely busy with their work" or "students are equipped with basic foundation of knowledge from teachers." While these structures are grammatically correct, they lack complexity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and sophistication of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including compound-complex sentences, inverted sentences, and parallel structures. For example, instead of using simple constructions like "students are equipped with basic foundation of knowledge from teachers," try integrating more complex structures like "Students, through their interactions with educators, assimilate fundamental knowledge that forms the bedrock of their educational journey."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are several instances where minor errors in subject-verb agreement and punctuation detract from the clarity of expression. For example, in the sentence "Several reasons highlight the belief that educating parents with parental skills is warranted," the subject "reasons" is plural, but the verb "highlight" is singular. Additionally, there are instances where commas are either missing or incorrectly placed, such as in the sentence "On the other hand, strict parents act as another reason."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s important to pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules. Reviewing each sentence for errors in agreement and ensuring proper comma usage can significantly enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing. Consider utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or educators to identify and correct any grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, practicing writing complex sentences and paying attention to their grammatical structures can further refine your language skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over recent decades, there has been a noticeable increase in juvenile offenses, a matter of widespread concern. While advocating for parental education appears logical, there is contrary evidence suggesting otherwise. In this essay, I will delve into compelling reasons why other factors merit greater attention.

There are several reasons supporting the idea that educating parents in parental skills is justified. Firstly, parents today are exceedingly occupied with their professional commitments, leaving them with insufficient time to nurture and educate their children. Consequently, a significant number of juvenile offenses can be attributed to inadequate parental supervision. Additionally, authoritarian parenting is another contributing factor, as it may lead children to seek solace in their peers, becoming more susceptible to adopting negative behaviors.

Nevertheless, addressing youth delinquency involves consideration of other factors. Firstly, students receive a fundamental education from teachers at school, shaping their thoughts and actions. This indirect influence underscores the pivotal role teachers play in the education system. Secondly, students are heavily influenced by their peers, who they interact with daily. This constant exposure can lead to the imitation of negative behaviors such as truancy, substance abuse, or smoking.

In conclusion, although educating parents is potentially beneficial for children, it is crucial to recognize that other factors also play significant roles in shaping youth behavior. By addressing these multifaceted influences comprehensively, we can work towards a society where children are less inclined towards delinquency and more towards positive development.