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The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems. Personally, I am partly in favor of it, while cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-relating advantages, other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur.

On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities. For example, the volume of public vehicles in those places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues. Due to the low density of residents, the far-flung areas do not usually comprise adequate public transport causing a massive hindrance from traveling to further sites. Furthermore, traffic laws and road maintenance in highly developed cities are more likely to maintain driving safety for city dwellers, reducing accident possibilities. Unlike the majority of roads in non-urban sites being degraded and containing numerous potholes, those in urban ones are completely well-constructed and qualified for their citizens’ safety. However, this trend still contains some minor issues.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people’s transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation. Specifically, it has both directly or indirectly worsened several existing issues. Firstly, the most evident consequence is the significant increase in traffic jams during rush hour. Granted, having more citizens but fewer adequate places for commuting is the main factor of it. Secondly, it is, in fact, the profound factor of the out-of-control urban sprawl and badly affects the surrounding hinterlands. A reason for these is that people have not carefully considered the numerous downsides of living in a crowded area leading to the massive demand, but lack of space.

To encapsulate, I personally believe to some extent that moving to urban places will solve the traffic and transportation issues by providing public amenities and ensuring safety, as it might worsen another problem: having overpopulated citizens.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems. Personally, I am partly in favor of it, while cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-relating advantages, other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur."
    -> "Some argue that residing in urban centers rather than suburbs or rural areas is the primary solution to alleviate traffic and transportation issues. Personally, I am partially in favor of this proposition. While cities offer modern amenities, including public transportation and safety-related advantages, potential drawbacks, such as a substantial increase in population, need consideration."
    Explanation: Replacing "settling" with "residing," and "curb" with "alleviate," contributes to a more formal tone. Additionally, rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and emphasizes the need for consideration of potential drawbacks.

  2. "On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities."
    -> "On one hand, in my view, a practical solution that urban centers can employ to address these issues is to offer a diverse array of adequate amenities."
    Explanation: Removing the informal phrase "afflict previous problems" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality. The revised sentence also provides a clearer expression of the proposed solution.

  3. "For example, the volume of public vehicles in those places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues."
    -> "For instance, the density and sophistication of public transportation in urban areas surpass those in rural regions, significantly alleviating commuting challenges."
    Explanation: Replacing "volume of public vehicles" with "density and sophistication of public transportation" and rephrasing the sentence enhances precision and formalizes the language.

  4. "Unlike the majority of roads in non-urban sites being degraded and containing numerous potholes, those in urban ones are completely well-constructed and qualified for their citizens’ safety. However, this trend still contains some minor issues."
    -> "In contrast to the deteriorated condition and numerous potholes found in many non-urban areas, urban roads are thoroughly well-constructed and designed to ensure the safety of their citizens. Nevertheless, this trend is not without its minor issues."
    Explanation: The revised version replaces colloquial language like "degraded" with more formal terms and clarifies the comparison between urban and non-urban roads for improved academic style.

  5. "On the other hand, I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people’s transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation."
    -> "Conversely, I firmly believe that relocating to urban centers, despite improving transportation, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern."
    Explanation: Replacing "moving to urban cities" with "relocating to urban centers" and rephrasing the sentence contributes to a more formal tone, while the revision clarifies the argument by specifying that drawbacks may arise despite improvements in transportation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. The writer discusses the advantages of living in cities related to traffic and transportation problems, such as better public transport and safety measures. However, the essay also acknowledges the downside, emphasizing overpopulation issues that might arise from encouraging people to move to cities.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. The discussion on the drawbacks of urban living could be more nuanced, addressing potential counterarguments or offering alternative solutions.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is somewhat clear, leaning towards supporting the idea of living in urban areas as a solution. However, the essay starts with "partly in favor," and later mentions "to some extent," introducing some ambiguity.
    • How to improve: Maintain a consistent and unequivocal stance throughout the essay. Clearly state whether you fully agree, fully disagree, or have a balanced view, and then stick to that position in your arguments.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas fairly well, supporting the benefits of city living with examples like advanced public transport and safer roads. However, the discussion on drawbacks, particularly overpopulation, lacks elaboration and specific examples.
    • How to improve: Extend the discussion on the drawbacks, providing more specific examples and considering potential counterarguments. This will add depth to your analysis and make your arguments more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the proposed solution of encouraging people to live in cities. However, the extensive focus on overpopulation could be seen as slightly deviating from the transportation problem.
    • How to improve: While it’s essential to consider potential drawbacks, ensure that the majority of your discussion remains directly related to the transportation issue. You can briefly mention overpopulation as a consequence, but don’t let it overshadow the primary focus on transportation problems.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a thoughtful analysis of the advantages and drawbacks of encouraging people to live in cities. To improve, refine the position to be more explicit, extend the discussion on drawbacks, and maintain a balance in addressing various aspects of the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction presenting the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss advantages and disadvantages in a coherent manner. However, there are moments where the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, ensuring a seamless flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas. Provide a clear roadmap in the introduction about the main points to be discussed. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the essay prompt.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a particular aspect, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in terms of paragraph structure. Some paragraphs could be more unified, ensuring that each sentence directly supports the main point.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the structure of each paragraph. Begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and conclude with a transition to the next paragraph. This will enhance both coherence and cohesion. Also, avoid overly long paragraphs for better readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas and create coherence. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited set of cohesive devices, impacting variety.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more dynamic and engaging flow. Introduce a variety of transitional words and phrases to link ideas, such as "furthermore," "however," "specifically," etc. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses coherence and cohesion concerns, but refinement in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a variety of vocabulary. There is a mix of general and more specific terms, contributing to a fairly rich lexical resource. For instance, words like "contemporary," "afflict," "mitigates," and "hinterlands" add depth to the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more academic or domain-specific terms related to urban planning, transportation, or sociology. This can elevate the sophistication of the language and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, particularly in explaining the positive aspects of living in cities. However, there are instances where the language could be more precise, such as the use of the term "inordinate amount of residents." A more specific phrase, like "high population density," would convey the idea more accurately.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the exact meaning of words and phrases. In instances where there’s room for ambiguity, opt for terms that leave little room for misinterpretation. Utilize words that capture the nuances of your ideas more precisely.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling is accurate, with no glaring errors. However, there are a few minor issues, such as "demographically" instead of "demographically," and "due to the low density of residents" could benefit from a slight rephrasing for clarity.
    • How to improve: Always proofread your work, focusing not only on individual words but also on the coherence of your sentences. Additionally, consider using a variety of sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of your essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in precision and minor spelling adjustments. To enhance the lexical resource further, strive for more academic terms and meticulous word choices while maintaining clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences, such as the use of dependent clauses and advanced vocabulary. For instance, the sentence "On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities have to afflict previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities" employs a sophisticated structure that adds depth to the expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays a good range of structures, it would benefit from further diversity. Consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences to enhance coherence and fluency. Introduce a mix of short and long sentences for stylistic variation.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with only a few instances of minor errors. For example, in the sentence "Furthermore, traffic laws and road maintenance in highly developed cities are more likely to maintain driving safety for city dwellers, reducing accident possibilities," the use of "maintain" twice in close proximity may lead to slight confusion.
    • How to improve: Carefully review sentences for repetition and ensure clarity in expression. In this case, consider rephrasing to avoid the repetition of "maintain." Additionally, proofread for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement, to enhance overall accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and accuracy. To improve, focus on further diversifying sentence structures for added sophistication and carefully review for minor grammatical errors to enhance overall precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that residing in urban centers rather than suburbs or rural areas is the primary solution to alleviate traffic and transportation issues. Personally, I am partially in favor of this proposition. While cities offer modern amenities, including public transportation and safety-related advantages, potential drawbacks, such as a substantial increase in population, need consideration.

On one hand, in my view, a practical solution that urban centers can employ to address these issues is to offer a diverse array of adequate amenities. For instance, the density and sophistication of public transportation in urban areas surpass those in rural regions, significantly alleviating commuting challenges. In contrast to the deteriorated condition and numerous potholes found in many non-urban areas, urban roads are thoroughly well-constructed and designed to ensure the safety of their citizens. Nevertheless, this trend is not without its minor issues.

Conversely, I firmly believe that relocating to urban centers, despite improving transportation, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern.

To elaborate, urban areas need to consider the challenge of accommodating a growing population, which can lead to issues such as increased traffic jams during rush hours. The higher number of residents coupled with insufficient commuting spaces is a key factor contributing to this problem. Moreover, urban sprawl becomes an uncontrollable phenomenon, negatively impacting the surrounding hinterlands. The lack of thoughtful consideration regarding the downsides of living in crowded areas results in a massive demand for space that often cannot be met.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge that moving to urban places can address traffic and transportation issues by providing public amenities and ensuring safety, it is crucial to recognize the potential downside of overpopulated urban areas. Balancing these aspects is essential for creating sustainable solutions to the broader challenges associated with urban living.

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