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The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the traffic and transportation problem is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs or countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

"Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems. Personally, I am partly in favor of it, as cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-related advantages, but other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur.

On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities offer to address previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities. For example, the volume of public vehicles in those. places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues. Due to the low density of residents, the far-flung areas do not usually have adequate public transport, causing a massive hindrance in traveling to further sites. Furthermore, traffic laws and road maintenance in highly developed cities are more likely to maintain driving safety for city dwellers, reducing the possibility of accidents. Unlike the majority of roads in non-urban sites that are degraded and contain numerous potholes, those in urban ones are completely well-constructed and qualified for their citizens' safety. However, this trend still contains some minor issues.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people's transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation. Specifically, it has both directly or indirectly worsened several existing issues. Firstly, the most evident consequence is the significant increase in traffic jams during rush hour. Granted, having more citizens but fewer adequate places for commuting is the main factor behind this. Secondly, it is, in fact, the profound factor of the out-of-control urban sprawl and adversely affects the surrounding hinterlands. The reason for this is that people have not carefully considered the numerous downsides of living in a crowded area, leading to massive demand but a lack of space.

To encapsulate, I personally believe to some extent that moving to urban places will solve the traffic and transportation issues by providing public amenities and ensuring safety, though it might worsen another problem: having overpopulated citizens


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Some assert that settling in inner cities rather than in suburbs or rural areas is the primary way to curb traffic and transportation problems." -> "Some argue that residing in urban centers, as opposed to suburbs or rural areas, is the principal means of alleviating traffic and transportation issues."
    Explanation: The suggested revision employs more formal language by using "argue" instead of "assert" and replaces "settling" with "residing" for a more precise and formal expression.

  2. "Personally, I am partly in favor of it, as cities may provide contemporary features, namely public transport and safety-related advantages, but other negative effects, such as the inordinate amount of residents, may occur." -> "Personally, I am inclined toward this view, as urban areas may offer modern amenities, particularly efficient public transport and safety-related benefits; however, adverse effects like a substantial increase in population may arise."
    Explanation: The revision enhances the formality of the statement by replacing "partly in favor of it" with "inclined toward this view" and refines the description of urban features for a more academic tone.

  3. "On the one hand, from my perspective, the practical solution cities offer to address previous problems is to provide them with a wide range of sufficient amenities." -> "On one hand, in my view, urban areas offer a practical solution to mitigate aforementioned issues by providing a diverse array of adequate amenities."
    Explanation: The revision eliminates redundancy by removing "from my perspective" and restructures the sentence for improved clarity and formality.

  4. "For example, the volume of public vehicles in those. places is far greater and more advanced than in the countryside, which dramatically mitigates commuting issues." -> "For instance, the density and sophistication of public transportation in urban areas surpass that in rural regions, significantly alleviating commuting challenges."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "volume of public vehicles" with "density and sophistication of public transportation" for more precise and formal language.

  5. "Unlike the majority of roads in non-urban sites that are degraded and contain numerous potholes, those in urban ones are completely well-constructed and qualified for their citizens’ safety." -> "In contrast to the majority of roads in non-urban locations characterized by degradation and numerous potholes, urban roads are thoroughly constructed and designed to ensure the safety of their citizens."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "degraded" with "characterized by degradation" and improves clarity by specifying the contrast between urban and non-urban roads.

  6. "However, this trend still contains some minor issues." -> "Nevertheless, this trend is not without its minor issues."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal transition with "Nevertheless" and replaces "still contains" with "is not without" for a more sophisticated expression.

  7. "On the other hand, I firmly believe that moving to urban cities, along with enhancing people’s transportation, will lead to other drawbacks, and the most prominent one is overpopulation." -> "Conversely, I strongly contend that relocating to urban centers, while improving transportation for individuals, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "firmly believe" with "strongly contend," providing a more assertive and formal expression, and rephrases the sentence for clarity and precision.

  8. "Specifically, it has both directly or indirectly worsened several existing issues." -> "Specifically, it has exacerbated several existing issues both directly and indirectly."
    Explanation: The revision eliminates redundancy by replacing "both directly or indirectly" with "both directly and indirectly" and uses "exacerbated" for a more precise term.

  9. "Granted, having more citizens but fewer adequate places for commuting is the main factor behind this." -> "Admittedly, the main factor contributing to this is the increase in the population without a proportional expansion of adequate infrastructure for commuting."
    Explanation: The revision replaces "Granted" with "Admittedly" for a more formal transition and provides a more detailed and formal explanation of the main factor.

  10. "Secondly, it is, in fact, the profound factor of the out-of-control urban sprawl and adversely affects the surrounding hinterlands." -> "Secondly, it constitutes a profound factor contributing to the uncontrolled urban sprawl, adversely affecting the surrounding hinterlands."
    Explanation: The revision improves clarity by rephrasing the sentence and using "constitutes" for a more formal expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does attempt to address all parts of the question by presenting arguments both in favor of and against the idea of encouraging people to live in cities. The mention of advantages (public transport, safety) and disadvantages (overpopulation, traffic jams) indicates an attempt to consider various aspects of the prompt.
    • How to improve: The essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint. Encourage the writer to make their stance clearer and ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly explored.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, leaning towards supporting the idea of living in urban areas to address transportation problems. However, the position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay, as there are statements expressing reservations about the negative consequences of urban living.
    • How to improve: Advise the writer to establish a more consistent and explicit stance from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. This could involve clearly stating their position in the introduction and reinforcing it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For instance, while the benefits of urban living are mentioned, there is limited elaboration or specific examples to strengthen these points. The arguments presented are somewhat shallow.
    • How to improve: Encourage the writer to provide more detailed examples, evidence, or real-world scenarios to support their points. This would enhance the overall depth and credibility of the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of living in cities in the context of solving transportation issues. However, there are instances where the focus is somewhat lost, such as when discussing road conditions in rural areas.
    • How to improve: Advise the writer to ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. In this case, the discussion of road conditions in rural areas could be connected more explicitly to the impact on transportation and traffic.

In summary, while the essay makes a reasonable attempt to address the prompt, improvements can be made in maintaining a consistent position, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring that all aspects discussed directly contribute to addressing the traffic and transportation problem.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization by presenting both sides of the argument in separate paragraphs. However, there are instances where the ideas within each paragraph could be better sequenced for improved coherence. For instance, in the second paragraph, the discussion about the advantages of city life could be more logically arranged by first addressing public transport, then safety-related advantages. This would create a smoother flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider reordering ideas within paragraphs to follow a more natural progression. Start with the most impactful point and lead to the supporting details.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific idea, aiding in clarity. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length. The second paragraph, discussing the advantages of city life, is noticeably longer than the third paragraph, discussing the drawbacks. This asymmetry may affect the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Strive for paragraph length consistency to create a balanced structure. Ensure that each paragraph adequately addresses its respective point without excessive elaboration.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand") and pronouns to link ideas. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain phrases, such as "I firmly believe." Additionally, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices employed.
    • How to improve: While maintaining coherence, diversify the use of cohesive devices. Introduce a wider range of transition words and phrases to enhance the essay’s overall cohesion. Also, minimize repetitive expressions for a more polished writing style.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To further enhance this score, pay attention to the internal organization of paragraphs, strive for balance, and diversify the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced and refined expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a diverse range of vocabulary. For instance, the essay incorporates words such as "contemporary features," "hinterlands," and "urban sprawl." However, there is room for improvement in enhancing the precision of word choices and incorporating more nuanced vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: Consider exploring more sophisticated synonyms for commonly used words. For example, instead of "contemporary features," one might use "modern amenities" for greater precision. Additionally, strive to incorporate specialized terminology where applicable to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary in the essay is generally precise, but there are instances where word choices could be more exact. For instance, the phrase "far greater and more advanced" could be refined to convey a more specific meaning. Precise vocabulary contributes to a clearer expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Review the essay for instances where broader terms are used, and consider substituting them with more specific and accurate vocabulary. For example, instead of "far greater and more advanced," specify the aspects that make public transport in cities superior, such as "extensive network" or "technologically advanced."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "places" instead of "plazas" and "hinterlands" instead of "hinterland." Attention to these details is crucial for a polished and error-free essay.
    • How to improve: Develop a habit of proofreading the essay carefully before submission to catch and rectify minor spelling errors. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools for added assistance. Additionally, pay attention to the correct spelling of specific terms, ensuring precision in conveying ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably strong command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and the elimination of minor spelling errors. By refining word choices and consistently maintaining correct spelling, the essay could achieve an even higher level of lexical resource proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as the one in the first paragraph. However, the essay tends to rely on simple sentence structures, and there is room for improvement in terms of variety. For instance, there is a tendency to use the same sentence structure to present examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and varied narrative. For example, try using introductory clauses or phrases to vary sentence structures and add complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors that affect the flow of the essay. For instance, in the sentence, "Due to the low density of residents, the far-flung areas do not usually have adequate public transport, causing a massive hindrance in traveling to further sites," the use of "far-flung areas" is a bit awkward, and the phrase "to further sites" is unclear. Additionally, there are occasional issues with subject-verb agreement.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to sentence structure and clarity. Consider revising sentences that sound awkward or may confuse the reader. Focus on subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical consistency. Proofread the essay carefully to catch any remaining grammatical errors and refine sentence structures for clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

“Some argue that residing in urban centers, as opposed to suburbs or rural areas, is the principal means of alleviating traffic and transportation issues. Personally, I am inclined toward this view, as urban areas may offer modern amenities, particularly efficient public transport and safety-related benefits; however, adverse effects like a substantial increase in population may arise.

On one hand, in my view, urban areas offer a practical solution to mitigate aforementioned issues by providing a diverse array of adequate amenities. For instance, the density and sophistication of public transportation in urban areas surpass that in rural regions, significantly alleviating commuting challenges. In contrast to the majority of roads in non-urban locations characterized by degradation and numerous potholes, urban roads are thoroughly constructed and designed to ensure the safety of their citizens. Nevertheless, this trend is not without its minor issues.

Conversely, I strongly contend that relocating to urban centers, while improving transportation for individuals, will give rise to additional drawbacks, with overpopulation being the most prominent concern. Specifically, it has exacerbated several existing issues both directly and indirectly. Admittedly, the main factor contributing to this is the increase in the population without a proportional expansion of adequate infrastructure for commuting. Secondly, it constitutes a profound factor contributing to the uncontrolled urban sprawl, adversely affecting the surrounding hinterlands.”

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