The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is widely debatable whether the increased cost of vehicles as cars could be the best ways to solve the environmental issues in over the world. In my opinion, while I agree with this solutions , I receive that there are other ways to work out this problems

On the one hand, there are many advantages of increasing fuel costs, the initial of which is to protect environment. When pushing up the costs of fuel, the using of vehicles such as cars and motorbikes run by fossil fuel would be reduced. This leads to the decreased of exhaust emissions, so it could protect our environment because of limiting air pollution. Moreover, the utilization of vehicles from fossil fuel would be cut down because drivers would hesitant to use these vehicles by increasing costs, so it would encourage them to prefer using public transportation as bike and electric vehicles. Therefore, it would create our friendly environment.

To deal with this problem, there are many other ways . Firstly, schools should organize more environmental activities, which include planting trees and recycling discarded items, so students can acknowledge and be aware of their negative activities to environment as remove trash in pubic place. From there, it could contribute to preserve environment from damage. Secondly, when focusing on expanding renewable sources such as wind, solar and hidro, it could encourage to invest in energy infrastructure and implement policies. Hence,the increased of businesses and individuals would adopt to sustainable practices, so the efficient energy would be increased to provide to greener future

In conclusion, although there are such advantages of the increased costs of fuel as protecting environment, there are effective ways as organizing more environmental activities and expanding renewable sources

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"whether the increased cost of vehicles as cars" -> "whether the elevated cost of vehicles such as cars"
Explanation: Replacing "increased" with "elevated" and clarifying the comparison to "vehicles such as cars" improves precision and formality in the expression.
"In my opinion, while I agree with this solutions" -> "In my view, although I agree with these solutions"
Explanation: Replacing "In my opinion" with "In my view" maintains formality, and changing "this" to "these" corrects the agreement error. Additionally, using "although" instead of "while" enhances the sophistication of the sentence.
"work out this problems" -> "address these problems"
Explanation: Substituting "work out" with "address" and changing "this" to "these" enhances the formality and clarity of the expression.
"advantages of increasing fuel costs, the initial of which is" -> "advantages of higher fuel costs, the foremost of which is"
Explanation: Replacing "increasing" with "higher" and using "foremost" instead of "initial" elevates the language to a more formal and precise level.
"When pushing up the costs of fuel" -> "By raising the costs of fuel"
Explanation: The phrase "pushing up" is replaced with the more formal "raising," improving the overall tone of the sentence.
"The using of vehicles such as cars" -> "The use of vehicles such as cars"
Explanation: Changing "using" to "use" corrects the grammar, making the sentence more academically appropriate.
"This leads to the decreased of exhaust emissions" -> "This results in a decrease in exhaust emissions"
Explanation: Replacing "leads to the decreased of" with "results in a decrease in" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
"so it could protect our environment because of limiting air pollution" -> "thus protecting the environment by limiting air pollution"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "so it could" with "thus" improves formality and coherence.
"Moreover, the utilization of vehicles from fossil fuel" -> "Furthermore, the use of vehicles powered by fossil fuels"
Explanation: Substituting "utilization" with "use" and rephrasing for clarity and precision contribute to a more formal expression.
"because drivers would hesitant to use these vehicles" -> "as drivers would be hesitant to use these vehicles"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form to "be hesitant" improves grammar and maintains formality.
"it would create our friendly environment" -> "it would contribute to a more environmentally friendly setting"
Explanation: The substitution of "create" with "contribute to" and the rephrasing enhance formality and precision.
"To deal with this problem, there are many other ways." -> "To address this issue, alternative approaches can be considered."
Explanation: Replacing "deal with" with "address," and restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality.
"Firstly, schools should organize more environmental activities," -> "First, schools should arrange additional environmental activities,"
Explanation: Using "First" instead of "Firstly" and rephrasing for formality and clarity.
"negative activities to environment as remove trash in pubic place" -> "negative impacts on the environment, such as littering in public places"
Explanation: Clarifying and rephrasing for better precision and formality.
"From there, it could contribute to preserve environment from damage." -> "This, in turn, could contribute to preserving the environment and preventing damage."
Explanation: Restructuring for coherence, precision, and formality.
"when focusing on expanding renewable sources such as wind, solar and hidro" -> "by prioritizing the expansion of renewable sources like wind, solar, and hydro"
Explanation: Substituting "when focusing on" with "by prioritizing" and specifying the renewable sources enhances clarity and formality.
"it could encourage to invest in energy infrastructure and implement policies." -> "it could encourage investments in energy infrastructure and the implementation of policies."
Explanation: Correcting the verb form to "investments" and restructuring for better grammar and formality.
"Hence, the increased of businesses and individuals would adopt to sustainable practices," -> "Consequently, an increase in businesses and individuals adopting sustainable practices would occur,"
Explanation: Replacing "Hence, the increased of" with "Consequently, an increase in," and rephrasing for formality and clarity.
"so the efficient energy would be increased to provide to greener future" -> "thus, the efficiency of energy would increase, contributing to a greener future."
Explanation: Restructuring for coherence and precision while maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument. The writer agrees with the idea of increasing fuel costs to address environmental problems but also acknowledges alternative solutions, such as organizing environmental activities and expanding renewable sources.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, it would benefit from a clearer structure that separates the discussion of each solution. This can enhance the organization and coherence of the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is discernible throughout the essay, expressing agreement with the proposal to increase fuel costs while recognizing the viability of other solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph contributes consistently to the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with reasonable development and support. However, some arguments lack depth and specificity. For instance, when discussing the advantages of increasing fuel costs, providing concrete examples or statistics would bolster the points.
- How to improve: Enhance the depth of the essay by incorporating specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to support arguments and make the content more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly digresses in the third paragraph when discussing schools organizing environmental activities. While related to environmental issues, the connection to the main topic of fuel costs is not immediately clear.
- How to improve: Ensure that all examples and ideas directly relate to the prompt. In this case, when discussing alternative solutions, maintain a clear link to the central theme of fuel costs and their impact on environmental problems.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the key aspects. To improve, the writer should focus on refining organizational structure, explicitly stating their position, providing more detailed support for arguments, and maintaining a stronger connection to the central theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are instances where the sequencing of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the advantages of increasing fuel costs and presenting alternative solutions could be smoother. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement, making it challenging for the reader to discern the writer’s stance early on.
- How to Improve: To enhance logical flow, consider presenting a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position on the issue. Ensure a smooth transition between ideas by using transitional phrases. For example, clearly indicate when you are shifting from discussing the advantages of increased fuel costs to presenting alternative solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but the structure within some paragraphs could be refined for better clarity and coherence. In particular, the second paragraph is lengthy and covers multiple ideas. Breaking it into smaller, focused paragraphs would enhance readability. Additionally, the conclusion is abrupt and could benefit from summarizing key points more effectively.
- How to Improve: Create clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Break down the second paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect. In the conclusion, restate your main points and provide a concise summary of your argument to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed Explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("on the one hand," "moreover," "firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. The usage of pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could be more consistent for smoother connectivity.
- How to Improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of transition words and phrases. Ensure consistent use of pronouns to maintain coherence within and between sentences. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and connected essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. Improvements in thesis statement clarity, paragraph structure, and cohesive device variety would elevate the organization of ideas and enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses some varied words and expressions, but there is room for improvement. For instance, the repetition of certain phrases, such as "environmental activities," limits the diversity of language. However, there are positive instances where words like "acknowledge," "discarded," and "implement" add depth to the vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, try incorporating synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. For example, instead of frequently using "environmental activities," consider alternatives like "ecological initiatives" or "sustainability projects." This will elevate the lexical richness of your essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "the initial of which" could be more precisely stated as "the primary benefit." Also, the term "remove trash in pubic place" might benefit from a more accurate expression, such as "cleaning up litter in public areas."
- How to improve: Focus on selecting the most fitting words for your ideas. Instead of using complex structures like "the initial of which," opt for straightforward language. For the latter example, consider refining it to "cleaning up litter in public places." This ensures clarity and precision in your expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "solutions" instead of "solution," "pubic" instead of "public," and "hidro" instead of "hydro." These errors impact the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch spelling errors. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check to identify and correct mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling accuracy will significantly improve the quality of your work.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, attention to vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a limited variety of sentence structures. There is a predominant use of simple and compound sentences. The attempt to include complex structures is evident, but it is not consistently successful. For instance, in the second paragraph, the sentence "The initial of which is to protect environment" is awkward and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, strive for a more consistent use of complex sentence structures. Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a broader command of the English language. Ensure that complex structures are clear and effectively convey the intended meaning.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, such as "I receive that there are other ways to work out this problems" (I believe that there are other ways to solve these problems) and "drivers would hesitant" (drivers would hesitate). Punctuation errors include missing commas in several places, affecting the flow and clarity of the sentences.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to grammar and punctuation rules. Proofread the essay thoroughly to identify and correct errors. It would be beneficial to focus on common issues such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to improve overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of grammatical proficiency, there is room for improvement in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy. To achieve a higher band score, focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and addressing specific grammatical errors for a more polished and effective expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary discussions, there is an ongoing debate about whether the elevated cost of vehicles, such as cars, could be the most effective solution to global environmental issues. In my view, although I agree with these solutions, I recognize that there are alternative approaches to address these problems.

On the positive side, there are several advantages of higher fuel costs, the foremost of which is the protection of the environment. By raising the costs of fuel, the use of vehicles such as cars and motorcycles powered by fossil fuels would decrease. This results in a decrease in exhaust emissions, thus protecting the environment by limiting air pollution. Furthermore, the use of vehicles powered by fossil fuels would diminish, as drivers would be hesitant to use these vehicles due to increased costs. This shift in behavior would contribute to a more environmentally friendly setting, as individuals may opt for public transportation, bikes, or electric vehicles. Therefore, this approach could contribute to creating a greener and more sustainable environment.

To address this issue comprehensively, alternative approaches can be considered. Firstly, schools should arrange additional environmental activities, including planting trees and recycling discarded items. This would help students acknowledge and be aware of their negative impacts on the environment, such as littering in public places. This, in turn, could contribute to preserving the environment and preventing damage. Secondly, by prioritizing the expansion of renewable sources like wind, solar, and hydro, it could encourage investments in energy infrastructure and the implementation of policies. Consequently, an increase in businesses and individuals adopting sustainable practices would occur, thus, the efficiency of energy would increase, contributing to a greener future.

In conclusion, while there are notable advantages to the increased costs of fuel, such as protecting the environment, there are effective alternative ways, such as organizing more environmental activities and expanding renewable sources, to achieve a sustainable and eco-friendly future.